Script for Dev2

Description: Appears in the TSL easter egg.

303 - Caves - Water Pool

Narrator: Sorry, Roger - you haven't yet mastered the art of carrying water around with your bare hands.
Narrator: Of course, you've mastered the art of sticking every other thing in your pants. Why not water? Why are simple liquids the exception?
Narrator: In fact, I'm reading through the game build right now and there's even an item in here labeled 'iPuddle.' Does this imply that Roger has no problem carrying puddles, yet simply scooping up some cold water in his hands is beyond his comprehension?
Roger: It's all right, Narrator. I don't care. I'll just solve this puzzle like all the other ones.
Narrator: Now hear me out. What if Roger's pants were made out of some special space/time bending material that could house infinite amounts of anything? You could carry around water, large boulders, even other characters! Just imagine the possibilities!
Roger: My pants are full enough, thank you.
Narrator: Fine, don't listen to me. I'm just the disembodied voice in Roger's head. I don't have brilliant ideas like using a bucket to pick up water - oh, I'm sorry. Did I just give away the puzzle solution? That and my complete lack of imagination are probably why I'm not a game designer.
Dev1: Okay, who wrote these lines?
[ODST22] Dev2: I think the Narrator's ad-libbing.
Dev3: Oh, crap. He's pulling a TSL on us. I'll get the tranquilizers ready.
Narrator: And don't get me started on you guys. Which one of you was the genius who wrote LOOK, INTERACT, and TALK functions for EVERY single hotspot in the game? I have to read all that you know, and it's not like I'm getting paid for this. And all that dialogue that didn't even make it into the game. Bloody fan efforts. Great work experience, my ass!
Dev1: It's just 'hand on water.' Does he really have to go on like this?
Roger: Hey, what about me? I'm the one who has to carry all this stuff in my pants!
Roger: Has anyone ever seen the bruises on my legs? It's painful carrying this stuff around!
[ODST23] Dev2: Roger, it's far too early in the game to be pulling off a fourth wall-breaking easter egg of this magnitude.
Dev1: Just stick to the script! Please!
Narrator: Easter egg? Hey, Roger - they think this is an easter egg.
Roger: What - for breaking the fourth wall? We practically invented that!
Narrator: I think these so-called fans forgot their place. Maybe we should just report this illegal fan-game.
Roger: Nah, forget them, Narrator! We don't need this crap!
Roger: Let's hightail it to Cancun and let them star in their own game.
Narrator: Go on ahead without me, Rog. I'm about to unleash a divine can of Narrator whoop-ass on these devs.
Narrator: So now it's come down to you and me.
Dev1: Oh, boy - we're in trouble. How's that tranquilizer coming?
Dev3: Armed and ready! Fire in the hole!
Narrator: Ugggghhhh...
[ODST24] Dev2: Is he dead?
Dev1: No, no. He's just sleeping.
Dev3: But now we don't have a narrator.
Dev1: Or a Roger.
[ODST25] Dev2: I know! Let's bring in ninjas!
Dev3: Bring in ninjas and I will burn you in your sleep. With fire.
[ODST26] Dev2: I'll stab your eyes out and feed them to my cat!
[ODST27] Dev2: I miss Roger.
Dev3: Me too. We really took him for granted, didn't we?
[ODST28] Dev2: I don't really have a problem with him carrying water in his hands, do you guys?
Dev3: No, it's cool. I'd let him do it.
Dev1: Me too. It's not a big deal.
Roger: I'd rather use the bucket.
[ODST29] Dev2: Roger! You're back!
Roger: I ran into King Graham about halfway to Cancun. He was mumbling something about sea water.
Roger: Man, do I really sound like that?
Roger: Anyway, I'm ready to put this behind us and start the game again if you guys are.
Dev1: Great! There's just one problem...
Roger: Where's the narrator?
[ODST30] Dev2: He was getting cranky, so we sort of put him to sleep.
Roger: How long's he going to be out?
Dev3: Five hours.
Roger: I'll be in Cancun if anybody needs me.
Comment: The narrator is unconscious during this line. Could either omit the voice or record some snoring.
Narrator: Five hours later...
Narrator: Huh? Where am I?
Dev1: Oh, he's awake! Roger, come back!
Roger: Okay, I'm here! You guys skedaddle!
Roger: So, rise and shine, sleepy-head! How was your nap?
Narrator: What happened? I don't normally nod off during the game. What were we doing again?
Roger: You were just talking about how this water is too cold for me to carry with my bare hands.
Narrator: Oh, right.