Description: The resistance leader and the straight man (in the dramatic sense!) among the Furkunz. Finkle always keeps a cool head and treats his duties very seriously. These qualities should be reflected in his voice.
Roger: Could you, er, go over the details of the plan one more time?
[FINK1]Finkle: You need to stop Lewdy.
[FINK2]Finkle: One of our men hiding inside the fortress, an electronics expert.
[FINK3]Finkle: He's been in there for a while, figuring out how to activate the self-destruct mechanism.
[FINK4]Finkle: He left for his last trip this morning and said he was very likely to blow up the place today.
[FINK5]Finkle: You need to stop him, and fast.
Roger: Well, I suppose I could tell him that when I get there.
[FINK6]Finkle: That's not all of it yet...
[FINK7]Finkle: Chances are that by the time you reach him, the sequence will already be in progress.
[FINK8]Finkle: And to disable it in time, he's going to need the fortress plans we've put together.
[FINK9]Finkle: And to make things even worse, the plans have been stolen.
Roger: Stolen, huh? Well, I'd better get there before he sets it off, then.
[FINK10]Finkle: No, we can't take that chance. Lewdy has a way to get out when the sequence is started, but you won't fit through. Blowing up the fortress while you search for the plans is acceptable, but your death isn't.
[FINK11]Finkle: Get to the fortress, give the plans to Lewdy, and defeat Vohaul.
[FINK12]Finkle: Find the plans, get to the fortress, give the plans to Lewdy, and defeat Vohaul.
Roger: Got it.
Roger: ...I think.
Roger: Any idea who might've stolen the plans?
[FINK13]Finkle: I'm afraid not.
[FINK14]Finkle: I'm too busy with my work to keep an eye out for anything unusual.
[FINK15]Finkle: The others probably know more, though.
Roger: Do you think this ID could be useful?
[FINK16]Finkle: Yeah, you could probably use this to get in the boot camp!
Roger: Hmm, probably.
Roger: Too bad the picture looks nothing like me...
[FINK18]Finkle: And you don't really look like an average health inspector...
[FINK19]Finkle: They might get suspicious if you don't have any equipment.
Roger: I'll see what I can do.
Roger: Do you think this clipboard might be useful?
[FINK20]Finkle: Hmm... it sure does make you look more like a health inspector.
[FINK21]Finkle: Nice find!
Roger: Pardon me, would you have any grey poupon?
[FINK22]Finkle: Nope, we've been running low ever since the apemen cut off our supply routes.
Roger: I got the plans!
[FINK23]Finkle: Great! Now get to the fortress and stop Lewdy!
Roger: Well, I'm off to do my job.
[FINK24]Finkle: Good luck!
307 - Caves - Furkunz Hall
Gofty: Oh, thank the Bottle! He's alive!
Roger: Wh-where am I?
[FINK56]Finkle: We're terribly sorry, Mister Wilco, we had no idea it was you.
Odster: Yes, we thought you were one of those pesky apemen.
Odster: Well, it's just your horrid posture, your tendency to slouch, your...
Roger: I mean... What happened?
[FINK57]Finkle: As soon as we recognized you...
[FINK58]Finkle: ...once again, we are terribly sorry...
Odster: We need to protect ourselves from the apemen and we accidentally attacked you...
[FINK59]Finkle: Ah, sorry about that... we are the Furkunz.
Gofty: Let us help you to the bar, then we'll explain it all.
308 - Caves - Furkunz Bar
Bartender: Fresh ice water, on the house.
Odster: So, where were we...?
[FINK60]Finkle: We are the Furkunz...
Gofty: You already said that.
[FINK61]Finkle: Shut up.
[FINK62]Finkle: My name is Finkle, and this here is...
Odster: Nope, Odster.
Gofty: And I'm Gofty.
[FINK63]Finkle: Anyway, Mister Wilco...
Roger: How do you know my name?
[FINK64]Finkle: How do we know your name? But you're famous!
Roger: I am?
