Script for Werg

Description: The leader of the Furkunz Thieves' Guild.
Werg is a sneaky little bugger who likes to ask the questions first.
Probably sounds somewhat a like a New York-mobster.

Dialog: dWerg

Roger:'re Werg.
[WERG1] Werg: Depends.
[WERG2] Werg: Who am I talking to?
[WERG3] Werg: Well...
[WERG4] Werg: In that case, yes I am.

Roger: Well, I'm trying to find out who stole the fortress plans and...
[WERG5] Werg: Listen, copper, you can't try to pin that rap on me!
[WERG6] Werg: You got nothing but anecdotal evidence, from jokers!
[WERG7] Werg: That's right, jokers!
[WERG8] Werg: I don't know nothing about no fortress plans.
[WERG9] Werg: Never seen them in my life.
[WERG10] Werg: You could ask my best friend and he'd say that same exact thing down to the very words!
Roger: Actually, I was just going to ask if you have any idea who might've done it.
[WERG11] Werg: Oh... yeah.
[WERG12] Werg: Of course. I knew that.
[WERG13] Werg: Heh heh heh...
[WERG14] Werg: Yeah... no.
[WERG15] Werg: I'm afraid I can't help you with that.
[WERG16] Werg: Sorry.

Roger: Do YOU have a cousin named Sven?
[WERG17] Werg: Hoho, right clever you think you are?
[WERG18] Werg: Not getting me with that one!
Roger: ...drat?

Roger: This conversation kind of went downhill.
[WERG19] Werg: And you're saying that's my fault?

Roger: I seem to be having terrible difficulty with my lifestyle at the moment.
[WERG20] Werg: Say what?
Roger: Oh... nevermind.
Narrator: Careless talk costs lives.

Roger: So what's this about your little organization?
[WERG21] Werg: What organization?

Roger: You know... the thing.
[WERG22] Werg: What thing?

Roger: The whole... thing.
[WERG23] Werg: What whole thing?

Roger: The... kit and the kaboodle...
[WERG24] Werg: The kit I might grant you in a blue moon...
[WERG25] Werg: ...but I know nothing of ANY kaboodles and am offended, sir!

Roger: The scene, man!
[WERG26] Werg: What scene?

Roger: The... milieu!
[WERG27] Werg: ...the what?
Roger: Milieu?
[WERG28] Werg: ... is that a word?
Roger: Locale? Environ? Surroundings?
[WERG29] Werg: So it's a place?
Roger: Yes.
[WERG30] Werg: Why not just say that?
Roger: I wanted to sound cool.
[WERG31] Werg: ...what place?
Roger: Oh, back to square one.

Roger: The...mis-en-scene!
[WERG32] Werg: There is no mis in my scene, mate.

Roger: The... salacious scenario!
[WERG33] Werg: You're just getting silly.

Roger: The... group... of illicit... people!
[WERG34] Werg: No.
Roger: No what?
[WERG35] Werg: Just no.

Roger: Oh, forget it!
Narrator: In your frustration, you turn around and start to walk away. However, you trip on a rock and, while trying to prevent your fall, enact a series of bizarre gestures, all of them aimed at Werg.
[WERG36] Werg: Ah! So you know the thieves' sign!
Roger: Wha--?
Roger: ...Oh yeah, of course I do!
[WERG37] Werg: Phew. I thought you were just some idiot.
Roger: Perish the thought. So you guys are thieves?
[WERG38] Werg: Actually, the word 'thief' has always had a sort of a negative feel to it throughout the ages. So nowadays, we prefer to be referred to as 'ownership adjusters'.
Roger: Ah, I see. ...although... you still call yourselves the Thieves' Guild...
[WERG39] Werg: Yeah, well... it would sound pretty stupid the other way.
Roger: Ooh, you're right there.

Roger: So... talk to you later.
[WERG40] Werg: Don't put yourself out.

Dialog: dThiefGuild

Roger: How big is this organization, may I ask?
[WERG41] Werg: Well, there's me, the leader...
[WERG42] Werg: ...and then the other guy who deals with equipment... and...

[WERG43] Werg: ...well, of course there's you.

[WERG44] Werg: ...that's pretty much it.
Roger: There's... two of you?
[WERG45] Werg: Yeah...
[WERG46] Werg: ...our expansion policy has not been the best one so far, apparently.
Roger: So, who's the other guy?
[WERG47] Werg: I'm afraid I cannot tell you that.
[WERG48] Werg: You see, at this Thieves' Guild, every member has to swear an oath of secrecy, which prevents us from revealing each others' identities.
Roger: But how are the members supposed to communicate then?
[WERG49] Werg: We have a secret password phrase that we use to identify a fellow member.
Roger: Ah. Clever. What is it?

