Description: Based on the "Batman Returns" version of The Penguin, this pitiful creature lives in the sewers of Radon. He is not really a good guy to begin with, but ends up befriending Roger and giving him some words of wisdom. His voice should resemble Danny DeVito's voice in the film mentioned above.
Dialog: dPenguin
Roger: What are you doing down here?
[PENG1]Penguin: Blargh! This is my humble domicile!
[PENG2]Penguin: What you hide, I discover. What you put in your toilet, I place on my mantle. Get the picture?
Roger: Not everything, right?
[PENG3]Penguin: EVERYTHING.
Roger: Lovely.
Roger: But what ARE you doing down here? What's with all the penguins?
[PENG4]Penguin: Pah! The apes drove our family from the surface years ago!
[PENG5]Penguin: I was forced to evolve and make a home here in the sewers for my feathery friends.
Roger: See? We have a common enemy! I'm against the apes too!
Roger: Just let me past so I can go under the gate and defeat them!
[PENG6]Penguin: Pshaw! As far as I know, you're in league with the apes!
[PENG7]Penguin: Probably lost your security pass and you're sneaking back into work.
Roger: No! Believe me! I'd never go through this much trouble for work! I'm a terrible procrastinator!
Roger: Check my resume! I have references!
[PENG8]Penguin: You're not getting through here, human!
Roger: Say, isn't it mildly annoying to constantly have that water dripping on your head?
[PENG9]Penguin: Grrrrrr!!!
Roger: I have no quarrel with you, good sir, but I must cross this sewer.
[PENG10]Penguin: Forget it! If I can't inconvenience you in one way, I shall inconvenience you in another!
Roger: Does this have anything to do with you being a miserable old coot?
[PENG11]Penguin: That, plus I'm really mad that there's sewage water dripping on my head.
Roger: You could shift over a few inches.
[PENG12]Penguin: And sit on the cold part of the pillow? Forget it!
Roger: I'll pay you! How much do you want?
[PENG13]Penguin: 50,000 buckazoids. Or something of equivalent value. Whatcha got?
Roger: Uh... how about a bucket? You could wear it like a fez. You'd look pretty good, and the girls would dig it!
[PENG14]Penguin: Buckets aren't in fashion this season.
Roger: Your loss.
Roger: Can I have one of your penguins?
[PENG15]Penguin: These penguins are my brethren! They belong to no one!
Roger: So if I stole one, you wouldn't mind?
[PENG16]Penguin: I suppose not.
Roger: Do the Spewters give you much trouble?
[PENG17]Penguin: Why would they give me trouble?
Roger: They fart poisonous gas and eat things alive.
[PENG18]Penguin: Haven't we all?
Roger: No. Some of us aren't lucky enough to be that high up on the food chain.
Roger: I'd love to stay and chat, but...
[PENG19]Penguin: Yeah, whatever.
412 - Sewers - Penguin Lair
Roger: Ack!
[PENG40]Penguin: I believe the word you're looking for is 'AAAAAARGH!'
Roger: Oh?
[PENG41]Penguin: No, no. 'Aauuuuugh', at the back of the throat.
Roger: Aauugh?
[PENG42]Penguin: Yes, that's right. Now who are you and why have you entered my lair?
Roger: I'm, uh, Roger Wilco, and I'm just trying to find a way around the gate. I didn't know anybody actually lived down here.
[PENG43]Penguin: And so we do! For you stand in the presence of The Penguin, king of the sewers and guardian of this passage!
[PENG44]Penguin: And you, Mr. Wilco, are the first mortal to ever lay eyes upon me!
Roger: Really?
[PENG45]Penguin: Well, except for that darn ape with the crowbar...and a couple kids.
[PENG46]Penguin: And my mom on weekends.
Roger: Can I just pass through? I'm kind of in a hurry.
[PENG47]Penguin: Heh, heh, heh - of course, you can.
[PENG48]Penguin: Just step a little closer so I get a better look at you.
[PENG49]Penguin: A little closer.
[PENG50]Penguin: To your left.
[PENG51]Penguin: Bwahahah!
Roger: Yuck!
[PENG52]Penguin: I got ya!
[PENG51]Penguin: Bwahahah! (Duplicate)
[PENG52]Penguin: I got ya! (Duplicate)
Roger: This is disgusting!
[PENG53]Penguin: What a fool!
[PENG54]Penguin: Aha-ha-ha-ha!
Narrator: You head back to the camp and clean yourself up.
[PENG55]Penguin: Ah, so you return!
Roger: Can we just talk for a minute - just you and me?
[PENG56]Penguin: Of course, of course. But could you speak up a little?
[PENG57]Penguin: I'm hard of hearing and you're so far away.
Roger: Hang on a second.
Roger: Can you hear me now?
[PENG58]Penguin: Quite.
[PENG59]Penguin: Ahahahahaha!
[PENG60]Penguin: I can't believe you actually fell for it again!
Roger: What the? Daaah!!
Narrator: You head back to the camp and clean yourself up.
Roger: All right, that's enough. Let's talk business.
[PENG61]Penguin: I'm listening...
Roger: I'm willing to trade something in my pocket in exchange for safe passage through your sewers.
[PENG62]Penguin: Is that a fact? What do you have?
Roger: Here, let me show you.
Roger: What is your PROBLEM?!
[PENG63]Penguin: I couldn't help it - you just set yourself up like that!
Roger: I'll be back and you'll be sorry!
Narrator: You head back to the camp and clean yourself up.
Roger: Okay, buddy! I've had it up to here with...
Roger: D'oh.
[PENG64]Penguin: I can't believe you just walked right into that spot!
Roger: Yeah, me neither.
Narrator: You head back to the camp and clean yourself up.
Roger: Okay, seriously - why are you doing this to me?
[PENG65]Penguin: Because I'm a miserable old coot and I enjoy humiliating others.
Roger: Well, just this once, can we bury the hatchet?
Roger: There's bigger things going on than just you and me and we need to get this resolved ASAP.
Roger: You see, up on the surface, apes are plotting to overthrow the galaxy and my girlfriend's been kidnapped.
Roger: If you don't let me through here, we're all doomed.
[PENG66]Penguin: Baaahhh... fine.
Roger: So I can go through?
[PENG67]Penguin: I suppose.
Roger: And this is not a ruse?
Roger: You won't grab that lever and dump sewage on me again?
[PENG68]Penguin: No.
Roger: Yes, you will.
[PENG69]Penguin: No. I won't.
[PENG70]Penguin: It's juvenile and immature.
Roger: So, it's perfectly safe for me to walk through now?
[PENG71]Penguin: Yes.
Roger: I don't believe you!
Roger: You're totally just going to pull that lever!
[PENG72]Penguin: You are really starting to irritate me.
[PENG73]Penguin: Listen, if I pull this lever, you're just gonna come back down here and bother me again.
[PENG74]Penguin: Personally, this whole thing stopped being funny about 40 minutes ago.
[PENG75]Penguin: Now I just want to sleep.
[PENG76]Penguin: Now get lost before I change my mind and have my penguins throw you out.
Roger: You're really serious about this?
[PENG71]Penguin: Yes. (Duplicate)
Roger: Oh... thanks.
Roger: BABHAEBWGIEUGIUFIHA!!!!!!!!
[PENG77]Penguin: Now it's funny again!
Roger: I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
[PENG78]Penguin: I could do this alllll day!
Narrator: You head back to the camp and clean yourself up.
[PENG79]Penguin: Oh, back for more, are we?
Roger: Listen, Penguin, I think we got off on the wrong foot.
[PENG80]Penguin: Is that so? Come closer so we can discuss this.