Odster: You are the only man who has ever been able to defeat Vohaul and the apemen!
Gofty: You are like a hero to us!
Odster: Except for Mayor Nurb.
Odster: He doesn't trust any simians, as he calls you.
Gofty: But other than that, he's a nice fella.
Odster: Just last night, we were playing caveball with him, that was fun.
Gofty: Heh heh heh, yeah, after the third kickoff when Odster snatched his--
[FINK65]Finkle: Will you two let me speak?
[FINK66]Finkle: We are on the same side as you are, Mister Wilco.
[FINK67]Finkle: We have a common enemy. Vohaul and the apes have been oppressing us for quite a while.
Gofty: We used to live up on the surface.
Gofty: That's where our real home is.
Gofty: But then one day the apemen came along and acted as if the planet was their property.
[FINK68]Finkle: They drove us off the surface and destroyed our village.
[FINK69]Finkle: We had nowhere else to go than down here, where they couldn't find us.
Odster: But we hate it in here. Apart from caveball, there's nothing to do.
Gofty: Although caveball IS quite fun. Especially when we play against the mayor.
Odster: Like that time he fumbled the double nelson during the far push and--
[FINK70]Finkle: Will you stop blabbering about this?
[FINK71]Finkle: Anyway, we still haven't given up the hope to eventually claim back our spot on the surface.
[FINK72]Finkle: I'm the leader of the resistance and there is a big favor we'd like to ask you.
[FINK73]Finkle: However, I assume you would like some rest for now.
[FINK74]Finkle: Feel free to take a look around and talk to me again if you're interested in cooperation.
609 - Moon - Hallway
[FINK75]Finkle: Well, I guess that's all of them.
Roger: Who'd have thought a small army of furry critters could take down an evil empire in less than an hour?
Mayor Nurb: Well, Roger, my boy, I guess I was mistaken about you.
Roger: Yes. Yes, you were.
Mayor Nurb: The Furkunz people, along with the entire galaxy, owe you their thanks.
Mayor Nurb: You and your wife have earned our eternal gratitude.
Beatrice: Oh, no. We're not married... yet.
Mayor Nurb: Really? Why not?
Beatrice: You'll have to ask Roger.
Mayor Nurb: I see. Well, Roger, what are you waiting for?
Roger: Oh, yeah... that.
Roger: See, the thing is...
Roger: Hey, did you guys get around to catching Vohaul?
[FINK76]Finkle: Hmm, come to think of it... where is that slimey scumbag?
Roger: Well, Beatrice, looks like we've got one more loose end to tie up.
Beatrice: Great. Just wonderful.
Mayor Nurb: ALL HAIL VOHAUL.
[FINK77]Finkle: Oops - guess he forgot to take off his headband.
Roger: You want me to turn it off?
[FINK78]Finkle: Nah, he's fine.
[FINK79]Finkle: What are you doing?
Roger: I'm going to rescue them.
[FINK80]Finkle: Those are our prisoners. If you untie them, they're gonna kill us.
Roger: Whoops! Boy, that would've been embarassing.
Roger: Boy are you guys stupid. Not only did you let yourselves get captured by a horde of two foot teddy bears, but you have no idea how many times I snuck past you dressed up in a cardboard box.
Roger: Seriously, you thought I was a robot and everything. Oh, and that pie I gave you? I put that between my buttcheeks. That's right, you ate buttcheek pie.
Roger: Who's the monkey now, huh?
[FINK81]Finkle: They can't hear you. We pumped them full of morphine to stop them from squirming.
Roger: Oh. But they did get that bit about buttcheek pie, right?
Mayor Nurb: I did.
Roger: We're not going out for lunch together anytime soon, are we?
Narrator: This is definitely one of the more awkward click events.
[FINK82]Finkle: Hey, don't cut them free!
Mayor Nurb: Or was he going to stab them?
Beatrice: Don't ask me. I can't tell what's going through Roger's head when he starts waving things around.