[WERG50] Werg: It's 'Pardon me, would you have any grey poupon?'
Roger: Oh right, now I remember...

[WERG51] Werg: Err... you do realize I can't tell it to non-members?

Roger: Can I join?
[WERG52] Werg: Well... okay.
[WERG53] Werg: But bear in mind that becoming a member of the Thieves' Guild isn't just a matter of asking.
[WERG54] Werg: You'll have to pass the test.
Roger: What kind of a test?
[WERG55] Werg: You'll have to prove to me that you are a worthy thief.
[WERG56] Werg: I mean, ownership adjuster.
[WERG57] Werg: You must go and steal a very valuable object. Don't worry, I'll return it later.
[WERG58] Werg: Unless I should forget to...
Roger: So, what object do you have in mind?
[WERG59] Werg: Have you been to the shrine? Seen the Almighty Bottle?
[WERG60] Werg: That's your target.
[WERG61] Werg: Get me the bottle and I'll let you join.
Roger: I'll see what I can do.

Roger: Pardon me, do you have any grey poupon?
[WERG62] Werg: No... you have to say that to the OTHER member.
Roger: Ah, right...

Roger: Look, I got the plans!
[WERG63] Werg: *sniff* They grow up so fast.

Roger: The equipment guy gave me a lockpick!
[WERG64] Werg: Great! Now if only there was a locked door somewhere nearby to practice on...
Roger: I'll keep looking.

Roger: So did you guys steal the fortress plans?
[WERG65] Werg: No, that wasn't one of our jobs.
[WERG66] Werg: We may not make an honest buck, but we don't sell out our own kind either.
Roger: Any idea who did?
[WERG67] Werg: Yeah... one of our own kind.

Roger: See you later.
[WERG68] Werg: Bye!

Global Script

[WERG69] Werg: Excuse me, but do you have a cousin named Sven?
Roger: Uh... no, I don't have any cousins actually.
[WERG70] Werg: Never mind then. I'm Werg, how may I, or my organization, help you?

Roger: Here, thought you might want to see this.
[WERG71] Werg: What's that, then...
[WERG72] Werg: Oh... you got it...
[WERG73] Werg: Never thought you'd be up to it.
[WERG74] Werg: Congratulations, Mr. Wilco, you are now a proud member of our Thieves' Guild!
Roger: So... are you going to give me the password phrase now?
[WERG75] Werg: Ah, yes... here it is:
[WERG76] Werg: 'Pardon me, would you have any grey poupon?'.
Roger: Grey poupon?
[WERG77] Werg: Grey poupon.
Roger: ...So, what do I do now?
[WERG78] Werg: Well, you should probably find the equipment guy and see if he can give you anything to help out.
Roger: You're not going to tell me who he is?
[WERG79] Werg: Nope, that's what the password phrase is for. Try it out on people and see who responds.

Roger: Here, thought you might want to see this.
[WERG80] Werg: Oh, you really got the bottle?
[WERG81] Werg: ...wait, that's not MC Cola...
[WERG82] Werg: Ah, I see... heh. Deceiving the deceiver, are we? Very clever.
[WERG83] Werg: So clever and befitting to the set of morals of a thief, in fact...
[WERG84] Werg: ...that I'm going to go ahead and give you bonus points just for having the guts to try that on me.
Roger: Cool!
Roger: Does that mean I'm in the guild now?
[WERG85] Werg: Not really. The bonus points don't mean anything.
[WERG86] Werg: Go on and find the real one now.

Roger: Here, thought you might want to see this.
[WERG87] Werg: It's a piece of glass.
Roger: Yeah, I kinda dropped the bottle on the way here.
Roger: Still counts, right?
[WERG88] Werg: Funny, I don't remember the Holy Bottle being comprised entirely of Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass.
[WERG89] Werg: The precise sort you would find on an Aluminum Mallard, a signature spaceship associated with a particular well-known galactic traveller.
Roger: Crazy coincidence, huh?
[WERG90] Werg: Get me the bottle.
Roger: Yes, sir.

Roger: Here, have some money.
[WERG91] Werg: Hmmm... I'm not cool with people GIVING me money.
[WERG92] Werg: Just hold onto it for now. Keep it in your backpocket.
[WERG93] Werg: Preferably in tens or twenties. The less change the better.

Roger: Look at me! I'm a professional thief!
[WERG63] Werg: *sniff* They grow up so fast. (Duplicate)

Roger: The equipment guy gave me a lockpick!
[WERG64] Werg: Great! Now if only there was a locked door somewhere nearby to practice on... (Duplicate)
Roger: I'll keep looking.