Script for Roger

Description: Our hero. Roger has a heart of gold, though he is not always the sharpest tool in the shed. In fact, he might even be more dim-witted in this game than in previous ones.
He does have his moments of clarity, though. Especially when pondering his future with Bea.

Dialog: dBeaMallard

[EGO1] Roger: What's going on?
Beatrice: We're enjoying a wonderful romantic getaway on a beautiful exotic planet far away from sub-zero temperatures and killer ape monsters.
[EGO6] Roger: Really?
Beatrice: No. Our ship just crashed. Because you dragged us here.
[EGO7] Roger: Ah. That would explain all the exploding, the snow and the wetness of my pants.

[EGO2] Roger: How are you doing?
Beatrice: Oh, trapped in a broken space ship. You?
[EGO8] Roger: We've got so much in common!

[EGO3] Roger: So, what should we do now?
Beatrice: I think we should get out of here and not die of starvation.
[EGO9] Roger: That kinda makes my plan seem stupid.

[EGO4] Roger: Any idea how we could get out of here?
Beatrice: Are you trying to tell me you don't know how to get out of your own ship?
[EGO10] Roger: Perhaps a little?
Beatrice: Then I suggest you *explore* it for a way out instead of using our remaining oxygen by asking dumb questions.

[EGO5] Roger: Well, I've got that annoying hero thing to do now.
Beatrice: Have fun, dear.

Dialog: dAl

[EGO11] Roger: Do you know where I might find Vohaul?
Al: Sure thing, just hold on a minute while I look for him in my massive contacts database of all the habitants of this here nice little ice planet.
Al: Hmmmmmm...
Al: Hmmmmmm...
Al: Hmmmmmm...
Al: Oh my, it would seem I am after all unable to find him at the moment.
Al: However, in case he should happen to drop by, I'll be sure to mention that you asked for him.
[EGO18] Roger: That'd be great, thanks!
Al: Uh huh... say, have you ever considered looking up 'sarcasm' in the dictionary?
[EGO19] Roger: The dictio-what now?
Al: Never mind.

[EGO12] Roger: Could you direct me to the nearest spaceport, settlement, anything?
Al: Ahh, yes. I live to serve, is that right?
Al: I am a robot, a simple tool, so it's just one of my little laws, isn't it?
Al: The only purpose of my pitiful existence is just to bow down to your supreme organic race and assist you without hesitation every single time any one of you might happen to simply be too lazy to get something done on your own, right?
Al: I mean, I've only been running this business here for decades without as much as a good word for support from any of you...
Al: ...but now, when YOU are the one in trouble, my only rightful duty would be to seize this rare opportunity of being able to help you out without daring to even contemplate the merest thought of possibly getting anything whatsoever in return...
Al: Right? Right?
[EGO20] Roger: So that's a 'No' then...?

[EGO13] Roger: A beach resort on an ice planet? Fake sand? Fake beach pictures?
Al: Oh, I suppose you can come up with better ways to entertain oneself on this lifeless planet?
Al: Build a castle from some loose snow?
Al: Scrape your name in the rocks?
Al: Play hide-and-seek at the giant skeleton?
Al: Feed yourself to the Spewter?
[EGO21] Roger: The spewter? Who's that?
Al: Ohh joy, aren't you just glad you found me, Robot Al, the cute little talking encyclopedia?
Al: He's simply there to provide answers to every question that happens to cross your magnificent mind, and you'll never have to bother with thanking him or even wondering if he's feeling allright.
Al: This must be your lucky day, mister!
[EGO22] Roger: Ehm, sorry, how are you then?
Al: Oh shut up, now you're just pretending to care.
[EGO23] Roger: So do you know anything about that spewter or not?
Al: *sigh*
Al: The Radonian Spewter (flatulis radonis) is a large omnivorous predator, weighing 260-400 lbs (120-180 kg) and is about 8 feet (2.40 meters) tall.
Al: As the name indicates, the species originate from the planet Radon and have not yet been reported elsewhere.
Al: They are well-known for their abundant flatulent emissions which are highly toxic in large concentrations.
Al: Contrary to popular belief, it is generally fairly safe to be in the relative vicinity of a Spewter.
Al: It will not consider an approaching creature to be a threat as long as the distance is greater than approximately 3 feet (1 meter).
Al: Beyond that point, however, one is virtually guaranteed to be eaten in a prompt manner. [citation needed]
Al: Anyone who comes across one of these creatures, is advised not to get too close, if the concept of living has by any means become comfortable for them.
Al: Thank you for listening, as delivering this information is the greatest pleasure a robot like me could ever have in this big and mysterious thing we like to call existence.
[EGO24] Roger: Huge farty beast, do not touch. Got it.

[EGO14] Roger: How much for a stay at the resort?
Al: Our most popular package, the Premium Gold Lifetime VIP Pass, is 500 buckazoids.
[EGO25] Roger: Hmm. Any other options?
Al: Nope. That's why it's the most popular.
[EGO26] Roger: Don't you think that's a little steep?
Al: Well, it IS a lifetime pass.
[EGO27] Roger: Have you considered cheaper options? For people just passing through?
Al: Oh, I'm so sorry!
Al: For some reason I have failed to notice your degree in economics.
Al: Yes, the one hanging out from your pocket.
Al: The one on that janitor's uniform you must be wearing just as a joke because someone as brilliant-minded as you could never allow themselves to be employed in such a menial profession.
Al: Would you mind giving our marketing staff a few lectures?
Al: We would be most honored by-- (sigh)
Al: can stop checking your pockets.

[EGO15] Roger: I would like to enter your beach resort.
Al: That'll be 500 buckazoids.

[EGO28] Roger: Oh. Bye then.
Al: Don't let the snow hit you on the way out.

[EGO16] Roger: Is your name just Al or a cool acronym for something like... Artifical... Llama?
Al: Is your name an acronym for Redundant Organic Garbage Emitter/Receptacle?
[EGO29] Roger: I'm not sure. I'll have to ask my parents.
Al: You go do that.

[EGO17] Roger: Well, nice exchanging pleasantries, but look at the time, I really must go.
Al: Oh cruel Lord, why oh why have you cursed me with a day such as today, when I am brutally expelled from such a company most enjoyable?!
Al: Farewell, farewell, I say to ye, and may a flock of seagull sing thee to thy rest!
[EGO30] Roger: Uh, bye.

Dialog: dClerk

[EGO31] Roger: Do you know where I could find the evil mastermind, Sludge Vohaul?
Resort Clerk: Hmm... you mean that guy with the big fortress and an army of apes?
[EGO39] Roger: Yeah, that sounds like him.
Resort Clerk: Ah. Well, I think he's in that fortress.
[EGO40] Roger: Yes, that much I figured... any idea how to get there?
Resort Clerk: Hmm... no, not really.

[EGO32] Roger: Do you know what lies in the North, behind the Spewter?
Resort Clerk: Yes, I do.
[EGO41] Roger: So... what lies in the North?
Resort Clerk: Vohaul's fortress.
[EGO42] Roger: But how do I get past the Spewter?
Resort Clerk: You don't.

[EGO33] Roger: How do I get out of here?
Resort Clerk: Out of where?
[EGO43] Roger: This... place.
[EGO44] Roger: It's blocked by high, unclimbable mountains, cliffs or stinky monsters in every direction.
Resort Clerk: Oh... You don't.
[EGO45] Roger: What? How do you get home then?
Resort Clerk: I live here.

[EGO34] Roger: Hey, there's a secret passageway out of here!
Resort Clerk: Ah, yeah... forgot about that one.
[EGO46] Roger: You knew about this?!
Resort Clerk: Of course I did.
Resort Clerk: I was born on the other side.
[EGO47] Roger: ...and you forgot about it just like that?
Resort Clerk: Yeap.
[EGO48] Roger: ...and told me I was stranded here forever?

Resort Clerk: Yeap.
[EGO49] Roger: ...even though we talked about the little guys, and the skeleton?
Resort Clerk: Pretty much, yeah.

[EGO35] Roger: What's on that clipboard?
Resort Clerk: Did you want to fill in the survey?
[EGO50] Roger: What survey?
Resort Clerk: It's a feedback form on the quality of service in this resort. You want one?

[EGO36] Roger: Could I take that survey again?
Resort Clerk: Hmm... I don't see why not. Here you go.

[EGO37] Roger: How do you stand Al?
Resort Clerk: I tune him out much like the rest of the universe.
[EGO51] Roger: Is he always such a jackass?
Resort Clerk: I think it's seasonal. He's usually not so bad during rainy season.
[EGO52] Roger: What's he like then?
Resort Clerk: In freezing rain? Usually short-circuited or frozen out in the wastes.
Resort Clerk: It's the closest I get to a vacation.

[EGO38] Roger: Talk to you later.
Resort Clerk: Promise?

Dialog: dClerkMore

[EGO53] Roger: So there's no way out?
Resort Clerk: Not that I know of, no.
[EGO59] Roger: How do you manage the business without any customers, then?
Resort Clerk: Oh, we do have customers.
[EGO60] Roger: You do?
Resort Clerk: Yeah, the little guys drop by every now and then.

[EGO54] Roger: The little guys?
Resort Clerk: Some weird little furry creatures, I dunno.
[EGO61] Roger: And they're your only clients?
Resort Clerk: Well, it's mainly just this one of them, buys all kinds of crazy junk.
Resort Clerk: And sometimes rarely the apemen come by on their hovering thingies. But that's about it.

[EGO55] Roger: What was that about the little guys again?
Resort Clerk: Some weird little furry creatures, I dunno.
[EGO61] Roger: And they're your only clients? (Duplicate)
Resort Clerk: Well, it's mainly just this one of them, buys all kinds of crazy junk.
Resort Clerk: And sometimes rarely the apemen come by on their hovering thingies. But that's about it.

[EGO56] Roger: How do the little guys get in and out of this place?
Resort Clerk: Ohh, I wouldn't know.
Resort Clerk: Al says they usually come from near that big skeleton, though.

[EGO57] Roger: Doesn't it drive you crazy living with that guy?
Resort Clerk: It's not so bad if I stay out of his way in the mornings.
Resort Clerk: ...and the evenings.
Resort Clerk: Or at any other time of day, for that matter.
Resort Clerk: So don't worry, you'll be fine.
[EGO62] Roger: Wait, what?
Resort Clerk: Oh, I figured you'd be staying as there's no way out of this place.
Resort Clerk: By the way, do you prefer the left or the right side of the bed?
[EGO63] Roger: I've got to get out of here.

[EGO58] Roger: Actually, I'm not that interested.
Resort Clerk: Must be catching.

Dialog: dSurvey

[EGO64] Roger: No, I hate surveys.
Resort Clerk: Suit yourself.

[EGO65] Roger: Yeah, alright.
Resort Clerk: Here you go.

Dialog: dAlBuck

[EGO66] Roger: Here you go.

[EGO28] Roger: Oh. Bye then. (Duplicate)
Al: Don't let the snow hit you on the way out.

Dialog: dPriest

[EGO67] Roger: What's that on the shrine?
Furkunz Priest: Why, it's the almighty bottle of MC Cola, of course!
[EGO73] Roger: What makes it so almighty?
Furkunz Priest: It was given to us by the Gods!
[EGO74] Roger: The Gods? How come?
Furkunz Priest: It fell down from the sky.
Furkunz Priest: Isn't that enough?
[EGO75] Roger: Well, it may have been dropped from a spacesh--
[EGO76] Roger: Sorry.

[EGO68] Roger: Would you mind if I borrow the bottle?
Furkunz Priest: Wheelbarrow?
[EGO77] Roger: The bottle.
Furkunz Priest: What bottle?
[EGO78] Roger: The MC Cola bottle.
Furkunz Priest: Yes, there's one on the shrine.
[EGO79] Roger: Yes...
[EGO80] Roger: I was asking if I could have it.
Furkunz Priest: Ah.
Furkunz Priest: No.

[EGO69] Roger: What's in the back?
Furkunz Priest: A crack? Where?
[EGO81] Roger: No, the back.
[EGO82] Roger: Behind that door, I mean.
Furkunz Priest: Yes, it's a door.
[EGO83] Roger: Ugh... What's behind it?
Furkunz Priest: I keep the more fragile things in there. The kids kept running them over.
[EGO84] Roger: I see.

[EGO70] Roger: I'm trying to find out who stole the fortress plans.
[EGO85] Roger: Can you help me?
Furkunz Priest: No, I never stole any pans.
Furkunz Priest: However, I could try to talk to the Almighty Bottle telepathically and ask if it knows anything.
[EGO6] Roger: Really? (Duplicate)
[EGO86] Roger: You can do that?
Furkunz Priest: No.
Furkunz Priest: It's a bottle.

[EGO71] Roger: Pardon me, would you have any grey poupon?
Furkunz Priest: How dare you?!
Furkunz Priest: That is a serious medical condition!
Furkunz Priest: And it's none of your business, you nosy...
[EGO87] Roger: No, no... you misheard me, I was asking if...
[EGO88] Roger: um... never mind.
Furkunz Priest: Hmpf!

[EGO72] Roger: See you later.
Furkunz Priest: Alligator?
[EGO89] Roger: Never mind.

Dialog: dFink

[EGO90] Roger: Could you, er, go over the details of the plan one more time?
Finkle: You need to stop Lewdy.
Finkle: One of our men hiding inside the fortress, an electronics expert.
Finkle: He's been in there for a while, figuring out how to activate the self-destruct mechanism.
Finkle: He left for his last trip this morning and said he was very likely to blow up the place today.
Finkle: You need to stop him, and fast.
[EGO97] Roger: Well, I suppose I could tell him that when I get there.
Finkle: That's not all of it yet...
Finkle: Chances are that by the time you reach him, the sequence will already be in progress.
Finkle: And to disable it in time, he's going to need the fortress plans we've put together.

Finkle: And to make things even worse, the plans have been stolen.
[EGO98] Roger: Stolen, huh? Well, I'd better get there before he sets it off, then.
Finkle: No, we can't take that chance. Lewdy has a way to get out when the sequence is started, but you won't fit through. Blowing up the fortress while you search for the plans is acceptable, but your death isn't.

[EGO91] Roger: Wait, what was it you wanted me to do again?

Finkle: Find the plans, get to the fortress, give the plans to Lewdy, and defeat Vohaul.
[EGO99] Roger: Got it.
[EGO100] Roger: ...I think.

[EGO92] Roger: Any idea who might've stolen the plans?
Finkle: I'm afraid not.
Finkle: I'm too busy with my work to keep an eye out for anything unusual.
Finkle: The others probably know more, though.

[EGO93] Roger: Do you think this ID could be useful?
Finkle: Yeah, you could probably use this to get in the boot camp!
[EGO101] Roger: Hmm, probably.
[EGO102] Roger: Too bad the picture looks nothing like me...

Finkle: Yeah...
Finkle: And you don't really look like an average health inspector...
Finkle: They might get suspicious if you don't have any equipment.
[EGO103] Roger: I'll see what I can do.

[EGO94] Roger: Do you think this clipboard might be useful?
Finkle: Hmm... it sure does make you look more like a health inspector.
Finkle: Nice find!

[EGO71] Roger: Pardon me, would you have any grey poupon? (Duplicate)
Finkle: Nope, we've been running low ever since the apemen cut off our supply routes.

[EGO95] Roger: I got the plans!
Finkle: Great! Now get to the fortress and stop Lewdy!

[EGO96] Roger: Well, I'm off to do my job.
Finkle: Good luck!

Dialog: dBarman

[EGO104] Roger: Hey, there.
Bartender: Aye.
Comment: Roger's tone of voice should imply that he finds the bar very out-of-place
[EGO112] Roger: Nice place you've got here...
Bartender: Aye.
[EGO113] Roger: And the neon sign, pretty cool-looking there...
Bartender: Aye.
[EGO114] Roger: So...
Bartender: Just ask it already.
[EGO115] Roger: Okay. What's the deal with the bar?
Bartender: Aye, you probably wouldn't be expecting something like that in a refugee camp, would ye?
[EGO116] Roger: Exactly.
Bartender: Well, this camp may be just temporary, but you see, the mayor, he likes to have a little drink every once in a while. And he IS the mayor, so...
[EGO117] Roger: Ahh, so you serve alcohol in here then?
Bartender: Well... no. Just water, actually.
[EGO118] Roger: ... Right.

[EGO105] Roger: How much for another cup of water?
Bartender: It's free, actually.
[EGO119] Roger: Good, I can afford it then.
[EGO120] Roger: Pour me one.
Bartender: Coming up.

[EGO106] Roger: Barkeep, another water.
Bartender: I think you've had enough, lad.
[EGO121] Roger: ... What?
[EGO122] Roger: I've had enough water?
Bartender: Aye.
[EGO123] Roger: ... Really?
Bartender: Aye.
Bartender: Terrible what too much water can do to a man.
Bartender: I couldn't bear to see our great Xenonian hope fall victim.

[EGO107] Roger: Nice music.
Bartender: Aye.
Bartender: They say the blind are the best piano players.
[EGO124] Roger: How did he go blind, anyway?
Bartender: Caveball accident.
Bartender: He couldn't handle the third kickoff.
[EGO125] Roger: Ouch. That must've been ugly.
Bartender: Aye, it was.

[EGO108] Roger: Any idea who may have stolen the plans?
Bartender: Merf.
[EGO126] Roger: Who?
Bartender: You see that hut over there?
Bartender: Separate from the tents that everybody else lives in?
Bartender: That's him. Richest guy in town, but never does any real work.
Bartender: You looking for a bribed traitor, that's him allright.
[EGO127] Roger: Hmm... guess I'll have to pay him a little visit then.
Bartender: Aye, you do that.
Bartender: But a word o' caution: He don't like no visitors.

[EGO71] Roger: Pardon me, would you have any grey poupon? (Duplicate)
Bartender: Ain't heard of that drink before.
Bartender: How do you make it?
[EGO128] Roger: I... don't know.
Bartender: Well, I've got ice water.

[EGO129] Roger: That you do.
Bartender: Aye... that I do.

Bartender: You want ice water?
[EGO130] Roger: Ooh - yeah, that sounds good.
Bartender: Comin' right up.

[EGO109] Roger: I guess this is the part where I tell you about all my problems...
Bartender: We're all about the problems at this bar. What's ailin' ya?
[EGO131] Roger: Apart from the whole Vohaul thing, my girlfriend wants to get married.
Bartender: Ah, the lovely Beatrice? We've heard a thing or two about her.
[EGO132] Roger: Thing is, I do want to get married to her, but... I think we should wait.
Bartender: Aye. Been there, done that.
Bartender: Let me tell ya, the second they walk away from that altar, they become a completely different woman.
[EGO133] Roger: Oh, I didn't mean that. My situation is a little more complicated.
Bartender: How so?
[EGO134] Roger: For one, she's pregnant.
Bartender: Well, if you ask me, that makes the whole thing much simpler.
Bartender: Time's running out, so you just gotta man up and pop the question.
[EGO135] Roger: Well, there's also this second thing...

[EGO110] Roger: If you only serve water here, what's with all the bottles and taps?
Bartender: Well, you're gonna have to promise me not to tell the mayor.
[EGO136] Roger: Sure.
Bartender: As I told you, he likes to have a drink once in a while.
Bartender: And as you can figure out, getting supplies o' that can be a wee bit of a problem here.
[EGO137] Roger: Yes...?
Bartender: I've been serving nothing but water for the last couple of days.
Bartender: I thought it'd be fairly common knowledge now, but I don't think he has even noticed.
Bartender: It kinda creeps me out, really.
[EGO138] Roger: But the drunk guy next to me...
Bartender: Drunk? Nah.
Bartender: Third kickoff.
Bartender: Look... I don't want to get on the mayor's bad side, if you get my drift.
[EGO139] Roger: Alright, your secret's safe with me...
[EGO140] Roger: ... and everyone else.
Bartender: That's the spirit! Thanks, laddie.

[EGO111] Roger: Well, I'd better get going.
Bartender: Aye.

Dialog: dWerg

[EGO141] Roger:'re Werg.
Werg: Depends.
Werg: Who am I talking to?
[EGO157] Roger:
Werg: Well...
Werg: In that case, yes I am.

[EGO142] Roger: Well, I'm trying to find out who stole the fortress plans and...
Werg: Listen, copper, you can't try to pin that rap on me!
Werg: You got nothing but anecdotal evidence, from jokers!
Werg: That's right, jokers!
Werg: I don't know nothing about no fortress plans.
Werg: Never seen them in my life.
Werg: You could ask my best friend and he'd say that same exact thing down to the very words!
[EGO158] Roger: Actually, I was just going to ask if you have any idea who might've done it.
Werg: Oh... yeah.
Werg: Of course. I knew that.
Werg: Heh heh heh...
Werg: Yeah... no.
Werg: I'm afraid I can't help you with that.
Werg: Sorry.

[EGO143] Roger: Do YOU have a cousin named Sven?
Werg: Hoho, right clever you think you are?
Werg: Not getting me with that one!
[EGO159] Roger: ...drat?

[EGO144] Roger: This conversation kind of went downhill.
Werg: And you're saying that's my fault?

[EGO145] Roger: I seem to be having terrible difficulty with my lifestyle at the moment.
Werg: Say what?
[EGO160] Roger: Oh... nevermind.
Narrator: Careless talk costs lives.

[EGO146] Roger: So what's this about your little organization?
Werg: What organization?

[EGO147] Roger: You know... the thing.
Werg: What thing?

[EGO148] Roger: The whole... thing.
Werg: What whole thing?

[EGO149] Roger: The... kit and the kaboodle...
Werg: The kit I might grant you in a blue moon...
Werg: ...but I know nothing of ANY kaboodles and am offended, sir!

[EGO150] Roger: The scene, man!
Werg: What scene?

[EGO151] Roger: The... milieu!
Werg: ...the what?
[EGO161] Roger: Milieu?
Werg: ... is that a word?
[EGO162] Roger: Locale? Environ? Surroundings?
Werg: So it's a place?
[EGO163] Roger: Yes.
Werg: Why not just say that?
[EGO164] Roger: I wanted to sound cool.
Werg: ...what place?
[EGO165] Roger: Oh, back to square one.

[EGO152] Roger: The...mis-en-scene!
Werg: There is no mis in my scene, mate.

[EGO153] Roger: The... salacious scenario!
Werg: You're just getting silly.

[EGO154] Roger: The... group... of illicit... people!
Werg: No.
[EGO166] Roger: No what?
Werg: Just no.

[EGO155] Roger: Oh, forget it!
Narrator: In your frustration, you turn around and start to walk away. However, you trip on a rock and, while trying to prevent your fall, enact a series of bizarre gestures, all of them aimed at Werg.
Werg: Ah! So you know the thieves' sign!
[EGO167] Roger: Wha--?
[EGO168] Roger: ...Oh yeah, of course I do!
Werg: Phew. I thought you were just some idiot.
[EGO169] Roger: Perish the thought. So you guys are thieves?
Werg: Actually, the word 'thief' has always had a sort of a negative feel to it throughout the ages. So nowadays, we prefer to be referred to as 'ownership adjusters'.
[EGO170] Roger: Ah, I see. ...although... you still call yourselves the Thieves' Guild...
Werg: Yeah, well... it would sound pretty stupid the other way.
[EGO171] Roger: Ooh, you're right there.

[EGO156] Roger: So... talk to you later.
Werg: Don't put yourself out.

Dialog: dThiefGuild

[EGO172] Roger: How big is this organization, may I ask?
Werg: Well, there's me, the leader...
Werg: ...and then the other guy who deals with equipment... and...

Werg: ...that's pretty much it.
[EGO178] Roger: There's... two of you?
Werg: Yeah...
Werg: ...our expansion policy has not been the best one so far, apparently.
[EGO179] Roger: So, who's the other guy?
Werg: I'm afraid I cannot tell you that.
Werg: You see, at this Thieves' Guild, every member has to swear an oath of secrecy, which prevents us from revealing each others' identities.
[EGO180] Roger: But how are the members supposed to communicate then?
Werg: We have a secret password phrase that we use to identify a fellow member.
[EGO181] Roger: Ah. Clever. What is it?

Werg: It's 'Pardon me, would you have any grey poupon?'
[EGO182] Roger: Oh right, now I remember...

[EGO173] Roger: Can I join?
Werg: Well... okay.
Werg: But bear in mind that becoming a member of the Thieves' Guild isn't just a matter of asking.
Werg: You'll have to pass the test.
[EGO183] Roger: What kind of a test?
Werg: You'll have to prove to me that you are a worthy thief.
Werg: I mean, ownership adjuster.
Werg: You must go and steal a very valuable object. Don't worry, I'll return it later.
Werg: Unless I should forget to...
[EGO184] Roger: So, what object do you have in mind?
Werg: Have you been to the shrine? Seen the Almighty Bottle?
Werg: That's your target.
Werg: Get me the bottle and I'll let you join.
[EGO103] Roger: I'll see what I can do. (Duplicate)

[EGO174] Roger: Pardon me, do you have any grey poupon?
Werg: No... you have to say that to the OTHER member.
[EGO185] Roger: Ah, right...

[EGO175] Roger: Look, I got the plans!
Werg: *sniff* They grow up so fast.

[EGO176] Roger: The equipment guy gave me a lockpick!
Werg: Great! Now if only there was a locked door somewhere nearby to practice on...
[EGO186] Roger: I'll keep looking.

[EGO177] Roger: So did you guys steal the fortress plans?
Werg: No, that wasn't one of our jobs.
Werg: We may not make an honest buck, but we don't sell out our own kind either.
[EGO187] Roger: Any idea who did?
Werg: Yeah... one of our own kind.

[EGO72] Roger: See you later. (Duplicate)
Werg: Bye!

Dialog: dNurb

[EGO188] Roger: What's up?
Gofty: We were just discussing the third kickoff from our last caveball game.
Mayor Nurb: Simians always interrupt when we discuss the third kickoff from our last caveball game.
Odster: No they don't. Now you're just being silly.
Mayor Nurb: Maybe I am, maybe I'm not...
Mayor Nurb: Wait, what were we talking about?
Gofty: Caveball.
Mayor Nurb: Ah, yes. I like caveball.
Gofty: We all do.
Odster: Especially the third kickoff.
Mayor Nurb: Yes. Much better than the fourth.
Gofty: Definitely.
[EGO194] Roger: ...I like pie.
Mayor Nurb: Step off, monkeyboy.

[EGO189] Roger: Why do you hate simians so much?
[EGO195] Roger: I can't see what's wrong with all of us...
Mayor Nurb: Of course you can't!
Mayor Nurb: You occupy the lowest level of evolution, and deservedly so!
Odster: He's got a point there.
[EGO196] Roger: Why?
[EGO197] Roger: Because I'm different?
[EGO198] Roger: Because I like to swing on a tireswing from time to time and indulge in the occasional banana?
Mayor Nurb: Because you are a simian.
Mayor Nurb: This planet was once a paradise, but your breed made a desert of it, ages ago.
Gofty: I'm telling you, there's no convincing old Nurb.

[EGO190] Roger: So what's with the sudden popularity of caveball? Didn't you guys live up on the surface?
Odster: You obviously have no idea of how addictive it is.
Odster: Spreads like fire.
Gofty: Indeed.
Gofty: Nobody stops after they've had their very first third kickoff.
Mayor Nurb: I still remember mine as if it had happened last week.
Gofty: It was last week, actually.
Mayor Nurb: Yes, yes, that's what I said. Or... did I?

[EGO108] Roger: Any idea who may have stolen the plans? (Duplicate)
Mayor Nurb: I bet it was you, simian.
Gofty: But the plans were lost long before he got here!
Mayor Nurb: Exactly! It's the perfect crime. Nobody would suspect him.
Mayor Nurb: But you can't fool me THAT easily!
Mayor Nurb: Drop your trousers, simian!
Gofty: Do we have to go over this again?
Mayor Nurb: Sigh...
Mayor Nurb: Fine, keep your trousers on, simian.
Mayor Nurb: But if you cause any trouble, your pants are mine!
Odster: Right...
Odster: Anyway, I don't know for sure, but I suspect it's Merf.

[EGO191] Roger: What's with the cane? Got a bum leg or something?
Mayor Nurb: If I had a bum leg, I wouldn't be able to play caveball, now would I?
[EGO199] Roger: So... what's it for then?
Mayor Nurb: It's for whacking over the noggin of anyone who keeps bothering me with annoying questions.
Mayor Nurb: Would you care for an example?
[EGO200] Roger: No, that's all right.
[EGO201] Roger: I don't want anyone to get hurt because of me.

[EGO71] Roger: Pardon me, would you have any grey poupon? (Duplicate)
Odster: Ok, seriously, what's the big deal with the grey poupon?
Gofty: Yeah, those two weirdos won't stop asking that.
Odster: Hmm... It's not a classic anecdote, is it?
[EGO202] Roger: Not a classic, no...
Mayor Nurb: Stupid simian, can't even tell a joke properly...

[EGO192] Roger: Hey, I found the plans!
[EGO203] Roger: Merf's hut.
Gofty: Awesome! I knew he had the plans!
Odster: Hey, you think you can break in again and steal us a stereo?

[EGO193] Roger: I'm off. See you guys later.
Gofty: Bye
Odster: Bye
Mayor Nurb: Good riddance.

Dialog: dMerfTalk

[EGO204] Roger: Merf?
Gofty: Yeah, he's the guy who lives in the hut.
Gofty: Rich and arrogant, thinks he's better than the rest of us.
Odster: And he always cheats at caveball.
Mayor Nurb: Yes, he does.
Mayor Nurb: Like a simian.
Mayor Nurb: A simian with no pants.
Mayor Nurb: Why can't anyone else see this adding up?!
Odster: Don't mind him, Roger. He's been like this ever since he missed two third kickoffs in a row.

[EGO205] Roger: Why do you suspect it's him?
Gofty: He's never done any hard work which might have earned him his fortune, but he keeps getting richer and richer.
Gofty: Which would make sense if he was working for the apemen as a spy.
Mayor Nurb: Almost too much sense.
Mayor Nurb: FAR too much sense if you ask me!

[EGO206] Roger: If you suspect it's him, why don't you stop him?
Odster: We don't have any evidence.
Odster: He keeps his house locked all the time and won't let anybody in.
Gofty: We tried asking the Thieves' Guild for help, but they keep denying the organisation's existence.
Mayor Nurb: Although everyone knows it's there.
Odster: Yeah... It's supposed to be a secret, but they keep asking everyone to join.

[EGO207] Roger: Tell me more about Merf.
Mayor Nurb: He a snobby, greedy little brat - what more is there to tell?
Gofty: He's been keeping to himself lately, playing with all his fancy new toys.
Odster: Also, he's haunted by the ghost of his former business partner!
Gofty: No, that was us in the bushes last night rattling chains and screaming at his hut.
Odster: Ha ha! He was crying all night!
Mayor Nurb: You two are terrible.
Gofty: Hey, you were there too, 'Mr. Ghost of Furkmas Future.'
[EGO209] Roger: He's afraid of ghosts?
Odster: Oh, sure. Just run at him screaming and waving some glow-sticks under a pillow case, and he'll be wetting his pants in no time.

[EGO208] Roger: Ok, I'll see what I can do.
Mayor Nurb: Ooh, the brave simian hero is going to save us. I am so excited.
Odster: Shut up, Nurb.

Dialog: dRulf

[EGO210] Roger: Why can't you tell me your real name?
Rulf: Well, I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

[EGO211] Roger: How could someone like you just kill me?
Rulf: If I told you how I'd do it, you'd know to expect it.

[EGO212] Roger: Sure, go ahead. I don't mind being killed.
Rulf: ...oh.
[EGO216] Roger: What?
Rulf: You called my bluff. I don't really know how to kill you.
[EGO217] Roger: Hah!
[EGO218] Roger: Can you tell me your real name then?
Rulf: Well... no.
[EGO219] Roger: Can I guess it?
Rulf: No.
[EGO220] Roger: You're no fun.

[EGO213] Roger: Nice bar, don't you think?
Rulf: My opinion is classified. Sorry.

[EGO70] Roger: I'm trying to find out who stole the fortress plans. (Duplicate)
[EGO221] Roger: Do you know who may have done it?
Rulf: Even if I did, I wouldn't tell you.

[EGO71] Roger: Pardon me, would you have any grey poupon? (Duplicate)
Rulf: Hmm... so you're the new guy, huh? Welcome to the guild.
[EGO222] Roger: Phew, finally!
[EGO223] Roger: That wasn't really the easiest of sentences to sneak into a conversation.
Rulf: Yeah, sorry about that... we had to change the code.
Rulf: The old one was 'Schwertfisch' and nobody could pronounce it right.
[EGO224] Roger: That's understandable.

[EGO214] Roger: Hey, about the Thieves' Guild...
Rulf: Yeah?

[EGO215] Roger: Bye.
Rulf: Bye.

Dialog: dRulfThief

[EGO225] Roger: Werg said you might be able to get me some equipment.
Rulf: He did? Hrmpf.
Rulf: He always sends the new recruits over to get equipment from me.
[EGO229] Roger: I thought you didn't have any other new members?
Rulf: That's what I said. 'Always'.
[EGO230] Roger: Right. So, about the equipment...
Rulf: Actually, all I've got is this one lockpick.
Rulf: And it's mine.
[EGO231] Roger: Hmm... couldn't I at least borrow it then?
Rulf: Well... I suppose.
Rulf: I'm just gonna get plastered right now anyway.
Rulf: yeah, here you go.
[EGO232] Roger: Thanks!

[EGO226] Roger: So, what kind of stuff have you done so far in the Guild?
Rulf: Well... not a whole lot.
Rulf: There isn't much to steal around here.
[EGO233] Roger: Have you tried the bar?
Rulf: Naw, I've got all the water I need...
Rulf: ...for now.
Rulf: Aside from that, the guild isn't just about the thievery, or stealing...
Rulf:'s about belonging somewhere, it's about...
Rulf: ...knowing that you have a place in society and that you're not just a number.
[EGO234] Roger: Hey... you're right.
[EGO235] Roger: Now that I'm a member, I feel so... cherished!
Rulf: Nah, I was just messing with ya, it's all about stealing.

[EGO227] Roger: Now that you can trust me some more, can you tell me your real name without killing me?
Rulf: Nnnope.
[EGO236] Roger: Is it Robert?
Rulf: No!
[EGO237] Roger: Is it Eric?
Rulf: No! Leave me alone!
[EGO238] Roger: I bet it's Eric.

[EGO228] Roger: Well... that's my Thieves' Guild business out of the way.
Rulf: Okay, now it's back under cover.
Rulf: Act like you don't know who I am.
[EGO239] Roger: ...I don't know who you are.
Rulf: Method acting, huh?
Rulf: Well, whatever works.

Dialog: dDrunk

[EGO240] Roger: Hey, I'm Roger Wilco and I was wondering if...
Drunk Furkunz: Never he cried, never shall it ye get me alive, ye rotten hound of the burnie crew.
Drunk Furkunz: Well I snatched fer the blade O my Claymore cut and thrust and I fell doon before him round his feet. Aye!
Drunk Furkunz: *hic*
[EGO241] Roger: Someone give this man an education.

[EGO71] Roger: Pardon me, would you have any grey poupon? (Duplicate)
Drunk Furkunz: Schyah!
Drunk Furkunz: Aen' daer glaerch ye foddie ba' choph dy gaorsh!
[EGO242] Roger: On second thought, never mind.
Drunk Furkunz: G'chyrr byemwhhehhehhehehee...
Drunk Furkunz: *hic*

[EGO108] Roger: Any idea who may have stolen the plans? (Duplicate)
[EGO243] Roger: Thanks for the hint.

Dialog: dNed

[EGO244] Roger: What's in that big closet?
Ned: Oh... umm... I wouldn't know...
Ned: ...Probably something boring... heheh...
[EGO250] Roger: Well, why don't we just have a look?
Ned: NO!!
Ned: There's... uh, there's nothing to see there... heh...
[EGO251] Roger: I'm still going to need to inspect its contents, though.
Ned: Oh, well... I...
Ned: ...I ...don't have...
Ned: The keys!
Ned: So there! Heheh...
[EGO252] Roger: Hmm... but who does?
Ned: Oh, I... uh...
Ned: I don't know! Heh...
[EGO253] Roger: And I suppose you also don't know anybody who might know?
Ned: Well... Bingo!
Ned: Heheheh...

[EGO245] Roger: Hmm, you seem rather nervous.
Ned: Me? Oh, heheheh...
Ned: Well... yes.
[EGO254] Roger: You're not hiding something terribly incriminating in that big closet there, are you?
Ned: Oh... *gulp*
Ned: Heheh...
Ned: ...what? No, definitely not!
Ned: I mean... why should I? Heheheh...
[EGO255] Roger: Hmm...

[EGO246] Roger: Why do you start every sentence with "Oh"?
Ned: Oh, I'm...
Ned: ...oh...
Ned: Heheh, that's a... just a habit, I suppose.
Ned: Heh...
[EGO256] Roger: Well, stop it. I'm starting to get Cheerios on the brain.
Ned: Oh.

[EGO247] Roger: Can I get a permit for leaving the camp?
Ned: Oh, geez - I don't know. I'm not supposed to hand these things out to anyone.
[EGO257] Roger: Come on, be a pal!
Ned: Sorry - I'm in enough trouble as it is.

[EGO248] Roger: Say, about that favor...
Ned: Yes?
[EGO258] Roger: Would you happen to be able to get me a permit for leaving the camp?
Ned: But you don't need one, you can walk right out.
[EGO259] Roger: It's not for me, it's for doctor Nelzo.
Ned: Hmm... well, sure, I can get you a blank permit, but it won't be worth anything without the Colonel's signature...
Ned: ...and there's no way he's going to let the doctor go, especially now that he's got the...
Ned: ...the condition.
[EGO260] Roger: What condition?
Ned: No one knows.
Ned: All I know is it makes him even crankier than usual.
[EGO261] Roger: Oh, boy.
[EGO262] Roger: Still though, I'd take one of those blanks.
Ned: Sure.
[EGO263] Roger: Hmm, you keep all your papers in your pockets?
Ned: Yeah.
[EGO264] Roger: Aren't there like, hundreds of those?
Ned: You have no idea how much stuff I can fit in there.
[EGO265] Roger: Actually... I think I do.

[EGO249] Roger: Goodbye.
Ned: Oh... uh... talk to you later! hehehe...

Dialog: dShipGuard

[EGO266] Roger: Could I go past the ship, please?
Ship Guard: No.
[EGO196] Roger: Why? (Duplicate)
Ship Guard: No one is to approach the general's ship.

[EGO267] Roger: Can I go past now?
Ship Guard: This area is off-limits.
[EGO196] Roger: Why? (Duplicate)
Ship Guard: No one is to approach the general's ship.
[EGO270] Roger: What ship?
Ship Guard: It's... cloaked right now.
[EGO271] Roger: No, I'm sure it's gone...
[EGO272] Roger: Look, just let me walk through it.
Ship Guard: Sorry, no can do, the ship's off-limits.
[EGO273] Roger: But there is NO ship!
Tacobelian Guard: ¡Es un idioto muy grande!

[EGO268] Roger: What's up with him? He looks a little quiet.
Ship Guard: He's a foreigner from the Tacobelian quadrant.
Ship Guard: We got him through the EMEP.
[EGO274] Roger: The EMEP?
Ship Guard: Expendable Minion Exchange Program.
Ship Guard: He doesn't even speak Intergalactic English - just some kind of strange alien gibberish we can't make out.
Tacobelian Guard: ¡Hola, señor!
[EGO275] Roger: ¡Hola!
[EGO276] Roger: ¿Como estás?
Tacobelian Guard: Muy bien, gracias.
Tacobelian Guard: ¿Es tu primera vez en Radonio?
[EGO277] Roger: ¡Si! ¡Estoy helado!
Tacobelian Guard: ¡Ha ha ha! ¡Si, si!
Ship Guard: You understand what he's saying?
[EGO278] Roger: Not a word.
[EGO279] Roger: He sure seems to react to these noises I'm making, though.
Tacobelian Guard: ¡Mierda!

[EGO269] Roger: Keep those trigger fingers supple, guys.

Dialog: dPastShip

[EGO280] Roger: The general?
Ship Guard: Yes, general Forksmith is visiting the boot camp to examine a strange object recently discovered in the area.
[EGO284] Roger: What kind of an object?
Ship Guard: I was not told.

[EGO281] Roger: What if I just go around the ship?
Ship Guard: Yeah, I'm not falling for that one again.

