Script for Ship Guard
Description: Tacobelian Guard's partner and far more oblivious than him.
Guards General Forksmith's ship, even after it's gone.
Roger: Could I go past the ship, please?
[SHIP1] Ship Guard: No.
[SHIP2] Ship Guard: No one is to approach the general's ship.
Roger: Can I go past now?
[SHIP3] Ship Guard: This area is off-limits.
[SHIP2] Ship Guard: No one is to approach the general's ship. (Duplicate)
Roger: What ship?
[SHIP4] Ship Guard: It's... cloaked right now.
Roger: No, I'm sure it's gone...
Roger: Look, just let me walk through it.
[SHIP5] Ship Guard: Sorry, no can do, the ship's off-limits.
Roger: But there is NO ship!
Tacobelian Guard: ¡Es un idioto muy grande!
Roger: What's up with him? He looks a little quiet.
[SHIP6] Ship Guard: He's a foreigner from the Tacobelian quadrant.
[SHIP7] Ship Guard: We got him through the EMEP.
Roger: The EMEP?
[SHIP8] Ship Guard: Expendable Minion Exchange Program.
[SHIP9] Ship Guard: He doesn't even speak Intergalactic English - just some kind of strange alien gibberish we can't make out.
Tacobelian Guard: ¡Hola, señor!
Roger: ¿Como estás?
Tacobelian Guard: Muy bien, gracias.
Tacobelian Guard: ¿Es tu primera vez en Radonio?
Roger: ¡Si! ¡Estoy helado!
Tacobelian Guard: ¡Ha ha ha! ¡Si, si!
[SHIP10] Ship Guard: You understand what he's saying?
Roger: Not a word.
Roger: He sure seems to react to these noises I'm making, though.
Tacobelian Guard: ¡Mierda!
Roger: The general?
[SHIP11] Ship Guard: Yes, general Forksmith is visiting the boot camp to examine a strange object recently discovered in the area.
Roger: What kind of an object?
[SHIP12] Ship Guard: I was not told.
Roger: What if I just go around the ship?
[SHIP13] Ship Guard: Yeah, I'm not falling for that one again.
Roger: But my family lives over there!
[SHIP14] Ship Guard: Hey, a lot of people's families live over there.
403 - Boot Camp - Forksmith's Ship
[SHIP22] Ship Guard: Stop! No-one is to approach the ship!
Roger: Say, does this thing respond to voice commands too?
[SHIP23] Ship Guard: Yeah! Go ahead, give it a shot.
Roger: Okay, umm...
Roger: Fly away, you... ship!
Computer: Initiating take-off sequence...
Computer: Powering up engines...
Computer: Recalculating fuel levels...
Roger: Whoa, it worked!
Computer: No, I was just being sarcastic.
[SHIP24] Ship Guard: Heh heh heh... that never gets old.
[SHIP22] Ship Guard: Stop! No-one is to approach the ship! (Duplicate)
Roger: Stand aside. The General asked me to park his ship back in the fortress.
[SHIP15] Ship Guard: You've got the keys, so I guess it's all right.
[SHIP16] Ship Guard: Just take it into the shuttle bay and one of the hundreds of guards there will be happy to park it for you.
Roger: Hundreds of guards?
[SHIP17] Ship Guard: Yeah. We can't be too careful. Roger Wilco's on the loose and that's his most likely point of entry.
Tacobelian Guard: ¡Este es el mismisimo Roger Wilco, tarado!
Tacobelian Guard: ¡Si le quitas el bigote falso le pegare un tiro en la cara!
Roger: Could I use this ship to enter a DIFFERENT part of the fortress?
[SHIP18] Ship Guard: Nope. The shuttle bay's the only way in.
Roger: Hmmm... hang tight. I want to snoop around a bit more.
Roger: Would either of you fellows care for a shard of highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass?
[SHIP19] Ship Guard: Oh, no thanks - I've got plenty at home. But my partner might.
Tacobelian Guard: ¡Yo no quiero la basura estúpida!
Tacobelian Guard: ¡Y usted! ¿Qué clase de idiota carga vidrio en los pantalones?!
[SHIP20] Ship Guard: Easy there, Lopez. You don't need to get so excited. It's yours if you want it.
Tacobelian Guard: ¡Mi nombre no es López, malito humano!
[SHIP21] Ship Guard: Maybe you'd better hold onto that for now.