Description: Not only is the priest semi-senile, he is also quite hard of hearing. Worships an MC Cola bottle which he keeps on a shrine in the Furkunz caves. Doesn't really like young people. Probably has a shrill voice, akin to that of Professor Calculus from Tintin.
Dialog: dPriest
Roger: What's that on the shrine?
[PRIE1]Furkunz Priest: Why, it's the almighty bottle of MC Cola, of course!
Roger: What makes it so almighty?
[PRIE2]Furkunz Priest: It was given to us by the Gods!
Roger: The Gods? How come?
[PRIE3]Furkunz Priest: It fell down from the sky.
[PRIE4]Furkunz Priest: Isn't that enough?
Roger: Well, it may have been dropped from a spacesh--
[PRIE5]Furkunz Priest: NEVER QUESTION THE ALMIGHTY BOTTLE, YOU INFIDEL!!
Roger: Sorry.
Roger: Would you mind if I borrow the bottle?
[PRIE6]Furkunz Priest: Wheelbarrow?
Roger: The bottle.
[PRIE7]Furkunz Priest: What bottle?
Roger: The MC Cola bottle.
[PRIE8]Furkunz Priest: Yes, there's one on the shrine.
Roger: Yes...
Roger: I was asking if I could have it.
[PRIE9]Furkunz Priest: Ah.
[PRIE10]Furkunz Priest: No.
Roger: What's in the back?
[PRIE11]Furkunz Priest: A crack? Where?
Roger: No, the back.
Roger: Behind that door, I mean.
[PRIE12]Furkunz Priest: Yes, it's a door.
Roger: Ugh... What's behind it?
[PRIE13]Furkunz Priest: I keep the more fragile things in there. The kids kept running them over.
Roger: I see.
Roger: I'm trying to find out who stole the fortress plans.
Roger: Can you help me?
[PRIE14]Furkunz Priest: No, I never stole any pans.
[PRIE15]Furkunz Priest: However, I could try to talk to the Almighty Bottle telepathically and ask if it knows anything.
Roger: Really?
Roger: You can do that?
[PRIE10]Furkunz Priest: No. (Duplicate)
[PRIE16]Furkunz Priest: It's a bottle.
Roger: Pardon me, would you have any grey poupon?
[PRIE17]Furkunz Priest: How dare you?!
[PRIE18]Furkunz Priest: That is a serious medical condition!
[PRIE19]Furkunz Priest: And it's none of your business, you nosy...
Roger: No, no... you misheard me, I was asking if...
Roger: um... never mind.
[PRIE20]Furkunz Priest: Hmpf!
Roger: See you later.
[PRIE21]Furkunz Priest: Alligator?
Roger: Never mind.
307 - Caves - Furkunz Hall
[PRIE26]Furkunz Priest: And stay out of there!
[PRIE27]Furkunz Priest: Those things are impossible to replace around here!
[PRIE28]Furkunz Priest: And stay out of there! Those things are impossible to replace around here!
[PRIE29]Furkunz Priest: Hey! You're not allowed there! Get out!
[PRIE30]Furkunz Priest: Aww drat, I've got to clean up the mess again!
[PRIE31]Furkunz Priest: Hey! What did I tell you about not going back there?
[PRIE32]Furkunz Priest: Keep your dirty fingers off the Almighty Bottle!
Roger: Yes...
Roger: ...the HOLY bottle...
Roger: Hahahahaha!
[PRIE33]Furkunz Priest: Ugh, you kids and your drugs...
Narrator: Making sure that nobody's looking, you move to grab the bottle.
[PRIE34]Furkunz Priest: Ugh, I oughta get a lock--
[PRIE35]Furkunz Priest: Hey, you!
[PRIE36]Furkunz Priest: Don't touch that!
[PRIE35]Furkunz Priest: Hey, you! (Duplicate)
[PRIE32]Furkunz Priest: Keep your dirty fingers off the Almighty Bottle! (Duplicate)
[PRIE37]Furkunz Priest: What are you doing there?
Roger: Err... nothing.
[PRIE38]Furkunz Priest: Keep it that way.
Narrator: Why, that's quite clever, Roger! You swiftly replace the MC Cola bottle with the one you got from the Pie-ery. The old priest won't probably even notice that it's a different bottle.
[PRIE39]Furkunz Priest: You didn't touch anything while I was away, did you?
Roger: Nope.
[PRIE40]Furkunz Priest: Hope? I don't need your hope!
611 - Moon - Base Map
Random Apeman: Hey! What's going on here?
Random Apeman: Look out! He's got a shovel!
Finkle: FOR FREEDOM!!!
Random Apeman: Holy crap! They're everywhere!
Mayor Nurb: Die, simian!
Gofty: Stop, mayor, it's Roger!
Roger: OW!
Mayor Nurb: Oh, sorry.
Odster: Go for the legs!
Random Apeman: We need back-up! Repeat! We need back-up!
Random Apeman: They're coming outta the walls. They're coming outta the freakin' walls!
Random Apeman: It's game over, man! Game over!
Random Apeman: Oh no, they summoned pterodactyls somehow!
[PRIE41]Furkunz Priest: Praise the Bottle!
Finkle: Look out, there's a giant squid with machine guns!
Gofty: This is almost better than a third kick-off!
Finkle: Come on, let's keep moving! We got 'em on the run!
809 - Paragon Outro - Wedding
Roger: What the heck?
Finkle: Right on cue!
Vohaul: Well, well, well - look at that. You could almost swear there was a wedding going on. Of course, who could possibly be getting married?
Roger: Uh...
Beatrice: Roger, shut up and propose.
Finkle: Yeah, seriously. Come on. That whole thing with the skis and ramp wasn't exactly easy to set up.
Roger: Beatrice, I'm sorry I kept holding off on this.
Roger: We had such a good thing going and I was afraid everything was going to change once we were married.
Roger: We'd become different people, and eventually drift apart. Maybe not even love each other anymore.
Beatrice: Roger, you don't have to...
Roger: Let me finish. What I figured out is that people always change, and often, it's for the better.
Roger: So no matter how things change between us in the future, I'll do whatever it takes to fall in love with you all over again.
Roger: Beatrice Creakworm Wankmeister...
Roger: ...will you marry me?
Beatrice: Oh, Roger, yes!
[PRIE42]Furkunz Priest: I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss... yeah, whatever.
Global Script
Roger: Hey there.
[PRIE22]Furkunz Priest: Huh?!
Roger: I said 'Hey'.
[PRIE23]Furkunz Priest: I don't want any hay!
Roger: Check it out. I got your bottle.
[PRIE24]Furkunz Priest: How did you get your hands on the Almighty... oh, wait. The real Bottle is still there.
[PRIE25]Furkunz Priest: Begone, blasphemer! And take your false prophet with you!