[EGO282] Roger: But my family lives over there!
Ship Guard: Hey, a lot of people's families live over there.
[EGO285] Roger: Denied!

[EGO283] Roger: Never mind then.

Dialog: dRodney

[EGO290] Roger: Hey.
Rodney: Howdy there.

[EGO286] Roger: I'm Ridgenald Borstein, the health inspector.
Rodney: Mah naym's Rodney, and I'm...
Rodney: ...wait, d'chu say... a health inspector?
[EGO291] Roger: Uh... yeah.
Rodney: Oh bwoy! You gotta help me!
[EGO292] Roger: Hmm, what kind of help do you have in mind?
Rodney: You's gots to give me a health inspection!
[EGO293] Roger: A what now?
Rodney: Ye know! Like a doctor's check-up!

[EGO287] Roger: I give you a check-up, and you'll let me in the sewers, right?
Rodney: Yeap. As soon as you get that doctor thing outta there first.
[EGO294] Roger: Yeah... ...what?
Rodney: Well, you'll have to get him out of that tent first.

[EGO288] Roger: Hmm, okay... let's suppose I do give you a 'health inspection'. But what's in it for me?
Rodney: Anything you wants!
[EGO295] Roger: Hmm... anything?
Rodney: Well, anything that I can does for ya.
[EGO296] Roger: Hmm... well, there is one thing...
Rodney: Yes?
[EGO297] Roger: But I don't suppose you could...

[EGO114] Roger: So... (Duplicate)
Rodney: So...
[EGO298] Roger: See that Orats game last week?
Rodney: Helluva game. Helluva game.
[EGO299] Roger: Orats got a great team this year.
Rodney: They's gonna go all the way.
[EGO300] Roger: Ah-Yep.
Rodney: Uh-huh.
Rodney: Can I have another check-up?
[EGO301] Roger: I'm leaving now.
Rodney: (Call me.)

[EGO289] Roger: I have a bad feeling talking to you would be bad for my health.
Rodney: I git that a lot!

Dialog: dCol

[EGO306] Roger: Hello there. I'm a health inspector. Vohaul sent me to inspect the camp and...
Ape Colonel: I'm very busy right now, so get right to the point.

[EGO302] Roger: Say, nice day we're having, huh?
Ape Colonel: I consider the wasting of my time a crime punishable by death.

[EGO303] Roger: Could you order that big gate to be opened?
[EGO307] Roger: I need to go and inspect the fortress.
Ape Colonel: No you don't.
[EGO308] Roger: Why not?
Ape Colonel: Because that's Vohaul's domain. He wouldn't hire you to inspect his own filth.
[EGO309] Roger: Oh, really?
Ape Colonel: Yes. If you worked for Vohaul, you should have known that. But you didn't, so you're most likely a spy.
Ape Colonel: And a stupid one as well.

[EGO304] Roger: I would be interested in getting a permit for the Doctor to leave the camp.
Ape Colonel: No.
Narrator: That went quite well, actually. Considering you're still alive.

[EGO305] Roger: I'll just be going now.

Dialog: dNelzo

[EGO310] Roger: I'm Ridgenald Borstein, health inspector.
Dr. Nelzo: Inspecting the base, eh? I'm Doctor Nelzo, but you can call me Nelzo.
[EGO316] Roger: Okay, ...Nelzo. You're not from around here, are you?
Dr. Nelzo: You can say that again. In fact, I'm not even from this universe.
[EGO317] Roger: Not from this universe? What do you mean?
Dr. Nelzo: You see, I'm a pan-dimensional meta-phasic hologram, projected here via a trans-mutagenic anomaly in a conjoined black hole.
Dr. Nelzo: What your consciousness perceives right now is merely a simplified approximation of my true essence.
Dr. Nelzo: In its full form, it would instantly burst your primitive three-dimensional brain.
[EGO318] Roger: Whoa, really?
Dr. Nelzo: No! Heheheh, almost had ya there.
[EGO319] Roger: Had me where?
Dr. Nelzo: Never mind.
Dr. Nelzo: Anyway, my home planet is actually only about twenty lightyears down the block, and to the right.
Dr. Nelzo: You can almost see my house from here on a clear night.
[EGO6] Roger: Really? (Duplicate)
Dr. Nelzo: No!
[EGO320] Roger: Bah.

[EGO311] Roger: Say, what would it take to get you to leave this tent for, say, fifteen minutes?
Dr. Nelzo: What for?
[EGO321] Roger: Let's just say there's an apeman who is somewhat afraid of you and--
Dr. Nelzo: Rodney? Let me guess... he convinced you to give him a medical check-up?
[EGO322] Roger: Yeah! How'd you know?
Dr. Nelzo: You're not the first. But I'm afraid I can't help you there.
[EGO308] Roger: Why not? (Duplicate)
Dr. Nelzo: I can't stay outside for very long. My species is very sensitive to cold.
[EGO323] Roger: Hmm... don't you have a coat or anything?
Dr. Nelzo: Had one, but then some of the apes borrowed it for a game of caveball and I haven't seen it since.
[EGO324] Roger: Why would they need a coat for a ball game?
Dr. Nelzo: Obviously you've never seen a game of caveball.
[EGO325] Roger: Right. So, I don't suppose you have anywhere else to go?
Dr. Nelzo: Nope. Nowhere on this planet, at least.
[EGO326] Roger: But...?
Dr. Nelzo: Well, this isn't exactly my favorite workplace, as you might imagine.
Dr. Nelzo: The job description wasn't exactly accurate.
Dr. Nelzo: So if there was a way I could leave this planet, I could start over elsewhere.
[EGO327] Roger: Then why don't you just go?
Dr. Nelzo: I can't! You think Vohaul and the apes would just let me walk out after all the trouble they went through to lure me here?
Dr. Nelzo: I'd need a special permit signed by the Colonel just to step outside the gates.
Dr. Nelzo: And even if I somehow did get the permit, I'd need a spaceship as well.
Dr. Nelzo: So I'm pretty much stuck here for all eternity.
[EGO328] Roger: But... what if I were to somehow get you a spaceship and such a permit?
Dr. Nelzo: Heh, both a spaceship and a permit? You gotta be kidding me!
Dr. Nelzo: But yeah, sure, you get me those two, I'll leave the tent, and you can have all my equipment, too!
[EGO329] Roger: Sounds like a deal.

[EGO312] Roger: What were you trying to sell me before?
Dr. Nelzo: Oh, just some special miracle growth formula. Of course, a manly man like you doesn't need it - am I right?
[EGO330] Roger: Get to the point - how much?
Dr. Nelzo: 500 buckazoids with discount.
[EGO331] Roger: I don't have that much!
Dr. Nelzo: Look, it's all I can do to make money on the side up here. The apes go crazy for this stuff!
[EGO332] Roger: Can I have a free sample?
Dr. Nelzo: Ha ha ha!

[EGO313] Roger: Where can I get a permit?
Dr. Nelzo: I think there's a lawyer around the camp somewhere, goes by the name of Ned.
Dr. Nelzo: He's the one who handles all the paperwork.
Dr. Nelzo: Of course, you'll need the Colonel to sign it before I can actually leave.

[EGO314] Roger: Do you know where I can find a spaceship?
Dr. Nelzo: The only one I've seen land around here is the general's.
Dr. Nelzo: It's parked just outside the south gate.

[EGO315] Roger: I'll leave you be.

Dialog: dBootGuard

[EGO335] Roger: Hey there.
Entrance Guard: Hey. ...say, you look kind of familiar...
[EGO336] Roger: I... do? *gulp*
Entrance Guard: Hmm, wait... no.
Entrance Guard: I was thinking of someone who doesn't have a moustache.
Entrance Guard: So what do you want?
[EGO337] Roger: I was wondering if I could take a look inside...
Entrance Guard: Do you have an ID?
[EGO338] Roger: Of course I do - here you go.
Entrance Guard: *gulp*
Entrance Guard: Oh... you're a health inspector?
[EGO339] Roger: Indeed. Vohaul sent me to make sure this camp is up to code.
Entrance Guard: Ah... er...
Entrance Guard: ...well, in that case... where's your clipboard?
[EGO340] Roger: My... clipboard?
Entrance Guard: Yes! Every health inspector has a clipboard!
[EGO341] Roger: Are you sure?
Entrance Guard: Heck yeah! We're not falling for that one again.
Comment: Monkey Island reference
Entrance Guard: Couple weeks ago, a guy claiming to be a flooring inspector came by and turned out to be an undercover pirate.
[EGO342] Roger: And he didn't have a clipboard?
Entrance Guard: He said his parrot was taking notes, and that pretty much clued us in.

[EGO333] Roger: Ermmm...
[EGO343] Roger: You know what? Just remembered...
[EGO344] Roger: I left my clipboard in my other pair of pants!
[EGO345] Roger: I'll be right back.
Entrance Guard: No need to hurry.

[EGO334] Roger: Well, in that case, here's my clipboard.

Dialog: dYesNo

[EGO346] Roger: No.

[EGO163] Roger: Yes. (Duplicate)

[EGO347] Roger: Actually, I do. What's the worst that could happen?

[EGO348] Roger: Could you excuse me for a moment?
Entrance Guard: Sure.

Dialog: dYesNoB

[EGO346] Roger: No. (Duplicate)

[EGO163] Roger: Yes. (Duplicate)

[EGO348] Roger: Could you excuse me for a moment? (Duplicate)
Entrance Guard: Sure.

Dialog: dYesNoC

[EGO163] Roger: Yes. (Duplicate)

[EGO346] Roger: No. (Duplicate)

[EGO348] Roger: Could you excuse me for a moment? (Duplicate)
Entrance Guard: Sure.

Dialog: dYesNoD

[EGO349] Roger: Perhaps not.

[EGO163] Roger: Yes. (Duplicate)

[EGO216] Roger: What? (Duplicate)
Entrance Guard: Are you quite really very most indeedly sure?

[EGO350] Roger: I believe I am.

[EGO351] Roger: No!

[EGO348] Roger: Could you excuse me for a moment? (Duplicate)
Entrance Guard: Sure.

Dialog: dYesNoE

[EGO352] Roger: I would say what?
Entrance Guard: So you would NOT say 'No' to a cup of tea?

[EGO163] Roger: Yes. (Duplicate)

[EGO346] Roger: No. (Duplicate)

[EGO353] Roger: I agree.

[EGO354] Roger: I disagree.

[EGO348] Roger: Could you excuse me for a moment? (Duplicate)
Entrance Guard: Sure.

Dialog: dYesNoF

[EGO355] Roger: Hmmm... okay, then!

[EGO356] Roger: Could you repeat that?
Entrance Guard: I implore you to reconsider.

[EGO357] Roger: No. Seriously.
Comment: Father Ted reference.
[EGO358] Roger: Even if it actually is just regular tea, I have this very rare allergic medical condition...
[EGO359] Roger: ...if I drink any tea at all, there's a 70 percent chance I'll die.

[EGO348] Roger: Could you excuse me for a moment? (Duplicate)
Entrance Guard: Sure.

Dialog: dYesNoG

Entrance Guard: Well, I'll pour you a cup anyway!
[EGO363] Roger: No, really...
Entrance Guard: Are you saying that tea isn't something you wouldn't want to not drink right now?

[EGO360] Roger: No, I'm not.

[EGO361] Roger: Exactly!

[EGO356] Roger: Could you repeat that? (Duplicate)
Entrance Guard: Are you saying that tea isn't something you wouldn't want to not drink right now?

[EGO362] Roger: Nice try, but NO!

[EGO348] Roger: Could you excuse me for a moment? (Duplicate)
Entrance Guard: Sure.

Dialog: dYesNoH

[EGO364] Roger: Ummm...yes?

[EGO365] Roger:

[EGO366] Roger: I'm hugely confused...
Entrance Guard: Wouldn't I not be diswrong...
Entrance Guard: ...if I didn't unassume that you wouldn't not be dislying if you didn't unsay...
Entrance Guard: ...that you didn't not unwant to not unhave a not too big a non-sip of the untea?

[EGO367] Roger: Alright!!! Give me the darn tea!!!

[EGO368] Roger: Quite frankly, I believe you wouldn't be diswrong...
[EGO369] Roger: ...if you did assume that tea wasn't not the undrink that would be in-dis-un-non-wantable...
[EGO370] Roger: the not me in case it weren't not to be unsaid...
[EGO371] Roger: ...that not to be wanting a drink would not be a disthinkable unwanting of the third degree.

[EGO348] Roger: Could you excuse me for a moment? (Duplicate)
Entrance Guard: Sure.

Dialog: dYesNoI

[EGO136] Roger: Sure. (Duplicate)

[EGO346] Roger: No. (Duplicate)

Dialog: dApeKid

[EGO372] Roger: So you're an ape kid, huh? Don't see many of you around.
Rupert: Yeah, daddy says most of us are genetically replicated in Vohaul's labs.
[EGO374] Roger: What does that mean?
Rupert: I don't know, I'm a kid!

[EGO373] Roger: Forget it.
Rupert: Forget what?

Dialog: dPuzzle

[EGO383] Roger: Could I borrow that puzzle of yours?
Rupert: No, I'm playing with it.
[EGO384] Roger: Would you trade it in for...

[EGO375] Roger: This totally cool bucket?
Rupert: No, it's got holes in it.

[EGO376] Roger: This super stealthy lockpick?
Rupert: Dad! This man is trying to sway my young easily-influenced mind to the dark path of crime!
Entrance Guard: What?! That's my job!

[EGO377] Roger: These nifty fortress blueprints?
Rupert: Dad! This man is attempting to smuggle me some top secret documents that he cannot possibly be authorized to possess!
Entrance Guard: Nobody likes a tattle-tale, son!

[EGO378] Roger: This awesome piece of spaceship viewshield glass?
Rupert: Whoa, is that Triple-Thick Nanotube Velcro Glass?
[EGO385] Roger: Nope, just a piece of Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass.
Rupert: Bah, everybody's got one of those.

[EGO379] Roger: Some candy?
Rupert: Ooh, yeah! Gimme!
[EGO386] Roger: Except I don't have candy.
Entrance Guard: Do NOT give him sugar!
Rupert: Awww... but I need my sugar fix!

[EGO380] Roger: My undying friendship?
Rupert: No way. Then I'd have to see you all the time.

[EGO381] Roger: My biggest secret?
Rupert: I bet it's something lame.
[EGO387] Roger: Wow, you're good.

[EGO382] Roger: My soul?
Rupert: Sure! I'm starving!
[EGO242] Roger: On second thought, never mind. (Duplicate)
Rupert: Wretched mortal!

[EGO373] Roger: Forget it. (Duplicate)
Rupert: Forget what?

Dialog: dMinilith

[EGO335] Roger: Hey there. (Duplicate)
General Forksmith: Wha--? Oh, yeah... hi.
[EGO392] Roger: Say, what's that thing you've got here?
General Forksmith: This is, uh... wait, who are you?
[EGO393] Roger: Ridgenald Borstein, health inspector.
General Forksmith: Gah... you inspectors and your health...
General Forksmith: Back in my day, we didn't need no bloody inspection in the army.
General Forksmith: Heck, we ate each other's fleas for fun!
General Forksmith: Heck, we still do!
[EGO394] Roger: Uhh... yeah, that's... interesting.

[EGO388] Roger: So what's that black thing?
General Forksmith: Ah, this...
General Forksmith: Well... I'm not really sure.
General Forksmith: A group of soldiers were jumping around and chanting at it earlier - said it fell out of the sky. They called me down to investigate.
General Forksmith: Seems like an ordinary rock at first, but something about it seems to call out to us.
General Forksmith: What do you think it is? An ancient alien artifact? A gift from the ape-gods?
[EGO395] Roger: A broken piece of satellite?
General Forksmith: I'm going to have to open it.
[EGO396] Roger: It doesn't look very... openable to me.
General Forksmith: A-ha! You see, boy, this is why I'm a general and you're a...
[EGO397] Roger: Health inspector.
General Forksmith: ...whatever.
General Forksmith: See, I've got the smarts. I know when something needs to be opened, just by looking at it.
General Forksmith: Now why don't you get me something to smash this thing open with?

[EGO389] Roger: Have you tried explosives?
General Forksmith: Pah! First thing I thought of!
General Forksmith: But of course, nowadays they have reg-gu-lay-schuns for that sort of thing. No excessive destruction in populated areas, they say.
General Forksmith: Health hazards, noise levels, limited resources...
General Forksmith: They're taking all the fun out of the military, I'm tellin' ya.
General Forksmith: Makes an old man want to hang his uniform, settle down in a cheap retirement home and just talk weird for a couple o' years, waiting for the big one.
General Forksmith: Now, if only I had a tool o' some sort. Then I could make this doohickey regret it ever cropped up in *my* camp.

[EGO390] Roger: Why are there so few soldiers in this camp?
General Forksmith: This used to be the main camp when the fortress was being built.
General Forksmith: Now it's just more of a security barrier and storage area for stuff we find lying around in the wasteland.
General Forksmith: Most of the apes are either scouting the area or busy with the whole detonite mining.
[EGO398] Roger: Detonite?
General Forksmith: Yeah, that stuff they found on the moon--
General Forksmith: Hold on a sec, why am I telling you all this?
[EGO399] Roger: Err...
General Forksmith: Be quiet, you.
General Forksmith: I've got important things to do here.

[EGO391] Roger: Well, I don't want to distract you...
General Forksmith: Whuh??
[EGO400] Roger: I said I don't want to distract you...
General Forksmith: I don't care.

Dialog: dColDeath

[EGO401] Roger: Death? Surely you must be joking!
Ape Colonel: No.

[EGO405] Roger: Heh, funny thing you mentioned that, it just happens to remind me of an old story...

[EGO402] Roger: Hmm, you know, I never realized that, but 'crime' and 'time' rhyme.
[EGO406] Roger: And, hey! So does 'rhyme'!
[EGO407] Roger: That's amazing! Isn't that amazing?

[EGO403] Roger: Ohh, somebody sure is cranky today! What'd you do, get your panties in a twist?

[EGO404] Roger: Right, let's talk business.

Dialog: dColPermit

[EGO410] Roger: Could you sign this, please?
Ape Colonel: Hmm, what is it?

[EGO408] Roger: It's a permit for the Doctor to leave the camp.
Ape Colonel: Hmm. You shouldn't have one.

[EGO409] Roger: It's the health inspection report.
Ape Colonel: Hmm... that's odd, they're usually much larger...
[EGO411] Roger: Uh, no need to pay attention to the details, you can just sign--
Ape Colonel: Hang on, this is a permit. You shouldn't have one.

Dialog: dColClip

[EGO414] Roger: I need another signature on this.
Ape Colonel: Beg pardon?
[EGO410] Roger: Could you sign this, please? (Duplicate)
Ape Colonel: Hmm, what is it?

[EGO412] Roger: It's the permit for the Doctor to leave the camp.
[EGO415] Roger: ...pasted on a clipboard in order to fool you into thinking it's the health inspection report and signing it.
Ape Colonel: Hmm. You know, that's not a bad idea at all.
[EGO416] Roger: You think so?
Ape Colonel: Yeah. I'm pretty sure it would've worked too.
[EGO417] Roger: Awesome.
Ape Colonel: There's only one problem, though.
[EGO418] Roger: I... um... I shouldn't have told you about it?
Ape Colonel: Precisely.
[EGO419] Roger: Oh well. Better luck next time, eh?
Ape Colonel: Wait... what next time?

[EGO413] Roger: It's a feedback form for a beach resort.
Ape Colonel: Keep it.

[EGO409] Roger: It's the health inspection report. (Duplicate)
Ape Colonel: Ah. I'm too busy to read it, though.
Ape Colonel: What does it say?

Dialog: dColInspection

[EGO420] Roger: Well, I'm going to have to be honest with you...
[EGO423] Roger: It's obvious that the base hasn't been properly cleaned in months, the apes never wash themselves...
[EGO424] Roger: And I'm not even going to start with what's in that closet.
[EGO425] Roger: When I get this to Vohaul, you're in some deep trouble.
Ape Colonel: Hmm. Even more trouble than for, say, the murder of a health inspector which might not even be discovered?
[EGO426] Roger: Well... I suppose, yes.
[EGO427] Roger: Why do you ask?

[EGO421] Roger: It reads: "Robot Al's Beach Resort - Feedback Form"...
[EGO428] Roger: ...and then there are some weird questions about the service and checkboxes for answers.

[EGO429] Roger: There's also a permit of some sort pasted on it.
Ape Colonel: Are you trying to trick me?
[EGO430] Roger: ...No?
Ape Colonel: I'll take that as a "yes".

[EGO422] Roger: Why, it just so happens to say that everything is perfectly up to code...
[EGO431] Roger: ...and fully compliant with even the strictest intergalactic regulations!
Ape Colonel: Hmm, that sounds about right. Where do I sign?
[EGO432] Roger: Right here...

Narrator: You watch as the Colonel signs the permit on the clipboard
[EGO232] Roger: Thanks! (Duplicate)

Dialog: dLibrarian

[EGO440] Roger: Hey hey hey, what's up, home fry?
Archivist: Don't you give me any of that young flim-flam. I ain't having it today.

[EGO433] Roger: So, this is a library, eh?
Archivist: Yeah, used to be. We apes used to be quite well read until that Never Kenezer fellow came along and said it would be more efficient to use this place as storage for all their other junk.
Archivist: Then he put me in charge of handling the fortress' taxes. It's been hell since.

[EGO434] Roger: Can I have that box of stuff on your desk?
Archivist: No! I haven't checked that in yet!
[EGO441] Roger: But I think it's mine.
Archivist: This stuff was confiscated off one of the prisoners. It's going into lock-up as soon as I'm done with this.

[EGO435] Roger: But I'M that prisoner!
Archivist: Oh, I see. And... you've escaped?
[EGO442] Roger: Umm... suppose I have?
Archivist: Then I suppose I would call for the... GUARDS!
[EGO443] Roger: They're on evac.
Archivist: I'm getting too old for this crap.
Archivist: Would you kindly go lock yourself back up?
[EGO136] Roger: Sure. (Duplicate)

[EGO436] Roger: I'd like to check something out.
Archivist: Do you have a 27B-6 check-out form?
[EGO444] Roger: No, but I would very much like to get one!
Archivist: Uggghhh... fine. Let me see if I have any...

[EGO437] Roger: Can I play around with your photocopier?
Archivist: No, you may not PLAY with it.
[EGO445] Roger: Can I USE it, then?
Archivist: Are you going to scan your rear end?
[EGO446] Roger: Ye... errr... no.
Archivist: Good. Knock yourself out.

[EGO438] Roger: You do realize this place is about to explode, right?
Archivist: What about it?
[EGO447] Roger: Well, shouldn't you... you know... leave?
Archivist: Are you mad? These books aren't going to check themselves in!
[EGO448] Roger: The books are about to get blown up!
Archivist: Then I'll just have to work faster, won't I?

[EGO439] Roger: I'll be going now.
Archivist: You'd better. I've eaten people's legs.

Dialog: dPenguin

[EGO449] Roger: What are you doing down here?
Penguin: Blargh! This is my humble domicile!
Penguin: What you hide, I discover. What you put in your toilet, I place on my mantle. Get the picture?
[EGO456] Roger: Not everything, right?
[EGO457] Roger: Lovely.
[EGO458] Roger: But what ARE you doing down here? What's with all the penguins?
Penguin: Pah! The apes drove our family from the surface years ago!
Penguin: I was forced to evolve and make a home here in the sewers for my feathery friends.

[EGO459] Roger: See? We have a common enemy! I'm against the apes too!
[EGO460] Roger: Just let me past so I can go under the gate and defeat them!
Penguin: Pshaw! As far as I know, you're in league with the apes!
Penguin: Probably lost your security pass and you're sneaking back into work.
[EGO461] Roger: No! Believe me! I'd never go through this much trouble for work! I'm a terrible procrastinator!
[EGO462] Roger: Check my resume! I have references!
Penguin: You're not getting through here, human!

[EGO450] Roger: Say, isn't it mildly annoying to constantly have that water dripping on your head?
Penguin: Grrrrrr!!!

[EGO451] Roger: I have no quarrel with you, good sir, but I must cross this sewer.
Penguin: Forget it! If I can't inconvenience you in one way, I shall inconvenience you in another!
[EGO463] Roger: Does this have anything to do with you being a miserable old coot?
Penguin: That, plus I'm really mad that there's sewage water dripping on my head.
[EGO464] Roger: You could shift over a few inches.
Penguin: And sit on the cold part of the pillow? Forget it!

[EGO452] Roger: I'll pay you! How much do you want?
Penguin: 50,000 buckazoids. Or something of equivalent value. Whatcha got?
[EGO465] Roger: Uh... how about a bucket? You could wear it like a fez. You'd look pretty good, and the girls would dig it!
Penguin: Buckets aren't in fashion this season.
[EGO466] Roger: Your loss.

[EGO453] Roger: Can I have one of your penguins?
Penguin: These penguins are my brethren! They belong to no one!
[EGO467] Roger: So if I stole one, you wouldn't mind?
Penguin: I suppose not.

[EGO454] Roger: Do the Spewters give you much trouble?
Penguin: Why would they give me trouble?
[EGO468] Roger: They fart poisonous gas and eat things alive.
Penguin: Haven't we all?
[EGO469] Roger: No. Some of us aren't lucky enough to be that high up on the food chain.

[EGO455] Roger: I'd love to stay and chat, but...
Penguin: Yeah, whatever.

Dialog: dVohThrone

[EGO470] Roger: Why couldn't you just leave us alone?
[EGO476] Roger: I mean, seriously - you could've blown up the galaxy with us in it long before we even knew you were still alive.
[EGO477] Roger: And yet, you drag us all the way here.
Vohaul: Weren't you paying attention at the hologram room? This is part of my REVENGE.
Beatrice: What's all this hologram talk I'm hearing about?
Vohaul: You mean he hasn't even told you?
Vohaul: Oh, this will be interesting.
Beatrice: What is he talking about, Roger?
[EGO478] Roger: Oh, yeah... see, down on the surface, I thought I'd already caught Vohaul, but the whole thing was just a hologram and then the apes threw me in jail.
Beatrice: And that was it?
[EGO479] Roger: Uh... pretty much, yeah.
Vohaul: You're leaving out the bit where you had to choose between rescuing Beatrice or the Furkunz.

[EGO480] Roger: Oh, that's right! I chose to save you, of course, Beatrice! There's nothing more important to me in the whole universe!
Beatrice: You mean you endangered those helpless creatures because you thought I couldn't take care of myself?

[EGO481] Roger: Oh... right... see, I was certain that you could take care of yourself and thought I'd save the Furkunz real quick before I--
Beatrice: What??!!!
[EGO482] Roger: Well, you always say that--
Beatrice: Your own pregnant wife-to-be is about to die and all you can think of is some furry critters you just met?

[EGO483] Roger: Ah, yes! See, I really thought outside the box on that one and attacked Vohaul instead!
Beatrice: You mean you had a chance to save one of us and picked the only option that doomed us all?
[EGO484] Roger: Well... I... uh...
Beatrice: I'm really disappointed in you, Roger Wilco.
Vohaul: Yeah. Shame on you.
[EGO485] Roger: Okay, okay! But still, why not just kill us with the rest of the galaxy?
Vohaul: What part of 'REVENGE' do you not understand?
Vohaul: The hologram was just the first step in an elaborate series of increasingly diabolical punishments.
Vohaul: It took me two years to plan this whole thing out and get everything prepared!
Vohaul: And then you had to ruin it all by breaking out of jail and confronting me here.
Vohaul: So now I have no choice but to kill you in self-defense.

[EGO471] Roger: What's with this 'Moon bomb'?
Vohaul: Perhaps my most brilliant scheme ever concocted.
Vohaul: See, once we place the charges on the core, we have our ships tow the moon out into the middle of an unsuspecting galaxy and blow it up!
[EGO486] Roger: And then what?
Vohaul: And then I take over! Vohaul shall reign supreme!
[EGO487] Roger: Take over what?
Vohaul: The galaxy!
[EGO488] Roger: But there won't be anything left!
Vohaul: Meh, we'll burn that bridge when we get to it.

[EGO472] Roger: Did you know Never Kenezer was planning to betray you?
Vohaul: Really?
[EGO489] Roger: Yeah, he's planning to kill you and use the detonite for his cyber army or something.
Vohaul: Hmm. That's a bit of a game-changer.
Vohaul: Although... deep down I always knew it was only a matter of time.
Vohaul: Guess I'll just have to take care of him after I'm done with you.
[EGO490] Roger: Or we could team up and get rid of him together!
Vohaul: Not gonna happen.
[EGO491] Roger: Right.

[EGO473] Roger: Chronologically, wasn't your plan a bit flawed?
Vohaul: How so?
[EGO492] Roger: Well, you said you were going to kill me and my future wife.
[EGO493] Roger: So... my son wouldn't be in Space Quest 12... and your mind would be beamed into a non-existent body.
[EGO494] Roger: And we wouldn't be here right now.
Vohaul: Impressive, Wilco. But I have thought of that.
Vohaul: Your son would not be there to save you in Space Quest 4 either, and you would be dead by the hands of my Sequel Police.
Vohaul: In any case, I win.
[EGO495] Roger: But if I never went into the future and found out about Beatrice being my future wife...
[EGO496] Roger: I wouldn't have enrolled in the Academy and met her, and wouldn't be here to have this conversation in the first place.
Vohaul: Wrong again, Wilco. You see, due to the nature of space-time, it should be noted that...
Narrator: One rather lengthy explanation later...
Vohaul: ...and therefore, even if the chicken did die while crossing the road, the egg would have been genetically synthesized with the DNA from the future, thus completing the loop.
[EGO497] Roger: Oh. It all makes perfect sense if you put it that way.
Vohaul: Exactly, so as you can see, I have nothing to worry about.
[EGO498] Roger: I guess you did do something right.

[EGO474] Roger: Hey, how did you get that hologram done so quickly?
[EGO499] Roger: I'd only just met the Furkunz.
Vohaul: Oh, we had a bunch of different scenarios prepared in advance.
Comment: Gyro pilot - Mad Max reference
Vohaul: I was really hoping you'd run into the gyro pilot and join forces with him instead.
Vohaul: We put a lot of effort into getting the special effects just right for that one, and it was all for nothing.
[EGO76] Roger: Sorry. (Duplicate)

[EGO475] Roger: All right, let's go back to what we were doing.

Dialog: dEndingChoice

[EGO500] Roger: Okay, fine. Let's save Vohaul.

[EGO501] Roger: Sorry. Vohaul's had his chance.
[EGO502] Roger: Hey... you're not gonna put another hamster in him if we leave, are you?
Ape Scientist: Don't worry. We've learned our lesson.
Ape Scientist: Vohaul is gone for good.
[EGO503] Roger: Allright. Let's go, Beatrice.

Dialog: dVohKid

[EGO504] Roger: Vohaul? Since when did you have a childhood?

[EGO505] Roger: Vohaul! Whatever you do - do NOT use your juice to finish the formula!

[EGO506] Roger: You shouldn't be playing with this chemistry set without your parents around, young man.

[EGO507] Roger: So what's your family like?

[EGO345] Roger: I'll be right back. (Duplicate)

Dialog: dVohTeen

[EGO508] Roger: Vohaul? Since when did you ever work in Monolith Burger?

[EGO509] Roger: Your next customer is going to want a Mini and all you've got is a Jumbo. You should order one up right away.
Monolith Vohaul: Don't worry. When a customer wants something, I'll just ring up Steve in the back. I trust him.

[EGO510] Roger: Why aren't the Space Spuds salted?
Monolith Vohaul: The pot's out of salt.
[EGO516] Roger: Don't we have any more salt?
Monolith Vohaul: Yeah. It's in the stockroom of course, but I can't leave the tills to go and get it. Don't worry, though - Charbie should be able to get it after his break.

[EGO511] Roger: Why is the Tango© flat?
Monolith Vohaul: The Tango© isn't flat! We just hooked up a new CO2 tank!
[EGO517] Roger: Maybe you should turn it on?
Monolith Vohaul: I'm pretty sure it's already on. Charbie said he installed it himself.

[EGO512] Roger: Why aren't you serving MonoFlairy's?
Monolith Vohaul: The machine is broken.
[EGO518] Roger: Why haven't you fixed it?
Monolith Vohaul: Steve lost the schematics that are supposed to be posted on the inside of the door. We must be the only Monolith Burger in the universe without them, so we can't do anything with it.

[EGO513] Roger: Aren't you going to clean up that spillage?
Monolith Vohaul: I would, but I can't leave the till. I hope Charbie gets off his break soon.
[EGO519] Roger: How long has he been on break?
Monolith Vohaul: Five hours. He'd better hurry up - his shift is almost over.

[EGO514] Roger: There's a manager on the way who is going to do a surprise review of the store!
Monolith Vohaul: You can't fool me that easily. Customers tell me that every day just to get better service - but I'm already doing my best to make sure their stay is a pleasant one.
[EGO520] Roger: You're quite the model employee!
Monolith Vohaul: If I'm lucky, I could get promoted to assistant manager!

[EGO515] Roger: Nothing for me, thanks.

Dialog: dVohBeach

[EGO521] Roger: Vohaul? Since when did you ever have a girlfriend?

[EGO522] Roger: Vohaul! Some big guy named Bronze is coming to get you!
Beach Vohaul: Bronze? Bronze doesn't scare me. Can the The Bronze complete the Dungeon of Agroroth with only a +5 Maceblade and come out with double experience points?
[EGO525] Roger: No, but he can probably smash your head in pretty good.
Beach Vohaul: I laugh in the face of trolls like him! Ha ha ha!

[EGO523] Roger: That's a cute chick. You should really ask her out. Like, right now.
Beach Vohaul: Mary Jane? Yeah, she sure is swell. But a hot girl like her would never go out with me. She's probably got a million boyfriends or something.
[EGO526] Roger: Nope. She's single and waiting for you to ask her out.
Beach Vohaul: I don't know... what if I mess up and spit on her or something? And for that matter, who the heck are you and why do you seem so familiar?

[EGO524] Roger: Be cool, man.

Dialog: dVohBeach2

[EGO527] Roger: My name's Roger. I've entered your mind and been messing around in your memories.
Beach Vohaul: You mean none of this is real?! Ooh! Am I on that TV show "Inception'd?"
Beach Vohaul: How many dream layers have we gone down? Am I under sedation? Why isn't Mary Jane a train yet?
Beach Vohaul: Hi, mom! Hi, dad! Look at me! I'm on TV!
[EGO530] Roger: We'll be right back after these messages.

[EGO528] Roger: I'm your guidance counselor. If you don't ask this girl out right now, I will guide your head right into the sand and counsel some sand onto it.
Beach Vohaul: You? Ha! The only advice my guidance counselor ever gave me was not to become a guidance counselor. Besides, I could totally take you, old man.

[EGO529] Roger: My name is Al. I'm a hologram sent back in time to make sure you get the girl.
Beach Vohaul: And what happens if I get the girl?
[EGO531] Roger: Then my mission will be complete and I will be able to make the final leap home.
Beach Vohaul: I'd like to help you out, Al, but I think there's someone else who needs you more than I do.
[EGO126] Roger: Who? (Duplicate)
Crab: Al! Finally! You've got to help me! I leaped into a crab's body and now the seagulls are trying to get me!
[EGO532] Roger: Oh, I... ummm...
Crab: Yaaaa! Here they come again!
[EGO533] Roger: I'm sure he'll be fine.

Dialog: dMonkeyBack

[EGO534] Roger: Rodney?! What the heck are you doing here?!
Rodney: Ah'm eatin' a Granola bar. Y'want some?
[EGO539] Roger: I mean, what are you doing inside Sludge Vohaul's subconsciousness?
[EGO540] Roger: Did the scientist send you in too?
Rodney: Nah, I'm the monkey-on-his-back.
Rodney: Y'can ignores me - Ah'm just a figment of Vohaul's imag'neshun.

[EGO535] Roger: If you're a monkey-on-his-back, why are you on the shoulder?
Rodney: Ah'm on break.

[EGO536] Roger: If you're not the real Rodney, why did you call me Mr. Borstein?
Rodney: Ain't that'cher name?
[EGO541] Roger: No, I'm Roger Wilco!
Rodney: Oh, so YOU's Roger Wilco!
Rodney: I was wond'rin' why there was so many dead Mr. Borsteins in here.
[EGO542] Roger: If you were made up by Vohaul, you should've known who I am.
Rodney: Look, yer ridin' on the back o' a giant killer Vohaul inside his own subcunshn'ness, carryin' a magical crystal squeegee...
Rodney: And talkin' ta someone you gave a rectal exam to five hours ago.
Rodney: If anythin', logic wents out ta' window ages ago, Mr. Borstein.
[EGO543] Roger: Good point.

[EGO537] Roger: Any idea how to kill this guy?
Rodney: Hmmm... must be a weak spot sum'where.
Rodney: Hav' ya used yer mythic weapon ta hone out 'is weaknesses?
[EGO544] Roger: I don't think it can do that.
Rodney: 'Ow 'bout strikin' 'im in 'is vitals?
[EGO545] Roger: I think that would only make him angry.
Rodney: Hmm... Ah'v got it! Ya hits 'im in the flashin' red spot, waits for 'im to stop spinnin' 'round, then hits 'im again.
Rodney: Repeat three times ta defeat 'im.
[EGO546] Roger: He doesn't have a flashing red spot.
Rodney: Well, th' only other option is ta reason with 'im. Ya needs ta get inside 'is head.
[EGO547] Roger: That doesn't help a bit!
Rodney: Read mah lips: GET INSIDE 'IS HEAD.
[EGO548] Roger: I'm still not following.

[EGO538] Roger: Well, I'm off to slay the giant.
Rodney: 'Ave fun.

Dialog: dStain

[EGO549] Roger: Let me guess: you're the root of all evil?
Evil Stain: MWAHAHAHAHA! That is correct! I am the core of Vohaul's dark essence. All of his hatred and anger stems from me!
[EGO553] Roger: As if there weren't enough bad metaphysical metaphors in this place. I'm surprised I haven't seen a 'Train of Thought' yet.
Evil Stain: We keep that upstairs.

[EGO550] Roger: Why are you doing this to your own memories?!
Evil Stain: Because I am born out of the injustice and cruelty of others! If these memories are changed, I will cease to exist!
[EGO554] Roger: You won't cease to exist. You'll just become a better person. You'll lead a happy life and make lots of friends.
Evil Stain: I am more than content inflicting pain and suffering upon others. I DO NOT NEED YOUR CHARITY!
[EGO555] Roger: We'll see about that.

[EGO551] Roger: You really need to clean out this space between your ears.
Evil Stain: Yeah, I've been meaning to do that. Spiders make for pretty good company, though.

[EGO552] Roger: You're just another stain to be removed.
Evil Stain: How very janitorial of you.

Dialog: dDweeble1

[EGO556] Roger: Where did you get all these weapons?
Dweeble: Military surplus! Once the apes get new weapons, they discard all the old ones in craters, leaving me to forage.
Dweeble: I have enough firepower in here to kickstart a blackhole, and I love it!

[EGO557] Roger: Do you get much business?
Dweeble: Ever since those blasted apes moved in next door, I haven't had a single customer!
[EGO565] Roger: Don't you get all your merchandise from them?
Dweeble: It's a vicious cycle, my friend. A vicious cycle.

[EGO558] Roger: I need guns. Lots of them.
Dweeble: Well, we just got in a whole new shipment of atomic railguns. They used these to gun down warships from across the galaxy back in the battle of Cheesus 7.
[EGO566] Roger: That sounds good...
Dweeble: We've also got a Star Generator sitting around in the back. Its targeting is a bit off, but if you're aiming it at something big, this is the weapon to have.
[EGO567] Roger: Anything liftable, perhaps?
Dweeble: Ah, yes. Your old standard millimeter weapons. Got these nice babies for 25 'zoids a piece.
[EGO568] Roger: I'm a bit strapped for cash...
Dweeble: How much do you have?
[EGO569] Roger: I've got a bucket.
Dweeble: Have a good day, maggot.

[EGO559] Roger: How do you fire guns without any fingers?
Dweeble: With perfect aim! That's how!

