Script for Pie-Ery Clerk

107 - Intro - Pie-Ery

[PIEC1] Pie-Ery Clerk: Order 64 up! One Cheesy Potato Head and a Custard Knock-out!
Roger: Man, this place is GREAT!
Beatrice: Yeah, so you keep saying.
Beatrice: Every time we eat here.
Roger: Is... something wrong?
Beatrice: I was just thinking that, since we're on a ROMANTIC getaway...
Beatrice: On ROMANTICON VII...
Beatrice: The most ROMANTIC planet in the known universe...
Beatrice: That just once, we could go somewhere that's actually ROMANTIC.
Roger: I dunno, this place looks pretty romantic to me.
Comment: disappointed, but somewhat used to it
Beatrice: ...of course it does.
Beatrice: Right, so I was hoping I could find a more... atmospheric moment for this.
Beatrice: But since you keep dragging us back here, this will have to do.
Beatrice: Roger, I have a bit of an announcement.
Roger: Hmmm?
Beatrice: I'm pregnant.
[PIEC2] Pie-Ery Clerk: Order 65! One cherry bombshell and a stunned mullet combo!
Roger: Bea... that's... is this for real?
Comment: A bit cautiously
Beatrice: ...yes, it is.
Roger: That's... great! That's wonderful!
Beatrice: You... you really feel that way?
Roger: What? Of course I do!
Roger: How else would I feel about it?
Beatrice: I don't know... I had no idea how you were going to react.
Roger: Beatrice, this is the best news ever!
Comment: more confidently now
Beatrice: It is, isn't it?
Roger: We're going to have a baby boy!
Beatrice: Or a daughter. It's too early to tell at this point.
Roger: Ohhh, right. We don't know yet. Heh heh.
Beatrice: Speaking of which, I've been thinking...
Roger: Yes?
Beatrice: When I was born, my parents were married.
Beatrice: And when you were born, your parents were...
Roger: Disappointed.
Beatrice: ...married.
Roger: Oh, right.
Beatrice: And we're... not.
Roger: Oh, so you're thinking... we should...?
Beatrice: Well, why not? The timing seems perfect.
Roger: Actually, uh... I think we should wait.
Roger: Don't get me wrong, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Comment: thoughtfully
Roger: Heck, I've been thinking about this for so long.
Beatrice: So you do want to get married?
Comment: wakes again
Roger: Exactly, but... I don't want anything bad to happen to you.
Beatrice: Roger... what could possibly happen to me?
Roger: I'd just... prefer if we do the actual marriage thing later.
Beatrice: I don't get it. Where is this coming from?
Roger: I... I wish I could tell you, but... I just can't.
Roger: You just have to trust me on this one, honey.
Comment: "Order 66" - Star Wars III reference
[PIEC3] Pie-Ery Clerk: Order 66 - one large, banana-flavored creamer coming right up!
Beatrice: Uh, Roger, we've got a problem...
Roger: I agree, this IS a problem.
Roger: We should be able to tell each other everything...
Beatrice: Roger, seriously, there's a...
Roger: But I really need you to believe me that there is something greater at stake here...
Pie-Ery Apeman: Are you Roger Wilco?
Roger: Uhhh, yeah?
Pie-Ery Apeman: Come with me. Master Vohaul wants to see you.
Roger: Huh? I think you're a little late. Vohaul's dead.
Pie-Ery Apeman: Actually, that's the thing. He's back.
Roger: As in alive? How?!
Pie-Ery Apeman: I don't know - I haven't really been paying much attention.
Roger: So what does he want?
Pie-Ery Apeman: Oh, something about destroying a galaxy or two.
Pie-Ery Apeman: Also, he keeps saying "WILCO MUST PAY!" a lot.
Pie-Ery Apeman: So grab your wallet and let's go, the next wormhole to Radon closes in fifteen minutes.
Beatrice: He's not going anywhere with you!
Pie-Ery Apeman: Hey, watch the attitude, lady!
Pie-Ery Apeman: I've got a 9000 volt taser here with your name on it.
Beatrice: Oh, yeah? Bring it on!
Pie-Ery Apeman: Whoa, hey...
Pie-Ery Apeman: Oooowww!
Pie-Ery Apeman: OW, that hur--
Pie-Ery Apeman: WAAAAGH!
Pie-Ery Apeman: *groan*
[PIEC4] Pie-Ery Clerk: Er... don't be alarmed, just part of the midday show, folks...
Beatrice: Roger?
Roger: No!
Roger: Take the woman, I am of no use to you!
Beatrice: It's me.
Roger: Oh...
Roger: So... what are we gonna do now?
Beatrice: He said he was going to take you some place called Radon.
Beatrice: That must be where Vohaul is.
Beatrice: I'll notify StarCon, they'll send out a fleet first thing in the morning.
Roger: Good thinking. We don't need to deal with this on our vacation.
Beatrice: Exactly. It'll just be a minute.
Beatrice: And then we can get back to that little conversation we were having.
Roger: *Gulp*
Roger: Actually, Bea, this might be worse than it looks. I think we should go and check it out.
Beatrice: What?
Roger: He said the wormhole is closing. StarCon will have to wait for another one, which could take days.
Roger: You and I may be the last line of defense between the universe and whatever Vohaul plans to do with it.
Beatrice: Please tell me you're not serious.
Roger: No, dear, I think it's time for me to do it all again.
Roger: To face my arch-nemesis one more time!
Roger: I shall embark on a quest!
Roger: A quest to once again save the universe from the evil clutches of a madman!
Beatrice: Listen, Roger, if this has anything to do with us getting married...
Roger: To protect the innocent from this relentless force of evil that has been a thorn in my back pocket for so many sequels already!
Beatrice: I really don't think this is a good idea...
Roger: Fighting this diabolical mastermind shall not be easy, but I will never let him defeat me! Oh no!
Beatrice: But what about our vacation?
Roger: Let's get moving, Bea! Time's a wasting!
Beatrice: *sigh*

[PIEC5] Pie-Ery Clerk: Hey, is anyone going to pick up these orders?
Roger: Um, could you take care of that monkey there?
[PIEC6] Pie-Ery Clerk: Actually, my shift ended--
Roger: Great, thanks!
[PIEC7] Pie-Ery Clerk: *SIGH*
Comment: "Clerks" reference
[PIEC8] Pie-Ery Clerk: I'm not even supposed to BE HERE today!
Narrator: In mere moments, Roger and Beatrice are swiftly aboard the Aluminum Mallard, and race off together into the cosmos to confront this vengeance-seeking evil.
Narrator: Several hours of awkward silence later, they approach the desolate ice world of Radon. This hostile wasteland of a planet is home to an even more hostile presence fiendishly awaiting their arrival.