Script for Archivist

Description: This cranky old apeman maintains the library in Vohaul's fortress.
He is not friendly to Roger at all, but nevertheless, his biggest concerns are whether you return your library books too late or mess with his xerox machine.
The librarian is another one of those grumpy/senile characters, so he might sound a little like the Furkunz Priest. Only more openly aggressive.

Dialog: dLibrarian

Roger: Hey hey hey, what's up, home fry?
[LIBR1] Archivist: Don't you give me any of that young flim-flam. I ain't having it today.

Roger: So, this is a library, eh?
[LIBR2] Archivist: Yeah, used to be. We apes used to be quite well read until that Never Kenezer fellow came along and said it would be more efficient to use this place as storage for all their other junk.
[LIBR3] Archivist: Then he put me in charge of handling the fortress' taxes. It's been hell since.

Roger: Can I have that box of stuff on your desk?
[LIBR4] Archivist: No! I haven't checked that in yet!
Roger: But I think it's mine.
[LIBR5] Archivist: This stuff was confiscated off one of the prisoners. It's going into lock-up as soon as I'm done with this.

Roger: But I'M that prisoner!
[LIBR6] Archivist: Oh, I see. And... you've escaped?
Roger: Umm... suppose I have?
[LIBR7] Archivist: Then I suppose I would call for the... GUARDS!
Roger: They're on evac.
[LIBR8] Archivist: I'm getting too old for this crap.
[LIBR9] Archivist: Would you kindly go lock yourself back up?
Roger: Sure.

Roger: I'd like to check something out.
[LIBR10] Archivist: Do you have a 27B-6 check-out form?
Roger: No, but I would very much like to get one!
[LIBR11] Archivist: Uggghhh... fine. Let me see if I have any...

Roger: Can I play around with your photocopier?
[LIBR12] Archivist: No, you may not PLAY with it.
Roger: Can I USE it, then?
[LIBR13] Archivist: Are you going to scan your rear end?
Roger: Ye... errr... no.
[LIBR14] Archivist: Good. Knock yourself out.

Roger: You do realize this place is about to explode, right?
[LIBR15] Archivist: What about it?
Roger: Well, shouldn't you... you know... leave?
[LIBR16] Archivist: Are you mad? These books aren't going to check themselves in!
Roger: The books are about to get blown up!
[LIBR17] Archivist: Then I'll just have to work faster, won't I?

Roger: I'll be going now.
[LIBR18] Archivist: You'd better. I've eaten people's legs.

504 - Fortress - Library/Archive

[LIBR28] Archivist: Young whipper-snappers... stop reading all the time! Go outside and get some fresh air!


[LIBR30] Archivist: Sssshhh!!!!

[LIBR31] Archivist: Hey! Papers only!

[LIBR32] Archivist: Hands off!

[LIBR33] Archivist: Hey! Don't touch that! I have to check it into the system!

Global Script


[LIBR20] Archivist: OK, I just plain don't like you now.
[LIBR21] Archivist: Therefore, I won't give you the integral information you will need in order to complete this game.
[LIBR22] Archivist: I hope you're happy now.
Narrator: Congratulations! The game is now unwinnable!

Roger: I'd like to return this book.
[LIBR23] Archivist: This book is over twenty years late, you know.
Roger: Just send me the bill.

Roger: I'd like to return this piece of highly reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass.
[LIBR24] Archivist: Hmmm... it's not in our archives. Would you classify it as fiction or non-fiction?
Roger: It's a fictional material, but it's non-fictionally in my hand.
[LIBR25] Archivist: Then I would advise you to get that out of here before it breaks my Dewey Decimal System.

Roger: Ever imagine what life would be like if you had a mohawk?
Roger: Because, buddy - I can make that happen!
[LIBR26] Archivist: Touch my scalp and I will END YOU.

Roger: I'd like to return some of my old junk.
[LIBR27] Archivist: Not to my library you won't!