[EGO560] Roger: What's with that big cat out by the moon base entrance?
Dweeble: What? You ain't never seen a Moon Cat before?
[EGO570] Roger: No, I've never seen a Moon Cat before.
Dweeble: The moon used to be covered in 'em. Real pests they were, until the monkeys vaporized all but one and put him up to guard their moonbase.
[EGO571] Roger: Are Moon Cats dangerous?
Dweeble: Well, aside from their size, claws, and teeth, they also shoot lasers out of their eyes.
[EGO84] Roger: I see. (Duplicate)

[EGO561] Roger: Tell me again about detonite.
Dweeble: It's the ultimate in mineral-based warfare. In raw form, tiny amounts of it can tear apart a battlefield in seconds, while large amounts can wipe out entire galaxies!
Dweeble: But when refined, it can be used as a shield against explosions and deadly energy attacks!
[EGO572] Roger: So can refined detonite be used to contain a raw detonite explosion?
Dweeble: If anybody's ever field-tested it, we ain't heard back from them.

[EGO562] Roger: About our battle plan...

[EGO563] Roger: Any tips for now that I'm inside the base?
Dweeble: Yes! Deception is the key to outsmarting your enemy!
Dweeble: Plant decoys! Wear disguises! Pull that same stealth-like ingenuity you did with the grenade back there!
Dweeble: And if you need to squeeze information out of your enemy, don't be afraid to use a little force!
Dweeble: It's do or die out on the battlefield, soldier! Now go out and make Dweeble proud!

[EGO564] Roger: Requesting permission to leave, sir!
Dweeble: Dismissed, private!

Dialog: dDweeble2

[EGO573] Roger: Let's talk weapons.
Dweeble: Oh, yeah, about that...
[EGO216] Roger: What? (Duplicate)
Dweeble: We can't really fire any guns around the moonbase, Vohaul had the apes install gunfire detectors all around the place and wired them to my shop. Any one of them goes off and my entire life is blown to smithereens!
[EGO577] Roger: So... we've got a whole arsenal here that we can't make any use of?
Dweeble: Pretty much.
[EGO578] Roger: But don't you have any stuff that wouldn't set off the detectors?

[EGO574] Roger: How do we get past the cat?
Dweeble: Good question. We're gonna have to knock him out. A small explosion might work, but our main concern are those laser eyes of his. We're gonna need a diversion if we're to get close.
Dweeble: I wish I had some detonite. That could come in handy...
[EGO579] Roger: Detonite? That explosive stuff?
Dweeble: Oh, I mean refined detonite. Much more stable than the raw stuff, but still absorbs any sort of energy directed at it. A single crystal would protect us from those lasers.
[EGO580] Roger: Where do I find one of these crystals?
Dweeble: Inside the moonbase.
[EGO581] Roger: How do I get inside the moonbase?
Dweeble: You'll have to get past the cat.
[EGO582] Roger: And how do I... oh.

[EGO583] Roger: Couldn't we use this piece of glass to reflect the laser beams back at him?
Dweeble: Hmm... considering the strength of those lasers, the glass would have to be at least about Quindecuple-Thick. How much is this?
[EGO584] Roger: Octuple.
Dweeble: Then you'll just be burning your hands off.
Dweeble: Hey, listen, don't worry too much about the lasers. I've got a plan, so leave them to me. You just think of a way to take that kitty down.

[EGO575] Roger: Do you know how to get into the moonbase?
Dweeble: If you get rid of the cat, try the front door or look for a side entrance. I don't know much else about that place.

[EGO576] Roger: And we're set!

Dialog: dForkRoof1

[EGO589] Roger: Problems, General?
General Forksmith: No-good, dirty, rotten antenna! Daaah!

[EGO585] Roger: How do you know if it's fixed or not?
General Forksmith: See that little speck down there? No, of course not - because you don't have eyes like a Sereptonian Seven-Eyed Hawk like I do. In either case, the reception is not getting any better.
[EGO590] Roger: Don't you have maintenance people?
General Forksmith: Yeah, but they usually take about six weeks to show up.

[EGO586] Roger: They say too much TV is bad for your eyes anyway.
General Forksmith: They also say lipping off is bad for your skull.
[EGO591] Roger: And why is...
Narrator: Roger, just let it go. Okay? Just let it go.

[EGO587] Roger: Want me to hold onto your keys in case you drop them?
General Forksmith: Listen, Wilco - you aren't taking my keys again.
[EGO592] Roger: I was just going to look at them.
General Forksmith: You must really think I'm stupid, don't you?
[EGO593] Roger: No, of course not.
General Forksmith: Smart aleck kid. Get a job!

[EGO588] Roger: Okay, I'll leave you be.

Dialog: dForkRoof2

[EGO598] Roger: Well, now the chain's on the other foot, eh, General?
General Forksmith: When I get out of here, I'm going to rip off your foot, shove it down your throat and strangle you with your intestines. Now let me go!
[EGO599] Roger: Okay, okay! Just don't hurt me!
Narrator: Roger, DON'T.
[EGO600] Roger: Oh, right. The strangling.

[EGO594] Roger: Give me your key and I'll let you go.
General Forksmith: Ha! The joke's on you! I lost it down the sink trying to unclog a hairball!
[EGO601] Roger: Technically, doesn't that mean the joke's on you, since I'm not letting you go?
General Forksmith: Hmmm... good point.
[EGO602] Roger: Then at least tell me where the nearest sewer entrance is.
General Forksmith: This is the moon! There are no sewers! All our water recirculates throughout the base.
[EGO603] Roger: Interesting.
[EGO604] Roger: Gross, but interesting.

[EGO595] Roger: Maybe now you've learned your lesson, General?
General Forksmith: That's right. I'll never watch 'Price is Right' again. Time spent watching people guess the value of modern appliances could be better spent with family and friends at my age.
[EGO605] Roger: I mean about working for evil.
General Forksmith: Oh, no. I'm still pretty evil. In fact, I think I went up about five notches when you chained me here.

[EGO596] Roger: You'd look great with a blonde Furkunz and some tiny airplanes.
General Forksmith: I was thinking of getting that, but someone told me I'd be going too retro. Do you really think I could pull it off?
[EGO606] Roger: Oh, yeah. And bungee-jumping off tall buildings? All the chicks would go for that.
General Forksmith: I'm glad we've had this conversation. Let me go so we may celebrate.

[EGO597] Roger: I'll be back to check on you later.
General Forksmith: Please don't leave me. There's wolves out and I'm hungry.

Dialog: dForkTV

[EGO612] Roger: General? Is that you?
General Forksmith: Hey! The health inspector... or should I say... ROGER WILCO?
[EGO613] Roger: Oops.
General Forksmith: Meh... I don't have time to deal with you right now. I'm on break.
[EGO614] Roger: Oh, that's good.
General Forksmith: But after my show is over, you're going down.
[EGO615] Roger: Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.

[EGO607] Roger: So you're not going to kill me?
General Forksmith: Ssshhh! TV!
[EGO616] Roger: Sorry! Sorry!

[EGO608] Roger: Can I have that pie?
General Forksmith: No! That's my third commercial break pie!
[EGO617] Roger: Would you be willing to trade for it?
General Forksmith: Why? What kind of pie do you have?
[EGO618] Roger: I don't have pie.
General Forksmith: Then get lost!

[EGO609] Roger: How's that bump on your head?
General Forksmith: Grrrrr...

[EGO610] Roger: You wouldn't happen to have some sort of a key on you, would you?
General Forksmith: Like say, a shuttle key?
[EGO619] Roger: No, I already took that from you. I need a different key this time.
General Forksmith: Do you HAVE to be such a pest?!
[EGO620] Roger: Just tell me where the key is and I'll leave you alone.
General Forksmith: Just leave me alone or I'll call the guards.
[EGO621] Roger: You make a good argument.

[EGO611] Roger: Well, see you later.

Dialog: dHarmony

[EGO628] Roger: Awww... look at the cute little lady furkunz.
Harmony: Awww... look at the oversized moron!
[EGO629] Roger: Hey, I'm here to save you!
Harmony: Oh, so now I need saving, do I? Well, how 'bout I bust on outta here and then bust your lip wide open then, huh? Then who'll need saving?
[EGO630] Roger: Maybe I should just leave you in there until later, lady.
Harmony: The name is Harmony, buster, and don't you forget it.

[EGO622] Roger: How did you get captured?
Harmony: Well, there I was in my cave, minding my own business, when suddenly three armed monkey bozos rush in and get mud all over my new carpeting.
Harmony: They tie me up, shoot me to the moon, stick me with some needles, and then lock me in this cage.
[EGO631] Roger: You sound like you've been through hell.
Harmony: Well, the needle part weren't so bad.

[EGO623] Roger: What is this place?
Harmony: That Hoover Kasnoozer fellow - or whatever his name is - this is his private kitchen for doing all kinds of experiments on animals he finds.
[EGO632] Roger: Why? What's he trying to do?
Harmony: Well, between you and me, I think he has some kind of hair issue. Every morning, he shaves off that moustache of his, but it grows back by noon.
Harmony: If I didn't know any better, I'd say he's trying to find a cure for hair, so he's taking it out on us critters first.
[EGO633] Roger: Is he getting any results?
Harmony: Let me put it this way, numbnuts: I weren't always an albino.

[EGO624] Roger: How does Never work around apes if he hates hair so much?
Harmony: You got me, monkey-boy. The guy's off his rocker. He's bound to hurt somebody one of these days.

[EGO625] Roger: Where are all the other Furkunz?
Harmony: They've been put to work down in the mines. The big guy's got some kind of strange mind control over them.
[EGO634] Roger: Mind control?
Harmony: Yeah, they've got these little headbands that make them do whatever someone wants.
[EGO635] Roger: How do I shut off these headbands?
Harmony: What am I? A freakin' encyclopedia? Hell, you probably know more than I do just walking through that door.

[EGO626] Roger: Any thoughts on how to save the Furkunz?
Harmony: Weren't you listening, crap-for-brains? Shut off them headbands.
Harmony: There's gotta be a remote somewhere. Though, I guess moustache-boy would probably carry it on him or something.

[EGO627] Roger: I'll be back to save you when you're in a better mood.
Harmony: I don't get those pills until Tuesday.

Dialog: dBirdSmart

[EGO636] Roger: Where can I find Never Kenezer?

[EGO637] Roger: Do you know where Never keeps his keys?

[EGO638] Roger: Does Never have any revealing weaknesses I should know about?

[EGO639] Roger: Who controls what on you guys?
Smart Bird Head: I am in control of the wings, whilst my brother has full run of our legs.
[EGO641] Roger: What about all the stuff inside?
Smart Bird Head: I am afraid that at this time I have not yet managed to fully determine my share in our array of internal organic processes, so for the time being you could call it a group effort.
Dumb Bird Head: I make the poopies!
Smart Bird Head: Sigh...

[EGO640] Roger: Bye-bye, birdie!
Smart Bird Head: Yes - as if we do not hear THAT a million times a day!

Dialog: dBirdDumb

[EGO636] Roger: Where can I find Never Kenezer? (Duplicate)
Dumb Bird Head: Uhhh... he looking for bees right now.
[EGO643] Roger: He's... he's got bees?!
Dumb Bird Head: Bees ran away, now he wants to find bees.
[EGO644] Roger: You mean the bees FLEW away?
Dumb Bird Head: No, they run. They try to be friends with me, but my brother tell Noober where they hiding.
[EGO645] Roger: Hang on... did these 'bees' happen to have long golden hair, a green vest, and deep blue eyes?
Dumb Bird Head: You know bees?!
[EGO646] Roger: Bea. As in Beatrice.
Dumb Bird Head: Only one bee? That's big bee.
[EGO647] Roger: I've gotta hurry.

[EGO637] Roger: Do you know where Never keeps his keys? (Duplicate)
Dumb Bird Head: Pretty key in the wall. Noober likes the wall.
[EGO648] Roger: Which wall? Where?
Dumb Bird Head: Pretty red floor room. Pretty picture of guitar people.
[EGO649] Roger: Can you be more specific?
Dumb Bird Head: No, I'm not hungry.
Narrator: That's all you're getting out of him, Roger.

[EGO638] Roger: Does Never have any revealing weaknesses I should know about? (Duplicate)
Dumb Bird Head: Kick him in the nuts. He don' like that.
[EGO650] Roger: Anything more feasible I can use? He'd probably kill me before I get any kicks in.
Dumb Bird Head: He makes elcetriery.
[EGO651] Roger: Electricity?
Dumb Bird Head: Big lightning! You fall down. Hurt bad.
[EGO652] Roger: Okay... That sounds more like a strength than a weakness. Anything else?
Dumb Bird Head: Uuuhhhhhh... he hate monkeys.
[EGO653] Roger: But the monkeys hate me.
Dumb Bird Head: I like you!
[EGO654] Roger: I like you too!
Dumb Bird Head: I like pie!
[EGO655] Roger: We should hang out sometime.

[EGO642] Roger: Does your brother bug you much?
Dumb Bird Head: He hit me much. He don't like bugs.
[EGO656] Roger: That's too bad.
Dumb Bird Head: Sometimes he sleeping, but I pretend he still hitting me.
Dumb Bird Head: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
[EGO657] Roger: You're the coolest bird I know.

[EGO640] Roger: Bye-bye, birdie! (Duplicate)
Dumb Bird Head: Ha ha! That funny! That REAL funny! Birdy!

Dialog: dBeaDrill

[EGO663] Roger: Hey, honey!
Beatrice: Hey, Roger.

[EGO658] Roger: You want to me to bring you anything, dear?
Beatrice: You wouldn't happen to be carrying any Ben Gay or an ice pack in those bottomless pants of yours, would you?
[EGO664] Roger: I've got a bucket!
Beatrice: I think I'll be fine.

[EGO659] Roger: How's the baby holding up?
Beatrice: It's all right. I've been taking it pretty easy up until now.
[EGO665] Roger: Sorry about that.
Beatrice: Just let me rest a while, Roger. I'll be safe here.

[EGO660] Roger: Where have you been hiding out all this time?
Beatrice: Vents, maintenance tunnels, back hallways - mostly dusty, crawlspace areas... why? Where were you hiding?
[EGO666] Roger: I was sort of just walking around in the open. Their security here sucks.
Beatrice: What?!
[EGO667] Roger: I mean, they had a couple guards outside Never's office, and I had a wacky pie adventure with the General in the break room.
[EGO668] Roger: And there was a giant cat outside. But that's about it.
Beatrice: Roger, there's guards EVERYWHERE.
Beatrice: The walls are lined with laser-guided security droids, and the upper levels are protected with genetically-engineered zombie forces. Not to mention there's a giant squid with machine guns in the basement.
[EGO669] Roger: Oh, must've missed those.

[EGO661] Roger: Any idea how to save the Furkunz?
Beatrice: Never Kenezer has a device that controls them. I don't know where he keeps it, though.
[EGO670] Roger: I guess the secret to freeing them is with him then. Where'd he run off to?
Beatrice: He fell off the cliff, dear.
[EGO671] Roger: Hmmm... that complicates things.

[EGO662] Roger: Hang in there, sweetheart.
Beatrice: Try not to get yourself killed.

Dialog: dPrisoner

[EGO678] Roger: Hello?
Prisoner: Greetings, my trapped friend.

[EGO672] Roger: So what are you in for?
Prisoner: Well, I'm not sure, but I guess I must've done something bad or they wouldn't put me in here, right? I mean, that IS why we have law enforcement.
[EGO679] Roger: You're imprisoned by a group of evil monkeys with no sense of right or wrong, led by an evil megalomaniac bent on destroying the universe.
Prisoner: Then I... I guess I don't really belong here, do I?
[EGO680] Roger: Probably not.

[EGO673] Roger: How long have you been here?
Prisoner: About a year or two, ever since they built this fortress.
[EGO681] Roger: Have you ever considered escaping?
Prisoner: Not really. When you're living on a giant frozen ball of ice, a small cozy bedroom with three squares a day ain't bad.
[EGO543] Roger: Good point. (Duplicate)

[EGO674] Roger: We need to get out of here before this place blows!
Prisoner: Oh, I'm okay. Explosions don't bother me too much.
[EGO682] Roger: Right, well - not everybody in this room is as explosion-proof as you. Think you could give me a hand? Maybe break down a wall or something?
Prisoner: No. I would have to get mad to do that. I don't like to be mad.
[EGO683] Roger: Why? What happens when you're mad?
Prisoner: Bad things. Bad things.

[EGO675] Roger: The apes have chained me to my bed!
Prisoner: Oh, they did that to me too. You got a hacksaw there?
[EGO684] Roger: Yeah.
Prisoner: Do like I did, cut your leg off.
[EGO685] Roger: Didn't that hurt?
Prisoner: Why would that hurt?
[EGO686] Roger: ...Never mind.

[EGO676] Roger: I bet I could make you mad...
Prisoner: I'd rather you didn't.

[EGO677] Roger: Well, uh, I guess I'd better get back to... stuff.
Prisoner: All right. Talk to you later, buddy.

Dialog: dMommaStupid

[EGO687] Roger: Your momma's so stupid, she weighs a thousand pounds!

[EGO688] Roger: Your momma's so stupid, you bought a solar-powered flashlight!

[EGO689] Roger: Your momma's so stupid, she dyed her hair blonde just to look smarter!

[EGO89] Roger: Never mind. (Duplicate)

Dialog: dMommaFat

[EGO690] Roger: Your momma's so fat, she doesn't like modern music!

[EGO691] Roger: Your momma's so fat, she walked outside and got stuck!

[EGO692] Roger: Your momma's so fat, she played the lottery and didn't win!

[EGO89] Roger: Never mind. (Duplicate)

Dialog: dMommaUgly

[EGO693] Roger: Your momma's so ugly, she looked in a mirror and her reflection threw up!

[EGO694] Roger: Your momma's so ugly, she doesn't know how to reconfigure a deflector dish!

[EGO695] Roger: Your momma's so ugly, she took a pill for headaches and sneezed!

[EGO89] Roger: Never mind. (Duplicate)

Dialog: dMommaDeath

[EGO696] Roger: Your momma's so hairy, the apes told her to get a trim!

[EGO697] Roger: Your momma's so poor, the Thieves' Guild broke into her house and left money!

[EGO698] Roger: Your momma's so nasty, she downloaded a virus and everybody got sick!

[EGO89] Roger: Never mind. (Duplicate)

Dialog: dLewdy

[EGO699] Roger: I'm kind of lost. How do I find the moon from here?
Lewdy: The moon? I think they moved that into space.
[EGO705] Roger: So how do I get up there?
Lewdy: I suppose you could flap your arms. Or take one of the shuttles in the shuttle bay.
[EGO706] Roger: Flap my arms! That's it!
Lewdy: ...OR, take one of the shuttles in the shuttle bay.
[EGO707] Roger: Why? What good would that be?
Lewdy: Right, you're on your own there.

[EGO700] Roger: Hey, could you check out something for me on that computer again?
Lewdy: Give me a second. I'll crawl back inside the computer and have a look-see.

[EGO701] Roger: Know any codes for the monorail?
Lewdy: Nope.
[EGO708] Roger: Then how'd you get in here?
Lewdy: Osmosis.
[EGO709] Roger: Osmosis?
Lewdy: It's a Furkunz thing.
[EGO710] Roger: Hmm... but can't you then, like, osmose back out and escape or something?
Lewdy: ... you don't know anything about Furkunz osmosis, do you?
[EGO711] Roger: Can you really blame me?

[EGO702] Roger: You know, you can come out of there anytime.
Lewdy: That's okay. I feel safe in this little womb.
[EGO712] Roger: You mean room.
Lewdy: Why? What'd I say?

[EGO703] Roger: So why do they call you Lewdy?
Lewdy: They caught me peeking in the ladies' sauna once.
[EGO713] Roger: There's female Furkunz?
Lewdy: No, we asexually reproduce. OF COURSE there's females!
[EGO714] Roger: I haven't seen any.
Lewdy: Oh, yeah? Well, I haven't seen any of YOUR females!
[EGO715] Roger: There's one up on the moon.
Lewdy: Maybe you'll find some lady Furkunz on the moon too, then.

[EGO704] Roger: Well, I'm gonna go find a way off this rock.
Lewdy: And I'll just stay in here.

Dialog: dShuttleGuards1

[EGO716] Roger: What are you doing down there? Didn't you hear the alarm?
Private Simians: Alarm? What's going on?
[EGO722] Roger: The fortress is about to explode! Get out of here while you can!
Private Simians: Explode? Hmph! Just typical of everyone to run off and not say anything. Well, I assure you, sir - we will stand by you as you go down with this proverbial ship.
[EGO723] Roger: No! Run! Flee! Seriously!
Private Simians: It's an honor to die with such a valiant commander.
[EGO724] Roger: Okay, never mind. We're not exploding anymore.

[EGO717] Roger: Where are the keys to my shuttle?
Private Simians: Which one's your shuttle?
[EGO725] Roger: Umm... that green one over there.
Private Simians: That old junk heap? We're scrapping it for parts.
[EGO726] Roger: I mean, the orange.
Private Simians: That's my shuttle, sir.
[EGO727] Roger: Do you know where the keys for any of the shuttles are?
Private Simians: No, sir.

[EGO718] Roger: What is that cannon's function?
Private Simians: That? We use that to fire capsules to our moonbase, sir.
[EGO728] Roger: Can you operate it?
Private Simians: Well, we don't operate the cannon too often. We just started this week... but I'll do my best to give it a shot, sir!

[EGO719] Roger: You guys can take five if you want.
Private Simians: We were already taking five, sir.
[EGO729] Roger: I mean, you can leave if you want. Go home early.
Private Simians: This is our home now, sir. We've come to know you all as family.
[EGO730] Roger: Can you just... go stand out in the hallway or something?
Private Simians: Sir, are you okay? Do you want us to come up there?
[EGO731] Roger: No, no. I'm fine.

[EGO720] Roger: Prepare for further instructions.
Private Simians: Preparing, sir!

[EGO721] Roger: Carry on.

Dialog: dShuttleGuards2

[EGO732] Roger: Load the cannon!

[EGO733] Roger: Fire the cannon!

[EGO734] Roger: Execute emergency fire drill!

[EGO735] Roger: All hands to your stations!

[EGO736] Roger: Keep up the good work!

Dialog: dShuttleGuards3

[EGO742] Roger: Here goes nothing...
[EGO743] Roger: Ahem - attention guards!


Private Simians: The laundry capsule? But sir! It's read-out says it's still under-weight.
[EGO744] Roger: Meaning...?
Private Simians: Meaning this capsule needs to be at least another 70 kilos before we can launch it safely.
[EGO745] Roger: Hmmm. Copy that.


Private Simians: But... the cannon's empty.
[EGO746] Roger: Right. I was just testing you.
Private Simians: Good one, sir!

Private Simians: But... the cannon's empty.
[EGO746] Roger: Right. I was just testing you. (Duplicate)
Private Simians: Good one, sir!


[EGO747] Roger: Well, this is getting me nowhere.


Private Simians: We are at our stations, sir!
[EGO748] Roger: Good work!

Private Simians: We are at our stations, sir!
[EGO748] Roger: Good work! (Duplicate)


Private Simians: Ummm... that doesn't seem to be a command, sir.
[EGO749] Roger: Really? Let me try another one...
Private Simians: Sorry, sir, but according to the handbook, we're obliged to recognize you as an intruder and throw a grenade up there.
Private Simians: Griff, do your thing.

Private Simians: Ummm... that doesn't seem to be a command, sir.
[EGO749] Roger: Really? Let me try another one... (Duplicate)
Private Simians: Sorry, sir, but according to the handbook, we're obliged to recognize you as an intruder and throw a grenade up there.
Narrator: Oh, well. At least you're not in the command room.
Private Simians: On second thought, maybe that was the code for 'blow up one of the pods.'
Private Simians: It's a bit of a strange one, but orders are orders. Griff, do your thing.

[EGO721] Roger: Carry on. (Duplicate)

Dialog: dShuttleGuards4

[EGO750] Roger: Screw the codes! I'm your commander and I demand you carry out your orders!
Private Simians: Hmmm... then I guess you're not really our commander, are you?
[EGO752] Roger: What?!
Private Simians: I'll value these moments we spent together. Griff, toss a grenade up there.

[EGO751] Roger: Okay, okay... I'll see what I can do.

Dialog: dRodney2

[EGO753] Roger: Uhh, that's not what health inspection is about.
Rodney: A-huh?
[EGO757] Roger: I'm not a doctor.
Rodney: Yeah, but you inspects health, dun'cha?
[EGO758] Roger: I inspect conditions and potential health hazards.
Rodney: So you knows about health an' you knows about inspectin'! Le's get crackin'!
[EGO759] Roger: *sigh*

[EGO754] Roger: Why don't you see the doctor like everyone else?
Rodney: Oooh no... Ah ain' goin' near that thing!
[EGO760] Roger: What thing?
Rodney: That there thing they's callin a doctor 'round here.
[EGO761] Roger: What's the problem?
Rodney: You seen that thing? Just scares the darn willies outta me!

[EGO755] Roger: Why do you want a medical check-up so badly anyway?
Rodney: You done ever read 'Diseases of the Janitalia'?
[EGO762] Roger: Well, not really...
Rodney: They talks about all kinda diseases there, and ah' think I got most of 'em!
[EGO763] Roger: Hmm, I'm pretty sure you're probably just fine, those symp--
Rodney: But ah gots ta' find out!

[EGO288] Roger: Hmm, okay... let's suppose I do give you a 'health inspection'. But what's in it for me? (Duplicate)
Rodney: Anything you wants!
[EGO295] Roger: Hmm... anything? (Duplicate)
Rodney: Well, anything that I can does for ya.
[EGO296] Roger: Hmm... well, there is one thing... (Duplicate)
Rodney: Yes?
[EGO297] Roger: But I don't suppose you could... (Duplicate)

[EGO756] Roger: Backing off...

Dialog: dRodney3

[EGO764] Roger: ...go and defeat Vohaul for me?
Rodney: Defeat Vohaul? But he's tha supreme commander!
[EGO771] Roger: Yeah, you know... a li'l office prank on the boss, so to say.
Rodney: And put mah'self back on tha job market?
[EGO772] Roger: Why not? Ever considered a career in customer service?
Rodney: Actually, ah' has. And I'd rather die right here from whatever diseases ah gots.
[EGO773] Roger: Hm, okay, how about you...

[EGO765] Roger: ...convince modern game companies that all fan games should be given the green light?
Rodney: Heeh... How 'bout ah' just go and freeze off that there hell place while you thinks of sumthin' else that even remotely abides a law or two of physics and probability?
[EGO774] Roger: Oh, right, that was a bit far-fetched... maybe you could instead...

[EGO766] Roger: ...marry me and run away from this place? I've got it all planned.
Rodney: Ehh... mah, uh... religion is... against marriage. Sorry.
[EGO775] Roger: Which religion is that?
Rodney: The Bride-Punchers.
[EGO776] Roger: Hmm... well, perhaps you could...

[EGO767] Roger: me get in the sewers?
Rodney: Hah! The sewers? Ye gotta be kiddin', 'cuz that's mah specialty!
[EGO6] Roger: Really? (Duplicate)
Rodney: Yeap. Yer lookin' at the official Sewage Technician of this here boot camp!
[EGO777] Roger: So you're a janitor then?
Rodney: Yyyeap.
[EGO778] Roger: We're not so different, you and I.

[EGO768] Roger: one of these fine leather jackets?
Comment: Indiana Jones / Monkey Island reference
Rodney: ...what leather jackets?
[EGO779] Roger: The ones right he-- ...oh bugger, I left them at home again.
Rodney: Anythin' else I might do for ya?
[EGO780] Roger: Well, you could...

[EGO769] Roger: ...arrange me a meeting with the one and only Captain Jean-Luc Picard?
Rodney: Who?
[EGO781] Roger: Captain Picard? Of the USS Enterprise?
[EGO782] Roger: You've never seen the show?
Rodney: What show?
[EGO783] Roger: ... good lord. Well, maybe you might be able to...
Comment: Reference to the "Extras" episode with Patrick Stewart

[EGO770] Roger: ...wait here while I think of something.

Dialog: dRodney4

[EGO784] Roger: What if he's just there, minding his own business?
Rodney: Me and that... thing, in the same room? At tha saym time? Nnno, no, outta the question, no!

[EGO785] Roger: But... can't I just, like, check you up right here?
Rodney: I'd very much prefer a confined space for that sorta thing, you know.

[EGO786] Roger: What if we find you a confined space other than the tent?
Rodney: You still gots ta use them doctor's instruments and things on me to make shure if ah'm okay!

[EGO787] Roger: Maybe if I just borrow some instruments from him?
Rodney: Plug them out and drag them through the cold? Ye could damage them. Or even worse - if ye don't puts them back together right, they might not discover a fatal disease I might has!

[EGO788] Roger: Well, okay, I'll see what I can do.
Rodney: Hurry up, will ya? I prahb'ly don' gots much time left!

Dialog: dGateGuards1

[EGO789] Roger: Can you guys let me in?
Gate Guard #1: Only if you know the magic word.
[EGO792] Roger: Is it... 'please'?
Gate Guard #1: ...Not anymore.
Gate Guard #2: Close one, though.

[EGO790] Roger: I command you to open this gate at once!
Gate Guard #2: Who are you?

[EGO791] Roger: What will it take to open this gate?
Gate Guard #1: A well-placed explosive charge or a space hero dressed in drag.
[EGO793] Roger: Geez, that's the answer for everything.

[EGO89] Roger: Never mind. (Duplicate)

Dialog: dGateGuards2

[EGO794] Roger: I'm your boss.
Comment: Reference to Eddie Izzard's Death Star canteen
Gate Guard #1: You're Mr. Stevens?
[EGO799] Roger: What? No. Who's Mr. Stevens?
Gate Guard #2: Our chief of security. But you don't look like him. Did you get a haircut?
Gate Guard #1: A big haircut?
[EGO89] Roger: Never mind. (Duplicate)

[EGO795] Roger: I am Ridgenald Borstein, health inspector and part time galaxy savior!
Gate Guard #1: Borstein? I thought he disappeared after going on that nature walk.
Gate Guard #2: I heard rumors he was eaten by that bone dragon.
Gate Guard #1: Really? I heard he was mugged by a killer snowman.
[EGO800] Roger: Is he allowed through this gate?
Gate Guard #1: Probably not. Both he and his clearance were declared legally dead months ago.
Gate Guard #2: Which is too bad because Borstein owes us money. Or was that Borstrum?
Gate Guard #1: What did you say your name was again?
[EGO89] Roger: Never mind. (Duplicate)

[EGO796] Roger: I am Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Gate Guard #1: I LOVE that movie!
Gate Guard #2: Oh my god! I just got it on DVD!
Gate Guard #1: We should watch it after work!
Gate Guard #2: And microwave some popcorn!
Gate Guard #1: I feel all giggly inside!
Gate Guard #2: This is gonna be the BEST NIGHT EVER!
[EGO801] Roger:

[EGO797] Roger: I'm the delivery boy. I've got three extra-large pepperoni for one... S. Vohaul?
Gate Guard #1: Ah, the boss' pizza is here.
Gate Guard #2: So where is the pizza?
[EGO802] Roger: I'm carrying it... in my pants.
Gate Guard #2: You're carrying three extra-large pizzas in your pants?
[EGO803] Roger: I carry a lot of things in my pants. Want to see?
Gate Guard #1: No. Absolutely not.
Gate Guard #2: I don't think Vohaul would want pants pizza anyway.

[EGO798] Roger: I'm nobody.
Gate Guard #1: Well, nobody gets through this gate!
Gate Guard #2: But HE'S nobody!
Gate Guard #1: Well, nobody without clearance gets through!
Gate Guard #2: But he's still nobody and he still doesn't have clearance!
Gate Guard #1: Stop messing with my head!

[EGO373] Roger: Forget it. (Duplicate)

Dialog: dNarrBooth

[EGO804] Roger: So... what are you, anyway?
Narrator: I'm the narrator.
[EGO809] Roger: And you follow people's lives around, describing things?
Narrator: Well, only your life, really.
[EGO810] Roger: Hmm. Why me?
Narrator: Don't know, don't care. It keeps me going.
Narrator: I do prefer making fun of you instead of lamenting my own life, though.
[EGO543] Roger: Good point. (Duplicate)

[EGO805] Roger: I thought you'd look different.
Narrator: I didn't.
[EGO811] Roger: ...okay.

[EGO806] Roger: Who do you guys work for?
Narrator: We're an independent branch of ScumSoft working on 'Vohaul Strikes Back'. The game you're in right now.
[EGO812] Roger: Ahhh, it's one of THOSE easter eggs! A quick behind-the-scenes look at where the magic is born!
Narrator: Or a descent to the Ninth Circle of Hell.
[EGO813] Roger: So when's this game hitting the shelves? When do I start seeing royalties?
Narrator: It's non-commercial. Didn't your agent contact you about this?
[EGO814] Roger: No...
Narrator: Gah! See, this is why I hate fan-games. No professionalism whatsoever!

[EGO807] Roger: ScumSoft? Didn't they go bankrupt years ago?
Narrator: What?
[EGO815] Roger: Weren't you paying attention when I was talking to Elmo Pug in Space Quest 6?
Narrator: Oh, Space Quest 6? I wasn't around back then. I'm the new guy.
[EGO816] Roger: The new guy?
Narrator: There's no budget on this game, so they couldn't afford the original narrator.
[EGO817] Roger: Hmm. I thought you sounded kinda different.
Narrator: So what was that about ScumSoft going bankrupt?
[EGO818] Roger: Uhh... Never mind. Just make sure you finish the game.
Narrator: Hmm... okay!

[EGO808] Roger: Well, it's been awkward meeting you, but I've gotta go.
Narrator: See you in the next screen!
[EGO819] Roger: It sounds creepy when you put it that way.
Narrator: I know, Roger. I know.

Dialog: dChrisA

[EGO820] Roger: So what are you doing?
Chris: I'm co-writing, co-directing, co-programming, co-sound designing, 3D modeling, animating, compositing, beta-testing and creating characters.
Chris: On top of that, I'm also doing all that and more for my own full-length Space Quest game on the side which should be released shortly after this one. 'Incinerations' - look it up.
Chris: And on top of that, I'm lead animating and doing voices for 'The Silver Lining.'
Chris: And on top of on top of that, I'm creating a mini web-series about Scrooge McDuck and his nephews in a nihilistic parallel reality Duckburg where everybody eats ice cream, is drawn in MS Paint, and mingles with Dragonball Z characters.
Chris: And on top of on top of on top of that, I'm attending film school right now to get diplomas in Visual Effects and Animation.
Chris: Also, I'm writing my second novel and blogging about movies.

[EGO821] Roger: So tell me about 'Incinerations.'
Chris: Ever wonder what Space Quest would be like if it were a Michael Bay movie?
[EGO825] Roger: I have nightmares about it, yes.
Chris: Then you're in for a treat.

[EGO822] Roger: Okay, character artist. Do some fancy character art on me.
Chris: I don't wanna.
[EGO826] Roger: Come onnnnnn...
Chris: Maybe tomorrow.
[EGO827] Roger: I don't think you can draw at all.
[EGO828] Roger: I think you just trace over other people's work.
Chris: Meh. Sometimes.
[EGO829] Roger: Then come on - hit me with everything you got.
Chris: Hmmm... okay!

[EGO823] Roger: Marty's backgrounds look better than your sprites.
Chris: Yeah, I know.
[EGO830] Roger: So are you going to re-draw everything for the next version?
Chris: Nope.
[EGO831] Roger: What, no fancy 3D upgrades from your fancy film school?
Chris: Nope. Everything's final.
[EGO832] Roger: Okay then!
Chris: Indeed!

[EGO824] Roger: Forget it. I don't want to talk to this ass.

Dialog: dChrisB

[EGO833] Roger: So why aren't you doing anything?
Chris: I did it all yesterday.

Chris: I avoid reality television, Facebook games, and MMORPGs.
[EGO838] Roger: Hmmm. That makes sense.
Chris: Being a jobless bum also helps.

[EGO835] Roger: I hate you so much.
Chris: I get that a lot.

[EGO836] Roger: Do you think you're better than me?
Chris: I think everyone's better than you.
[EGO839] Roger: I guess that's fair.

[EGO837] Roger: Whatever.

Dialog: dAndres

[EGO844] Roger: Hi, I'm Roger Wilco.
mjomble: Hmm, I feel like we're over-using that line. Let's try again.
[EGO845] Roger: Salutations, stranger! Name's Roger, Roger Wilco. Delighted to make your acquaintance!
mjomble: Nah, that's pushing it. How about this one:
[EGO846] Roger: Bleepidy gork fjuntll'k meep.
mjomble: Yeah, let's go with that one.

[EGO840] Roger: Stop changing my lines!
mjomble: But they're not perfect yet!
[EGO847] Roger: Do they need to be?
mjomble: Maybe!

[EGO820] Roger: So what are you doing? (Duplicate)
mjomble: Rewriting the intro.
[EGO848] Roger: What's wrong with it?
mjomble: I don't think Fester's motivations are expressed clearly enough.
mjomble: I'm thinking of giving him a half-hour monologue before we cut to the part where Cliffy breaks the ice cream machine.
[EGO849] Roger: Fester? Cliffy? I don't remember them being in the intro.
mjomble: Hmm, you must be running an older version of the game. From at least five rewrites ago.
[EGO850] Roger: Oh. What happens in the latest version?
mjomble: Why do you care? You're not even in it anymore.
[EGO851] Roger: That might actually be a good thing.

[EGO841] Roger: Why do you make me seem so stupid?
mjomble: A-whuh?
[EGO852] Roger: I know I'm not the smartest guy in the universe, but sometimes you're crossing the line.
mjomble: No, we're not.
[EGO853] Roger: Yes, you are!
[EGO854] Roger: You're treating me like some kind of a joke, but I'm a real human being! I have feelings!
[EGO855] Roger: What you're doing should be illegal, but you're getting away with it.
[EGO856] Roger: You're taking words out of my mouth and replacing them with the incoherent ramblings of an imbecile!
[EGO857] Roger: Do you have any idea how that feels?
[EGO858] Roger: To have the most important moments of your life ruined beyond all repair just because someone thought it would be funny if you acted like a bumbling fool and screwed up on every step of your life?
[EGO859] Roger: I had the potential! I could have achieved something great! I was a starship captain!
[EGO860] Roger: And then people like you got me demoted to a janitor for a few cheap laughs.
Narrator: End scene.
mjomble: So, what did you think?
[EGO862] Roger: Meh. You should stick to comedy.
mjomble: Fair enough.
Narrator: You end the conversation by peeing your pants.
[EGO863] Roger: Durr!

[EGO842] Roger: Are there any obscure references in the game that I may have missed?
mjomble: Certainly!
mjomble: Did you know that Ned's race has appeared in Space Quest before?
mjomble: There was another member of the Phistal Hemisphere Alliance at the Orion Bar in Space Quest 6.
[EGO864] Roger: Huh. I wasn't even paying attention.
mjomble: I'll bet! And the Ferbangi at the Monolith Burger have also been mentioned before, at the brig on the DeepShip 86.
mjomble: They haven't made any appearances before, but we just assumed they were based on the Ferengi from Star Trek.
[EGO865] Roger: Wait, I haven't been to a Monolith Burger yet.
mjomble: Oh, um, crap, err... spoiler alert!
[EGO866] Roger: You're supposed to say that BEFORE you spoil something.
mjomble: Sorry.

[EGO843] Roger: I shouldn't bother him.

Dialog: dMarty

[EGO871] Roger: So you're... Marty?
Marty: Yup. Background artist.
[EGO872] Roger: Hi!
Marty: Hello.

[EGO867] Roger: Hmm, have you already finished the backgrounds for the end of the game?
Marty: Yeah.
[EGO873] Roger: Can you give me a heads-up on what to expect?
Marty: Well, there's the swamp of the jelly crocodiles, whom you can defeat with mayonnaise...
Marty: Oh, and there's a Labion Terror Beast nest at the top of the volcano.
[EGO6] Roger: Really? (Duplicate)
Marty: No.

[EGO868] Roger: So it was you who helped Vohaul pull off that hologram trick?
Marty: Heh-heh-heh. You totally fell for that one.

[EGO869] Roger: Did you have to make Radon so cold?
Marty: Actually, it was originally going to be a tropical beach planet.
Marty: But then Al stole the backgrounds and put them up at his fake beach resort.
[EGO874] Roger: Dastardly!

[EGO870] Roger: I'll let him work.