611 - Moon - Base Map
Random Apeman: Hey! What's going on here?
Random Apeman: Look out! He's got a shovel!
[FINK83]Finkle: FOR FREEDOM!!!
Random Apeman: Holy crap! They're everywhere!
Mayor Nurb: Die, simian!
Gofty: Stop, mayor, it's Roger!
Mayor Nurb: Oh, sorry.
Odster: Go for the legs!
Random Apeman: We need back-up! Repeat! We need back-up!
Random Apeman: They're coming outta the walls. They're coming outta the freakin' walls!
Random Apeman: It's game over, man! Game over!
Random Apeman: Oh no, they summoned pterodactyls somehow!
Furkunz Priest: Praise the Bottle!
[FINK84]Finkle: Look out, there's a giant squid with machine guns!
Gofty: This is almost better than a third kick-off!
[FINK85]Finkle: Come on, let's keep moving! We got 'em on the run!
620 - Moon - Mines - Entrance
[FINK86]Finkle: And heave!
[FINK88]Finkle: Good! Now spread out! We're taking over this joint!
Gofty: WHOO! REVOLUTION!!!
621 - Moon - Mines - Mining Floor
[FINK89]Finkle: Huh...? What's going on?
Roger: Finkle! It's me, Roger!
[FINK90]Finkle: Roger? Last thing I remember was running through the cave, then feeling a dart in my leg.
[FINK91]Finkle: Then everything started to get colorful. It was nice.
Roger: We're on the moon right now. Vohaul's been using some kind of mind control on you guys.
[FINK92]Finkle: Oh, has he now? Well, he just made a big mistake bringing us all up here.
[FINK93]Finkle: Furkunz! The ape people think they can take whatever they want! That no one can stop them!
[FINK94]Finkle: Well, grab the nearest weapons you can find because we're gonna send them a message: that this is our moon!
701 - Moon - Vohaul's Lair
Beatrice: Does it usually take this long?
Ape Scientist: Don't know. Never did this before.
[FINK95]Finkle: I think he's waking up!
Beatrice: Roger! You're okay!
[FINK96]Finkle: He made it! The Narrator owes us fifty bucks!
Roger: The Narra - Oh, THERE you are! Thanks for leaving me hanging back there!
Narrator: Hey, buddy! Glad to see you back in one piece! I knew you could do it!
Roger: Hang on - I gotta do something.
Vohaul: Man... I just had the craziest dream.
Vohaul: You were there... and you... weren't there. Neither were you.
Vohaul: But he was definitely there.
Ape Scientist: Tell me, Lord Vohaul, how do you feel?
Vohaul: I feel... a lot better now. Like a whole lot of weight's gone! I feel... I feel great!
Roger: And you don't remember being an evil psychosadistic dictator who cruelly enslaved cute furry animals, tried to blow up the universe with a moon bomb, and spent years of your life trying to plot my demise?
Vohaul: Well, I do now. Thanks a lot.
Beatrice: So you do remember everything?
Vohaul: Pretty much. I'm still a bit miffed about that asteroid deal in Space Quest 2, but...
Vohaul: I guess I kinda started it.
Ape Scientist: Hurray! We have our old Vohaul back!
Vohaul: That you do, and I have a lot to answer for.
Vohaul: I guess all the Furkunz will be after my head now, won't they?
[FINK97]Finkle: You better believe it.
Beatrice: And we can't keep these apes locked up forever. They're gonna want revenge on the Furkunz.
Vohaul: This is all my fault. It's time to make peace between the Furkunz and the Apes.
Vohaul: And I'm gonna do it the only way I know how.
Roger: What are you going to do?
Vohaul: Something I should've done a long time ago...
Narrator: One month later...
806 - Paragon Outro - Hilltop
Roger: I can't believe you actually converted half the planet's surface into a giant ski resort.
Vohaul: It was the only way to bring everyone together.
[FINK98]Finkle: And now peace has been restored between the peoples of the planet.