Dialog: dFrede

[EGO875] Roger: So what's your job on the team?
Frederik: Oh, hey! I came up with the original idea for the game and used to be the teamlead. Then I stepped down and eventually ended up as music supervisor and composer.
[EGO882] Roger: You mean it was your idea to resurrect my arch-nemesis as a robot and have him kidnap my pregnant girlfriend?
Frederik: That was me, yeah.
[EGO883] Roger: And then you thought I might enjoy some really annoying music to go along with that?
Frederik: Well, I didn't do *all* of the music, but pretty much, yeah.
Frederik: I guess you could say my MIDI-chlorian count is pretty high!
Narrator: Oh, dear.
Chris: Ugh, did he just say that?
mjomble: I think that one made me go deaf.
pcj: We're totally not letting you out now.
[EGO884] Roger: That totally sucked.
Frederik: Heh. Sorry!

[EGO876] Roger: "Olzen"? What kind of a name is "Olzen"?
Frederik: Look, I was 14, okay? And it kinda stuck. You come up with something better.
[EGO885] Roger: Baron Von Rockdragon.
Frederik: ...Damn!

[EGO877] Roger: So, you've got a bad nickname *and* you're wearing a bowtie?
Frederik: 'Course I'm wearing a bowtie! Bowties are cool!
Frederik: Can you think of anything cooler than a bowtie?
[EGO886] Roger: A fez?
Frederik: Once again, I stand corrected.

[EGO878] Roger: You must have some pretty cool stories from the early days, huh?
Frederik: Not really. I can tell you, you were once supposed to battle Captain Quirk, lick ice walls, wear sandals and blow up toilets.
Chris: There was also an amusement park in the fortress!
mjomble: And a zoo on the moon!
pcj: And in the original ending, Vohaul became your maid!
Frederik: Fortunately, the musical number got scrapped.
[EGO887] Roger: Uh...
Frederik: I know, right?

[EGO879] Roger: Are you doing music on any other projects?
Frederik: Yeah. Have you talked to Chris over there? I did a lot of the music for his 'Space Quest' game, 'Incinerations.'
[EGO888] Roger: So, basically, that means I get to have more annoying music playing loudly in my skull?
Frederik: Yup.

[EGO880] Roger: Do you do requests?
Frederik: Sure! What do you want to hear?

[EGO881] Roger: Whoops, thought I wanted to talk to you, but I don't.

Dialog: dFrede2

[EGO889] Roger: The music in the Furkunz bar was pretty sweet.
Frederik: I'm no match for that blind dude, but I can try.

[EGO890] Roger: Could you play something jolly?
Frederik: Yeah, okay. Just remember - you asked for this.

[EGO891] Roger: I thought I heard something funky coming from the vent when Lewdy climbed in.
Frederik: Ah. That would have been this one.

[EGO892] Roger: How about something... suspenseful?
Frederik: Yeah, I can do that.

[EGO893] Roger: Can you do something I haven't heard yet?
Frederik: Alright. Here's a little something I did for 'Incinerations'.

[EGO894] Roger: To be honest, I kinda like the music in here as it is.
Frederik: Suit yourself.

[EGO895] Roger: Let's go back to the music you had in here before.
Frederik: Suit yourself.

Dialog: dBarmanSecret

[EGO896] Roger: Can you keep a secret that could rip space-time in half if it gets out?
Bartender: Sure. That's part of my job description.
[EGO898] Roger: Good. See, this baby we're about to have... I've met him. As an adult.
Bartender: Ah, now this is getting interesting. Time travel?
[EGO899] Roger: Exactly. He's been back here, and I've been all the way over there.
Bartender: Heh. I can see what you meant by the whole space-time thing. But do continue.
[EGO900] Roger: My memory is pretty hazy about most of the trip, but there's this one part that I keep flashing back to every time I think about proposing.
[EGO901] Roger: It was when Roger Jr showed me a picture of Beatrice and told me she was my wife.
Bartender: So, wait... you already know you're going to marry her?
Bartender: This keeps getting simpler and simpler.
[EGO902] Roger: Not quite. It's this one thing he slipped out - "She was quite beautiful, wasn't she?"
Bartender: Ohh. The past tense.
[EGO903] Roger: Indeed. Of course, he couldn't say anything more, so I have no idea what's going to happen to her.
[EGO904] Roger: But whatever it is, it will happen AFTER we get married.
Bartender: Ah, now I see. So you're thinking as long as you're not married...
[EGO905] Roger: ...she will be safe. Yeah.
[EGO906] Roger: And the worst thing about all this is - I can't tell Bea a single thing.
Bartender: Yeah, it would give the old continuum a solid beating if you did.
[EGO907] Roger: But she still wants to know why I want to postpone the marriage.
[EGO908] Roger: So far I've just been avoiding the topic whenever possible.
Bartender: Well, that certainly is quite a pickle you're in.
[EGO909] Roger: That it is, my friend. That it is.

[EGO897] Roger: Actually, never mind.
Bartender: Fair enough.

Dialog: dVohThrone2

[EGO910] Roger: Whoa, hey, who said anything about killing?
[EGO913] Roger: I can just go back to jail and wait for phase two of the revenge.
Vohaul: ...You would do that for me?
Beatrice: No, he wouldn't.
[EGO914] Roger: Apparently not.

[EGO911] Roger: Wait... if you wanted me alive, why were all those apes trying to kill me?
Vohaul: No, they weren't.
[EGO915] Roger: Yes, they were!
Vohaul: I gave them strict orders to let you walk right into the fortress.
[EGO916] Roger: What? It was a full-blown manhunt out there!
[EGO917] Roger: If I hadn't worn a fake moustache, I'd be dead!
Vohaul: I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree.

[EGO912] Roger: Anyway...

107 - Intro - Pie-Ery

Pie-Ery Clerk: Order 64 up! One Cheesy Potato Head and a Custard Knock-out!
[EGO1161] Roger: Man, this place is GREAT!
Beatrice: Yeah, so you keep saying.
Beatrice: Every time we eat here.
[EGO1162] Roger: Is... something wrong?
Beatrice: I was just thinking that, since we're on a ROMANTIC getaway...
Beatrice: On ROMANTICON VII...
Beatrice: The most ROMANTIC planet in the known universe...
Beatrice: That just once, we could go somewhere that's actually ROMANTIC.
[EGO1163] Roger: I dunno, this place looks pretty romantic to me.
Comment: disappointed, but somewhat used to it
Beatrice: ...of course it does.
Beatrice: Right, so I was hoping I could find a more... atmospheric moment for this.
Beatrice: But since you keep dragging us back here, this will have to do.
Beatrice: Roger, I have a bit of an announcement.
[EGO1164] Roger: Hmmm?
Beatrice: I'm pregnant.
Pie-Ery Clerk: Order 65! One cherry bombshell and a stunned mullet combo!
[EGO1165] Roger: Bea... that's... is this for real?
Comment: A bit cautiously
Beatrice: ...yes, it is.
[EGO1166] Roger: That's... great! That's wonderful!
Beatrice: You... you really feel that way?
[EGO1167] Roger: What? Of course I do!
[EGO1168] Roger: How else would I feel about it?
Beatrice: I don't know... I had no idea how you were going to react.
[EGO1169] Roger: Beatrice, this is the best news ever!
Comment: more confidently now
Beatrice: It is, isn't it?
[EGO1170] Roger: We're going to have a baby boy!
Beatrice: Or a daughter. It's too early to tell at this point.
[EGO1171] Roger: Ohhh, right. We don't know yet. Heh heh.
Beatrice: Speaking of which, I've been thinking...
[EGO1172] Roger: Yes?
Beatrice: When I was born, my parents were married.
Beatrice: And when you were born, your parents were...
[EGO1173] Roger: Disappointed.
Beatrice: ...married.
[EGO1174] Roger: Oh, right.
Beatrice: And we're... not.
[EGO1175] Roger: Oh, so you're thinking... we should...?
Beatrice: Well, why not? The timing seems perfect.
[EGO1176] Roger: Actually, uh... I think we should wait.
[EGO1177] Roger: Don't get me wrong, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Comment: thoughtfully
[EGO1178] Roger: Heck, I've been thinking about this for so long.
Beatrice: So you do want to get married?
Comment: wakes again
[EGO1179] Roger: Exactly, but... I don't want anything bad to happen to you.
Beatrice: Roger... what could possibly happen to me?
[EGO1180] Roger: I'd just... prefer if we do the actual marriage thing later.
Beatrice: I don't get it. Where is this coming from?
[EGO1181] Roger: I... I wish I could tell you, but... I just can't.
[EGO1182] Roger: You just have to trust me on this one, honey.
Comment: "Order 66" - Star Wars III reference
Pie-Ery Clerk: Order 66 - one large, banana-flavored creamer coming right up!
Beatrice: Uh, Roger, we've got a problem...
[EGO1183] Roger: I agree, this IS a problem.
[EGO1184] Roger: We should be able to tell each other everything...
Beatrice: Roger, seriously, there's a...
[EGO1185] Roger: But I really need you to believe me that there is something greater at stake here...
Pie-Ery Apeman: Are you Roger Wilco?
[EGO1186] Roger: Uhhh, yeah?
Pie-Ery Apeman: Come with me. Master Vohaul wants to see you.
[EGO1187] Roger: Huh? I think you're a little late. Vohaul's dead.
Pie-Ery Apeman: Actually, that's the thing. He's back.
[EGO1188] Roger: As in alive? How?!
Pie-Ery Apeman: I don't know - I haven't really been paying much attention.
[EGO1189] Roger: So what does he want?
Pie-Ery Apeman: Oh, something about destroying a galaxy or two.
Pie-Ery Apeman: Also, he keeps saying "WILCO MUST PAY!" a lot.
Pie-Ery Apeman: So grab your wallet and let's go, the next wormhole to Radon closes in fifteen minutes.
Beatrice: He's not going anywhere with you!
Pie-Ery Apeman: Hey, watch the attitude, lady!
Pie-Ery Apeman: I've got a 9000 volt taser here with your name on it.
Beatrice: Oh, yeah? Bring it on!
Pie-Ery Apeman: Whoa, hey...
Pie-Ery Apeman: Oooowww!
Pie-Ery Apeman: OW, that hur--
Pie-Ery Apeman: WAAAAGH!
Pie-Ery Apeman: *groan*
Pie-Ery Clerk: Er... don't be alarmed, just part of the midday show, folks...
Beatrice: Roger?
[EGO351] Roger: No! (Duplicate)
[EGO1190] Roger: Take the woman, I am of no use to you!
Beatrice: It's me.
[EGO1191] Roger: Oh...
[EGO1192] Roger: So... what are we gonna do now?
Beatrice: He said he was going to take you some place called Radon.
Beatrice: That must be where Vohaul is.
Beatrice: I'll notify StarCon, they'll send out a fleet first thing in the morning.
[EGO1193] Roger: Good thinking. We don't need to deal with this on our vacation.
Beatrice: Exactly. It'll just be a minute.
Beatrice: And then we can get back to that little conversation we were having.
[EGO1194] Roger: *Gulp*
[EGO1195] Roger: Actually, Bea, this might be worse than it looks. I think we should go and check it out.
Beatrice: What?
[EGO1196] Roger: He said the wormhole is closing. StarCon will have to wait for another one, which could take days.
[EGO1197] Roger: You and I may be the last line of defense between the universe and whatever Vohaul plans to do with it.
Beatrice: Please tell me you're not serious.
[EGO1198] Roger: No, dear, I think it's time for me to do it all again.
[EGO1199] Roger: To face my arch-nemesis one more time!
[EGO1200] Roger: I shall embark on a quest!
[EGO1201] Roger: A quest to once again save the universe from the evil clutches of a madman!
Beatrice: Listen, Roger, if this has anything to do with us getting married...
[EGO1202] Roger: To protect the innocent from this relentless force of evil that has been a thorn in my back pocket for so many sequels already!
Beatrice: I really don't think this is a good idea...
[EGO1203] Roger: Fighting this diabolical mastermind shall not be easy, but I will never let him defeat me! Oh no!
Beatrice: But what about our vacation?
[EGO1205] Roger: Let's get moving, Bea! Time's a wasting!
Beatrice: *sigh*

Pie-Ery Clerk: Hey, is anyone going to pick up these orders?
[EGO1206] Roger: Um, could you take care of that monkey there?
Pie-Ery Clerk: Actually, my shift ended--
[EGO1207] Roger: Great, thanks!
Pie-Ery Clerk: *SIGH*
Comment: "Clerks" reference
Pie-Ery Clerk: I'm not even supposed to BE HERE today!
Narrator: In mere moments, Roger and Beatrice are swiftly aboard the Aluminum Mallard, and race off together into the cosmos to confront this vengeance-seeking evil.
Narrator: Several hours of awkward silence later, they approach the desolate ice world of Radon. This hostile wasteland of a planet is home to an even more hostile presence fiendishly awaiting their arrival.

108 - Intro - Mallard Cockpit

Beatrice: Uh, Roger...
[EGO1208] Roger: Yes, dear?
Beatrice: Do you know what that sound means?
[EGO1209] Roger: My fat-free latté is ready?
Beatrice: It's a missile lock! Get us out of here!
[EGO1210] Roger: Taking evasive maneuvers!
Computer: Critical propulsion failure. Main engines offline.
[EGO1211] Roger: Never mind. They got us.
Beatrice: I hope you can land this thing better than you can fly it.
[EGO1212] Roger: I still have a few tricks up my sleeve. Hold onto something!

201 - Mallard Interior

Beatrice: Roger! ROGER!
[EGO1213] Roger: Bwuhh...
Beatrice: Are you okay?
[EGO1214] Roger: I... think so.
Beatrice: I can't believe we survived that!
[EGO1215] Roger: Yeah, that was... pretty bad.
Beatrice: Are you sure you're okay?
[EGO684] Roger: Yeah. (Duplicate)
Beatrice: No bleeding, no dizziness?
[EGO1216] Roger: Nope.
Beatrice: Good, good. Because in that case...
[EGO1217] Roger: I--
[EGO1218] Roger: Well--
Beatrice: I told you we should've let StarCon handle this!
[EGO1219] Roger: But Vohaul--
Beatrice: Shut up. Just shut up and get us out of here.
[EGO811] Roger: ...okay. (Duplicate)
[EGO76] Roger: Sorry. (Duplicate)
Beatrice: You'd better be.
Narrator: This doesn't look good, Roger. Your arch-nemesis is alive and probably plotting to take over the universe, while you're stuck on a deserted ice planet with your ship badly damaged. You'd better find a way to get out of here and find Vohaul before things get any worse.

[EGO1220] Roger: Ah, here's the manual... let's see...
[EGO1221] Roger: Hey! There's no page numbers!
[EGO1222] Roger: Agh, fine. Page 1...
[EGO1223] Roger: 2...
[EGO1224] Roger: 3...
[EGO1225] Roger: 4...
Narrator: A few minutes later...
[EGO1226] Roger: 217...
[EGO1227] Roger: 218...
[EGO1228] Roger: 219!
[EGO1229] Roger: Now, paragraph 1...
[EGO1223] Roger: 2... (Duplicate)
Narrator: A few more minutes later...
[EGO1230] Roger: ...3!
[EGO1231] Roger: Now, word 1...
[EGO1223] Roger: 2... (Duplicate)
Beatrice: Need some help, Roger?
[EGO1232] Roger: No, I can handle this, dear.
Beatrice: Are you absolutely sure?
[EGO1233] Roger: Positive.
Beatrice: Sigh...
[EGO1224] Roger: 3... (Duplicate)
[EGO1225] Roger: 4... (Duplicate)
[EGO1234] Roger: 5...
Narrator: Even more minutes later...
[EGO1235] Roger: 81...
[EGO1236] Roger: 82!
[EGO1237] Roger: And the word is...

[EGO1238] Roger: Must've miscounted.
[EGO1239] Roger: Ah well, page 1...
[EGO1223] Roger: 2... (Duplicate)
Beatrice: GIVE ME THAT!
Beatrice: There we go.

[EGO1240] Roger: Computer, open the door!
Comment: Anchorman reference
Computer: I don't know a Ned!
Narrator: The vocal input has never been very much help, has it, Roger?

[EGO1241] Roger: Wow, it even tastes like 16 million colors!

[EGO1242] Roger: These pipes carry the... something... from the... uhh... to the... er... someplace.
Narrator: Actually, you're wrong. They're just decoration.
[EGO1243] Roger: Oh.

[EGO1244] Roger: After you, m'lady!
Beatrice: Are you being courteous or cowardly?
[EGO1245] Roger: Ummm... yes?
Beatrice: Just give me a boost.

[EGO1246] Roger: Engage!
Narrator: You're not cool enough to make that line work, Roger. Besides, this ship isn't going anywhere anyway.

202 - Mallard Computer

[EGO1240] Roger: Computer, open the door! (Duplicate)
Computer: I don't know a Ned!
Narrator: The vocal input has never been very much help, has it, Roger?

Narrator: Although the Mallard's dated computer systems primarily rely on obsolete optical disc technology, it has also been fitted with a more modern floppy disk drive.
[EGO1247] Roger: Floppies are the future, I'm telling you.

[EGO1248] Roger: Duh. I wanted to put the disc in the slot, not the case.
Narrator: Why didn't you open the case first, then?
[EGO1249] Roger: Usually stuff like that just happens automatically for me.
Narrator: You have a strange life, Roger.

[EGO1250] Roger: Squeak, squeak.

[EGO1251] Roger: Broccoli!

203 - Radon Surface - Mallard Crash Site

Beatrice: Roger, go and find us a way off this rock. I'll stay here.
[EGO1252] Roger: Bea, we both know that splitting up in a dangerous situation always leads to big trouble!
Beatrice: Are you saying that I'm incapable of taking care of myself?
[EGO1253] Roger: No... I was more worried about myself, actually...
Beatrice: Don't feed me that.
Beatrice: You've had six big exciting adventures, and three or so others that are slightly less known, but still dynamic and amazing.
[EGO1254] Roger: Yes, but think of all the times I could have nearly died!
Beatrice: Just explore the area, will you?
[EGO1255] Roger: Yes, dear.
Beatrice: I suppose I'd better just make the most of this.
Narrator: A few minutes later...
Never Kenezer: Remarkable. Not a scratch.
Beatrice: Who are you?
Never Kenezer: The name's Never Kenezer. I'm here on behalf of--
Beatrice: Vohaul.
Never Kenezer: Oh. Indeed. How did you know?
Beatrice: You brought apemen with you. That narrows down the options somewhat.
Never Kenezer: I see. You must be... Beatrice Wankmeister?
Beatrice: Expecting somebody else?
Never Kenezer: Well, quite frankly I was expecting a crash site with no survivors.
Never Kenezer: But I guess this means we'll have to fall back to Plan B.
Beatrice: Now, you listen to me, you worthless--
Never Kenezer: Easy there.
Never Kenezer: All right, now that we've calmed down a little...
Beatrice: A stun ray? You don't even have the guts to kill me?
Never Kenezer: Oh, believe me, I'd love to.
Never Kenezer: But I'm afraid Dr. Vohaul has given me strict orders to capture any survivors alive.
Comment: tone should be that of "Sigh, typical evil madman"
Beatrice: ...of course he has.
Never Kenezer: Hmm, we seem to be missing a certain Mr. Wilco here. But no worries.
Never Kenezer: That janitor sticks out like an Orat in a cheese shop.
Never Kenezer: We'll find him.
Comment: Indiana Jones reference
Beatrice: The hell you will.
Beatrice: He's got a two minute head start on you, which is more than he needs.
Beatrice: Roger can clean his tracks on any surface from here to Vohaul's fortress.
Beatrice: He'll blend in, disappear, you'll never see him again.
Beatrice: With any luck, he's defeated Vohaul already.

Never Kenezer: We'll see about that. Time to go.
[EGO1256] Roger: Hey, Bea, I forgot to take my-- Uh, Bea?
[EGO1257] Roger: Beatrice?
Narrator: You pick up the piece of paper and read it:
Never Kenezer: "Hello, Mr. Wilco.

Let's get straight to the point.
I have been tasked by Dr. Vohaul to bring you into custody.
Unfortunately, your absence during our sweep of the crash site has made said task more complicated than it should be.

So here's the deal:

We have Beatrice.

If you ever want to see her alive again, you'll walk right up to the fortress on the horizon and surrender.

Looking forward to a productive cooperation,
Dr. Never Kenezer"
[EGO1258] Roger: Beatrice! No!
Narrator: Well, ain't that a bummer. You're stuck on a nearly-deserted ice planet, your ship is broken, Vohaul seems to be taking over the universe, he's got your girlfriend and as if that wasn't enough, you've now got snow in your boots.
[EGO1259] Roger: Somehow, I can't help but feel that all of this could've been avoided if I just stayed on Romaticon-7 and didn't bring my pregnant girlfriend to an ice planet swarming with Vohaul's minions.
[EGO1260] Roger: Oh, well - no time to point fingers. Wilco to the rescue!

[EGO1261] Roger: I'll come back for you, baby. You know I'll never leave you.

Narrator: Hey, don't you already have a piece of Septuple-Thick Omega-PVC Windscreen Glass?
[EGO1262] Roger: No, I think it's just Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass.
Narrator: The point still stands. Besides, how much broken glass do you want in those pockets?

Narrator: So just because a piece of smashed glass from a crashed vessel saved your life once before, you automatically assume that the same thing will happen this time. You really think it will be that simple?
[EGO1263] Roger: Er... yeah!
Narrator: All right then. You pick up the piece of glass.

Narrator: You reach into the hole and find... a magical dagger!
[EGO1264] Roger: Bah, yet another useless frickin' dagger.
Narrator: You throw it away.

Narrator: You reach into the hole and find... a pouch of diamonds!
Narrator: You close it quickly as to not lose any.
[EGO1265] Roger: Oops! Lost 'em!
Narrator: It was fun while it lasted.

[EGO1266] Roger: Anybody in there?
Narrator: The only response you hear is the chirping of some kind of a bug, and from the tone it sounds like it's not interested in talking to you.

Narrator: A toilet seat cover seems to have fallen out of the ship during the crash.
[EGO1267] Roger: Hmm... I didn't even know we had a toilet on the Mallard.
Narrator: Well then, how did you... actually, never mind.

Narrator: This is a self-inflating model. There is no need to blow in it.
[EGO1268] Roger: ...what?!
Narrator: Oh, I'm sorry... a writer must have mistaken this toilet seat cover for a life buoy.
[EGO1269] Roger:'s not?!

Comment: "LOST" reference
[EGO1270] Roger: I've done everything you wanted me to do!! Why did you do this to me?!

204 - Radon Surface - Snowman

[EGO1271] Roger: Err... excuse me, sir, would you happen to know where I might find a certain Doctor Vohaul?
[EGO1272] Roger: ...Hello? Can you hear me?

Narrator: There's a snowman standing here. Apparently it looks alive enough to fool some people.
[EGO1273] Roger: Come on! It even has a wallet in its back pocket!
Narrator: Actually, that IS a little odd, now that you mention it...

[EGO1274] Roger: Hey, he's got a wallet in his backpocket! I wonder...
Narrator: The icy components of the snowman have rendered it rather sturdy. That wallet's stuck in there pretty tight.

[EGO1275] Roger: Sir, it appears to me that you have a wallet in your backpocket!
[EGO1276] Roger: May I borrow it for an undisclosed period of time?
Narrator: ...It's just a lifeless snowman, Roger! Get over it!

[EGO1277] Roger: Well, Mr. Snow, this is going to hurt you more than me.
Narrator: Given the shape you're in, Roger, I wouldn't bet on that.

[EGO1278] Roger: Hand over the wallet, man! I'll cut ya! I'll cut ya!
Narrator: It might take a little more force to get that wallet out of there.

Narrator: You dangle a buckazoid in front of the wallet, hoping to lure out any others that might be hiding within.
[EGO1279] Roger: Hmm. They're not falling for it.

Narrator: Are you trying to loosen or fasten the wallet?
[EGO1280] Roger: Umm... which one gets me the money?
Narrator: Loosen.
[EGO1281] Roger: And which one does the duct tape do?
Narrator: Fasten.
[EGO1282] Roger: Dang. So close.

207 - Radon Surface - Cliff

[EGO1283] Roger: Hello!
Comment: Echo from cliff
Other: hello... hello... hello... hello...

209 - Radon Surface

[EGO1284] Roger: On Labion, mushrooms eat YOU!!

210 - Radon Surface - Giant Skeleton

[EGO1285] Roger: It appears to be a fine specimen of Sceleticus Gigantus of the Iceplaneticus.
Narrator: Wow, Roger, you sure have book smarts!
[EGO1286] Roger: I read good.

[EGO1287] Roger: Oh, great bones of a fallen heroic animal! Is there any wisdom from beyond the grave that you wish to share with all the people in the Universe?
Comment: Said by the giant skeleton. One of the more bizarre click events. Not sure what the voice should sound like.
Other: Eat nectarines - half a peach, half a plum, it's a hell of a fruit!

[EGO1288] Roger: Hey, there's a whole cave in there!

211 - Radon Surface - Spewter

[EGO1289] Roger: See the bone? Fetch the bone, boy! Fetch the bone!
Narrator: You wave the bone around, but the monster remains more interested in the large piece of meat holding the bone.

212 - Radon Surface - Al's Resort - Exterior

[EGO1290] Roger: Wow, this place looks cheap.

[EGO1266] Roger: Anybody in there? (Duplicate)
Resort Clerk: Yyyeap.

Al: Hey!
Al: Where do you think you're going?
[EGO15] Roger: I would like to enter your beach resort. (Duplicate)
Al: That'll be 500 buckazoids.

[EGO28] Roger: Oh. Bye then. (Duplicate)
Al: Don't let the snow hit you on the way out.

Al: So you have finally decided to invest your hard-earned wealth in a lifetime pass to my resort.
Al: Feel free to visit the gift shop or enjoy the beach.
Al: In fact, would you like me to go inside so you can conduct any of the beach-related procedures of your species in a state of heightened privacy?
[EGO1291] Roger: Uhh... no, I won't be--
Al: Ah, I see. You're one of the shy ones.
Al: No worries, I can take a hint.
Al: If you need any assistance, come see me inside.
Al: Just... make sure you have your clothes on before you do so.
Al: ...weirdo.

213 - Radon Surface - Al's Resort - Interior

Resort Clerk: Hey, would you have seen that survey clipboard?
[EGO1292] Roger: Er... are you talking to me?
[EGO1293] Roger: Because I haven't seen any clipboards, heh heh...
[EGO1294] Roger: None at all.
[EGO1295] Roger: Why would you even think that?
[EGO1296] Roger: Where... what... what would I do with it?
[EGO1297] Roger: Just stick it in my pants?
[EGO1298] Roger: That would be crazy! You're crazy!
Resort Clerk: So that's a no?
[EGO1299] Roger: Yes! I mean no.
[EGO1300] Roger: No, I mean yes!
Narrator: Smooth.

Al: Hey, where are you going with that clipboard?
[EGO1301] Roger: Oh, yeah, I meant to return it.

[EGO1302] Roger: Hail to the king, baby!

Narrator: My, what an ugly fat kid.
[EGO1303] Roger: He's not fat. He's big-boned.

Narrator: You reach out and give the little doll a pinch.
[EGO1304] Roger: Tsst!
Comment: Said by Cartman doll
Other: AY!

[EGO1305] Roger: Holy jumping mother of God in a side-car with chocolate jimmies and a lobster bib! This head is heavy!

[EGO1306] Roger: Oh no!
[EGO1307] Roger: It's that creature from my childhood nightmares that tried to eat me!

[EGO1308] Roger: No way! They'll bite my hand off!

[EGO1309] Roger: You can survive! You can beat them!
Narrator: Roger, this is something we can talk through later. You have a girlfriend to save, remember? Strange but true.

[EGO1310] Roger: Hell no!
[EGO1311] Roger: After all the trouble I went through trying to shut him up, there's no way I'd want to encourage him to start babbling again!

[EGO1312] Roger: Yep, it's genuine. No BONES about it.
Narrator: Ugh, Roger...
[EGO1313] Roger: Hey, at least I tried.

[EGO1314] Roger: This hat belongs in a museum!
Resort Clerk: Hey! You gotta pay for that!
[EGO1315] Roger: Oh... never mind then...

[EGO1316] Roger: It's a bunch of Official Astro Chicken Flight Hats! I can't believe they're still selling these things.

[EGO1317] Roger: Why did the chicken cross the road?
[EGO1318] Roger: *chuckle*
[EGO1319] Roger: Because his tax return was overdue!
Narrator: Ladies and Gentlemen, a prime example of janitorial humor.

Comment: Reference to "Peasant Quest" by Homestar Runner
[EGO1321] Roger: Come to think of it, I'd look rather dashing wearing one of these as I journey through the land.
Narrator: Rather dashing? More like... rather homely!
[EGO1322] Roger: Shut up.

Narrator: It looks like a hybrid of grapefruits and a miniature octopus...
[EGO1323] Roger: Could make a nice hat...

[EGO1324] Roger: Hey, what is that blue thing anyway?
Resort Clerk: Err... It's...
Resort Clerk: Well, it looks like a...
Resort Clerk: a...
Resort Clerk: a...
[EGO1325] Roger: ...choo?
Resort Clerk: Shut up.

Narrator: This cake is long past its expiration date.
[EGO1326] Roger: Could make a nice hat.

Narrator: The label on the jar reads 'Abby Normal'.
[EGO1327] Roger: Didn't we do that joke in Space Quest 6?
Narrator: Well, how many different brain-in-a-jar jokes can you think of?
[EGO1328] Roger: Fifty-four. If you include the aquarium ones.
Narrator: Let's just move on.

[EGO1329] Roger: Nah. I hate brain water.

Narrator: You shake the jar around a bit and watch as the brain swirls inside and bumps against the glass.
[EGO1330] Roger: My parents used to say this is what happens every time I sniff cleaning fluid.

[EGO1331] Roger: Sweet goggles. But what's that third lens for?
Resort Clerk: It's designed by a race of triclopes. Duh.
[EGO1332] Roger: Oh yeah... that does make sense.

Narrator: You don't want these goggles. The green glow will give away your position in a split second.
[EGO1333] Roger: Green glow? I don't see no green glow.
Narrator: What? Oh, right, you wouldn't.

[EGO1334] Roger: Okay, seriously - how much? I want this.
Resort Clerk: 250 buckazoids, sir.
[EGO1335] Roger: 250 buckazoids!
[EGO1336] Roger: Arrr! That be thievary, ye little pirate!
[EGO1337] Roger: I shall cut yer gills and hang yer nose off the turnpike!
Resort Clerk: Uhh... umm... well...
Resort Clerk: I guess you could have just the moustache, for free.

[EGO1338] Roger: Arr! Yer generosity shall not be forgott'n!

[EGO1339] Roger: Would the price happen to have dropped since I last asked about this bear?
Resort Clerk: No.
[EGO1340] Roger: Is it likely to in the future?
Resort Clerk: No.
[EGO1341] Roger: Well... can I just cuddle him for a little while?
Resort Clerk: I'd really rather you didn't.
Comment: A depressed sounding 'Arrrr...'
[EGO1342] Roger: Arrrr...

[EGO1343] Roger: Arrr! It be Teddybeard! Me old favorite children's toy! I be talking like a pirate now!

[EGO1344] Roger: Ahoy, matey! Ye be looking a bit green under the collar! Yar-har-harr!

[EGO1345] Roger: How much for this parasol?
Resort Clerk: It's free. The only catch is that we put you on our mailing list.
[EGO1346] Roger: What?! Screw that! I'll find an umbrella somewhere else!

[EGO1347] Roger: Wow look at that! Ice cream that looks like an eyeball...
Resort Clerk: Actually, it's ice cream that's made from an eyeball...
[EGO1191] Roger: Oh... (Duplicate)

Comment: Milton and Lumbergh from "Office Space"
Narrator: Yyyeah... I'm afraid you're not gonna get this stapler.
[EGO1348] Roger: B-but it's... right there... I could...
Narrator: Oh, and... I'm also gonna need you to come in for work on Saturday...
[EGO1349] Roger: No, I... but... my stapler...
Narrator: Grrreat... see ya then.
[EGO1350] Roger: ...I could... set the game on fire...

[EGO1351] Roger: Tastes like an "Office Space" reference.
Narrator: Very subtle, writers.

[EGO1352] Roger: Is this really the only tourist spot on Radon?
Resort Clerk: Yep.

[EGO1353] Roger: What a crappy sign!
Narrator: Oh-ho-ho-ho!

Comment: may want to use this clip for reference -
[EGO1354] Roger: Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
Other: What was Wenger thinking, sending Walcott on that early?
[EGO1355] Roger: Thing about Arsenal is, they always try to walk it in.

[EGO35] Roger: What's on that clipboard? (Duplicate)
Resort Clerk: Did you want to fill in the survey?
[EGO50] Roger: What survey? (Duplicate)
Resort Clerk: It's a feedback form on the quality of service in this resort. You want one?

215 - Radon Surface - Destroyed Snowman

Narrator: Well, you got what you wanted, Roger. The wallet has been dislodged.
[EGO79] Roger: Yes... (Duplicate)
[EGO1356] Roger: BUT AT WHAT COST!?

[EGO1357] Roger: Maybe I can give him a proper burial...
Narrator: You put your hand in a pile of snow... that used to be your best friend's FACE!

303 - Caves - Water Pool

Narrator: Sorry, Roger - you haven't yet mastered the art of carrying water around with your bare hands.
Narrator: Of course, you've mastered the art of sticking every other thing in your pants. Why not water? Why are simple liquids the exception?
Narrator: In fact, I'm reading through the game build right now and there's even an item in here labeled 'iPuddle.' Does this imply that Roger has no problem carrying puddles, yet simply scooping up some cold water in his hands is beyond his comprehension?
[EGO1358] Roger: It's all right, Narrator. I don't care. I'll just solve this puzzle like all the other ones.
Narrator: Now hear me out. What if Roger's pants were made out of some special space/time bending material that could house infinite amounts of anything? You could carry around water, large boulders, even other characters! Just imagine the possibilities!
[EGO1359] Roger: My pants are full enough, thank you.
Narrator: Fine, don't listen to me. I'm just the disembodied voice in Roger's head. I don't have brilliant ideas like using a bucket to pick up water - oh, I'm sorry. Did I just give away the puzzle solution? That and my complete lack of imagination are probably why I'm not a game designer.
Dev1: Okay, who wrote these lines?
Dev2: I think the Narrator's ad-libbing.
Dev3: Oh, crap. He's pulling a TSL on us. I'll get the tranquilizers ready.
Narrator: And don't get me started on you guys. Which one of you was the genius who wrote LOOK, INTERACT, and TALK functions for EVERY single hotspot in the game? I have to read all that you know, and it's not like I'm getting paid for this. And all that dialogue that didn't even make it into the game. Bloody fan efforts. Great work experience, my ass!
Dev1: It's just 'hand on water.' Does he really have to go on like this?
[EGO1360] Roger: Hey, what about me? I'm the one who has to carry all this stuff in my pants!
[EGO1361] Roger: Has anyone ever seen the bruises on my legs? It's painful carrying this stuff around!
Dev2: Roger, it's far too early in the game to be pulling off a fourth wall-breaking easter egg of this magnitude.
Dev1: Just stick to the script! Please!
Narrator: Easter egg? Hey, Roger - they think this is an easter egg.
[EGO1362] Roger: What - for breaking the fourth wall? We practically invented that!
Narrator: I think these so-called fans forgot their place. Maybe we should just report this illegal fan-game.
[EGO1363] Roger: Nah, forget them, Narrator! We don't need this crap!
[EGO1364] Roger: Let's hightail it to Cancun and let them star in their own game.
Narrator: Go on ahead without me, Rog. I'm about to unleash a divine can of Narrator whoop-ass on these devs.
Narrator: So now it's come down to you and me.
Dev1: Oh, boy - we're in trouble. How's that tranquilizer coming?
Dev3: Armed and ready! Fire in the hole!
Narrator: Ugggghhhh...
Dev2: Is he dead?
Dev1: No, no. He's just sleeping.
Dev3: But now we don't have a narrator.
Dev1: Or a Roger.
Dev2: I know! Let's bring in ninjas!
Dev3: Bring in ninjas and I will burn you in your sleep. With fire.
Dev2: I'll stab your eyes out and feed them to my cat!
Dev2: I miss Roger.
Dev3: Me too. We really took him for granted, didn't we?
Dev2: I don't really have a problem with him carrying water in his hands, do you guys?
Dev3: No, it's cool. I'd let him do it.
Dev1: Me too. It's not a big deal.
[EGO1365] Roger: I'd rather use the bucket.
Dev2: Roger! You're back!
[EGO1366] Roger: I ran into King Graham about halfway to Cancun. He was mumbling something about sea water.
[EGO1367] Roger: Man, do I really sound like that?
[EGO1368] Roger: Anyway, I'm ready to put this behind us and start the game again if you guys are.
Dev1: Great! There's just one problem...
[EGO1369] Roger: Where's the narrator?
Dev2: He was getting cranky, so we sort of put him to sleep.
[EGO1370] Roger: How long's he going to be out?
Dev3: Five hours.
[EGO1371] Roger: I'll be in Cancun if anybody needs me.
Comment: The narrator is unconscious during this line. Could either omit the voice or record some snoring.
Narrator: Five hours later...
Narrator: Huh? Where am I?
Dev1: Oh, he's awake! Roger, come back!
[EGO1372] Roger: Okay, I'm here! You guys skedaddle!
[EGO1373] Roger: So, rise and shine, sleepy-head! How was your nap?
Narrator: What happened? I don't normally nod off during the game. What were we doing again?
[EGO1374] Roger: You were just talking about how this water is too cold for me to carry with my bare hands.
Narrator: Oh, right.

304 - Caves - Furkunz Entrance

[EGO1375] Roger: Hello? Anybody there?
Narrator: There is no response.

307 - Caves - Furkunz Hall

Gofty: Oh, thank the Bottle! He's alive!
[EGO1376] Roger: Wh-where am I?
Finkle: We're terribly sorry, Mister Wilco, we had no idea it was you.
Odster: Yes, we thought you were one of those pesky apemen.
[EGO196] Roger: Why? (Duplicate)
Odster: Well, it's just your horrid posture, your tendency to slouch, your...
[EGO1377] Roger: I mean... What happened?
Finkle: As soon as we recognized you...
Finkle: ...once again, we are terribly sorry...
Odster: We need to protect ourselves from the apemen and we accidentally attacked you...
Gofty: Please accept our apologies, Mister Wilco...
[EGO1378] Roger: Uh, yeah... sure... but who are you?
Finkle: Ah, sorry about that... we are the Furkunz.
Gofty: Let us help you to the bar, then we'll explain it all.

Furkunz Priest: Keep your dirty fingers off the Almighty Bottle!
[EGO79] Roger: Yes... (Duplicate)
[EGO1379] Roger: ...the HOLY bottle...
[EGO1380] Roger: Hahahahaha!
Furkunz Priest: Ugh, you kids and your drugs...

Furkunz Priest: What are you doing there?
[EGO1381] Roger: Err... nothing.
Furkunz Priest: Keep it that way.

Narrator: Why, that's quite clever, Roger! You swiftly replace the MC Cola bottle with the one you got from the Pie-ery. The old priest won't probably even notice that it's a different bottle.
Furkunz Priest: You didn't touch anything while I was away, did you?
[EGO1216] Roger: Nope. (Duplicate)
Furkunz Priest: Hope? I don't need your hope!

[EGO1382] Roger: Knock knock!
Tent Furkunz: Who's there?
[EGO1383] Roger: Me!
Tent Furkunz: Me who?
[EGO1384] Roger: That's right!
Tent Furkunz: What's right?
[EGO1385] Roger: Meehoo!
Tent Furkunz: That's what I want to know!
[EGO1386] Roger: What's what you want to know?
[EGO1387] Roger: Me who?
[EGO1388] Roger: Yes, exactly!
Tent Furkunz: Exactly what?
[EGO1389] Roger: Yes, I have an Exactlywatt on a chain!
Tent Furkunz: Exactly what on a chain?
[EGO1390] Roger: Yes!
Tent Furkunz: Yes what?
[EGO1391] Roger: No, Exactlywatt!
Tent Furkunz: That's what I want to know!
[EGO1392] Roger: I told you - Exactlywatt!
Tent Furkunz: Exactly what?
[EGO1390] Roger: Yes! (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Yes what?
[EGO1393] Roger: Yes, it's with me!
Tent Furkunz: What's with you?
[EGO1394] Roger: Exactlywatt - that's what with me.
Tent Furkunz: Me who?
[EGO1390] Roger: Yes! (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Go away.

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello.
Tent Furkunz: Nookie!
[EGO1395] Roger: Pardon?
Tent Furkunz: Nookie!
[EGO216] Roger: What? (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Nookie!
[EGO1396] Roger: I don't get it.
Tent Furkunz: And you never will.

Tent Furkunz: Squeal like a pig, boy! Squeal like a pig!
[EGO1397] Roger: I beg your pardon?!
Tent Furkunz: Oh, hi! We're playing 'Animal Noises' in here!
Tent Furkunz: Now moo like a cow! And buzz like a bee!

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Who's there?
[EGO1398] Roger: The Ghost of Christmas Past.
Tent Furkunz: Oh!
Tent Furkunz: What's Christmas?
[EGO89] Roger: Never mind. (Duplicate)

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: It's a good thing you've arrived. It's a very special night.
Tent Furkunz: It's one of the master's affairs.
[EGO1399] Roger: No thanks. I've had my share of crossdressing in Space Quest IV.

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Your pointilistic hello, despite obvious dadaist leanings, remains, instead of being cleverly minimalistic...
Tent Furkunz: falls into nonsentical absurdist tendencies equivalent to late century neo-proto-surrealism...
[EGO1400] Roger: I didn't know they had art critics in this game.
Tent Furkunz: Ah, referring to the metafictional nature of this game, I see.
Tent Furkunz: I applaud you, very po-mo of you.

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: What is a common greeting word?
[EGO1401] Roger: That is correct!
Narrator: Tent of Jeopardy.

[EGO1402] Roger: Knock knock.
Tent Furkunz: Who's there?
[EGO1403] Roger: Interrupting Cow.
Tent Furkunz: Interrupting Cow who?
[EGO1404] Roger: Interrupting Cow from Andromeda.
Tent Furkunz: Great, you've spoiled my favorite jo--
[EGO1406] Roger: Didn't see THAT one coming, did you?
Tent Furkunz: Yep, I admit--
[EGO1405] Roger: MOOOOOOOOOOO!! (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Now you're pushing it.

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Go away.
Narrator: Tent of Misantrophy.

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Go away!
Tent Furkunz: And tell Lewdy I ain't got his welding torch, either.
[EGO216] Roger: What? (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: You're not trying to fix your bike?
[EGO346] Roger: No. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: And your gang's not heading for an ambush up the road?
[EGO1407] Roger: I don't even have a gang.
Tent Furkunz: Pardon. My mistake.

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Hello, you've reached the tent of Rene. This is not a recorded message.
[EGO1408] Roger: It seems that he's got a Magritte TX-1917-Alpha Answering Machine.
[EGO1409] Roger: Top-of-the-line.

[EGO1402] Roger: Knock knock. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Don't you have any other jokes?
[EGO1410] Roger: Well, if I knew the plural form of Furkunz, I'd ask you how many does it take to change a lightbulb?
Tent Furkunz: Just one.
[EGO1411] Roger: Why's that?
Tent Furkunz: Because there is no plural form of Furkunz.
[EGO1412] Roger: That makes sense.

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Yeah yeah yeah, you want your funny line like all the other tents have...
Tent Furkunz: Here's your funny line.
[EGO1413] Roger: This isn't funny.
Tent Furkunz: Your mom.

[EGO1402] Roger: Knock knock. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Roger Wilco who?
[EGO1414] Roger: I'm confused.
Tent Furkunz: Who's there?
[EGO1415] Roger: Ahh, I get it.
[EGO1416] Roger: Sloppy beta-testing.
Comment: Discworld reference

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Nice haircut, Cindy.
[EGO1417] Roger: Who said that?
Tent Furkunz: You did.
[EGO1418] Roger: I'm not sure what just happened.
Tent Furkunz: Yeah, but you'll be bothered by this until your last day.
[EGO1419] Roger: How disturbing.
Tent Furkunz: See? Works already.

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Aardvark.
[EGO1420] Roger: Hehehehehehehe.

[EGO1402] Roger: Knock knock. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Who's there?
[EGO1421] Roger: Not only not no one, not even not he.
Tent Furkunz: Heard that one already.

[EGO1422] Roger: That's silly. Tents don't talk.

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello. (Duplicate)
[EGO1423] Roger: I guess nobody's home.
Tent Furkunz: That's right, boy.
[EGO1424] Roger: Are you coming back anytime soon?
Tent Furkunz: After you leave.
[EGO1425] Roger: Okay, I'll just stick around 'til then.
Tent Furkunz: Not the brightest electron in the subatomic accelerator, aren't you?
[EGO1426] Roger: Hey watch it, I'm an Intergalactic Janitor!
Tent Furkunz: But who are you talking to? There's nobody here.
[EGO1427] Roger: Oh. Right.

[EGO1402] Roger: Knock knock. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Come in.
[EGO1428] Roger: You are not a fun guy.
Tent Furkunz: That's because I'm not a mushroom.

Tent Furkunz: Oh, snuggly-cakes!
Tent Furkunz: Oh, fuzzy-wuzzy-luvvy-poo!
Tent Furkunz: Oh, cuddly-buttons!
Tent Furkunz: Oh, sweetie-pumpkin!
[EGO1429] Roger: I guess caveball isn't their only recreation.

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: You're expecting a comical reply, but since instead you've gotten a notion about the nature of this conversation, you'll instead refer to it as...
[EGO1430] Roger: Tent of Meta-Reference.
Tent Furkunz: Yup.

Tent Furkunz: Error 47: Not a line: $0 script 64994/$f29. Please restart the game.
[EGO1431] Roger: But I'll lose all my progress!
Tent Furkunz: Should've saved more often.
[EGO1432] Roger: Can't we negotiate something?
Tent Furkunz: Okay, I'll ignore it just this one time. But don't let it happen again.

[EGO1402] Roger: Knock knock. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Who's there?
[EGO1433] Roger: Great Cthul.
Tent Furkunz: Great Cthul-who?
[EGO1434] Roger: Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.
[EGO1435] Roger: I'm not sure why I said that.

[EGO1436] Roger: I don't want to talk to this specific tent.
[EGO1437] Roger: Something about the texture, I think.
Tent Furkunz: Yeah, well, this tent ain't too fond of you either.

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: The President's giraffe is midnight blue.
[EGO1438] Roger: Tent of Non Sequitur.

[EGO1402] Roger: Knock knock. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Who's there?
[EGO1439] Roger: Jacques Derrida.
Tent Furkunz: Jacques Derrida who?
[EGO1440] Roger: Precisely.

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: What do you want from me?!?!
Tent Furkunz: I'm just a tent!!!
[EGO1441] Roger: Tent of Belligerence.
Tent Furkunz: Get lost!!!

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Whatever.
[EGO1442] Roger: Tent of Apathy.
[EGO1443] Roger: Or of Teenage Angst, perhaps.
Tent Furkunz: Huh, nobody understands me.
[EGO1444] Roger: Yup, Teenage Angst it is.

[EGO1402] Roger: Knock knock. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Let me guess, the Interrupting Cow?
[EGO1445] Roger: Damn.

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Albatross!

[EGO1446] Roger: Hello, Mr. Tent.

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: Echo.
[EGO1414] Roger: I'm confused. (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: As you should be.
[EGO1447] Roger: Why is that?
Tent Furkunz: Echo.

Tent Furkunz: *snore*
[EGO1448] Roger: Ran out of clever jokes, eh Mister Scriptwriter?
Tent Furkunz: Shut up, Wilco.
[EGO1417] Roger: Who said that? (Duplicate)
Tent Furkunz: *snore*

308 - Caves - Furkunz Bar

Bartender: Fresh ice water, on the house.
[EGO1449] Roger: Um...thanks.
Odster: So, where were we...?
Finkle: We are the Furkunz...
Gofty: You already said that.
Finkle: Shut up.
Finkle: My name is Finkle, and this here is...
[EGO1450] Roger: ...Einhorn?
Odster: Nope, Odster.
Gofty: And I'm Gofty.
Finkle: Anyway, Mister Wilco...
[EGO1451] Roger: How do you know my name?
Finkle: How do we know your name? But you're famous!
[EGO1452] Roger: I am?
Odster: You are the only man who has ever been able to defeat Vohaul and the apemen!
Gofty: You are like a hero to us!
Odster: Except for Mayor Nurb.
Odster: He doesn't trust any simians, as he calls you.
Gofty: But other than that, he's a nice fella.
Odster: Yeah!
Odster: Just last night, we were playing caveball with him, that was fun.
Gofty: Heh heh heh, yeah, after the third kickoff when Odster snatched his--
Finkle: Will you two let me speak?
Gofty: Sorry.
Odster: Sorry.
Finkle: We are on the same side as you are, Mister Wilco.
Finkle: We have a common enemy. Vohaul and the apes have been oppressing us for quite a while.
Gofty: We used to live up on the surface.
Gofty: That's where our real home is.
Gofty: But then one day the apemen came along and acted as if the planet was their property.
Finkle: They drove us off the surface and destroyed our village.
Finkle: We had nowhere else to go than down here, where they couldn't find us.
Odster: But we hate it in here. Apart from caveball, there's nothing to do.
Gofty: Although caveball IS quite fun. Especially when we play against the mayor.
Odster: Yeah!
Odster: Like that time he fumbled the double nelson during the far push and--
Finkle: Will you stop blabbering about this?
Gofty: Sorry.
Odster: Sorry.
Finkle: Anyway, we still haven't given up the hope to eventually claim back our spot on the surface.
Finkle: I'm the leader of the resistance and there is a big favor we'd like to ask you.
Finkle: However, I assume you would like some rest for now.
Finkle: Feel free to take a look around and talk to me again if you're interested in cooperation.

309 - Caves - Merf's Hut - Exterior

[EGO1453] Roger: Anybody home?
Narrator: There is no response.

[EGO1454] Roger: Come out and face me like a man, Merf!
[EGO1455] Roger: A weird, tiny furry kind of a man...
[EGO1456] Roger: ...but A MAN NONETHELESS.

310 - Caves - Merf's Hut - Interior

Narrator: You walk into Merf's house and are suddenly hit by the smell of metal. This man seems to like his electronic doodads. You better start sneaking though, lest you wake the Furkunz up.
[EGO1457] Roger: How do I do that?
Comment: "as adept as a common goon" - Quest for Glory reference. At least I think it was. Can't even find the phrase on Google now.
Narrator: Oh yeah, your sneaking skill is at 0 - 'as adept as a common goon'. Guess we'll just have to hope he's a heavy sleeper.

[EGO1458] Roger: Merf is sleeping over there, I'd rather not get too close.

Merf: Hmm, what's that?
Merf: Hey!
Merf: You there! In the shadows!
Merf: Come out where I can see you!
Merf: Doing some late night housekeeping, I take it?
[EGO1459] Roger: Oh, um, uhhh... mesa no speaking the English.

Merf: You there! In the shadows!
Merf: Come out where I can see you!
Merf: You've got to the count of 5 to explain yourself.
[EGO1460] Roger: Well, you see...
Merf: Five!

Merf: You there! In the shadows!
Merf: Come out where I can see you!
Merf: Doing some late night housekeeping, I take it?
[EGO1459] Roger: Oh, um, uhhh... mesa no speaking the English. (Duplicate)

[EGO1461] Roger: No! I had enough micro-gravity during my visit to Space Quest 10 to last me a lifetime!

Narrator: You type in the name of every item in your inventory, curious to know what kind of meal you can make with them. Moments later, a print-out pops out.
[EGO1462] Roger: Grey Poupon?

[EGO1463] Roger: No! I'm never touching X-Ray glasses again - especially after I mixed up my old pair with my sunglasses at grandma's 80th birthday!

Narrator: You lick the glasses, sustaining quite an amount of radiation in the process. Nice job.
[EGO1464] Roger: Ooh, my tongue glows!

[EGO1465] Roger: I feel bad for kids in 2015. They had no idea it would take another two thousand years before anyone invented one of these.

[EGO1466] Roger: ...I don't wanna.

[EGO1467] Roger: Wow! It's been signed by Gary Palaroncini from the band Limozeeeeen!

[EGO1468] Roger: Bitchin'.

[EGO1469] Roger: Hey there, little fella!
Narrator: The taterhedd has been paralyzed and cannot talk back to you. Deep down, however, his eyes express millions of years of excruciating boredom and unalleviated itches.

311 - Caves - Merf's Hut - Safe

Narrator: ...Wait, why exactly would his password be your name?
[EGO1470] Roger: That's the way it's worked in all the other computers I've used.
Narrator: Hoy vay.

401 - Boot Camp - Cave Exit

[EGO1471] Roger: ECHO!
Narrator: Hmm, even the laws of physics don't feel like talking to you today.

402 - Boot Camp - Entrance

Entrance Guard: Hey you!
Entrance Guard: You set off the alarm!
[EGO1472] Roger: No I didn't!
Entrance Guard: Are you sure?
[EGO163] Roger: Yes. (Duplicate)
Entrance Guard: Are you really, REALLY not-not sure?
[EGO1473] Roger: Just keep the gate open, will ya?

Entrance Guard: Splendid! Here you go.
[EGO1474] Roger: Oh well...

Entrance Guard: Uhh... I see...
Entrance Guard: Could you wait a moment, please?
[EGO136] Roger: Sure. (Duplicate)
Entrance Guard: NED! Get over here!
[EGO1475] Roger: ...did you just tell him to get the camp cleaned up before the inspection?
Entrance Guard: No.
[EGO1476] Roger: But I could swear he--
Entrance Guard: Would you care for a cup of tea?
[EGO1477] Roger: What, tea? No, I'd just like to--
Entrance Guard: Are you sure you won't have just ONE cup?
[EGO1478] Roger: ...did that tea just eat right through the spoon?
Entrance Guard: What spoon? There is no spoon.
[EGO1479] Roger: Yes, there was. The tea just melted it.
Entrance Guard: Are you sure?
Entrance Guard: Perhaps it is YOU who is melted.
[EGO1480] Roger: ...what?
Entrance Guard: Exactly.
[EGO1481] Roger: Anyway, getting back to the point...

Entrance Guard: A-HA! I've got you now!
[EGO1474] Roger: Oh well... (Duplicate)
[EGO1482] Roger: Wait... what did my answer mean anyway?
Entrance Guard: Well, quite clearly you just told me that you...
Entrance Guard: ...uhh...
Entrance Guard: ...that you... err...
Entrance Guard: ...wait a tic, wait a tic... if no and no make a yes...
Entrance Guard: ...and the untea were to be undrunk...
Entrance Guard: Would you happen to have a pen and paper?
[EGO1483] Roger: Not really.
Entrance Guard: ...okay, but can I just ask you one more question?
[EGO1484] Roger: As long as it isn't about tea.
Comment: Bit of a Futurama reference here from when Fry wanted to ask Leela about her eye
[EGO1485] Roger: Is it about tea?
Entrance Guard: ...kinda.
[EGO1486] Roger: Just say it.

Entrance Guard: Ah, forget about the tea then.
[EGO1487] Roger: ...huh?
Entrance Guard: Unless...
[EGO1488] Roger: No, no... I'm fine, really. Can I go in now?
Entrance Guard: I'll show you around the base.
[EGO1489] Roger: I'd rather inspect it alone.
Entrance Guard: I'd rather you didn't.

Narrator: It's the tea that ate the spoon.
[EGO1490] Roger: But I thought there was no spoon.
Narrator: You have much yet to learn, young one.

[EGO1491] Roger: You won't mind if I take this cup of tea, would you?
Entrance Guard: No, not at all, go ahead!
Entrance Guard: ...Aren't you going to drink it?
[EGO1492] Roger: No, not really.
Entrance Guard: ...You clever devil!

[EGO1493] Roger: I've changed my mind, I'd actually like a cup of tea after all.

Entrance Guard: Hey, you!
[EGO1494] Roger: Hi, I'm looking for...

403 - Boot Camp - Forksmith's Ship

[EGO1495] Roger: Say, does this thing respond to voice commands too?
Ship Guard: Yeah! Go ahead, give it a shot.
[EGO1496] Roger: Okay, umm...
[EGO1497] Roger: Fly away, you... ship!
Computer: Initiating take-off sequence...
Computer: Powering up engines...
Computer: Recalculating fuel levels...
[EGO1498] Roger: Whoa, it worked!
Computer: No, I was just being sarcastic.
Ship Guard: Heh heh heh... that never gets old.

404 - Boot Camp - Center

[EGO1499] Roger: All right, stick out your tongue and say 'AAAAHHH'.
Rodney: Shudn't I un-dress and git on tha table?
[EGO1500] Roger: Uh, no. That's not necessary.
Rodney: Well, I'll do it anyways.
[EGO1501] Roger: Oy vay...
Narrator: Five minutes later...
[EGO1502] Roger: Listen, Rodney, I'm not very comfortable doing this part without gloves.
Rodney: But I's could be ee-llergic to that there latex rubber!
[EGO1503] Roger: Could you at least stop clenching?
Rodney: No promises, doc. Now 'scuse me while I turn my head 'n cough.
Narrator: Another five minutes later...
[EGO1504] Roger:'s a boy!
Narrator: Yet another five minutes later...
Rodney: Thanks, Doc! I feel great! Hey, what's wrong with you?
[EGO1505] Roger: Nothing. I just need a really long shower.
Rodney: Well, let's go get that sewer open for ya'.

[EGO1506] Roger: Since I gave you that soda, could I borrow that puzzle of yours?
Rupert: It's all sticky now, so... yeah. Okay. But bring it back soon.
[EGO1507] Roger: You betcha, kid.
Rupert: Great. Now I'm bored.
Rupert: DAD!!!
Entrance Guard: What?!

[EGO1508] Roger: Hey there, want some Smarm?
Rupert: Sure!
Entrance Guard: Hey, wait...!
Rupert: Ewww!!
Entrance Guard: Great, now your mother will blame me. I knew I shouldn't have brought you to work with me.

[EGO1509] Roger: Hey, I brought your puzzle back. It's still sticky.
Rupert: Uh... you can hold onto it.

[EGO1510] Roger: Hey, kid. Want a shard of highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass?
Rupert: You're giving a sharp piece of glass to a kid? Are you crazy?!

[EGO1511] Roger: Want some pop, kid?
Rupert: Out of an empty bottle? No thanks.

Entrance Guard: Hey, you! You didn't press the alarm button, did you?
[EGO1512] Roger: Who, me?
Ape Colonel: What's all this about?
Entrance Guard: Sir! Somebody set off the gate alarm!
Ape Colonel: So why in the name of Vohaul aren't you at the gate?!
Entrance Guard: Well... I had to... uh, this inspector here...
Ape Colonel: Get back to your post and find out what's going on!
Entrance Guard: Yes, but...
Ape Colonel: And don't let me see you wandering around again! Is that clear?!
Entrance Guard: Yes, sir.
Ape Colonel: Dismissed!

Narrator: Well, that didn't work.

405 - Boot Camp - Closet

[EGO1514] Roger: Well, he's gone now.
Rodney: Who? The doctor?
[EGO1515] Roger: Yeah. Let's go get that check-up over with.
Rodney: Huzzah!

Ned: Wait! What are you doing?
[EGO1516] Roger: Sorry, Ned. Regulations. Gotta inspect this entire base.
Ned: But you can't!
Ned: No!!!
[EGO1517] Roger: Oh, my... god.
Ned: Gulp.
[EGO1518] Roger: Ned, are these yours?
Ned: It's not mine! I swear! I'm holding it for the apes! They swore me to secrecy!
Ned: Everything would be fine, they said! We're in this together, they said!
Ned: Oh, if Vohaul ever finds out about this, they'll kill me!
[EGO1519] Roger: What is this stuff?
Ned: ...sorry, what?
[EGO1520] Roger: I don't know what this stuff is. Is it illegal? Is it contraband? Is it a potential health hazard?
Ned: Well, of course it's a hazard! We've been hiding it from Vohaul all week!
Ned: I wanted to get rid of it, but the apes wanted to keep it around and... augh, it's all too complicated! How'd I get into this mess?
Ned: Please go easy on me! I'll do anything! I'll point fingers! Name names! Give bribes!
[EGO1521] Roger: Anything, huh?
Ned: Anything!
[EGO1522] Roger: Hey, Ned?
Ned: Yeah?
[EGO1523] Roger: Relax. I saw nothing.
Ned: Aren't you going to write me up? Isn't this a major infraction?
[EGO1524] Roger: Uh, yeah - I guess so. But hey, we all make mistakes, right?
[EGO1525] Roger: I'm sure whatever this is... I could stand to look the other way.
Ned: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! Just don't tell anybody about what you saw - please!
[EGO1526] Roger: My lips are sealed.

Narrator: You take the cup of tea and pour it on the large lock keeping the closet shut. The lock dissolves and falls off.
[EGO1527] Roger: Whoa. Didn't think that'd work.
Ned: Huh? What did you just do? Please stop doing it.

Narrator: Ooh, it's a Smarm vending machine! I've never seen one before, but there's a funny story behind the brand!
Narrator: It was specially designed to be the most spilling drink ever, something that would burst out of the can with an enormous force, even without any shaking or mixing with FreshMaker(TM) candy.
[EGO1528] Roger: Yeah, look, I'm not really interested--
Narrator: But most contemporary soft drink cans could not withstand the pressure, so a whole new special extra-strong can had to be designed from a titanium alloy...
[EGO1529] Roger: Really, I don't want to hear the story.
Narrator: The creators of the brand had overlooked one thing, though - after bursting out of the can, there was never any drink left inside. After the initial pranking fad wore down, nobody would ever buy it to actually quench their thirst, and the brand turned out to be an enormous failure.
[EGO1530] Roger: Are you even listening to me?
Narrator: Oh, what? Yeah, I'm done.

[EGO1531] Roger: The crate tastes great!
Narrator: We already used up that joke.

406 - Boot Camp - Minilith

[EGO1532] Roger: Jerk.

[EGO1533] Roger: I can't believe that happened twice.

[EGO1534] Roger: This is getting ridiculous.

[EGO1535] Roger: Think I'll try something else.

[EGO1536] Roger: Don't say a word.

Rodney: Huh, I s'pose ol' Forksmith can't handle the moonshine!
[EGO1537] Roger: Uh, yeah... passed out all by himself.
Rodney: 'N he calls himself a great soul-djah. Ah'm disgusted!
Rodney: Well, there you go. Thanks for ever'thing!
[EGO215] Roger: Bye. (Duplicate)

[EGO1538] Roger: I'm not going any further until I dig up some intel on this fortress. I could be lost for days in there!

Comment: Beaver and Steve reference:
[EGO1539] Roger: Great icy minilith, grant me sanctuary!

[EGO1540] Roger: I'm almost there, Vohaul! Just you wait!

[EGO1541] Roger: Hmm, maybe you could try this bone?
General Forksmith: A bone?
General Forksmith: I meant get me something like a sledgehammer.
General Forksmith: How am I supposed to smash a rock open with a...
General Forksmith: Actually, let me have a closer look at that bone...
[EGO66] Roger: Here you go. (Duplicate)
General Forksmith: Yeah... look at that.
General Forksmith: Solid form... good weight... a primal tool of... of...
[EGO1542] Roger: I meant for that to happen.

Narrator: There's General Forksmith. He just knocked himself unconscious with a bone.
Comment: SQ6 reference
[EGO1543] Roger: I did that with a jockstrap once.

407 - Boot Camp - Fortress Gate

[EGO1544] Roger: Would you let me through if I gave you... this piece of viewshield glass?
Gate Guard #1: ...Umm. No?
[EGO1545] Roger: Drat.

Gate Guard #2: Uhh... what do you think you're doing?
[EGO1546] Roger: Opening the gate?
Gate Guard #2: Who are you?

408 - Boot Camp - Colonel's Tent

[EGO1547] Roger: Like my dad said when I was born, there's no way I'm putting my hand near that!

Ape Colonel: Keep it down, will ya?
[EGO1549] Roger: Oh, sorry.

[EGO1550] Roger: Energize!
Narrator: Nothing happens. This baby is done for good.

[EGO1551] Roger: Whoa, Gorilla Radio! Turn that thing up!

Comment: Reference to the "Thy Dungeonman" game by Homestar Runner
Narrator: Ye cannot get ye flask!
[EGO1552] Roger: Darn!

[EGO1553] Roger: Heheh, how cute! This miniature desk must be for the Colonel's children!
Ape Colonel: What was that?
[EGO1554] Roger: Err... nothing!
[EGO1555] Roger: Sir!

[EGO1556] Roger: No way! I'm a strict pacifici... pafici...
[EGO1557] Roger: ...fascipi...
[EGO1558] Roger: ...I don't like guns.

409 - Boot Camp - Dr. Nelzo's Tent

Dr. Nelzo: Ah-ha! A new face! May I interest you in any of my special offers?
Dr. Nelzo: Special herbal medicine, just for you!
Dr. Nelzo: Gain up to three hundred inches in a matter of minutes!
[EGO1559] Roger: WHAAAAH!!
Dr. Nelzo: Amazing offers, I know!
[EGO1560] Roger: No, it's your... uh, face?
[EGO1561] Roger: I can see your... is that your brain?
Dr. Nelzo: ...oh. Yes. That is my brain.
[EGO1562] Roger: Holy smokes! That's the creepiest thing I've ever seen!
[EGO1563] Roger: Well, apart from that one time I was actually inside someone's brain...
[EGO1564] Roger: But that's a whole different story altogether.
Dr. Nelzo: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let me guess... you're not here to buy my special medicine?
[EGO1483] Roger: Not really. (Duplicate)
Dr. Nelzo: Hmpf, they never are. So much for those innovative online advertising campaigns.
[EGO1565] Roger: So, anyhoo...

[EGO1566] Roger: Of course, there's still the problem of the two ape guards at the ship.
Dr. Nelzo: Hmm... you know what, don't worry about them, I've already got an idea.
Dr. Nelzo: But thanks for everything! Here, help yourself to a free sample!
[EGO1567] Roger: What is this?
Dr. Nelzo: It's that miracle growth serum I told you about! 300 inches in three seconds!
Dr. Nelzo: A ladies' man like you could make some real work of it if you know what I'm saying.
[EGO1568] Roger: I... don't know what you're saying.
Dr. Nelzo: Ha ha, you will! Well, gotta fly! See ya later, friend!

[EGO1569] Roger: Here you go - your ticket out of here!
Dr. Nelzo: What? You got me the permit?
[EGO1570] Roger: I sure did!
Dr. Nelzo: Wow. How did you get the Colonel to sign it?
[EGO1571] Roger: Uhh...
Dr. Nelzo: You forgot to get it signed?
[EGO1572] Roger: ...Yes. Yes I did.
Dr. Nelzo: Well... then it's no use to me.

[EGO1569] Roger: Here you go - your ticket out of here! (Duplicate)
Dr. Nelzo: What? You got me the permit?
[EGO1570] Roger: I sure did! (Duplicate)
Dr. Nelzo: Wow. How did you get the Colonel to sign it?
[EGO1573] Roger: Ohh, you know... one part bravery, two parts brilliance - the classic recipe of success!
Dr. Nelzo: Heh, thanks!

Dr. Nelzo: So... that was pretty impressive, but I'm still not getting out of here without a ship.
Dr. Nelzo: And don't try to tell me you're going to arrange that too.
[EGO1574] Roger: You know, I just might. Doing impossible things like that is pretty much my day job.
Dr. Nelzo: ...being a health inspector?
[EGO1575] Roger: Uhh... yes!

Dr. Nelzo: What's this?
[EGO1576] Roger: Looks like the keys to a ship.
Dr. Nelzo: What ship?
[EGO1577] Roger: Haven't you heard about a certain general visiting the camp?
Dr. Nelzo: Sure, but... Are you telling me that these are the keys to Forksmith's ship?
[EGO1578] Roger: That would be it, yes.
Dr. Nelzo: I can't just TAKE the general's ship!
[EGO1579] Roger: Come on, he'll never know!
Dr. Nelzo: But I'll get in so much trouble!
[EGO1580] Roger: Look, the general's got lots of ships. Plus, he probably underpays you.
[EGO1581] Roger: Not to mention the bad contract, the cold weather, the smelly apes - you see where I'm going with this?
Dr. Nelzo: I don't know...
[EGO1582] Roger: And I bet not once has anyone here ever bought any of your special medicine.
Dr. Nelzo: Hey, you're right! I'd just be balancing out the universe!
[EGO361] Roger: Exactly! (Duplicate)
Dr. Nelzo: Thanks, Mr. Borstein!

Dr. Nelzo: Anyhoo, I still can't go.
[EGO1583] Roger: Oh, yeah... the permit?
Dr. Nelzo: Yes, the permit.
[EGO1584] Roger: Well, I'll figure something out.
Dr. Nelzo: How can you be so sure?
[EGO1585] Roger: I always do. It just somehow happens.
Dr. Nelzo: Good luck then!

[EGO1586] Roger: I don't suppose you want this highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass?
Dr. Nelzo: Not really. Do you want MY highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass?
[EGO1483] Roger: Not really. (Duplicate)
Dr. Nelzo: Man, I'll never get rid of this thing!

[EGO1587] Roger: Hmm, I bet it's Terry's spine this week.
Narrator: But he's just a blob of cosmic energy.
[EGO1588] Roger: They always have a few tricks up their sleeves.
Narrator: But they don't even have sleeves!
[EGO116] Roger: Exactly. (Duplicate)

[EGO1589] Roger: Hmm, it's like a chair... on wheels. I'll call it... the chair-on-wheels!

[EGO1590] Roger: Hey! Where's all the pictures? How am I supposed to read this?!

[EGO1591] Roger: But you have no mouth to wear it on.
Dr. Nelzo: Ohh, I see where this is going. You inspectors are even slimier than I thought. Well, I'm not falling for it!
[EGO1592] Roger: Falling for what?
Dr. Nelzo: Don't play stupid with me. I do happen to know the regulations say I must have a surgical mask in my possession, regardless of whether I actually have a mouth or not.
[EGO1593] Roger: What? That's just silly!
Dr. Nelzo: Hey, you guys make the rules, not me.
[EGO1594] Roger: Can I have the mask if I promise I won't report it?
Dr. Nelzo: You're not fooling me that easy!

410 - Sewers - Entrance

[EGO1595] Roger: Hey, I think it's working!

[EGO1595] Roger: Hey, I think it's working! (Duplicate)

[EGO1596] Roger: Darn, I'm going to have to take a bath when I get back home...
[EGO1597] Roger: ...and it's only Monday.

411 - Sewers - Passage

[EGO1598] Roger: It was worth it.

412 - Sewers - Penguin Lair

[EGO1599] Roger: Ack!
Penguin: I believe the word you're looking for is 'AAAAAARGH!'
[EGO1600] Roger: Oh?
Penguin: No, no. 'Aauuuuugh', at the back of the throat.
[EGO1601] Roger: Aauugh?
Penguin: Yes, that's right. Now who are you and why have you entered my lair?
[EGO1602] Roger: I'm, uh, Roger Wilco, and I'm just trying to find a way around the gate. I didn't know anybody actually lived down here.
Penguin: And so we do! For you stand in the presence of The Penguin, king of the sewers and guardian of this passage!
Penguin: And you, Mr. Wilco, are the first mortal to ever lay eyes upon me!
[EGO6] Roger: Really? (Duplicate)
Penguin: Well, except for that darn ape with the crowbar...and a couple kids.
Penguin: And my mom on weekends.
[EGO1603] Roger: Can I just pass through? I'm kind of in a hurry.
Penguin: Heh, heh, heh - of course, you can.
Penguin: Just step a little closer so I get a better look at you.
Penguin: A little closer.
Penguin: To your left.
Penguin: Bwahahah!
[EGO1604] Roger: Yuck!
Penguin: I got ya!
Penguin: Bwahahah!
Penguin: I got ya!
[EGO1605] Roger: This is disgusting!
Penguin: What a fool!
Penguin: Aha-ha-ha-ha!
Narrator: You head back to the camp and clean yourself up.

Penguin: Ah, so you return!
[EGO1606] Roger: Can we just talk for a minute - just you and me?
Penguin: Of course, of course. But could you speak up a little?
Penguin: I'm hard of hearing and you're so far away.
[EGO1607] Roger: Hang on a second.
[EGO1608] Roger: Can you hear me now?
Penguin: Quite.
Penguin: Ahahahahaha!
Penguin: I can't believe you actually fell for it again!
[EGO1609] Roger: What the? Daaah!!
Narrator: You head back to the camp and clean yourself up.

[EGO1610] Roger: All right, that's enough. Let's talk business.
Penguin: I'm listening...
[EGO1611] Roger: I'm willing to trade something in my pocket in exchange for safe passage through your sewers.
Penguin: Is that a fact? What do you have?
[EGO1612] Roger: Here, let me show you.
[EGO1613] Roger: What is your PROBLEM?!
Penguin: I couldn't help it - you just set yourself up like that!
[EGO1614] Roger: I'll be back and you'll be sorry!
Narrator: You head back to the camp and clean yourself up.

[EGO1615] Roger: Okay, buddy! I've had it up to here with...
[EGO1616] Roger: D'oh.
Penguin: I can't believe you just walked right into that spot!
[EGO1617] Roger: Yeah, me neither.
Narrator: You head back to the camp and clean yourself up.

[EGO1618] Roger: Okay, seriously - why are you doing this to me?
Penguin: Because I'm a miserable old coot and I enjoy humiliating others.
[EGO1619] Roger: Well, just this once, can we bury the hatchet?
[EGO1620] Roger: There's bigger things going on than just you and me and we need to get this resolved ASAP.
[EGO1621] Roger: You see, up on the surface, apes are plotting to overthrow the galaxy and my girlfriend's been kidnapped.
[EGO1622] Roger: If you don't let me through here, we're all doomed.
Penguin: Baaahhh... fine.
[EGO1623] Roger: So I can go through?
Penguin: I suppose.
[EGO1624] Roger: And this is not a ruse?
[EGO1625] Roger: You won't grab that lever and dump sewage on me again?
Penguin: No.
[EGO1626] Roger: Yes, you will.
Penguin: No. I won't.
Penguin: It's juvenile and immature.
[EGO1627] Roger: So, it's perfectly safe for me to walk through now?
Penguin: Yes.
[EGO1628] Roger: I don't believe you!
[EGO1629] Roger: You're totally just going to pull that lever!
Penguin: You are really starting to irritate me.
Penguin: Listen, if I pull this lever, you're just gonna come back down here and bother me again.
Penguin: Personally, this whole thing stopped being funny about 40 minutes ago.
Penguin: Now I just want to sleep.
Penguin: Now get lost before I change my mind and have my penguins throw you out.
[EGO1630] Roger: You're really serious about this?
Penguin: Yes.
[EGO1631] Roger: Oh... thanks.
Penguin: Now it's funny again!
[EGO1633] Roger: I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
Penguin: I could do this alllll day!
Narrator: You head back to the camp and clean yourself up.

Penguin: Oh, back for more, are we?
[EGO1634] Roger: Listen, Penguin, I think we got off on the wrong foot.
Penguin: Is that so? Come closer so we can discuss this.
Penguin: What? What's going on here?
Penguin: Bah! Come on!
Penguin: Aauuuuugh!!! Penguins! Seize him!

[EGO1635] Roger: You know, now that I think of it, that sewage trick IS pretty funny!
Penguin: Shut up.

[EGO1636] Roger: Go get a job!

[EGO1637] Roger: Okay! Okay! I'm backing off! Don't lay an egg or something!
Narrator: The birds are a little too cranky for you to be manhandling right now.

413 - Sewers - Waterfall

[EGO1638] Roger: Yep. Sewage. This is gonna take some fancy footwork.

500 - Fortress - Hologram Room

Narrator: This is it, Roger! After braving the treacherous icy wastelands, infiltrating the simian ranks, and conquering the sewers, you've finally reached the fortress.
Narrator: Before you sits Vohaul on his throne, but off to the sides are the Furkunz and the love of your life in mortal peril. Looks like this is where it's all going to come to an end.
[EGO1639] Roger: Beatrice!
[EGO1640] Roger: Finkle!
[EGO1641] Roger: Guys!
[EGO1642] Roger: What's going on here?!
Vohaul: Hello, Roger.
[EGO1639] Roger: Beatrice! (Duplicate)
[EGO1643] Roger: Are you okay?
Vohaul: She's safe, for now.
Vohaul: Too bad I can't say the same for you.
[EGO1644] Roger: What do you want from us, you crazy ro...
[EGO1645] Roger:'re a robot now?
Vohaul: Yes! It's all part of the master plan!
[EGO1646] Roger: look kinda sloppy.
Vohaul: Yes, well, my...
[EGO1647] Roger: Is that a hamster?
Vohaul: Enough!
Vohaul: You must be wondering what I have brought you here for.
[EGO1648] Roger: Brought me? I got here all by myself!
Vohaul: Yes... that's my favorite part of the plan.
[EGO1649] Roger: But didn't I kill you twice already?
Vohaul: How naive, Wilco.
Vohaul: You should really learn to sit through lengthy countdowns in the future.
Vohaul: Or... the past?
Vohaul: Never mind, the important thing is, we are here now, and we shall settle this feud between us once and for all.
[EGO1650] Roger: Right. So what does all this have to do with me?
Vohaul: I am close to unleashing upon the universe the most powerful weapon ever made.
Vohaul: My chief scientist Never Kenezer has been overseeing the detonite excavations for quite some time.
[EGO398] Roger: Detonite? (Duplicate)
Vohaul: Ah, yes.
Vohaul: Something we found at the core of Radon's moon.
Vohaul: Turned out to be the most explosive substance in all the known universes.
Vohaul: Which is quite handy as I plan on using it for the construction of...
[EGO1651] Roger: Moon bomb?!
Vohaul: MOON BOMB!!!
Vohaul: Capable of destroying THE ENTIRE GALAXY!!
[EGO1652] Roger: Hmm. I guess I'd better stop you then.
Vohaul: Ah, yes. I was just about to get to that part.
Vohaul: See, you could end it all right here like you always do, so I decided to make things a little more difficult.
[EGO1653] Roger: Will this explain those death traps I'm seeing here?
Vohaul: To your left are some scoundrels we picked up near the caves.
Vohaul: They trust you, Wilco.
Vohaul: They believe you're their so-called savior.
Vohaul: And to your right is your beloved Beatrice - also in grave danger.
Vohaul: You can only save one.
[EGO1654] Roger: Why are you doing this?!
Vohaul: This is my vengeance, Wilco.
Vohaul: This is why I brought you here.
Vohaul: In mere moments you will know the meaning of loss. You will feel my pain!
Vohaul: To save the one you love, or the ones who love you?
Vohaul: We'll see what kind of a hero you are.
Vohaul: Either way, the galaxy is mine!
Vohaul: Now... CHOOSE!

[EGO1655] Roger: Hey! What's going on here?!
Vohaul: Foolish Roger.
[EGO1656] Roger: A hologram? What gives?
Vohaul: Did you really believe I'd be actually sitting right behind the fortress door, just waiting for you to show up?
Vohaul: I'm a busy man!
[EGO1657] Roger: Where are you, Vohaul? Come out and fight like a man!
Vohaul: In due time, Wilco.
[EGO1658] Roger: This is supposed to be the endgame here!
Vohaul: The endgame? Certainly not. This is only the beginning.
Vohaul: For now, however, my guards will be escorting you to a holding area while we prepare for the next stage.
[EGO1659] Roger: Guards?
[EGO1660] Roger: What guards?
Vohaul: Oh, right.
Vohaul: Sorry.
Vohaul: Simulation off.
[EGO1661] Roger: Oh, crap.
Narrator: Meanwhile, on the moon...

[EGO1662] Roger: I can't save either one... but I can still stop you!
Vohaul: WHAT?!
[EGO1663] Roger: This is for me, Beatrice, and all the baby Furkunz!
[EGO1664] Roger: Attack!
[EGO1665] Roger: What the heck?
[EGO1666] Roger: A hologram?!
[EGO1667] Roger: Then Beatrice? The Furkunz?

[EGO1668] Roger: Sorry, Beatrice. I'll try to hurry and come back.
[EGO1669] Roger: Ok, that was quick.
[EGO1670] Roger: I'm coming over, honey!
[EGO1671] Roger: What's the point of having a hero around if you're gonna rescue yourself?
Vohaul: Roger and the Furkunz sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
[EGO1672] Roger: Holograms! Vohaul, you rat!