Roger: Yeah, but we're talking about the enslavement of an entire race.
Roger: A month ago, everybody was ready to kill each other! If anything, this is the single most unlikely thing to ever happen!
Vohaul: What can I say? Everyone loves skiing.
Roger: Well, Vohaul, I'm impressed. You really pulled through for everyone.
Roger: But a few things still bother me.
Vohaul: Like what?
Roger: Like whatever happened to Never Kenezer?
Vohaul: Oh, I put him to work...
[FINK99]Finkle: Well, I'm gonna leave you guys alone.
[FINK100]Finkle: Vohaul, don't forget that thing we got, right?
Vohaul: See you in a bit!
Roger: So this is how it ends? To never match wits again with my arch-nemesis?
Vohaul: I wouldn't say that. I mean, I'm only one digital copy of the original Vohaul.
Vohaul: I'm pretty sure there's dozens of other copies scattered all over the galaxy in bootleg software, waiting to be uploaded into a supercomputer somewhere that you can fight.
Roger: Oh, right.
Vohaul: Ehhh, don't worry about it. If another version of me ever tries to give you trouble, you know I got your back.
Roger: I guess underneath all that hardware and scary blue scaley skin, you really are a nice guy after all, Vohaul.
Vohaul: And I have you to thank for that, Wilco.
Vohaul: Any other schmoe would've left me for dead, but of all people, it was the guy who killed me that saved me in the end.
Vohaul: I really owe you a lot, Roger.
Roger: You don't owe me anything. It's all in the line of duty for a day-to-day space hero.
Vohaul: So, how about you and Beatrice? Why haven't you popped the question yet?
Roger: I've been wondering that myself lately.
Roger: I guess I've been so worried about what could go wrong, I forgot about all the things that could go right.
Vohaul: So you're no longer afraid?
Roger: I think saving your life has given me a new perspective on things.
Roger: A month ago, I was this close to leaving you for dead, just because I didn't want to take the risk.
Roger: But at the last moment, something clicked.
Roger: And look at where we are now.
Vohaul: The future holds all kinds of surprises, doesn't it?
Roger: Yeah, and I'd be a real idiot to miss a moment of it.
Vohaul: So I guess you'll start shopping around for a wedding ring soon?
Roger: I suppose...
Vohaul: In that case, here you go.
Roger: Holy cow! Look at the size of that rock!
Vohaul: Pure detonite crystal. Fully refined, but I wouldn't put it near any open flames right away.
Roger: Thanks! Bea's gonna love this!
Vohaul: So what are you waiting for? Go tell that girl what's in your heart!
Roger: Right away? But...
Vohaul: Are you gonna do it, or am I gonna have to strike back?
Roger: Strike back?
Vohaul: Get it? Vohaul STRIKES BACK!
809 - Paragon Outro - Wedding
Roger: What the heck?
[FINK101]Finkle: Right on cue!
Vohaul: Well, well, well - look at that. You could almost swear there was a wedding going on. Of course, who could possibly be getting married?
Beatrice: Roger, shut up and propose.
[FINK102]Finkle: Yeah, seriously. Come on. That whole thing with the skis and ramp wasn't exactly easy to set up.
Roger: Beatrice, I'm sorry I kept holding off on this.
Roger: We had such a good thing going and I was afraid everything was going to change once we were married.
Roger: We'd become different people, and eventually drift apart. Maybe not even love each other anymore.
Beatrice: Roger, you don't have to...
Roger: Let me finish. What I figured out is that people always change, and often, it's for the better.
Roger: So no matter how things change between us in the future, I'll do whatever it takes to fall in love with you all over again.
Roger: Beatrice Creakworm Wankmeister...
Roger: ...will you marry me?
Beatrice: Oh, Roger, yes!
Furkunz Priest: I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss... yeah, whatever.
[FINK25]Finkle: Easy, boy. This army isn't THAT friendly.
Roger: Hey, let's talk about that task you had for me.
[FINK26]Finkle: All right, here's the deal.