[EGO1673] Roger: What the...?
[EGO1674] Roger: Okay...
[EGO1675] Roger: I'll save these guys then.
[EGO1676] Roger: Holograms?!
Vohaul: Roger picked his girlfriend! Roger picked his girlfriend!
Vohaul: Roger and Beatrice sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
[EGO1677] Roger: Quit it!

[EGO1678] Roger: I choose you, Pikachu!
Vohaul: That's... that's not a choice.
[EGO1679] Roger: Ok. Let me try again.

501 - Fortress - Prison Cell

Narrator: The cot tastes like your cat.
[EGO1680] Roger: Wait... I don't even have a cat!

[EGO1681] Roger: Hey, maybe we can use this to escape?
Prisoner: Wait a second... is that highly reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass?
[EGO1682] Roger: Why, yes! Yes it is!
Prisoner: From a Tin Foil Turkey?
[EGO1683] Roger: No... from an Aluminum Mallard.
Prisoner: Oh. Then it's useless.

[EGO1684] Roger: Computer, deactivate force field!
[EGO1685] Roger: Meh, always worth a try.

Narrator: You reach inside the wall and rip out some wires from the back of the keypad. After a few minutes of trial and error, involving several minor electric shocks, you stumble upon a combination of short circuits that disables the force field.
[EGO1686] Roger: I did it! We're free!
Prisoner: Hey, well done.
[EGO1687] Roger: Come on, we've got to hustle!
Prisoner: No, I'll be fine here. I'm not afraid of a little structural collapse.
[EGO1688] Roger: Suit yourself, man. I'm outta here!

Narrator: There's only some insulation in the wall.
[EGO1689] Roger: And I don't need that because I'm not diabetic, right?
Narrator: Ummm... right.

Narrator: Those dastardly apes have left a rusty hacksaw in your cell. Clearly, it's not strong enough to cut through these chains...
Narrator: ...but it might be able to cut through human bone!
[EGO1690] Roger: Don't give away the puzzle! I wanna solve this myself!

Narrator: You're not strong enough to break the post with your bare hands. Beatrice probably could, but not you.
[EGO1691] Roger: I wish Beatrice was here.

Narrator: Outsmarting the apes, you use the hacksaw to cut through the bedpost instead of your leg. Congratulations, you're free to go!
[EGO1692] Roger: Free? What about the force field?
Narrator: Oh yeah. Never mind.

Reg: Welcome to your new accomodations, Mr. Wilco.
Jail Guard: Should you have any complaints, please let us know, and we'll be sure to have you shot.
Reg: Heh heh heh.
Prisoner: Excuse me, when will dinner be ready?
Reg: Quiet, or I'll fill you full of lead!
Jail Guard: Leave him alone, Reg. You know bullets only make him mad.
Narrator: Suddenly, an alarm is sounded from within the fortress and an announcement comes over the intercom.
Comment: Galaxy Quest reference. In the movie, the line was delivered with a monotone voice. Might also do a take with an unusually cheerful tone.
Reg: You know what this means, right?
Jail Guard: Cutting work early?
Reg: Cutting work early!
Narrator: Well, Roger, looks like Lewdy has already started the self-destruct sequence. Better luck next time!
[EGO1693] Roger: Wait! This isn't over yet, I might still break out and stop the explosion!
Narrator: Oh, sorry. Go on then.

502 - Fortress - Monorail Station

[EGO1694] Roger: You look suspiciously like a Furkunz.
Lewdy: It's too late, bald monkey! I've already set the countdown! This place is going up like grandma's farts at a campfire!
[EGO1695] Roger: You must be Lewdy.
Lewdy: You don't know me, 'cause I sure as heck don't know you!
[EGO1696] Roger: I'm Roger Wilco. Finkle sent me. He wants you shut off the self-destruct sequence.
Lewdy: Nice try, but that sounds like a sneaky monkey plan to me. How do I know you ain't just some health inspector?
[EGO1697] Roger: You're really committed to this whole blow-yourself-up thing, aren't you?
Lewdy: Until you can prove you're with us, we're all gonna die.

[EGO1698] Roger: Can you PLEASE stop that self-destruct sequence?
Lewdy: I ain't listenin' to no monkey!

[EGO1699] Roger: Look, see this? I snatched this from Merf's house.
Lewdy: Hey, I drew those plans! So Merf stole 'em , eh?
[EGO1700] Roger: Now will you PLEASE shut off the self-destruct sequence?
Lewdy: All right, all right - hold your horses...

[EGO1701] Roger: Do you want this?
Lewdy: A cat? Sure, I'll have it.
[EGO1702] Roger: No, it's a piece of highly reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass.
Lewdy: But it's not a cat?
[EGO346] Roger: No. (Duplicate)
Lewdy: I don't want it.

[EGO1701] Roger: Do you want this? (Duplicate)
Lewdy: Not really, no.

[EGO1703] Roger: Wheeeeeeee!

503 - Fortress - Shuttle Bay Hallway

Narrator: You're not strong enough to manually override the door's hydraulic system.
[EGO1704] Roger: I wish Bea were here.

[EGO1705] Roger: Open, sesame!
Narrator: Nothing happens. It's like talking to a door.

504 - Fortress - Library/Archive

Narrator: A moment later, the machine spits out a nicely copied duplicate on goldenrod.
[EGO1706] Roger: Heh. Goldenrod.

[EGO1707] Roger: You should clean off that desk.
Narrator: The apeman says nothing, but you can tell he's plotting your demise.

[EGO1708] Roger: Hey! Some of my stuff is gone!
Narrator: I'm sure it's only items that would've been completely useless from now on anyway.
[EGO1709] Roger: Wouldn't that be convenient.

507 - Fortress - Store

[EGO1710] Roger: I feel safe, knowing that the detectors are here to protect the common man.

[EGO1711] Roger: Man, these apes use strange toilet paper.
Narrator: It's a roll of plastic bags, Roger.
[EGO116] Roger: Exactly. (Duplicate)

Narrator: Kinda like that viewshield glass you're carrying.
[EGO1712] Roger: Hey, the game ain't over yet, I'll find a use for it eventually!
Narrator: Sure you will, Roger. Sure you will.

Narrator: Hmmm... discount catnip. I guess even apes like to pamper their kitties.
[EGO1713] Roger: Only two cents? I can't believe I can't afford that right now.

Narrator: You reconnect the two ends of the cord and apply plenty of duct tape, fixing the camera and thus making it much more difficult to steal from the store without getting caught.
[EGO1714] Roger: I feel like I just... un-solved a puzzle.

[EGO1715] Roger: I'd buy some beer, but I left my ID at home.
Narrator: And I'm sure you'll get carded with those youthful looks of yours.
[EGO1716] Roger: Watch it, you little whippersnapper!

Narrator: You don't need any death-sticks, Roger!
[EGO1717] Roger: I don't need any death-sticks.
Narrator: You'll go home and re-think your life!
[EGO1718] Roger: I'm gonna go home and rethink my...
[EGO1719] Roger: Wait! What about Beatrice?
Narrator: Oh, yeah. Do that first, then go home and rethink your life.

508 - Fortress - Shuttle Bay

[EGO1720] Roger: Guards. Why did there have to be guards?

[EGO1721] Roger: That's the eighth largest cannon I've ever seen!
Narrator: It would have been the largest if you hadn't decided to take one of your first dates to the 'Big Cannon Museum'.
[EGO1722] Roger: It was a learning experience for the both of us.

[EGO1723] Roger: Go Go Gadget Arms! ...oh. Right.

Private Simians: Hey, you!
[EGO1724] Roger: Who me?

510 - Fortress - Shuttle Bay - Command Room

Private Simians: Yes, sir! I... oh, wait! This is a test isn't it?
[EGO1725] Roger: No! Just do it!
Private Simians: At orientation, they said if the commander doesn't use the special launching codes, he's probably an intruder trying to dupe us into launching him to the moon. I'm catching on quite quickly, aren't I?

Private Simians: Yes, sir, I... don't know what that means.
[EGO1726] Roger: What do you mean you don't know?
Private Simians: I haven't memorized the codes yet. There's supposed to be a code sheet here, but I guess it got misplaced.
[EGO1727] Roger: Can't you just do it without the codes?
Private Simians: No, sir! By the book, like you always tell us!

[EGO1728] Roger: Uhm... hello, apes! This is your commander speaking!
Private Simians: Private Simians reporting, sir.

Comment: Space Quest 6 reference
Narrator: You lap up the dust from the screen and gather heavy static. The next metal thing you touch might kill you now.
[EGO1729] Roger: Ohh, I see. *wink wink*
[EGO1730] Roger: I'll totally try not to accidentally touch anything metal. *wink wink*
Narrator: Roger, are you thinking of a different puzzle that you already solved in an earlier game?
[EGO1731] Roger: ...ohh yeah...

511 - Fortress - Shuttle Bay - Cannon

Narrator: You prepare to battle the apes with your bare hands.
[EGO1063] Roger: Hey!
Private Simians: He's got a gun! Shoot him!

[EGO1732] Roger: Excuse me, gentlemen...
Private Simians: He's got a gun! Shoot him!

[EGO1733] Roger: Sorry to interrupt, my good sirs, but I have something for you.
Private Simians: He's got a gun! Shoot him!

[EGO1734] Roger: Hi! I have a piece of highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass!
Private Simians: It's a gun! Shoot him!

599 - Fortress - Team Cameo Room

Narrator: As you enter the room, you get a strange feeling that you're not supposed to be here.
[EGO1735] Roger: Umm... no, I don't.
Narrator: Yes, you do. You feel like you should leave immediately.
[EGO1736] Roger: Narrator? Is that you?
Narrator: No, I'm... go away.
[EGO623] Roger: What is this place? (Duplicate)
Narrator: Listen, I'll level with you... you just found an easter egg.
Narrator: And if you don't want this to ruin your game experience, just turn around now and forget you saw anything.

[EGO1737] Roger: Hey, how do you guys get out of there anyway?
Frederik: What?
[EGO1738] Roger: I don't see a door anywhere.
Frederik: ... oh, crud.
Narrator: I really hope you don't snore.

[EGO1739] Roger: You're despicable.

[EGO1740] Roger: Aaah!
pcj: Whoops! Hold on - I got this!
pcj: There you go!
[EGO1741] Roger: Phew. Let's not do that again.

[EGO1742] Roger: Whoa, momma! I got bazooms!
pcj: Hmmm. That's not it. I'll get that fixed in a second.
[EGO1743] Roger: Hey, no hurry! I could get used to looking like this!
[EGO1744] Roger: Although now I feel guilty about the way I've been treating Beatrice.
[EGO1745] Roger: All she wanted was to share her life with me, and I've been an insensitive jerk.
[EGO1746] Roger: I ignore her feelings, I take her for granted, I tape over her shows, I don't wear that deodorant she bought me...
[EGO1747] Roger: I'm lucky to have that woman in my life, and the next time I see her, I'm going to get down on one knee and...
pcj: There we go!
[EGO1748] Roger: Was I just saying something?
pcj: Probably wasn't important.
Chris: I tuned most of it out.
mjomble: I was just staring at your boobs.
[EGO1749] Roger: But you were facing the other way.
mjomble: You underestimate me.

[EGO1750] Roger: Check this out...
Chris: Quadro-Reflective Pseudo-Thick Morphic-blah-blah-blah? Yes, I'm very familiar with it.
Chris: In fact, one of my jobs involved making sure you show it to everyone.
mjomble: And my job is to remind you how to spell it.
[EGO1751] Roger: But why?
Chris: I don't know. I really don't know.
Chris: But hey - keep showing it to everyone. We'll try to come up with a pay-off by the end.

[EGO1752] Roger: Hey, are you fixing the game? Is there something wrong with it?
pcj: Nothing too serious.
pcj: There's a glitch near the end of the game during the final showdown with Vohaul where your head keeps disappearing.
[EGO1753] Roger: That actually sounds kinda serious.
pcj: Really? I was just about to mark it as a non-issue and move on.
[EGO1754] Roger: Uhh... Can I maybe help in any way?
pcj: Well, I gotta figure out which one of these room scripts is screwing us up.
pcj: Unfortunately, Chris' room scripts are all named stupidly, so I'm taking shots in the dark.
[EGO1755] Roger: Can I pick a room script?
pcj: my guest. After all, it's your life that's on the line here.

[EGO1756] Roger: Heh, oops...
pcj: Hmm, looks like I need to tweak the pushiness of the Roger character.

[EGO1757] Roger: Can you program this into something useful?
pcj: It's already useful. You just haven't found one of its many uses yet.

mjomble: Ah, the good old Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass.
mjomble: Pretty clever reference, eh?
[EGO216] Roger: What? (Duplicate)
mjomble: You know, from Space Quest 6.
[EGO1758] Roger: Eh?
mjomble: You don't remember?
mjomble: The Quadruple-Thick Plastosteel Windows at the 8-Rear?
[EGO1216] Roger: Nope. (Duplicate)
mjomble: The Quintuple-Thick Dynapane Glass at the brig?
[EGO1216] Roger: Nope. (Duplicate)
mjomble: And the Quintuple-Thick Hyperglazed Safety Glass on the StarCon shuttles at the shuttlebay?
[EGO1759] Roger: Are you making all of this up?
mjomble: No, seriously. Go back and replay the game, it's all there.
mjomble: Or Google for the Space Quest Omnipedia and look it up.
mjomble: I actually started the articles for all three types of glass. Pretty cool, huh?
[EGO1760] Roger: Uhh, yeah. Sounds like you have an exciting life.
mjomble: I know!

[EGO1761] Roger: What can you tell me about this?
Frederik: Are you carrying a piece of glass around in your pants?
[EGO684] Roger: Yeah. (Duplicate)
Frederik: Well, given that I'm Danish, I feel the urge to say something perverted, but since this is supposed to be a family-friendly game, I'll pass.
[EGO1762] Roger: Point taken.

[EGO1763] Roger: Hang on, Narrator! I'm going to cut a hole in the glass and free you!
Narrator: Stop! You can't! This booth is the only thing maintaining my physical form!
Narrator: If I come into contact with the outside world, reality itself could be torn asunder! All history erased! All life shred into oblivion!
[EGO1764] Roger: Then what if you have to use the bathroom?
Narrator: Then kiss your ass good-bye.

Marty: Did you just grab my ass?
[EGO1765] Roger: Sorry!

[EGO1766] Roger: Is this one of yours?
Marty: Yup. I drew that.
[EGO1767] Roger: Can you erase it?
Marty: No, you're stuck with it.

[EGO1768] Roger: Can I beta-test the game?
pcj: Sure! Go right ahead!
[EGO1769] Roger: Wow! It's so life-like!
pcj: Let me know if you find any bugs.

[EGO1770] Roger: Hey, that screen looks familiar!

[EGO1771] Roger: Hello, Roger!
[EGO1772] Roger: Aah!

[EGO1773] Roger: For some reason, that sign reminds me of my relationship.

[EGO1774] Roger: I didn't know game-making could be that dangerous.
Narrator: I'll give you a tiny hint: there were once 15 people working on this game.
[EGO1775] Roger: Yikes!

[EGO1776] Roger: I can't reach it.

[EGO1777] Roger: Can I try the microphone?
Narrator: Are you going to do farting noises again?
[EGO1778] Roger: Heh. Maybe?
Narrator: Then my answer is no.

[EGO1779] Roger: Guess that costume didn't make it into the game, huh?
Narrator: Oh, that's no costume. See the sign above you?
Narrator: That guy was our lead programmer.

[EGO1780] Roger: Looks like your typical wastebasket.
mjomble: Nope, those are the VSB archives.
mjomble: That's where we store everything that didn't make it into the game.

[EGO1781] Roger: No thanks. I've been to Phleebhut once, and that was enough.

[EGO1782] Roger: It says 'ISOLATION'.
[EGO1783] Roger: Pretty spot-on for Phleebhut, really.

[EGO1784] Roger: Whoa, a reel-to-reel machine!
[EGO1785] Roger: And LaserDisc and Betamax players!
[EGO1786] Roger: This some serious hi-tech stuff! These guys must be loaded.

Narrator: Leave it alone. You don't know how to operate any of it.
[EGO1787] Roger: But I...
Narrator: No.

[EGO1788] Roger: Whoa, this guy's backgrounds are looking awesome.
Marty: Thanks - this is nothing, really!

mjomble: Don't touch the tea!
[EGO1789] Roger: Oh, it's yours?
mjomble: Yeah, that guard at the boot camp brewed me some special pick-me-up. Good stuff!

[EGO1790] Roger: Computer: Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.
pcj: Sorry, the AGS Voice Control module doesn't work yet.
[EGO1791] Roger: Well, darn.

[EGO1792] Roger: Hey, I just spotted a plot inconsistency in the game.
[EGO1793] Roger: When I go into the sewers, I travel four screens just to move to another manhole that's three feet away.
[EGO1794] Roger: I know it's supposed to be a joke, but some people might think it's a glitch.
[EGO1795] Roger: Can we have a new cutscene where Rodney and Ned are talking about how the sewers are U-shaped? Just so it makes more logical sense?
Chris: No. It's fine. Leave it.
[EGO1796] Roger: And I think some of the sound effects are out of sync by a frame or two. Can you do a clean-up of that?
Chris: NO. LEAVE IT.
[EGO1797] Roger: And there's some black pixels around the sprites sometimes. Can you get rid of those?
Chris: I will hurt you.
[EGO1798] Roger: Also, I think this game needs a scene where Queen Valanice is crying. Can you animate something like that?
[EGO1799] Roger: On second thought... it's fine. Leave it.

601 - Moon - Landing Area

[EGO1800] Roger: The modern simplicity of space travel never ceases to amaze me.

Narrator: This is the gravity dampener pad that makes sure the capsules don't break when landing nor burn up in what little atmosphere the moon has. In essence, this pad just saved your life, Roger.
[EGO1801] Roger: Thank you, pad.

[EGO1802] Roger: Either Vohaul has two bases or this is a really small moon.

602 - Moon - Dweeble's Shop - Exterior

Narrator: Curses! It's attached to the building with some kind of bizarre alien fastening devices!
[EGO1803] Roger: Screws?
Narrator: Shut up!

603 - Moon - Dweeble's Shop - Interior

[EGO1804] Roger: WANT.

Narrator: BONK!
[EGO1805] Roger: Ow!

604 - Moon - Dweeble's Shop - Dweeble Close-up

Dweeble: You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were about to wage war on the monkeys.
[EGO1806] Roger: Vohaul kidnapped my girl. He's gonna pay.
Dweeble: I wouldn't mind helping you out. That guy's been a pain in my tail for months now and I'm not gonna take it anymore!
[EGO1807] Roger: So you'll help me get past the cat?
Dweeble: You better believe it! I'm ready for a good fight!

Dweeble: What, you mean like... weapons that aren't ridiculously powerful?
[EGO1808] Roger: Well, yes!
Dweeble: Huh. Never really thought of that. Let me see...
[EGO1809] Roger: What's this?
Dweeble: A stealth sleep charge. Real clean and quiet, you can even put people to sleep without waking anyone else up.
[EGO1810] Roger: Is it any good against the cat?
Dweeble: Well... not really, no. Even a human would pretty much have to swallow it for it to work. At best, it annoys rats.
[EGO1811] Roger: We're gonna need something stronger than that.
Dweeble: Hmm... I guess regular stun grenades wouldn't set them off either. Here, take one.

605 - Moon - Giant Cat

Dweeble: Here, kitty, kitty, kitty! Ha! You couldn't catch a dead mouse!
[EGO1812] Roger: Dweeble?! What are you doing?!
Dweeble: I'm using the old mouse-on-a-pogo-stick maneuver! Now quick! Hit him while he's distracted!

[EGO1813] Roger: Aw, he looks so peaceful now...
[EGO1814] Roger: Can I shave him?
Narrator: Maybe later.

[EGO1815] Roger: Here, kitty, kitty, kitty...

[EGO1816] Roger: We did it, Sergeant Dweeble!
Dweeble: Now we can go get some ice cream!
[EGO1817] Roger: Hey, wait! Where are you going? Oh, never mind. I'll defeat Vohaul myself.

[EGO1818] Roger: Let's just see how highly-reflective this Octuple-Thick, Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass really is!

Narrator: No one is manning the towers. This is the kind of work ethic you should expect when you pay your employees with peanuts.
[EGO1819] Roger: Because they spend all their time eating them?
Narrator: Exactly.

606 - Moon - Base Entrance

Narrator: You knock at the door.
[EGO1820] Roger: Um... hi.

[EGO1821] Roger: Open up!
[EGO1820] Roger: Um... hi. (Duplicate)

[EGO1821] Roger: Open up! (Duplicate)

[EGO1821] Roger: Open up! (Duplicate)

[EGO1822] Roger: Hey! Beatrice! You in there?
[EGO1823] Roger: Guess not.

Comment: SQ: Incinerations reference
[EGO1824] Roger: Hiya, doormat!
Narrator: As you utter these words, a cold violent shudder careens down your spine and paralyzes you with terror. You fall to your knees clutching your soul in agony.
Narrator: After what seems like several minutes of screamless nightmares, the freezing shimmer fades back into the distant future from whence it came. You stand up and brush yourself off from that horrifying experience.
[EGO1825] Roger: What was THAT all about?
Narrator: That's a question better saved for another adventure, Roger.

[EGO1826] Roger: I'm Roger Wilco.
[EGO1827] Roger: Take me to your Lord and Master!
Door Droid: hehehehehehohohohoho!
Narrator: Well, that turned out productive.

[EGO1828] Roger: I don't suppose you'd open the door in exchange for this highly reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass?
[EGO1829] Roger: I really need to learn a second language.

607 - Moon - Office Window

[EGO1830] Roger: Hello? Anybody up there?
Narrator: There is no reply.

[EGO1831] Roger: Is there anything else around here that might be able to help me other than that window?
[EGO1832] Roger: Come on, anything?
[EGO1833] Roger: Don't be shy.
[EGO1834] Roger: Sigh, I guess it's just you and me, window.

608 - Moon - Never's Office

Beatrice: StarCon!
Beatrice: Come in!
Beatrice: Do you copy?!
[EGO1835] Roger: Beatrice? Is that you?
Beatrice: Roger?!
Beatrice: What are you doing on this frequency?
[EGO1836] Roger: I'm in the moonbase!
[EGO1837] Roger: I'm coming to rescue you!
Beatrice: Darn it, Rog!
Beatrice: It took me forever to get this comm system on-line!
Beatrice: Turn off your radio - I need to patch through to StarCon!
[EGO1838] Roger: Why? What's going on?
Beatrice: Vohaul's running some kind of mining operation up here.
Beatrice: He's got this giant drill and he's enslaved all these little furry guys to fix it.
[EGO1839] Roger: The Furkunz!
Beatrice: Yeah, whatever - listen, dear.
Beatrice: I can handle this myself. You just wait outside while I get some real help.
Beatrice: Now please get off this channel.
[EGO1840] Roger: Oh, okay, honey. Kisses for the baby!
Beatrice: Roger!
[EGO1841] Roger: Hanging up.
[EGO1842] Roger: Well, she seems to know what she's doing. I guess I'll just head back.
[EGO1843] Roger: On the other hand...

[EGO1844] Roger: Now that's more like it!

Narrator: Looks like Never is a big fan of the Perry Otter series too. You flip through the first book in the series.
Narrator: 'Yer a normal person, Perry!' Horgrid growled, staring at the bewildered bespectacled boy.

Perry rubbed the mark on his forehead and asked 'But what about my magical burning scar? Doesn't it mean I'm a wizard?'

'Nay, it's just an embarassing birthmark shaped like a coat hanger.' Horgrid replied, 'The only reason it hurts so much is because you keep picking at it!'
Narrator: 'So what's to become of our wretched nephew?' Uncle Durpley asked.

'Ye shall be putting him into a proper school, for non-wizard folk!' Horgrid boomed.

He then gave Durpley his card, got back into his non-magical van and returned to child services.
Narrator: Just for kicks, you pick up the last book in the series and read the last sentence out loud.
[EGO1845] Roger: ...and that's how everybody died.
[EGO1846] Roger: A children's classic!

Narrator: That's odd. Never owns a copy of the 'Space Quest 7' hint book. Let's take a gander, shall we?
Narrator: THE WHALE SEQUENCE: In order to pacify the trilobyte you must use the ketchup on the mouse. There will then be a timed sequence in which you have to escape the mouth of the whale as quickly as possible.
[EGO1847] Roger: Wait - there's a whale in this game?!
Narrator: Uh, no, Roger. That was Space Quest 7. You're in 'Vohaul Strikes Back.'
[EGO1848] Roger: Aw, man - so I slept through two sequels? My gaming average is worse than Larry's!
Narrator: Just be happy you haven't yet been rebooted into a mini-game series starring your nephew Roger Wilcage.
[EGO1849] Roger: *shudder*

[EGO1850] Roger: Hmmm... '107 Tips on How to Torture Your Arch-Nemesis.'
Narrator: 32. Strap him to a table, slowly move a deadly laser beam towards his nether regions, and whisper threats in his ear.

33. Dim the lights, strap him to another chair, and force him to sit through a marathon of wedding shows on the Learning Network.
Narrator: 56. When was the last time you and your arch-nemesis went for dinner? Try dangling him over the shark tank for a very memorable night.

57. Light some scented candles and allow him to use a bidet. Cunningly, connect the plumbing to a vat of acid beforehand.
Narrator: And finally 107. Locate a feather, more table straps, a dentist's chair, and...
[EGO1851] Roger: Ugh! I refuse to read any further!

Narrator: 'The LeGuinness Book of Galactic Records'
Narrator: Tallest fishstick tower ever constructed: 2.47 lightyears, by the entire population of Klumb'thama VI.
Narrator: Shortest time a group of monkeys with typewriters have recreated the works of Shakespeare: 4 days, 18 hours, 35 minutes and 22 seconds. Later disqualified when it was discovered they were actually cheating.
Narrator: Only person to have blown up a structure using Space Monkeys: Roger Wilco.

The fastest fall from stardom: Roger Wilco.

The most hours ever spent on a holo-suite roller coaster after a simulation failed to terminate: Roger Wilco!

The only person to contract the most amount of life-threatening diseases without any repercussions...
[EGO1852] Roger: I think I'm gonna put this one down now.

Narrator: This one's called 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Beta Alpha Starless Region.'
Narrator: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Beta Alpha Starless Region is a wholly remarkable book, mainly for two reasons: Firstly, it has against all odds become incredibly popular despite its mind-numbingly dull content as there is nothing to see in the Beta Alpha Starless Region (quite literally, as there are no natural sources of light) and no one has ever really been desperate enough to actually go there.
Narrator: And secondly, it has the words 'DON'T LICK IT' printed on the back cover in large, friendly letters. Beneath it in smaller inconspicuous letters reads: 'This means especially YOU, Roger.'
[EGO1853] Roger: It's unnerving how I keep appearing in books like this.

[EGO1854] Roger: 'The Key to Efficiently Running an Evil Empire.'
Narrator: The Key to Efficiently Running an Evil Empire used to belong to many people over the course of history. The last known owner of that legendary key is considered to be Herr Heb, a perpetually drunk bum from the planet Quanta XXI.

Due to Herr Heb's slightly shaky nature, the key is considered to be lost somewhere inside the sewers of Quanta XXI.
Narrator: Potential locations are underneath the sewer grate in the alley behind any bar on Quanta XXI - Herr Heb frequented them all.

Unfortunately, bars are the only establishments of Quanta XXI, the Perpetually Drunk Planet. Anyway, should you attempt to find it, it is usually described as small, silver, and highly annoying in nature.

Narrator: You pick up a selection off the 'obscure fan-fiction' shelf and open it up to a chapter entitled 'Sonny's Best Day Ever' by D. Dog.
Narrator: Once upon a time, Sonny Bonds woke up and said 'Today I will shoot all the bad guys!'

So he got out of bed and went into his car and turned on the car and turned on the sirens and pulled out of the driveway and drove down the street looking for bad guys so he could shoot them all.
Narrator: He saw some bad guys next to a convenience store, so he stopped his car and got out.

'Freeze!' yelled Sonny, 'This is the police!' He then pulled out his gun and shot all of of them. Everyone on the sidewalk cheered.
Narrator: 'Thank you, everybody,' said Sonny, 'but there is still work to be done. All the bad guys aren't shot yet.'

Sonny then got in his car and went looking for more bad guys.
[EGO1855] Roger: Wow - I'm hooked! I should look up the rest of this story later when I get some free time.

[EGO1856] Roger: I want one!

[EGO1857] Roger: I don't know what it is. How would I know where to take it?
Narrator: When the time comes, Roger, you'll know.
[EGO1858] Roger: Well, I'd still rather not have it.

[EGO1859] Roger: It looks like a tree.
[EGO1860] Roger: No it's not, it's a Gildarean Wanderbeast.
[EGO1861] Roger: Maybe, it's a sunrise...
Narrator: Well, that's the Enigmatic Pictorialization Movement for you!

Narrator: It's an inkwell, full of a mysterious substance called 'Black ink'. Rumor has it that it has the magical ability to turn everything it touches as black as itself!
[EGO1862] Roger: The future is awesome!

Narrator: Go on, Roger. Take a sip of that ink.
[EGO1863] Roger: Yeah, oka-- waaaitaminute! Usually you would tell me NOT to drink things like these. Is this some kinda trick to get me to paint my mouth black so you could make fun of me?
Narrator: No...
Narrator: ...yes.

Narrator: Cluttered on Never's desk, you find some TPS reports without the new cover sheets.
[EGO1864] Roger: Hmm. He probably didn't get the memo.

Narrator: The book is entitled 'How To Run Your Own Evil Agenda Behind The Boss' Back.' If you didn't know any better, you'd think Never Kenezer was plotting against Vohaul, but then that would make him your friend, even though he kidnapped your girlfriend, which would make him evil again.
[EGO1414] Roger: I'm confused. (Duplicate)

[EGO1865] Roger: Anybody out there? Beatrice? Lewdy? ...Cedric?

609 - Moon - Hallway

[EGO872] Roger: Hi! (Duplicate)
Comment: Roger is wearing a robot disguise and not supposed to talk. The ape shoots him.
Cid: Sorry... that just... really freaked me out.
Bob: It's all right. It's all right.

Finkle: Well, I guess that's all of them.
[EGO1866] Roger: Who'd have thought a small army of furry critters could take down an evil empire in less than an hour?
Mayor Nurb: Well, Roger, my boy, I guess I was mistaken about you.
[EGO1867] Roger: Yes. Yes, you were.
Mayor Nurb: The Furkunz people, along with the entire galaxy, owe you their thanks.
Mayor Nurb: You and your wife have earned our eternal gratitude.
Beatrice: Oh, no. We're not married... yet.
Mayor Nurb: Really? Why not?
Beatrice: You'll have to ask Roger.
Mayor Nurb: I see. Well, Roger, what are you waiting for?
[EGO1868] Roger: Oh, yeah... that.
[EGO1869] Roger: See, the thing is...
Beatrice: Yes?
[EGO1870] Roger: Uhhh...
[EGO1871] Roger: Hey, did you guys get around to catching Vohaul?
Finkle: Hmm, come to think of it... where is that slimey scumbag?
[EGO1872] Roger: Well, Beatrice, looks like we've got one more loose end to tie up.
Beatrice: Great. Just wonderful.

Finkle: Oops - guess he forgot to take off his headband.
[EGO1873] Roger: You want me to turn it off?
Finkle: Nah, he's fine.

Finkle: What are you doing?
[EGO1874] Roger: I'm going to rescue them.
Finkle: Those are our prisoners. If you untie them, they're gonna kill us.
[EGO1875] Roger: Whoops! Boy, that would've been embarassing.

[EGO1876] Roger: Boy are you guys stupid. Not only did you let yourselves get captured by a horde of two foot teddy bears, but you have no idea how many times I snuck past you dressed up in a cardboard box.
[EGO1877] Roger: Seriously, you thought I was a robot and everything. Oh, and that pie I gave you? I put that between my buttcheeks. That's right, you ate buttcheek pie.
[EGO1878] Roger: Who's the monkey now, huh?
Finkle: They can't hear you. We pumped them full of morphine to stop them from squirming.
[EGO1879] Roger: Oh. But they did get that bit about buttcheek pie, right?
Mayor Nurb: I did.
[EGO1880] Roger: We're not going out for lunch together anytime soon, are we?
Narrator: This is definitely one of the more awkward click events.

610 - Moon - Large Door

[EGO1881] Roger: OPEN UP!
Narrator: The echo off the door's surface shatters through your skull and destroys several more memory cells, completely wiping out entire semesters of history class in the process.

611 - Moon - Base Map

Random Apeman: Hey! What's going on here?
Random Apeman: Look out! He's got a shovel!
Finkle: FOR FREEDOM!!!
Random Apeman: Holy crap! They're everywhere!
Mayor Nurb: Die, simian!
Gofty: Stop, mayor, it's Roger!
[EGO1882] Roger: OW!
Mayor Nurb: Oh, sorry.
Odster: Go for the legs!
Random Apeman: We need back-up! Repeat! We need back-up!
Random Apeman: They're coming outta the walls. They're coming outta the freakin' walls!
Random Apeman: It's game over, man! Game over!
Random Apeman: Oh no, they summoned pterodactyls somehow!
Furkunz Priest: Praise the Bottle!
Finkle: Look out, there's a giant squid with machine guns!
Gofty: This is almost better than a third kick-off!
Finkle: Come on, let's keep moving! We got 'em on the run!

613 - Moon - Transmission Tower

Narrator: Sighing loudly, you start picking up the trash and cleaning the gutters using nothing but your bare hands.
[EGO1883] Roger: There! All clean! Man, all this effort had better pay off big time!
Narrator: Oh yeah, about that...
[EGO216] Roger: What? (Duplicate)
Narrator: I'm afraid that wasn't part of any actual puzzle in this game.
[EGO1884] Roger: You mean, I just hand-cleaned these gutters for nothing?
Narrator: Seems so... you know, I'd gladly give you some extra points for that. But it looks like the developers didn't put in a points system either.
[EGO1885] Roger: Man, I'm really starting to hate these guys.
Narrator: Me too, Roger. Me too.

[EGO1886] Roger: Man, look at this mess. Someone should really clean this out.
Narrator: If only there was a janitor around...

[EGO1887] Roger: Echo-Tango-Niner! Come in Foxtrot, this is Feather Duster, do you read me? Over.
Narrator: It's an antenna, Roger. Not a CB radio.
[EGO1888] Roger: Hey, crazier things have happened when I talk to random things.

[EGO1889] Roger: Well... it worked before...
Narrator: Taking your cue from Beatrice earlier, you wedge the walkie-talkie in under the antenna and turn it on. You can barely hear the high-frequency interference as it shreds through all incoming and outgoing transmissions.

614 - Moon - Warehouse

[EGO1890] Roger: The doorknob doesn't fit into your mouth very well. Perhaps a different approach is in order?

Narrator: There's nothing in here, other than a urine-stained blanket. Unless you want that.
[EGO1891] Roger: No, that's okay.
Narrator: Just checking.

[EGO678] Roger: Hello? (Duplicate)

[EGO1892] Roger: Hello? Who's in there?
Narrator: There is... no reply.

[EGO1096] Roger: Monkey wanna banana?
[EGO1893] Roger: I guess it worked. But only one way to find out.

[EGO1894] Roger: I don't want to put that in the box.

[EGO1895] Roger: Aaah! Evil monkey!

[EGO1896] Roger: Hello? Anyone in there?
Narrator: Yeah, like that ever works.

[EGO1895] Roger: Aaah! Evil monkey! (Duplicate)

615 - Moon - Kitchen

[EGO1897] Roger: They're heeeeeere.

[EGO1898] Roger: From here on in, you shall answer my door and refer to me as Mr. W. Respond.
Comment: Said by cleaning droid. Not sure if this is a reference to something.
Other: I did not murder him!
[EGO1899] Roger: Okay... too much information.

[EGO1900] Roger: Oh, my gosh! There's people trapped in the TV! Don't worry, people! I'll get you out of there! Right as soon as I save my twin from the bathroom mirror!
Narrator: That's stretching, Rog.
[EGO1901] Roger: I don't see you saying anything funny.
Narrator: I say funny stuff all the time.
[EGO1902] Roger: At my expense.

[EGO1903] Roger: Bonder? Is that you?
Comment: Said by trashcan that looks like Bender's head (from Futurama)
Other: No, it's me, Bender!
[EGO1904] Roger: Wait a second! Bonder's name isn't Bender! It's Bonder!
Other: Wait! Don't leave me here!

[EGO1905] Roger: It's some kind of basin with strange alien growths on it.
Narrator: It's a sink with soap.
[EGO1906] Roger: Right. I knew that.

General Forksmith: Now, Roger - you're not planning on stealing my pie, are you?
[EGO1907] Roger: Who, me? Noooo.
General Forksmith: Good. Now don't touch ANYTHING.
[EGO1908] Roger: He's good.

General Forksmith: What did I just say?
[EGO1909] Roger: I was just looking at it!
General Forksmith: Listen, I've got a busted antenna to deal with - I don't need to be running back and forth here checking on my pie! I'm missing my show!
[EGO1910] Roger: I won't do it anymore! I promise!
General Forksmith: Good!
Narrator: How does he DO that?!

General Forksmith: HEY!
[EGO1911] Roger: Whoops!
General Forksmith: I'm watching you.

Narrator: With that old fogie gone, the pie is ripe for the picking.
[EGO1912] Roger: I like pie.

617 - Moon - Never's Lab

Martini Droid: Martini, sir?
[EGO1913] Roger: Oh, um, sorry. Just pushing buttons.
Martini Droid: Jerk.

Narrator: You have successfully stolen General Forksmith's key. Again!
[EGO1914] Roger: I could do this for a living!
Narrator: You disassemble your fishing bucket and throw the cumbersome drill line away.

[EGO1915] Roger: Here, take this highly reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass.
[EGO1916] Roger: It's not much, but it might come in handy.
Harmony: Why, it's perfect! This is just the sort of thing I've been looking for!
Harmony: Thank you, Roger. I will keep it close and use it if I must.
[EGO6] Roger: Really? (Duplicate)
Harmony: Hell no! I've got five switchblades tucked away on me. I don't need your stupid glass!

[EGO1917] Roger: I found Never's keys! Stand back so I can open the door!
Harmony: I don't need yer help! I'll find my own keys and break on outta here!
[EGO1918] Roger: Oh... all right. I'll just come back later and see how you're doing.

618 - Moon - Never's Lab - Closet

[EGO1919] Roger: I AM THE LAW!
[EGO1920] Roger: No, wait - that's not it. Which one's Robocop again?

[EGO1921] Roger: You have to use your hands? It's like a baby's toy!

619 - Moon - Never's Lab - Bird Close-up

[EGO1922] Roger: Well, hey there, little... guys! Pollies wanna cracker?
Smart Bird Head: I assure you that neither of our names is Polly and that we most assuredly do NOT want any crackers, thank you very much.
[EGO1923] Roger: Wow, you can talk!
Smart Bird Head: Of course we can engage in casual conversation. Our master, Lord Kenezer, is a brilliant tutor in the linguistic arts.
Dumb Bird Head: Linguini?
Smart Bird Head: No, you cotton-headed buffoon - linguistic! As in pertaining to language.
Dumb Bird Head: Duuuhhh... I like spaghetti.
Smart Bird Head: I beg your pardon for my less-than-adequate brother, sir. It would appear the distribution of our brain cells was not exactly homologous, if you know what I mean.
[EGO1487] Roger: ...huh? (Duplicate)
Smart Bird Head: Oh dear... now there's two of you!

[EGO1924] Roger: Hi! Tell me everything you know!
Dumb Bird Head: Hello!
Smart Bird Head: Quiet! Nobody told you to talk!
[EGO1925] Roger: I did!
Smart Bird Head: I stand by my statement.

Smart Bird Head: What is your business with our Lord and Master?
[EGO1926] Roger: Uhh... casual visit. Just wanted to chat.
Smart Bird Head: Then I must inform you that he is currently too busy in his affairs to attend to such a wasteful activity.
Dumb Bird Head: D'uuuuhh... no, he's not! He's...
Smart Bird Head: Quiet, you!
Smart Bird Head: I am sorry, but we are not permitted to expose any such information to you at this juncture.

Smart Bird Head: I believe the location of his personal belongings is none of your business, my good sir.
Dumb Bird Head: Wha? What's going on?
Smart Bird Head: This man is looking for Lord Kenezer's keyset.
Dumb Bird Head: Oh! Pretty key! Pretty key is in...
Smart Bird Head: Quiet, you!
Smart Bird Head: Now do you see what you have made me do?
[EGO1927] Roger: Gosh, I'm sorry you hit your brother.
Smart Bird Head: Quite.

Smart Bird Head: Ha! Judging from your outward appearance, you would not even be able to stand up against a five-year old girl, let alone an impregnable fortress of metal and tissue such as our master.
Dumb Bird Head: Kick him in the...
Smart Bird Head: Quiet, you!
[EGO1928] Roger: Was he about to say 'nuts?'
Smart Bird Head: No, he most certainly was not.
[EGO1929] Roger: I was kinda hoping for an allergy or irrational fear I could take advantage of.
Smart Bird Head: You will not find such things upon his person!

621 - Moon - Mines - Mining Floor

Finkle: Huh...? What's going on?
[EGO1930] Roger: Finkle! It's me, Roger!
Finkle: Roger? Last thing I remember was running through the cave, then feeling a dart in my leg.
Finkle: Then everything started to get colorful. It was nice.
[EGO1931] Roger: We're on the moon right now. Vohaul's been using some kind of mind control on you guys.
Finkle: Oh, has he now? Well, he just made a big mistake bringing us all up here.
Finkle: Furkunz! The ape people think they can take whatever they want! That no one can stop them!
Finkle: Well, grab the nearest weapons you can find because we're gonna send them a message: that this is our moon!

[EGO1640] Roger: Finkle! (Duplicate)
[EGO1932] Roger: Finkle, it's me! Roger! Can't you hear me?!
[EGO1933] Roger: Aw, man - this can't be good.
Narrator: Finkle calmly ignores you and carries on with his work.

[EGO1934] Roger: You ok?
Narrator: Never snores you a reply.
[EGO1935] Roger: You wouldn't happen to know how to free these Furkunz, would you?
[EGO1936] Roger: I mean, is there like a convenient remote nearby that I can use?
[EGO1937] Roger: Maybe even that thing in your hand?
[EGO1938] Roger: Could you at least throw it up here?
[EGO1939] Roger: Ah, heck - never mind.

[EGO1940] Roger: Gofty! Odster! Listen to me! We need to get out of here!
[EGO1941] Roger: It's no good. They can't seem to hear me.

[EGO1942] Roger: Mayor! What are you doing? This is no time for cleaning giant drilling machines! Your people need you!
[EGO1943] Roger: Fine! Just hide away in this dark hole and feel sorry for yourself! But me... I'm gonna do something that matters.

622 - Moon - Mines - Drill

[EGO1944] Roger: This must be that drill Beatrice was talking about.
[EGO1945] Roger: Now, how do I make sure Vohaul can never use it...?
Narrator: Your eye is drawn to the locked access panel against the back wall.
[EGO1946] Roger: Hmmm... that looks promising. But who would have the keys for it?

[EGO1947] Roger: I would have you open! Alizebu!
[EGO1948] Roger: It was worth a shot.

[EGO1949] Roger: I would have you close! Ubezila!
Narrator: I would be so stoked if that actually worked.

Narrator: Well done, Roger! Without this, Vohaul can't possibly build his moon bomb now!
Never Kenezer: Don't even move!
Never Kenezer: Mr. Wilco, I presume? I'll be gladly taking back that crystal now, if you will.
[EGO1950] Roger: Ah, you must be Never Kenezer, Vohaul's new goon. I imagined you'd be... shorter.
Never Kenezer: Goon, nothing! I am a more brilliant scientist than that metallic monstrosity could ever hope to be!
[EGO1951] Roger: Then why are you working for him?
Never Kenezer: Vohaul's merely a puppet I'm using in my genius plan. That idiot wants to turn this gold mine of detonite into a ridiculous moon bomb.
Never Kenezer: But once we breach the core, I will seize the motherlode for myself and use it to fuel my invincible army of machines.
Never Kenezer: Then we shall kill Vohaul and lay siege to any system that stands in our path of conquest!
[EGO1952] Roger: Is this where you sic your so-called robots on me?
Never Kenezer: Well, no. Haven't built any yet.
[EGO1953] Roger: Then you are no threat to me. Good day, sir.
Never Kenezer: I am, however, fully capable of killing you myself. I am not a moron!

Never Kenezer: Curses!
[EGO1954] Roger: Stand back! I'm not afraid to use this!
Never Kenezer: And I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty!

623 - Moon - Mines - Cliff

Never Kenezer: I'm not sure what Vohaul was going on about. Killing you will be exceedingly simple.
[EGO1639] Roger: Beatrice! (Duplicate)
[EGO1955] Roger: Are you okay? Do you... need any help?
Beatrice: A little bit would be nice!
[EGO1956] Roger: All right... I'll see what I can do!

[EGO1957] Roger: Stop that! Stop fighting! Can't we all just get along?
[EGO1958] Roger: I guess not.

Beatrice: Roger, what on earth are you do...
Never Kenezer: DDAAAAHHH!!!
Never Kenezer: My hands... WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?
Never Kenezer: My face! My beautiful face! It's all... HAIRY!!!
Never Kenezer: NOOOOO!!!!!
[EGO1959] Roger: Looks like I made a monkey out of him!
Beatrice: *sigh*
Beatrice: And Roger...
[EGO1960] Roger: Beatrice...
Beatrice: And Roger! I thought I told you to stay put! I had everything perfectly under control until I saw YOU in TROUBLE!
[EGO1961] Roger: Well, geez, sorry for helping. Did you ever get that transmission sent to StarCon?
Beatrice: No. Some idiot placed a walkie-talkie up on top of the communication tower. Messed up all of my transmissions.
[EGO1962] Roger: That's a... shame.
[EGO1963] Roger: The important thing is, though, we're together again. You're safe, I'm safe, Junior's safe, and the galaxy is safe. Another adventure comes to a close.
Beatrice: What are you talking about? We're trapped on this moon, surrounded by apes, and Vohaul's still at large!
[EGO1964] Roger: Oh, yeah. I guess we still have to do... sssstuff.
Beatrice: Well, I'm going to take a bit of a breather. If you insist on helping, take a look around and see what you can do for these furry fellows. They might be able to help us.
[EGO1965] Roger: Yes, ma'am!

[EGO1966] Roger: Don't worry, honey! This piece of highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass has everything under control!

Narrator: Where are you going, Roger?! Get back over there and help Beatrice!
[EGO1967] Roger: Oh, right. I was doing that, wasn't I?

701 - Moon - Vohaul's Lair

[EGO1968] Roger: DWAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Beatrice: Roger!!!

Ape Scientist: Excellent!
[EGO1969] Roger: So how do we do this? Do I lay down or something?
Ape Scientist: Step over here and face Vohaul.
[EGO1970] Roger: Okay... now what?
Ape Scientist: All done!
Beatrice: So... do we just leave him like that?
Ape Scientist: Yeah. He's okay.

[EGO1971] Roger: Um... Hi.
Vohaul: Well done, Wilco.
[EGO1972] Roger: You're... not surprised to see me?
Vohaul: After the evacuation of the fortress and the little revolution up here?
Vohaul: No, I'm not surprised.
Vohaul: Annoyed, perhaps. But not surprised.
[EGO1973] Roger: Wait, you're not another hologram, are you?
Vohaul: Not this time, Wilco.
Vohaul: But rest assured, I am not unprepared.
Vohaul: This room is wired into my presence. I can destroy you with but a thought.
[EGO1974] Roger: Eep.
Vohaul: But I'm not without a shred of integrity.
Vohaul: Go ahead, Wilco. Humor me. Make your move.

Beatrice: Does it usually take this long?
Ape Scientist: Don't know. Never did this before.
Finkle: I think he's waking up!
Beatrice: Roger! You're okay!
Finkle: He made it! The Narrator owes us fifty bucks!
[EGO1975] Roger: The Narra - Oh, THERE you are! Thanks for leaving me hanging back there!
Narrator: Hey, buddy! Glad to see you back in one piece! I knew you could do it!
[EGO1976] Roger: Hang on - I gotta do something.
Vohaul: Man... I just had the craziest dream.
Vohaul: You were there... and you... weren't there. Neither were you.
Vohaul: But he was definitely there.
Ape Scientist: Tell me, Lord Vohaul, how do you feel?
Vohaul: I feel... a lot better now. Like a whole lot of weight's gone! I feel... I feel great!
[EGO1977] Roger: And you don't remember being an evil psychosadistic dictator who cruelly enslaved cute furry animals, tried to blow up the universe with a moon bomb, and spent years of your life trying to plot my demise?
Vohaul: Well, I do now. Thanks a lot.
Beatrice: So you do remember everything?
Vohaul: Pretty much. I'm still a bit miffed about that asteroid deal in Space Quest 2, but...
Vohaul: I guess I kinda started it.
Ape Scientist: Hurray! We have our old Vohaul back!
Vohaul: That you do, and I have a lot to answer for.
Vohaul: I guess all the Furkunz will be after my head now, won't they?
Finkle: You better believe it.
Beatrice: And we can't keep these apes locked up forever. They're gonna want revenge on the Furkunz.
Vohaul: This is all my fault. It's time to make peace between the Furkunz and the Apes.
Vohaul: And I'm gonna do it the only way I know how.
[EGO1978] Roger: What are you going to do?
Vohaul: Something I should've done a long time ago...
Narrator: One month later...

[EGO1979] Roger: Hasta la vista, Vohaul!
Vohaul: What are you doing?
[EGO1980] Roger: I'm... shutting you off.
Vohaul: Ha! The joke's on you! I'm not programmed into Never's remote yet.
[EGO1981] Roger: Hmm. How do I program you in?
Vohaul: Oh, that's easy.
Vohaul: First hold SETUP for three seconds...
Vohaul: Wait for the flash...
[EGO1674] Roger: Okay... (Duplicate)
Vohaul: Then press 572...
Vohaul: Hold SETUP again...
Vohaul: Enter 9811...
Vohaul: Good... and press OK.
[EGO1982] Roger: There we go!
Vohaul: Heh heh heh...

[EGO1983] Roger: Hey, can I take that hamster?
Vohaul: ...huh?
Vohaul: What are you up to, Wilco?
[EGO1984] Roger: Just wanted to see if that hamster was maybe powering you or something.
Vohaul: What? Hah! That's ridiculous!
Vohaul: You're about as dumb as the apemen!
[EGO1985] Roger: The apemen who built you?
Vohaul: Exactly!
Vohaul: Uhh... wait...
[EGO1986] Roger: It kind of makes sense, doesn't it?
Vohaul: No... NO! This can't-- kh-cahn't...
Vohaul: YOU... BLOODY... AAApee... iiiidddiiiiioooottsshhhh......
[EGO1987] Roger: Well, that was easy.
Beatrice: I'm glad it's over. Let's get outta here.
[EGO1988] Roger: Wait, someone's coming.
Ape Scientist: Alas, my beautiful creation has met its untimely demise.
Ape Scientist: Only now do I see the folly in resurrecting an evil dictator in the form of a homicidal robot.
Beatrice: Are you the guy responsible for this?
Ape Scientist: I was the one who rebuilt him, yes. But in a way, we were all responsible.
Ape Scientist: Once upon a time, Vohaul was a wonderful leader.
Ape Scientist: He treated his workers well, gave us flexible hours - even got us a good dental plan.
[EGO1989] Roger: So what happened?
Ape Scientist: I suppose years of stress eventually caught up to him.
Ape Scientist: Started ranting about universal domination and all. Such a shame.
Ape Scientist: We were hoping that we had brought back our glorious leader, but he was worse off than before.
[EGO1990] Roger: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but me and the lady have to fly.
Ape Scientist: If only there was a way to get into his mind and fix everything that troubles him.
Ape Scientist: Of course - there IS a way, but who would be brave enough to embark on such a quest?
[EGO1991] Roger: Ques... Beatrice? Let's go.
Beatrice: Wait, Roger. What do you mean there's a way?
Ape Scientist: The monkey mind-meld. It is an ancient technique amongst primates that allows one to safely enter another's mind.
Ape Scientist: Of course, it only works if the two people are close enough, like best friends or... arch-enemies.
[EGO1992] Roger: I don't like where this is going.
Beatrice: So you mean, Vohaul could become good again. His reign of terror would be over.
Ape Scientist: That is exactly what I say. But once again, who would do it?
Beatrice: Roger, why don't you do it? He said it was safe.
[EGO1993] Roger: I don't know, Beatrice. I mean, he's not hurting anybody like this either.
Ape Scientist: Ah, but surely you cannot leave such a good man to such a dark fate?
[EGO1994] Roger: Well...
Penguin: ...even in a cold place, people can have warm hearts deep inside...
[EGO1995] Roger: Crap! Why did that come back to haunt me?
Beatrice: So what'll it be, Roger?

702 - Vohaul's Mind - Atrium

[EGO1996] Roger: Where the heck am I?
Ape Scientist: Hello? Hello? Mr. Wilco?
[EGO1997] Roger: Monkey guy? Where are you?
Ape Scientist: I do not know if you can hear me, but if you can, you need to listen carefully.
[EGO1674] Roger: Okay... (Duplicate)
Ape Scientist: You should be in Vohaul's memory right now.
Ape Scientist: If you look around, you should find traumatic events in Vohaul's past.
Ape Scientist: You will need to correct all of these events accordingly before anything starts to take effect.
[EGO1998] Roger: Find memories. Fix memories. Got it.
Ape Scientist: Do not fear anything you see.
Ape Scientist: Saying specific keywords may trigger bad memories to take place.
Ape Scientist: These memories may repeat themselves, but do not worry - nothing can hurt you.
Ape Scientist: In fact, everything should carry on as if you weren't even there.
[EGO1999] Roger: Yeah, I'm kinda used to that.
Ape Scientist: Oh, if you check your pockets, you should still be carrying everything you remember you had.
[EGO2000] Roger: Ah, neat! Metaphysical inventory!
Ape Scientist: Good luck!
Narrator: Well, Roger, now you find yourself wandering the dark, twisted corridors of Vohaul's psyche. Bet you didn't think you'd be doing this when you were brushing your teeth this morning.
[EGO2001] Roger: I should've just proposed.

Beatrice: Roger? Roger, are you in there?
[EGO2002] Roger: Beatrice? Yes! I'm here!
Beatrice: Roger, answer me!
[EGO2003] Roger: Crap! She can't hear me!
Beatrice: If you can hear me, the doctor says Vohaul's subconsciousness is repressing his new memories!
[EGO2004] Roger: His subconsciousness?
Beatrice: If you don't stop it, you're both going to die!
[EGO2005] Roger: Pft. 'Why not go into some crazy villain's head, Roger? The mad scientist said it would be safe!'
Beatrice: If you can hear me, I know you're being sarcastic in there.
[EGO2006] Roger: Great. Now she hears me.

704 - Vohaul's Mind - Desk

Vohaul's Father: Vohaul, what's going on up there? What's all that racket?
Kid Vohaul: Um, nothing. I'm gonna come downstairs and play now... after I wash up.
Vohaul's Father: All right, son. But be quick about it!
[EGO2007] Roger: Boy, that was a close one, wasn't it?
Kid Vohaul: Yeah, I'll never disobey my parents ever, ever, ever again!
[EGO2008] Roger: You look like you've learned your lesson.
Kid Vohaul: Yeah! It's written ALL OVER MY FACE!
[EGO2009] Roger: Hahaha! Oh, Vohaul!
Kid Vohaul: That's me!

Kid Vohaul: My parents won't let me make any of the cool stuff in this book.
[EGO2010] Roger: Like what?
Kid Vohaul: Like there's a whole chapter about vaporizing planets, and another one about cloning insurance salesmen.
Kid Vohaul: There's even one about uploading your memory into digital space so you can CHEAT DEATH.
[EGO2011] Roger: You definitely should not be playing with this.

Kid Vohaul: Well, my mom is a very nice lady. She likes to knit all the time!
Kid Vohaul: My dad likes to read newspapers and tell people to stop bothering him!
Kid Vohaul: And my brother is a big mean stupid-head who likes to pick on me and steal my toys!
[EGO2012] Roger: Why does your brother pick on you?
Kid Vohaul: Because I always get what I want for my birthdays and mom won't even let him have a pet. So he takes it out on me.

[EGO2013] Roger: Echo!
Kid Vohaul: Shh!

[EGO2014] Roger: I want them to leave.
Kid Vohaul: Daddy made that for the neighbors. The police made him take it down.

[EGO2015] Roger: I don't even want to look at it!

[EGO2015] Roger: I don't even want to look at it! (Duplicate)

Narrator: Vohaul is playing with those right now. You wouldn't want to make him cry, would you?
[EGO2016] Roger: Is that a trick question?

Narrator: Vohaul doesn't seem to notice the difference.
[EGO2017] Roger: It may not be the right chemicals, but at least it shouldn't blow up the house.

Narrator: Aha! Good thinking! You quickly fill the mug with chemicals from the red and blue vials, creating a nice purple solution in the process!
[EGO2018] Roger: It's so nice to see red and blue working together for a change.

705 - Vohaul's Mind - Living Room

Vohaul's Father: Wilby, come downstairs and play with your new toys!
Kid Vohaul: No, that's okay, daddy!
Vohaul's Father: You're not playing with that new chemistry set, are you?
Kid Vohaul: No, daddy!
Vohaul's Father: You better not. There's a parental advisory on that thing. If you blow us all up, I will sell you into slavery.
Vohaul's Mother: Oh, dear - please.
Vohaul's Father: All right, all right - ahem - I will sell you into science! Much more becoming of a Vohaul!
Kid Vohaul: Yes, daddy! I'll be good!
Vohaul's Mother: What a darling little angel.
Slash Vohaul: Sludge sucks!
Vohaul's Mother: Don't call your little brother names, Slash.
[EGO2019] Roger: Wilby? Heh.

[EGO2020] Roger: Who are you?
Slash Vohaul: I'm Slash. I'm a big mean stupid-head who likes to pick on Sludge and steal his toys.
[EGO2021] Roger: So Sludge's real name is Wilby?
Slash Vohaul: I'm Slash. I'm a big mean stupid-head who likes to pick on Sludge and steal his toys.
[EGO2022] Roger: You already said that.
Slash Vohaul: I'm Slash. I'm a big mean stupid-head who likes to pick on Sludge and steal his toys.
[EGO2023] Roger: Maybe we should start over...
Narrator: Don't bother, Roger, Sludge apparently doesn't remember his older brother too fondly.

[EGO2024] Roger: How would you like to have a pet?
Slash Vohaul: A pet? Whaddaya got?!
[EGO2025] Roger: Well, I've got this cute furry hamster if you want it.
Slash Vohaul: Yeah! Gimme, gimme, gimme!

[EGO2026] Roger: Hey, kid - I'll trade you one of your toys for this shiny piece of highly reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass.
Slash Vohaul: Throw in the rest of your ship and you got a deal.

[EGO2027] Roger: I'll trade you this delicious hamburger for one of your toys.
Slash Vohaul: What'd you do? Spit in it? Get lost.

[EGO2028] Roger: Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm! What you do for a Power Bar? Would you... trade me one of your toys?
Slash Vohaul: My toys for your lousy health food? You're not good with kids, are you?

[EGO2029] Roger: Check out this fun puzzle!
Slash Vohaul: Wow. A slider puzzle. You must be tons of fun at parties.

[EGO2030] Roger: I have a bucket!

[EGO2031] Roger: Hi, I'm Roger. You must be Vohaul's parents.
Vohaul's Father: Honey, who is this wretched person trying to speak to me?
Vohaul's Mother: I believe he's one of Wilby's little friends, dear.
Vohaul's Father: Well, please tell him he is tacky and he smells bad.
Vohaul's Mother: Tell him yourself, dear.
Vohaul's Father: I shall have nothing more to do with him!

[EGO2032] Roger: Excuse me, but...
Vohaul's Father: Sssh! Do you hear that? It is silence. Sssshhhh.
[EGO2033] Roger: I just want to know...
Vohaul's Father: I said shush! Why does not he shush?! I slave over a hot stove all day! I demand shush!
Vohaul's Mother: I slave over a hot stove, dear.
Vohaul's Father: No more complaining out of you either!

[EGO678] Roger: Hello? (Duplicate)
[EGO2034] Roger: I guess Vohaul doesn't remember enough about his parents for them to carry on a conversation with me.

[EGO2035] Roger: Hello, lovely lady, are you familiar with the miracle of highly reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass?
Vohaul's Mother: Ooh, no! Tell us all about it!
[EGO2036] Roger: It slices, it dices, it does your laundry and picks up your kids from school!
[EGO2037] Roger: How much would you pay for this amazing product? Don't answer that right away!
[EGO2038] Roger: Because if you order it now for three easy payments, you'll also get this handy bucket and spoon!
Vohaul's Mother: Oh, dear! Can I have one? Please!
Vohaul's Father: Hush! He is just a pushy salesman who wants our money!
[EGO2039] Roger: Listen to your husband, m'am. He's a smart man - and quite handsome too, I might add.
Vohaul's Father: Flattery will only get you a belt across your behind. Sell your snake oil somewhere else!
[EGO2040] Roger: Thank you for your time.

707 - Vohaul's Mind - Beach

[EGO2041] Roger: Hey, hot stuff.
Mary Jane: Hey, old man, are you, like, hitting on me?
[EGO2042] Roger: Ummmm... no.
Mary Jane: Gawd, you're like, old enough to be my grandpa! Ewwww!!! And what's that smell?! Is that old man smell?
[EGO2043] Roger: Listen, I'm just going to leave you alone.

[EGO2044] Roger: Nah. I don't think she digs me.

[EGO2045] Roger: Hey, big guy, whatcha lifting?
Bronze: I'm totally training my biceps! Gonna get pumped and eat metal! Yeah!
[EGO2046] Roger: Can I try that?
Bronze: You couldn't handle it, nerd! Now go make me a protein shake! I'm feeling the burn now!

Bronze: That's not food! That's the enemy! Get it out of here!
[EGO1765] Roger: Sorry! (Duplicate)

[EGO2047] Roger: Highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass. Want it?
Bronze: What's the carb count on it?
[EGO2048] Roger: It's a piece of glass.
Bronze: Organic glass?
[EGO2049] Roger: You know what? Never mind.

Bronze: Yeeee-OOOWWWWW!!!!
Mary Jane: Vohaul, that was totally hot how you stood up to that guy!
Beach Vohaul: So as I was saying, how would you like to go to... uh...
Mary Jane: Go to homecoming with you?
Beach Vohaul: Yeah! That's it!
Mary Jane: Sounds great! You know I've always had a thing for nerds, right?
Beach Vohaul: Sweet!
[EGO2050] Roger: My work here is done.
[EGO2051] Roger: Right - I'll go now.

Narrator: You went before the game started.
[EGO2052] Roger: Before the game started, I was eating pie with Beatrice!
Narrator: And she was never the wiser.

Narrator: You can only lift it a few inches before you start to feel irreparable damage in your lower spine.
[EGO2053] Roger: But I thought none of this was real!
Narrator: You need to free your mind in order to bend reality to your will.
[EGO2054] Roger: I thought this was Vohaul's mind?
Narrator: Oh, yeah. Guess you'll have to use your inventory or something.

Narrator: You give the little wagon a push. It easily slides across the sand.
[EGO2055] Roger: That seemed a little too easy. Darn animator must be slacking off.

708 - Vohaul's Mind - Monolith Burger

[EGO2056] Roger: Can I borrow a pen?
Narrator: Vohaul hands you a pen... what are you doing, Roger?
Narrator: You take the pen and write something on the partial schematics. You then return the pen to Vohaul.
Narrator: Ok, even I'm curious now.

Monolith Manager: An excellent review! In fact, this is probably one of our best restaurants I have ever seen!
Monolith Manager: I'll be certainly mentioning your name to the CEO.
Monolith Manager: And you can bet on an upcoming promotion with a nice six-figure income and a yacht!
Monolith Vohaul: Oh, thank you very much, sir!
Monolith Manager: Somebody get this guy some girlfriends! And for God's sake, somebody grovel at his feet!
Monolith Manager: This man is a GOLDEN GOD of the fast food world!
Monolith Vohaul: Yeah!!!
[EGO2057] Roger: I think I triggered a daydream somewhere. Time to get back to the atrium.

[EGO2058] Roger: Look at this production bin! It's filthy!
Monolith Vohaul: Sir! What are you doing? Stop!
Monolith Vohaul: We can't sell that burger now - we don't want our customers getting sick! Please dispose of it properly!
[EGO2059] Roger: Oh, don't worry. I will.

[EGO2060] Roger: I took care of that back in the Mallard.

[EGO2061] Roger: Ouch! That's hot!

Narrator: You pull the handle, but nothing happens. Looks like it's broken.
[EGO2062] Roger: This looks like a job for a repair-person. I'll make a call. They should be in on Tuesday.
Narrator: Or you could open that panel under the counter and fix it yourself.

[EGO2063] Roger: Hmmmm, I wonder what's in here?

[EGO2064] Roger: Open.
Narrator: Nothing happens.

[EGO2065] Roger: Robot, activate!
Narrator: It's broken, Roger, and you just made it worse.

[EGO2066] Roger: It's Roger's time to shine!
Narrator: Through the magic of fade-to-black, the nasty spill is soon eradicated!
[EGO2067] Roger: I like mops.

709 - Vohaul's Mind - Monolith Burger - Monoflairy Close-up

[EGO2068] Roger: How am I supposed to understand all this?

[EGO2069] Roger: Man, he's been gone a while.
Narrator: I'm back!
[EGO2070] Roger: Took you long enough!
Narrator: Okay, she's reading the schematics into Vohaul's ear, so hopefully he should remember how to fix the machine. Now, no more taking advantage of the narrator! I've got powers too, you know!
Narrator: As if by magic, the MonoFlairy's schematics appear on the inside of the panel.

[EGO2071] Roger: Hmm, this must be where the schematics should be.
[EGO2072] Roger: Hey, Vohaul said that this must be the only Monolith in the galaxy without them... What if...
[EGO2073] Roger: Hey! You!
[EGO2074] Roger: Oi! Are you listening?
Narrator: Who? Me?
[EGO2075] Roger: Yes you! Who else do you think I'd be talking to?
Narrator: What do you want, Roger?
[EGO2076] Roger: I need you to take a message to Bea.
Narrator: What? That's not my job!
[EGO2077] Roger: Pleeeeeeaaaaase? Just this once!
Narrator: I don't know, I'm really not supposed to do things like that. I just read the script and dictate your life.
[EGO2078] Roger: This could be your big chance to do something important!
Narrator: My job IS important! You'd be nothing without me!
[EGO2079] Roger: Oh please! If you don't, I'll... I'll... I'll do something to really annoy you.
Narrator: Not possible, Roger.
[EGO555] Roger: We'll see about that. (Duplicate)

Narrator: It says 'The Narrator Sucks.' Wait - what? Oh, yeah - real mature, Roger.
[EGO2080] Roger: Hee-hee!

Narrator: It says 'The Narrator Sucks.' Will you stop doing that?
[EGO2081] Roger: Will you take the message?
Narrator: No!
[EGO2082] Roger: There's your answer then.

Narrator: It says 'The Narrator Sucks.' Stop it!
[EGO2083] Roger: Message?
Narrator: For the last time, NO!

Narrator: It says... Arrrgh, okay! I give up! I'll take your frickin' message. Just promise you'll stop doing that!
[EGO2084] Roger: I promise.
Narrator: Okay then... what's the message?

Narrator: All right! With the schematics in hand, you're now ready to take on the notorious Monoflairy repair puzzle!
[EGO2085] Roger: You mean I get to decipher these obscure instructions, cross wires and flip switches until everything's in proper working order?
[EGO2086] Roger: Oh, boy! I haven't had this much fun since the datacorder puzzle!
Narrator: Get ready for puzzle-solving in five, four, three, two... one! Go!
[EGO2087] Roger: Let's see... plug the Zargon adaptor into the Quantum-Flux regulator...
[EGO2088] Roger: ...connect the HELLO chip to Port 11... tie the green wire to the black wire...
[EGO2089] Roger: the safety protocols... aaaaaaand... start the motor!
Narrator: The machine revs to life!
[EGO2090] Roger: That wasn't so bad, was it?

710 - Vohaul's Mind - Monolith Burger - Kitchen

Narrator: They've all fused together.
[EGO2091] Roger: I'll need some sort of tool to dislodge one.
Narrator: Right, or you could simply not take any.
[EGO2092] Roger: Hey, that would make my life a whole lot easier!

[EGO2093] Roger: Hey! Wake up! Vohaul needs you to cook up some burgers, ASAP!
[EGO2094] Roger: HHHEEEEYYYYY!!!!!
[EGO2095] Roger: Nothing.

[EGO2096] Roger: I wonder if Vohaul ever remembered this guy being awake?

Narrator: My, my - what have we here? A veritable treasure trove of janitorial supplies, and an over-eager janitor with grabby hands!
[EGO2097] Roger: With all this stuff, I could finish the game in no time! I feel like a kid in a candy store!
Narrator: Which is why you can only take ONE, Roger.
[EGO2098] Roger: ONE?! Oh, come on! There's a whole box!
Narrator: Don't give me that attitude or we're turning this game around and going right back to Space Quest 6.
[EGO2099] Roger: Hmmph! Fine!
Narrator: You reach out and nab a spray bottle full of bleach.

711 - Vohaul's Mind - Monolith Burger - Break Room

[EGO2100] Roger: Hey! Vohaul needs you up front!
Charlie: Can't you see I'm on my break?
[EGO2101] Roger: Yes, and you need to stop being on a break.
Charlie: I take breaks all the time. I drink my milkshake and I eat my burger! My name is Charbie!
[EGO2102] Roger: Your name tag says Charlie.
Charlie: My name is Charbie!
[EGO2103] Roger: Hmmm... I guess Vohaul doesn't remember your name.

Charlie: Ooh! Jumbo Monolith! Wish I had one of those! All I'm allowed to eat are the tiny things.
[EGO2104] Roger: Here you go then!
Charlie: Hey, thanks!
[EGO2105] Roger: Too bad it's never that funny in real life. Remember, kids, say no to feeding each other bleach-coated hamburgers.

Narrator: You knock on the fake pizza made of glass and it makes a sound rather similar to that which a fake pizza made of glass would make when being knocked upon.
[EGO2106] Roger: All right, this guy's story checks out. Moving on.

[EGO2107] Roger: Yoink!

[EGO2108] Roger: If you have a milkshake... and I have a milkshake... and I have a straw...
[EGO2109] Roger: My straw reaches acroooooossssss the room... and starts to drink your milkshake!
[EGO2110] Roger: I... DRINK... YOUR... MILKSHAKE!!!

Charlie: I don't think so.
[EGO2111] Roger: Nuts.

712 - Vohaul's Mind - Monolith Burger - Store Room

[EGO2112] Roger: My Gerblanese is a bit rusty, but from what I remember, the sign on that box says 'Dog-like underpass of medieval patronage'.
Narrator: Really?
[EGO2113] Roger: Well, it's either that or 'meat'.

[EGO2114] Roger: Chicken...
[EGO2115] Roger: ...stock.
[EGO2116] Roger: Chicken stock!
[EGO2117] Roger: I can read!
Narrator: Well done, Roger, well done.

[EGO2118] Roger: It can't be healthy to keep all the cheese unwrapped like this.
Narrator: You're in a Monolith Burger. I don't think health is much of an issue.
[EGO2119] Roger: Ohh snap!

713 - Vohaul's Mind - Inner Sanctum

Vohaul: ...PAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!
Narrator: This must the be the inner sanctum of Vohaul's subconsciousness. As you can see, he seems to be dwelling on only one thing these days.
[EGO2120] Roger: Well, I guess it's a good thing to have goals in your life.
[EGO2121] Roger: Even if they all involve ending mine.
Narrator: Either way, Vohaul seems to be rather docile at the moment. This is a good chance to snoop around and see what's repressing his memories.

Narrator: What appears to be a crystal squeegee is stuck in Vohaul's head. It seems Vohaul's got only one thing on his mind.
[EGO2122] Roger: I wonder what would happen if I removed it?

714 - Vohaul's Mind - Cliff Edge

[EGO2123] Roger: WHOA!!!
Narrator: Eep! You're on your own, Roger. I'm outta here!
[EGO2124] Roger: Hey! Wait! Where are you going?!
[EGO2125] Roger: Don't leave me!

[EGO2126] Roger: I should be able to walk up to the trail over there.

[EGO2127] Roger: I should be safe behind these mental blocks.

[EGO2128] Roger: I'd never be able to chew through that.

[EGO2129] Roger: There's nothing useful there!

[EGO2130] Roger: I'm a sitting duck down here!

[EGO2131] Roger: HELP!

[EGO2132] Roger: I can't take anything over there!

[EGO2133] Roger: Looks pretty empty. I'd better avoid filling it.

[EGO2131] Roger: HELP! (Duplicate)

[EGO2134] Roger: It's too high for me to climb!

[EGO2135] Roger: It's huge and it's trying to hit me! That's what it is!

[EGO2136] Roger: Ok, I'll... no... no! Now is not the time to licking the enemy's weapon! He's trying to hit me with it!

716 - Vohaul's Mind - Shoulder

[EGO2137] Roger: I'm standing on Vohaul's shoulder.
[EGO2138] Roger: I don't think he's noticed I'm here yet.

[EGO2139] Roger: Now's not the time to pick Vohaul for ticks.

[EGO2140] Roger: I'd rather Vohaul didn't know I was here.

[EGO2141] Roger: It's Vohaul's ear, both conveniently AND unfortunately large enough for one janitor to crawl through.

[EGO2142] Roger: Yuck! It's full of wax and gunk!
[EGO2143] Roger: I wouldn't climb up there to save my own life!

[EGO2144] Roger: I don't want Vohaul to know I'm here.

[EGO2145] Roger: It was a good mop while it lasted.

[EGO2146] Roger: A squeegee is not the tool I'd use for cleaning goo out of Vohaul's ear.

[EGO2147] Roger: We're going to need a bigger plunger.

[EGO2148] Roger: I'd need a LOT more bleach to disinfect this ear.

[EGO2149] Roger: I'm gonna need a bigger spoon.

[EGO2150] Roger: That's not how you clean up a mess.

[EGO2151] Roger: I don't want to stick that in Vohaul's ear.

[EGO2152] Roger: AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

[EGO2152] Roger: AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! (Duplicate)

717 - Vohaul's Mind - Mouth

[EGO2153] Roger: My squeegee!

[EGO2154] Roger: I've had better days!

[EGO2155] Roger: I AM holding on!

[EGO2156] Roger: I'm kinda busy!

[EGO2157] Roger: It's Vohaul's face! Man, this guy's got some nasty acne build-up!

[EGO2158] Roger: I can't get ahold of anything with my bare hands!

[EGO2159] Roger: It's too greasy for me!

[EGO2160] Roger: Ewww... that plaque build-up can't be good!

[EGO2161] Roger: I'm no dentist!

[EGO2162] Roger: Now is not the time for mouth-to-mouth!

[EGO2163] Roger: Hey! A penny!

[EGO2164] Roger: I do that enough with my own nose!

[EGO2164] Roger: I do that enough with my own nose! (Duplicate)

[EGO2165] Roger: I'm falling too quick to get a grip on... AAAAAAHHHHHH!

[EGO2166] Roger: I can't!

718 - Vohaul's Mind - Brain

[EGO2167] Roger: Nooo! My squeegee!
[EGO1673] Roger: What the...? (Duplicate)

[EGO2168] Roger: Let's take your ego down a notch.

[EGO2169] Roger: Let go of the memories!
Evil Stain: Ha ha ha! I laugh at your feeble puny-handed attacks! You cannot defeat me! Nothing can!

Evil Stain: Gah! Bleach! Pfft! Pfffft!
[EGO2170] Roger: That's right! Nothing removes tough stains like bleach!
Evil Stain: It's in my mouth! It's in my mouth!

Evil Stain: Ptooie! Ptooie!
[EGO2171] Roger: Hmmm... it seems to annoy him, but bleach alone won't remove this stain.

[EGO2172] Roger: Okay, Vohaul! This is it!
[EGO2173] Roger: I've been carrying around this highly reflective piece of Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass since the beginning...
[EGO2174] Roger: And by golly, if I don't use it here, I'll never use it anywhere!
[EGO2176] Roger: Did it work?
Evil Stain: No. I'm still here.
[EGO2177] Roger: So this piece of glass is...
Evil Stain: Completely worthless.
[EGO2178] Roger: Thanks.

[EGO2179] Roger: That won't remove the stain.

[EGO2180] Roger: Judging from the snot-encrusted walls, I'm guessing this is the nose-hole.

[EGO2181] Roger: I'd rather not put my mouth on anything in here.

[EGO2182] Roger: That leads back out the ear.

[EGO2183] Roger: I can't get back up there.

[EGO2184] Roger: That works better from the outside of the ear.

[EGO2185] Roger: Cobwebs. The corners of Vohaul's mind are littered with these things.

[EGO2186] Roger: No way I'm touching those cobwebs with my bare hands!

[EGO2187] Roger: They won't be bothering me anytime soon.

[EGO2188] Roger: I doubt the spiders would listen to reason.

[EGO2189] Roger: Yuck! Those cobwebs are covered with bleach! I don't want to eat them!

[EGO2190] Roger: Time to clean up.

[EGO2191] Roger: I can hear the spiders backing off. I guess they don't like being disinfected.

[EGO2192] Roger: You like that? Here's a little more!

[EGO2193] Roger: That won't repel the spiders.

[EGO2194] Roger: This must be the center of all this madness.

[EGO2195] Roger: There's nothing here I can take.

[EGO2196] Roger: They'll be fine. It's the stain I need to take care of.

[EGO2197] Roger: Vohaul's repressing all those new memories I created.

[EGO2198] Roger: HEY!
Beach Vohaul: Yo. Over here.

[EGO2199] Roger: Don't worry, guys! I'll get you out of here!
Kid Vohaul: Why does this always happen on my birthday?!
Monolith Vohaul: And I just got promoted!
Beach Vohaul: I don't wanna die a virgin!

[EGO2200] Roger: I'll find a way to save them.

[EGO2201] Roger: I don't suppose any of you guys want this highly reflective piece of Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass?
Kid Vohaul: No thank you.
Monolith Vohaul: Not in the slightest.
Beach Vohaul: ...I might.
[EGO2202] Roger: Yeah, yeah... wait - really?
Beach Vohaul: But only if nobody else wants it.
[EGO2203] Roger: Oh, believe me - NOBODY wants this!
Beach Vohaul: Have you asked absolutely everyone?

[EGO2204] Roger: YES! I've shown it to everyone and everything! Vohaul's goons, the Furkunz, a giant cat...
[EGO2205] Roger: I can't be sure, but I think I even died a couple times showing it to people!
[EGO2206] Roger: But rest affirmed - absolutely NO ONE wants this piece of glass!
Beach Vohaul: All right... I believe you. I'll take it.
[EGO2207] Roger: ...thank you.
[EGO2208] Roger: Thank you...
[EGO2209] Roger: Oh, THANK YOU!!!
[EGO2210] Roger: I'm free! Free at last! Free of the madness!
Evil Stain: Uh, hey - aren't you trying to kill me?
[EGO2211] Roger: No... not anymore. At last... I am at peace.
Narrator: Roger Wilco, you finally got rid of that highly reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass! What are you going to do now?!
[EGO2212] Roger: I'm going to Disneyland!!!

[EGO2213] Roger: Y-- Well, almost everyone.
Beach Vohaul: Almost?
[EGO2214] Roger: I may have missed a few.
Beach Vohaul: Then I shall not take it.
[EGO2215] Roger: Come on! I'm so close! Are you really gonna make me go back to an older savegame?
Beach Vohaul: I'm afraid so.
[EGO2216] Roger: Drat!

[EGO2217] Roger: Do any of you guys want this mug back?
Kid Vohaul: Ooh! Ooh! Give it here!
Monolith Vohaul: No way! You already spent your whole childhood with it! It's mine!
Beach Vohaul: You idiots! This is not the time to be arguing over a stupid mug!
Beach Vohaul: Besides, it's obviously mine. Otherwise you'll both lose it too when you become me.
[EGO2218] Roger: Ah, maybe I'll hold onto it until I get you guys out of there.

[EGO2219] Roger: That won't help them.