[FINK27]Finkle: Vohaul's got tons of apemen at our doorstep, right outside our cave. If we don't clear out that boot camp and fortress, we'll have trouble on our hands soon.
[FINK28]Finkle: So far our prime objective has been activating the self-destruct mechanism at the fortress, as we haven't got the power to oppose them in any other ways.
[FINK29]Finkle: But needless to say, it's a very messy solution, and many innocent apemen will die.
Roger: Innocent apemen?
[FINK30]Finkle: Yes. They only follow their orders because of fear.
[FINK31]Finkle: ...and, well, stupidity.
[FINK32]Finkle: But they're not evil by nature.
[FINK33]Finkle: All evidence suggests that the apemen would stop the fight as soon as Vohaul is overthrown, just like they did the last time you defeated him.
[FINK34]Finkle: And now, thanks to you, we have an alternative.
Roger: You want me to go kick his butt?
Roger: Sure, I was going to do that anyway.
[FINK35]Finkle: Yes... but there's more.
[FINK1]Finkle: You need to stop Lewdy. (Duplicate)
[FINK2]Finkle: One of our men hiding inside the fortress, an electronics expert. (Duplicate)
[FINK3]Finkle: He's been in there for a while, figuring out how to activate the self-destruct mechanism. (Duplicate)
[FINK36]Finkle: He left for his last trip this morning and said he was going to blow up the place today.
[FINK5]Finkle: You need to stop him, and fast. (Duplicate)
Roger: Well, I suppose I could tell him that when I get there.
[FINK6]Finkle: That's not all of it yet... (Duplicate)
[FINK37]Finkle: ...chances are that by the time you reach him, the sequence will already be in progress.
[FINK8]Finkle: And to disable it in time, he's going to need the fortress plans we've put together. (Duplicate)
[FINK9]Finkle: And to make things even worse, the plans have been stolen. (Duplicate)
Roger: Stolen, huh?
Roger: Well, I'd better get there before he sets it off, then.
[FINK38]Finkle: No, we can't take that chance.
[FINK39]Finkle: Lewdy has a way to get out when the sequence is started, but you won't fit through.
[FINK40]Finkle: Blowing up the fortress while you search for the plans is acceptable, but your death isn't.
Roger: ...wait a minute... while I search for the plans?
[FINK42]Finkle: Well, it seemed like the kind of thing you would do...
Roger: Fine, fine, I'll see what I can do.
[FINK43]Finkle: Good. Let me know if you find them.
[FINK44]Finkle: ...Oh, and one more thing. Our toilet's a little clogged up, and a man with your plungering skills surely...
[FINK45]Finkle: Right... We'll take care of that one.
Roger: Any idea where I can find Vohaul?
[FINK46]Finkle: We've looked everywhere. I mean, everywhere except that big tower in the middle of the fortress, but there's no way to get through that gigantic door.
Roger: Do you think Vohaul's in there?
[FINK47]Finkle: I'm just gonna spit it out: yes, I think he's in there. It's pretty obvious at this point.
Roger: Do you think this piece of viewshield glass might be useful?
[FINK48]Finkle: Let me see that...
[FINK49]Finkle: Whoa! Is this Quintuple-Thick Hyperglazed Safety Glass?
[FINK50]Finkle: Holy cow, this is EXACTLY what we've been looking for!
[FINK51]Finkle: Its unique chemical composition allows us to construct the missing part for our superweapon that's sure to bring Vohaul and the apemen to their knees!
Roger: Hmm, actually I think it's just Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass.
[FINK53]Finkle: Well then it's pretty much useless.
Roger: Yeah, thought so.
Roger: It's getting close to the end of the game and I still haven't used this highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass on anything yet.
[FINK54]Finkle: Maybe you can use it to defeat Vohaul.
Roger: Ooh! Maybe! Let's go find him!
Roger: I got the plans!
[FINK23]Finkle: Great! Now get to the fortress and stop Lewdy! (Duplicate)