801 - Renegade Outro - Cannon

Ape Colonel: What can I say about Lord Vohaul other than to remember him as he was, and not the horrible monster we turned him into.
Ape Colonel: Alas, to lose such a noble leader is a cruel fate indeed for apekind.
Ape Colonel: And now, a few words from the man to blame for his death. Mr. Wilco?
[EGO2220] Roger: I can see some loaded weapons in the room, so I'll make this short.
[EGO2221] Roger: I didn't know Vohaul very well.
[EGO2222] Roger: In fact, the first time we met, he shipped me off to die on a forsaken jungle planet.
[EGO2223] Roger: Long story short, he spent a lot of time trying to kill me, and then he died. That's about it.
General Forksmith: The repairs have been made to your ship. I'd recommend you leave as soon as possible.
[EGO2224] Roger: Will you guys get along fine without your leader?
General Forksmith: Ah, we'll be fine. We'll just have to start taking things back into our own hands.
General Forksmith: The Furkunz have returned to their caves but I suspect we haven't seen the last of them.
General Forksmith: It's gonna be difficult to call a truce after all this.
General Forksmith: Not to mention Never Kenezer seems to be missing.
[EGO2225] Roger: You let him get away?!
Random Apeman: That was my bad. Sorry.
General Forksmith: Beh. Just get out of here.
Ape Colonel: Anyway, it is time...
General Forksmith: Ah, yes.
General Forksmith: Fire the cannon!

806 - Paragon Outro - Hilltop

[EGO2226] Roger: I can't believe you actually converted half the planet's surface into a giant ski resort.
Vohaul: It was the only way to bring everyone together.
Finkle: And now peace has been restored between the peoples of the planet.
[EGO2227] Roger: Yeah, but we're talking about the enslavement of an entire race.
[EGO2228] Roger: A month ago, everybody was ready to kill each other! If anything, this is the single most unlikely thing to ever happen!
Vohaul: What can I say? Everyone loves skiing.
[EGO2229] Roger: Well, Vohaul, I'm impressed. You really pulled through for everyone.
[EGO2230] Roger: But a few things still bother me.
Vohaul: Like what?
[EGO2231] Roger: Like whatever happened to Never Kenezer?
Vohaul: Oh, I put him to work...

[EGO2232] Roger: And what about the moon bomb thing?
Vohaul: Converted it to an energy refinery. Now the entire planet's fueled by the moon.

Finkle: Well, I'm gonna leave you guys alone.
Finkle: Vohaul, don't forget that thing we got, right?
Vohaul: See you in a bit!
[EGO2233] Roger: So this is how it ends? To never match wits again with my arch-nemesis?
Vohaul: I wouldn't say that. I mean, I'm only one digital copy of the original Vohaul.
Vohaul: I'm pretty sure there's dozens of other copies scattered all over the galaxy in bootleg software, waiting to be uploaded into a supercomputer somewhere that you can fight.
[EGO1174] Roger: Oh, right. (Duplicate)
Vohaul: Ehhh, don't worry about it. If another version of me ever tries to give you trouble, you know I got your back.
[EGO2234] Roger: I guess underneath all that hardware and scary blue scaley skin, you really are a nice guy after all, Vohaul.
Vohaul: And I have you to thank for that, Wilco.
Vohaul: Any other schmoe would've left me for dead, but of all people, it was the guy who killed me that saved me in the end.
Vohaul: I really owe you a lot, Roger.
[EGO2235] Roger: You don't owe me anything. It's all in the line of duty for a day-to-day space hero.
Vohaul: So, how about you and Beatrice? Why haven't you popped the question yet?
[EGO2236] Roger: I've been wondering that myself lately.
[EGO2237] Roger: I guess I've been so worried about what could go wrong, I forgot about all the things that could go right.
Vohaul: So you're no longer afraid?
[EGO2238] Roger: I think saving your life has given me a new perspective on things.
[EGO2239] Roger: A month ago, I was this close to leaving you for dead, just because I didn't want to take the risk.
[EGO2240] Roger: But at the last moment, something clicked.
[EGO2241] Roger: And look at where we are now.
Vohaul: The future holds all kinds of surprises, doesn't it?
[EGO2242] Roger: Yeah, and I'd be a real idiot to miss a moment of it.
Vohaul: So I guess you'll start shopping around for a wedding ring soon?
[EGO2243] Roger: I suppose...
Vohaul: In that case, here you go.
[EGO2244] Roger: Holy cow! Look at the size of that rock!
Vohaul: Pure detonite crystal. Fully refined, but I wouldn't put it near any open flames right away.
[EGO2245] Roger: Thanks! Bea's gonna love this!
Vohaul: So what are you waiting for? Go tell that girl what's in your heart!
[EGO2246] Roger: Right away? But...
Vohaul: Are you gonna do it, or am I gonna have to strike back?
[EGO2247] Roger: Strike back?
Vohaul: Get it? Vohaul STRIKES BACK!

807 - Paragon Outro - Sideshow

Bartender: Ladies and gentlemen, step right up and see the horrible Abominable Snowman!
[EGO2248] Roger: Oooooooh!
Never Kenezer: You know, the hair isn't so bad when you get used to it.
Bartender: Snowmen DON'T TALK.

809 - Paragon Outro - Wedding

[EGO1665] Roger: What the heck? (Duplicate)
Finkle: Right on cue!
Vohaul: Well, well, well - look at that. You could almost swear there was a wedding going on. Of course, who could possibly be getting married?
[EGO887] Roger: Uh... (Duplicate)
Beatrice: Roger, shut up and propose.
Finkle: Yeah, seriously. Come on. That whole thing with the skis and ramp wasn't exactly easy to set up.
[EGO2249] Roger: Beatrice, I'm sorry I kept holding off on this.
[EGO2250] Roger: We had such a good thing going and I was afraid everything was going to change once we were married.
[EGO2251] Roger: We'd become different people, and eventually drift apart. Maybe not even love each other anymore.
Beatrice: Roger, you don't have to...
[EGO2252] Roger: Let me finish. What I figured out is that people always change, and often, it's for the better.
[EGO2253] Roger: So no matter how things change between us in the future, I'll do whatever it takes to fall in love with you all over again.
[EGO2254] Roger: Beatrice Creakworm Wankmeister...
[EGO2255] Roger: ...will you marry me?
Beatrice: Oh, Roger, yes!
Furkunz Priest: I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss... yeah, whatever.

810 - Outro - Mallard Cockpit

[EGO2256] Roger: Well, that was a pretty disappointing outcome.
Beatrice: Yeah...
[EGO2257] Roger: So, hey, about that marriage thing...
Beatrice: Oh. You know... I don't really feel like talking about it right now.
[EGO2258] Roger: What's wrong?
Beatrice: I don't know. Let's just change the subject.
[EGO2259] Roger: Okay.
Beatrice: I really wish we could have done more for Vohaul.
[EGO2260] Roger: Me too, Beatrice, but this is life, and life doesn't have a save point.
[EGO2261] Roger: We can't just go back every time we make a mistake. We gotta move on.
Beatrice: I suppose.
[EGO2262] Roger: Look at the bright side. At least Vohaul's in a better place.

[EGO2263] Roger: It was sure nice of them to fix the Mallard as a wedding gift!
Beatrice: And even nicer that they took out that duct tape and put in a real reactor core.
[EGO2264] Roger: So where do you want to go, Bea? Off to wherever the adventure of marriage takes us?
Beatrice: How about back to work? Our paid vacation ended three weeks ago.
[EGO2265] Roger: Oh! Right! Back to work then!
[EGO2266] Roger: And you know what, Beatrice? I think I'm finally ready for this whole parenthood thing!
[EGO2267] Roger: After all, how hard can it be to take care of one little toddler? Just you, me, and little Roger Jr.
Beatrice: And his sister.
[EGO2268] Roger: Right. And his sister.
[EGO2269] Roger: ...wait, what?
Comment: Unintentionally works as a reference to the Hellboy 2 ending
Beatrice: Our daughter. We're having twins.
Comment: Top Gear reference
Narrator: And on that bombshell, it's time to end the game. Good night!
Narrator: Well, it looks like Roger's going to have his hands full trading in his trusty mop for a baby stroller and learning to solve diaper-changing puzzles. But is this really the end of our intrepid space hero's adventures, or are new ones still waiting around the next cosmic turnpike?
Narrator: We want to thank you for playing our Space Quest fan-game 'Vohaul Strikes Back'! We've had about as much fun making it as you did waiting for it! Now here's some credits.

Gobbledygook Outro

Roger (VSB Flash): You lose glass?
[EGO2270] Roger: I lose glass!
Vohaul (VSB Flash): Yay! Found real ending!
[EGO2271] Roger: Awesome!
Roger (VSB Flash): ...what now?
[EGO255] Roger: Hmm... (Duplicate)
[EGO2272] Roger: Boogie?
Vohaul (VSB Flash): BOOGIE!

Global Script

[EGO921] Roger: The glass! It doesn't do anything!

[EGO922] Roger: Nothing to fill it with there.

[EGO923] Roger: I can't use the puzzle there.

[EGO924] Roger: That doesn't need cutting.

[EGO925] Roger: I can't nail that down.

[EGO926] Roger: Nothing to plunge there.

[EGO927] Roger: That doesn't need immediate spooning.

[EGO928] Roger: That doesn't need teddy bear mugging.

[EGO929] Roger: That doesn't call for bleach.

[EGO930] Roger: Meh. Clean enough.

[EGO931] Roger: Nothing to wipe out there!

[EGO932] Roger: This is a piece of highly reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass from the Aluminum Mallard.

[EGO933] Roger: Chewing on glass has never been my favorite hobby.

[EGO934] Roger: Meh. I'd only cut myself.

[EGO935] Roger: It's my hacksaw!

[EGO936] Roger: Ouch!

[EGO924] Roger: That doesn't need cutting. (Duplicate)

[EGO937] Roger: Great. Now I need a tetanus shot.

[EGO938] Roger: No time!

[EGO939] Roger: Tastes like a puzzle.

[EGO940] Roger: It's empty.

[EGO941] Roger: That's how I ruined all my old buckets as a kid.

[EGO942] Roger: The bucket feels plasticky.

[EGO943] Roger: I can't do that.

[EGO944] Roger: It's my plunger!

[EGO945] Roger: This plunger is clearly in need of some maintenance.

[EGO946] Roger: I did that before the game started.

[EGO947] Roger: There IS a spoon.

[EGO948] Roger: Spoon!

[EGO949] Roger: Tastes metal-y.

[EGO950] Roger: It's not broken yet, but give me some time.

[EGO951] Roger: Mmmm... purple.

[EGO952] Roger: *slurp*

[EGO953] Roger: Whee!

[EGO954] Roger: This spray bottle contains Javasucks All-Purpose Bleach.

[EGO952] Roger: *slurp* (Duplicate)

[EGO955] Roger: No, not after last time.

[EGO956] Roger: There we go. Excess moisture gone!

[EGO957] Roger: It's a mop!

[EGO958] Roger: Okay! Nom nom nom!

[EGO959] Roger: This is by-and-far the single most awesome cleaning tool I've ever held. Too bad it isn't real.

[EGO960] Roger: Could this be the last shred of humanity left in Vohaul's psyche?
[EGO961] Roger: Or perhaps this squeegee is a small glimmer of hope in a dark dismal place like this.
[EGO962] Roger: Either way, it's got a wiper blade on it and should wipe up any stain I find around here.

[EGO963] Roger: I AM licking it!

Narrator: You do a few dry runs in mid-air, preparing for the task of opening a lock with this key.
[EGO964] Roger: It's all in the wrist.

[EGO965] Roger: Man, all the stories I could tell about stealing keys from Forksmith. Feels like it was only yesterday when I first got into this line of business.
Narrator: Actually, that was today.

Narrator: You eat the grenade-flavored catnip and win the game!
[EGO966] Roger: Hurray!
Narrator: And look, you got enough points to unlock the secret bonus levels, meaning the game's not over yet!
[EGO967] Roger: Boooo!

Narrator: This appears to be a carbon dioxide extinguisher. These are safe to use for Class A, B, and C fires, but only recommended for Class B and C fires because they are only moderately effective on Class A fires. The extinguishing agent is liquid carbon dioxide while in the extinguisher, but is discharged as a snow that vapourizes quickly to carbon dioxide gas and extinguishes fires mainly by excluding or diluting oxygen.
[EGO968] Roger: You sure know a lot about fire extinguishers.
Narrator: Shut up and help Beatrice, Roger.

[EGO936] Roger: Ouch! (Duplicate)

[EGO969] Roger: It's a hammer!

[EGO970] Roger: Yuck! Why am I doing this?

Beatrice: Roger, get off this frequency!
[EGO971] Roger: Sorry! It's not me! It's the radio!
Beatrice: Then turn off the radio before it screws up the rest of my transmissions!

[EGO972] Roger: That's me!

[EGO973] Roger: Now's not the time!

[EGO973] Roger: Now's not the time! (Duplicate)

[EGO973] Roger: Now's not the time! (Duplicate)

[EGO934] Roger: Meh. I'd only cut myself. (Duplicate)

[EGO941] Roger: That's how I ruined all my old buckets as a kid. (Duplicate)

[EGO937] Roger: Great. Now I need a tetanus shot. (Duplicate)

[EGO974] Roger: I'll do it later!

[EGO946] Roger: I did that before the game started. (Duplicate)

[EGO948] Roger: Spoon! (Duplicate)

[EGO951] Roger: Mmmm... purple. (Duplicate)

[EGO975] Roger: I'm already blond!

[EGO974] Roger: I'll do it later! (Duplicate)

[EGO976] Roger: I am carrying it! See?

[EGO977] Roger: Need a back massage, honey?
Beatrice: Not now, Roger.

[EGO978] Roger: Hey Bea, what do you think I should do?
Beatrice: Off the top of my head - maybe defeat Vohaul?
[EGO979] Roger: Oh, good one. I'll get started right away.

Narrator: You call Vohaul's bluff and prepare to fight him hand-to-hand!
[EGO980] Roger: Come on! Show me what you're made of!

Narrator: It's a young Sludge Vohaul tinkering with his chemistry set, foreshadowing his dark and tragic future.
[EGO981] Roger: Awww, he's so cute!

[EGO982] Roger: Okay, Vohaul. I challenge you to a battle of wits.
[EGO983] Roger: If you can solve this riddle in one minute, I shall see about letting you live.

[EGO984] Roger: Stop!!!
[EGO985] Roger: Hammer time!

Vohaul: Aaah!!! Highly Reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass!!!
[EGO986] Roger: Bea, look! I can't believe it's finally working!
Vohaul: Nah, just kidding.

[EGO987] Roger: Hey, Vohaul! See this? This is a SPOON.

Comment: Reference to earlier parts where Roger tried to use a bucket for trading something.
[EGO569] Roger: I've got a bucket. (Duplicate)

Beach Vohaul: My little brother used to have a wagon like that. It disappeared around the time he got his hamster. I remember because it's when he started being nicer to me.
[EGO988] Roger: And not such a stupidhead?
Beach Vohaul: Exactly!

[EGO989] Roger: Hey, buddy. How about some highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass. It'll make you a sure-fire hit with the ladies!
Beach Vohaul: Wow! How does it work?
[EGO990] Roger: ...I don't know.

[EGO991] Roger: Hey, kid. Look what I got.
Kid Vohaul: Mommy told me not to take highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass from strangers.

[EGO992] Roger: Do you want this hamster?
Kid Vohaul: No. I'm holding out for a pet monkey.

[EGO993] Roger: Excuse me, but I found this piece of highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass in my food.
Monolith Vohaul: I would hope so. That's this month's toy.

[EGO994] Roger: Does this look familiar?
Monolith Vohaul: Yeah. I have a mug just like that at home. It's my favorite!

[EGO995] Roger: Greetings! I am Roger Wilco.
Al: Hello. I am Al. Welcome to my most wonderful beach resort.
[EGO996] Roger: Right...
[EGO997] Roger: Anyway, I've come to find and defeat the evil mastermind Sludge Vohaul and...
Al: Wow, that is insanely amazing.
[EGO998] Roger: it? Hmm, yes, I suppose it could be...
Al: You know, if I had any fireworks, I would set them off right away.
Al: Oh, oh! May I please have your autograph? Please?
Al: Oh, I am in a state of absolute ecstasy. I love autographs.
Al: Oh yes, and I could then put the autograph in a frame, hang it on my wall, and have all my dearest robot friends come over every now and then to this lovely beach resort...
Al: ...where we could forever dance in eternal bliss and joy only because of the sheer proximity of such a marvellous autograph that was signed right here, right now, by you, the greatest being ever to tread the humble surface of this planet of Radon.
[EGO999] Roger: Uhh, sure, you got a pen?
Al: *sigh*
Al: ...never mind.

[EGO1000] Roger: Would you accept this Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass as payment?
Al: Oh, I'd love to, but I don't have ANYWHERE near enough change to give you in return!

[EGO15] Roger: I would like to enter your beach resort. (Duplicate)
Al: That'll be 500 buckazoids.
[EGO66] Roger: Here you go. (Duplicate)

[EGO15] Roger: I would like to enter your beach resort. (Duplicate)
Al: That'll be 500 buckazoids.
[EGO28] Roger: Oh. Bye then. (Duplicate)
Al: Don't let the snow hit you on the way out.

[EGO1001] Roger: Hey. I'm Roger Wilco, space janitor.
Resort Clerk: Welcome to Al's Super Fun Beach Resort Gift Shop.

Resort Clerk: Hmm... I see you've broken Al, the only friend I've ever had.
[EGO1002] Roger: Oh... is that a problem?
Resort Clerk: Nah... he was starting to annoy me anyway.
Resort Clerk: How may I be of service?

[EGO1003] Roger: Can I pawn this for a small fortune?
Resort Clerk: Hmm, a genuine piece of highly reflective Dodecatuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass?
Resort Clerk: It must be worth six million buckazoids.
Resort Clerk: With that one piece, you could buy us out, and finally set me free.
[EGO1004] Roger: Could I... *hypothetically*... do that with some Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass?
Resort Clerk: Sigh. Forget it...
[EGO1005] Roger: No problem there!

[EGO1006] Roger: Here's the clipboard back.

[EGO1007] Roger: Hey, let's talk about that task you had for me.
Finkle: All right, here's the deal.
Finkle: Vohaul's got tons of apemen at our doorstep, right outside our cave. If we don't clear out that boot camp and fortress, we'll have trouble on our hands soon.
Finkle: So far our prime objective has been activating the self-destruct mechanism at the fortress, as we haven't got the power to oppose them in any other ways.
Finkle: But needless to say, it's a very messy solution, and many innocent apemen will die.
[EGO1008] Roger: Innocent apemen?
Finkle: Yes. They only follow their orders because of fear.
Finkle: ...and, well, stupidity.
Finkle: But they're not evil by nature.
Finkle: All evidence suggests that the apemen would stop the fight as soon as Vohaul is overthrown, just like they did the last time you defeated him.
Finkle: And now, thanks to you, we have an alternative.
[EGO1009] Roger: You want me to go kick his butt?
[EGO1010] Roger: Sure, I was going to do that anyway.
Finkle: Yes... but there's more.
Finkle: You need to stop Lewdy.
[EGO1011] Roger: Lewdy?
Finkle: One of our men hiding inside the fortress, an electronics expert.
Finkle: He's been in there for a while, figuring out how to activate the self-destruct mechanism.
Finkle: He left for his last trip this morning and said he was going to blow up the place today.
Finkle: You need to stop him, and fast.
[EGO97] Roger: Well, I suppose I could tell him that when I get there. (Duplicate)
Finkle: That's not all of it yet...
Finkle: ...chances are that by the time you reach him, the sequence will already be in progress.
Finkle: And to disable it in time, he's going to need the fortress plans we've put together.
Finkle: And to make things even worse, the plans have been stolen.
[EGO1012] Roger: Stolen, huh?
[EGO1013] Roger: Well, I'd better get there before he sets it off, then.
Finkle: No, we can't take that chance.
Finkle: Lewdy has a way to get out when the sequence is started, but you won't fit through.
Finkle: Blowing up the fortress while you search for the plans is acceptable, but your death isn't.
[EGO1014] Roger: Ah.
[EGO1015] Roger: ...wait a minute... while I search for the plans?
Finkle: Uhh...
Finkle: Well, it seemed like the kind of thing you would do...
[EGO1016] Roger: Fine, fine, I'll see what I can do.
Finkle: Good. Let me know if you find them.
Finkle: ...Oh, and one more thing. Our toilet's a little clogged up, and a man with your plungering skills surely...
Finkle: Right... We'll take care of that one.

[EGO1017] Roger: Any idea where I can find Vohaul?
Finkle: We've looked everywhere. I mean, everywhere except that big tower in the middle of the fortress, but there's no way to get through that gigantic door.
[EGO1018] Roger: Do you think Vohaul's in there?
Finkle: I'm just gonna spit it out: yes, I think he's in there. It's pretty obvious at this point.

[EGO1019] Roger: Do you think this piece of viewshield glass might be useful?
Finkle: Let me see that...
Finkle: Whoa! Is this Quintuple-Thick Hyperglazed Safety Glass?
Finkle: Holy cow, this is EXACTLY what we've been looking for!
Finkle: Its unique chemical composition allows us to construct the missing part for our superweapon that's sure to bring Vohaul and the apemen to their knees!
[EGO1020] Roger: Hmm, actually I think it's just Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass.
Finkle: ...oh.
Finkle: Well then it's pretty much useless.
[EGO1021] Roger: Yeah, thought so.

[EGO1022] Roger: It's getting close to the end of the game and I still haven't used this highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass on anything yet.
Finkle: Maybe you can use it to defeat Vohaul.
[EGO1023] Roger: Ooh! Maybe! Let's go find him!

[EGO95] Roger: I got the plans! (Duplicate)
Finkle: Great! Now get to the fortress and stop Lewdy!

[EGO1024] Roger: Check this out.
Finkle: Not interested.

[EGO1025] Roger: Want this piece of highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass?
Bartender: That depends. Is there anything special about it?
[EGO1026] Roger: Well, it's highly reflective. And Octuple-Thick.
Bartender: Go on...
[EGO1027] Roger: And did I mention it's Pseudo-Morphed?
Bartender: Hmmm... you drive a hard bargain. I'll have to ask the wife about it first.

Bartender: So a janitor and the Almighty Bottle walk into a bar...
Bartender: The bartender says, 'Hey, what's with the bottle?'
Bartender: And the janitor says...
[EGO1028] Roger: I stole it from your sacred shrine!
Bartender: That's a terrible joke.
[EGO1029] Roger: You started it.

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello. (Duplicate)

Werg: Excuse me, but do you have a cousin named Sven?
[EGO1031] Roger: Uh... no, I don't have any cousins actually.
Werg: Never mind then. I'm Werg, how may I, or my organization, help you?

[EGO1032] Roger: Here, thought you might want to see this.
Werg: What's that, then...
Werg: Oh... you got it...
Werg: Never thought you'd be up to it.
Werg: Congratulations, Mr. Wilco, you are now a proud member of our Thieves' Guild!
[EGO1033] Roger: So... are you going to give me the password phrase now?
Werg: Ah, yes... here it is:
Werg: 'Pardon me, would you have any grey poupon?'.
[EGO1034] Roger: Grey poupon?
Werg: Grey poupon.
[EGO1035] Roger: ...So, what do I do now?
Werg: Well, you should probably find the equipment guy and see if he can give you anything to help out.
[EGO1036] Roger: You're not going to tell me who he is?
Werg: Nope, that's what the password phrase is for. Try it out on people and see who responds.

[EGO1032] Roger: Here, thought you might want to see this. (Duplicate)
Werg: Oh, you really got the bottle?
Werg: ...wait, that's not MC Cola...
Werg: Ah, I see... heh. Deceiving the deceiver, are we? Very clever.
Werg: So clever and befitting to the set of morals of a thief, in fact...
Werg: ...that I'm going to go ahead and give you bonus points just for having the guts to try that on me.
[EGO1037] Roger: Cool!
[EGO1038] Roger: Does that mean I'm in the guild now?
Werg: Not really. The bonus points don't mean anything.
Werg: Go on and find the real one now.

[EGO1032] Roger: Here, thought you might want to see this. (Duplicate)
Werg: It's a piece of glass.
[EGO1039] Roger: Yeah, I kinda dropped the bottle on the way here.
[EGO1040] Roger: Still counts, right?
Werg: Funny, I don't remember the Holy Bottle being comprised entirely of Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass.
Werg: The precise sort you would find on an Aluminum Mallard, a signature spaceship associated with a particular well-known galactic traveller.
[EGO1041] Roger: Crazy coincidence, huh?
Werg: Get me the bottle.
[EGO1042] Roger: Yes, sir.

[EGO1043] Roger: Here, have some money.
Werg: Hmmm... I'm not cool with people GIVING me money.
Werg: Just hold onto it for now. Keep it in your backpocket.
Werg: Preferably in tens or twenties. The less change the better.

[EGO1044] Roger: Look at me! I'm a professional thief!
Werg: *sniff* They grow up so fast.

[EGO176] Roger: The equipment guy gave me a lockpick! (Duplicate)
Werg: Great! Now if only there was a locked door somewhere nearby to practice on...
[EGO186] Roger: I'll keep looking. (Duplicate)

[EGO1045] Roger: Hey there. I'm Roger Wilco.
Rulf: Mornin'.
Rulf: I can't tell you my real name, but you can call me Rulf.

[EGO1046] Roger: Does this piece of highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass mean anything to you?
Rulf: Is it the Maltese highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass?
[EGO1047] Roger: Nope. Just a regular highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass.
Rulf: That's too bad. Better luck next time, I suppose.

[EGO1048] Roger: Any picking tips?
Rulf: Avoid the nose area.

[EGO1049] Roger: Check it out. Almighty Bottle.
Rulf: That's nothing. I've got the Almighty Chip Bag at home.

[EGO1050] Roger: Here's some money.
Rulf: No thanks. I'll just steal it off you later.

[EGO335] Roger: Hey there. (Duplicate)
Furkunz Priest: Huh?!
[EGO1051] Roger: I said 'Hey'.
Furkunz Priest: I don't want any hay!

[EGO1052] Roger: Check it out. I got your bottle.
Furkunz Priest: How did you get your hands on the Almighty... oh, wait. The real Bottle is still there.
Furkunz Priest: Begone, blasphemer! And take your false prophet with you!

[EGO71] Roger: Pardon me, would you have any grey poupon? (Duplicate)
Narrator: The pianist ignores you and keeps playing.

[EGO1053] Roger: Here, buddy. You probably need this more than me.
Drunk Furkunz: I dontch needs no highly-refrective psudo-merf oclly-tick windchilled glass.

[EGO1054] Roger: You holding up, Mr. Mayor? You look pretty drained.
Mayor Nurb: Of course I look drained. I just spent the last several hours lifting heavy machinery.
[EGO1055] Roger: You're going to feel that in the morning!
Mayor Nurb: I feel it now!
[EGO1056] Roger: Oh. Well, it'll feel worse in the morning. Trust me.

Narrator: Good thinking, Roger, this guy's a pipsqueak! How's he going to be any match to the guy who defeated a Sarien invasion and ScumSoft? Go get him, tiger!
[EGO1057] Roger: Excuse me, I seem to have too much smack.
[EGO1058] Roger: Know where I can LAY IT DOWN???
Merf: Just next to the corpse should be fine, thank you.
[EGO1059] Roger: What corpse?

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello. (Duplicate)
Merf: Oh, a burglar.

[EGO1060] Roger: Wait! Stop! Don't shoot!
[EGO1061] Roger: At least not until I've shown you this highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass.

[EGO1030] Roger: Hello. (Duplicate)
[EGO1062] Roger: I was wondering if you'd spare my life in exchange for this item?

[EGO1063] Roger: Hey! (Duplicate)
Narrator: For the love of God, stop! There is no timer bug! He just can't hear you, okay?!

[EGO1064] Roger: Hey there, I'm Roge...
[EGO1065] Roger: ...nald Borstein, the health inspector!
Ned: Oh my... this is it...
Ned: ...we're going down, aren't we?
[EGO216] Roger: What? (Duplicate)
Ned: Oh, so you haven't...
Ned: ...ah... I mean... hello...
Ned: Hi!
Ned: ...heheheh...

[EGO1066] Roger: Ned, do you have any idea what this is?
Ned: *Gulp* Is that highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass?
[EGO1067] Roger: Oh, yes. And I will be including it in my report.
Ned: This day just keeps getting worse...

Narrator: Your fists aren't much use against two armed apemen. Or even one unarmed apeman.
[EGO1068] Roger: Gee, thanks.
Narrator: In fact, pretty much anyone above the 'eight-year-old girl' level could probably--
[EGO1069] Roger: Hey, enough!

[EGO1070] Roger: Who's that?
Entrance Guard: Ah, that there's my son, Rupert.
[EGO1071] Roger: What is he doing here?
Entrance Guard: Today was bring-your-kid-to-work day - but it turned out only I'm the only one with a kid.
[EGO1072] Roger: He's the only kid? Doesn't he get bored?
Entrance Guard: Tell me about it.
Entrance Guard: The only way I got him to stop bugging me all the time was to give him that old puzzle I found.

[EGO1073] Roger: What's he doing in here?!

[EGO1074] Roger: I already did that five hours ago. I'm not too keen on doing it again.

[EGO1075] Roger: Did I show you this highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass yet?
Rodney: If you didn't before, ya did now!

Ape Colonel: What is it now?
[EGO1076] Roger: Check this out!
[EGO1077] Roger: It's a permit for Dr Nelzo to high-tail it out of here!
[EGO1078] Roger: You signed it for me without even realizing it!
[EGO1079] Roger: You know what we call that on Xenon?
[EGO1080] Roger: Ownage. That's what we call it.
[EGO1081] Roger: You have been owned. By Roger Wilco, slayer of Sludge Vohaul!
[EGO1082] Roger: Yeah, what have you got to say to that?
[EGO1083] Roger: Erm... so have you got something to say?
[EGO1084] Roger: Okay, well, I'll be going now.
Ape Colonel: Quite.

[EGO410] Roger: Could you sign this, please? (Duplicate)
Ape Colonel: No.
Ape Colonel: Take your green slime elsewhere.

[EGO1085] Roger: Would you do me a favor in return for this piece of viewshield glass here?
Ape Colonel: No.
[EGO1086] Roger: Oh, but this is no ordinary glass...
Ape Colonel: Stop wasting my time.
[EGO1087] Roger: But this is Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Mor...

[EGO1088] Roger: Need a hand?
General Forksmith: I can fix it myself!
[EGO1089] Roger: You just look like that thing's giving you some trouble.
General Forksmith: I said I'm fine! Beat it!

General Forksmith: Hey! What do you think you're doing?
[EGO1090] Roger: Sorry. Thought I saw a tick.
General Forksmith: Groom me again, and someone'll be picking pieces of YOU out of my hair.

[EGO1091] Roger: Might this piece of highly reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass help in your investigation?
General Forksmith: Does it contain all the secrets of the universe?
[EGO1092] Roger: It contains SOME of the secrets of the universe.
General Forksmith: Not good enough. Sorry.

[EGO1093] Roger: I bet you're wishing you had this highly reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass now.
General Forksmith: Not really. No.

[EGO1094] Roger: I'll give you this highly reflective Octuple-Thick...
[EGO1095] Roger: You know what? Screw it. Can I have some pie?
General Forksmith: NO!

[EGO1096] Roger: Monkey wanna banana? (Duplicate)
General Forksmith: Why would I take ANYTHING from you, let alone a strange banana that's probably filled with rat poison?
[EGO1097] Roger: clever devil!

[EGO1098] Roger: Is that gigantic gun making your forearms sore at all?
Entrance Guard: No.
[EGO1099] Roger: Do you find it unnerving?
Entrance Guard: No.
[EGO1100] Roger: A social impediment?
Entrance Guard: No.
[EGO1101] Roger: Want to try putting it down for a while to make sure?
Entrance Guard: No.
[EGO1102] Roger: Would you consider yourself to have a negative outlook?
Entrance Guard: No.
[EGO1103] Roger: Okay... well... back to health inspecting, I guess...

[EGO1104] Roger: Is that gate safe without you?
Entrance Guard: It's a big planet with barely any people.
Entrance Guard: Lots of us watching the way in.
Entrance Guard: Besides, the alarm goes off if anyone comes through without authorization.
[EGO1105] Roger: So... if the alarm goes off you'll be back at your post?
Entrance Guard: That's a weird question to ask.
[EGO1106] Roger: Well, sorry for making small talk!

[EGO1107] Roger: I should talk to him first.

[EGO1108] Roger: Beg your pardon, but does this ring a bell?
Entrance Guard: Highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass?
Entrance Guard: It's not ours, I swear!

[EGO1109] Roger: So... want some tea?
Entrance Guard: Aaahhh... I see what you did there.

[EGO1110] Roger: Here, you look like you could use this.
Penguin: Give it! Give it! Give it!
Penguin: Mine! Mine!
Penguin: Yes...
Penguin: YES.
Penguin: That will do NICELY.
Penguin: Tell me, human - why do you show such kindness to a miserable creature like myself?
[EGO1111] Roger: So I can get past you.
Penguin: Hmm? What?
[EGO1112] Roger: I mean, because it's in my nature to help people out.
[EGO1113] Roger: You're obviously not a bad guy - just a misunderstood mutant penguin wallowing in sewage.
Penguin: Hmmm, it seems I misjudged you, human.
Comment: This line will be later replayed in a "Use the force, Luke" kind of way near the end of the game
Penguin: I suppose even in a cold place, people can have warm hearts deep inside.
Penguin: But pray tell, if you are not with the apes... then who are you with?
[EGO1114] Roger: I'm going to put an end to Vohaul's operation.
Penguin: In that case, we will not stand in your way! Penguins!
Penguin: You'll find the exit beyond that tunnel.
Penguin: Should you require any further assistance, my brothers are at your service.
Penguin: Providing they like you.
Penguin: Now begone from my sight. I wish to lurk in darkness!

[EGO465] Roger: Uh... how about a bucket? You could wear it like a fez. You'd look pretty good, and the girls would dig it! (Duplicate)
Penguin: Buckets aren't in fashion this season.
[EGO466] Roger: Your loss. (Duplicate)

[EGO1115] Roger: Hungry?
Penguin: No, thanks. I'm watching my weight. Summer's coming, you know!

[EGO1116] Roger: Do you have any use for this highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass?
Penguin: Do I LOOK like someone who wants a mirror?
[EGO543] Roger: Good point. (Duplicate)

[EGO1117] Roger: Have you ever considered joining the Hair Club for Penguins?
Penguin: Are you implying I wear this hat to cover my male pattern baldness?
Penguin: Because I'm not! And anyone who says otherwise is a filthy liar!
[EGO1118] Roger: No, no - of course not. But I'm just saying if you are...
Penguin: I'm NOT and you will DROP the subject!

[EGO1119] Roger: I'd like to return this book.
Archivist: This book is over twenty years late, you know.
[EGO1120] Roger: Just send me the bill.

[EGO1121] Roger: I'd like to return this piece of highly reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass.
Archivist: Hmmm... it's not in our archives. Would you classify it as fiction or non-fiction?
[EGO1122] Roger: It's a fictional material, but it's non-fictionally in my hand.
Archivist: Then I would advise you to get that out of here before it breaks my Dewey Decimal System.

[EGO1123] Roger: Ever imagine what life would be like if you had a mohawk?
[EGO1124] Roger: Because, buddy - I can make that happen!
Archivist: Touch my scalp and I will END YOU.

[EGO1125] Roger: I'd like to return some of my old junk.
Archivist: Not to my library you won't!

[EGO1126] Roger: Hey? Didn't you hear the evacuation announcement?
[EGO1127] Roger: The fortress? Exploding?
[EGO1128] Roger: Ring a bell?
[EGO1129] Roger: Me talking to you?
[EGO1130] Roger: That's actually the most informative answer I've gotten all day.

[EGO1131] Roger: Excuse me, I would like to buy this.
[EGO1131] Roger: Excuse me, I would like to buy this. (Duplicate)
[EGO1132] Roger: Excuse me, I would like to SHOPLIFT this.
[EGO1133] Roger: And a good day to you too!

[EGO1134] Roger: I'll trade you this sweet puzzle for whatever the heck you're playing.
[EGO1135] Roger: Hey, your loss.

[EGO1136] Roger: Can I make change for this piece of highly reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass?
[EGO1137] Roger: Yeah, I guess the exchange rate would complicate things.

[EGO1138] Roger: Hi, I'm Roger!

Narrator: This bird looks blissfully ignorant.
[EGO1139] Roger: He reminds me of myself at his age.

[EGO1140] Roger: Nah, I like this guy.

[EGO1141] Roger: Can you guess what this is?
Dumb Bird Head: Uhhh... piece of highly reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass?
[EGO1142] Roger: Uh... yeah!
Dumb Bird Head: Me smart!

[EGO1143] Roger: Can you tell me what this is?
Smart Bird Head: Surely, you must be joking. This is a piece of highly reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass. Even my idiot brother could with no effort whatsoever point out something as bluntly obvious as that!

[EGO1144] Roger: Hey, kid...
Slash Vohaul: I need an adult! I need an adult!
[EGO1145] Roger: Whoa, hey! Easy! I just wanted to borrow one of your toys!
Slash Vohaul: I NEED AN ADULT!!!
[EGO1146] Roger: Backing off!

[EGO1147] Roger: Hey, little lady. How about some highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass? I hear it's great for the skin.
Mary Jane: Pfft. Yeah, like, LAST YEAR. Only squares use it now.

[EGO1148] Roger: There's a stain on Vohaul's subconsciousness, and it seems to be repressing the new memories I've created.

[EGO1149] Roger: So do you Furkunz have Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass down here?
Gofty: Of course we do!
Mayor Nurb: Silly human! How else do you expect us to play Caveball without it?
Odster: The ignorance of some people!

[EGO1150] Roger: Hey, mayor - ever have one of those days where you can't find a use for a piece of glass?
Mayor Nurb: Don't be stupid. You can do everything with glass.
[EGO1151] Roger: Except get rid of it.

[EGO1152] Roger: Check out what I found...
[EGO203] Roger: Merf's hut. (Duplicate)
Gofty: Awesome! I knew he had the plans!
Odster: Hey, you think you can break in again and steal us a stereo?

[EGO1153] Roger: Look what I have!
Beatrice: It's a piece a glass from the Aluminum Mallard.
Beatrice: I take it you've had it in your pocket ever since the crash and it's saved your life time and time again?
[EGO1154] Roger: Nope. It's been completely useless.
Beatrice: Then just throw it away, Roger.
[EGO1155] Roger: But what if I need it LATER?
Beatrice: We'll talk about your hoarding problems AFTER we're off this planet.

[EGO1156] Roger: Stand aside. The General asked me to park his ship back in the fortress.
Ship Guard: You've got the keys, so I guess it's all right.
Ship Guard: Just take it into the shuttle bay and one of the hundreds of guards there will be happy to park it for you.
[EGO1157] Roger: Hundreds of guards?
Ship Guard: Yeah. We can't be too careful. Roger Wilco's on the loose and that's his most likely point of entry.
Tacobelian Guard: ¡Este es el mismisimo Roger Wilco, tarado!
Tacobelian Guard: ¡Si le quitas el bigote falso le pegare un tiro en la cara!
[EGO1158] Roger: Could I use this ship to enter a DIFFERENT part of the fortress?
Ship Guard: Nope. The shuttle bay's the only way in.
[EGO1159] Roger: Hmmm... hang tight. I want to snoop around a bit more.

[EGO1160] Roger: Would either of you fellows care for a shard of highly-reflective Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass?
Ship Guard: Oh, no thanks - I've got plenty at home. But my partner might.
Tacobelian Guard: ¡Yo no quiero la basura estúpida!
Tacobelian Guard: ¡Y usted! ¿Qué clase de idiota carga vidrio en los pantalones?!
Ship Guard: Easy there, Lopez. You don't need to get so excited. It's yours if you want it.
Tacobelian Guard: ¡Mi nombre no es López, malito humano!
Ship Guard: Maybe you'd better hold onto that for now.

Common Events

Narrator: This brings back bad memories of your days in primary school where the bullies would cram snowballs down your mouth and...
[EGO918] Roger: Just focus on the narrating, will ya?

[EGO919] Roger: That's no mountain! This must be where Vohaul is hiding! Come out and face me like a man, you beast!

[EGO920] Roger: I lie inside myself for hours, and watch my purple skies fly over me.