Description: The teenage clerk at Al's beach resort. Always sleepy, lazy and bored out of his mind, he does not care much about his duties at the beach resort, or for Al. Probably sounds a lot like a stoned Californian surfer dude.
Dialog: dClerk
Roger: Do you know where I could find the evil mastermind, Sludge Vohaul?
[CLER1]Resort Clerk: Hmm... you mean that guy with the big fortress and an army of apes?
Roger: Yeah, that sounds like him.
[CLER2]Resort Clerk: Ah. Well, I think he's in that fortress.
Roger: Yes, that much I figured... any idea how to get there?
[CLER3]Resort Clerk: Hmm... no, not really.
Roger: Do you know what lies in the North, behind the Spewter?
[CLER4]Resort Clerk: Yes, I do.
Roger: So... what lies in the North?
[CLER5]Resort Clerk: Vohaul's fortress.
Roger: But how do I get past the Spewter?
[CLER6]Resort Clerk: You don't.
Roger: How do I get out of here?
[CLER7]Resort Clerk: Out of where?
Roger: This... place.
Roger: It's blocked by high, unclimbable mountains, cliffs or stinky monsters in every direction.
[CLER8]Resort Clerk: Oh... You don't.
Roger: What? How do you get home then?
[CLER9]Resort Clerk: I live here.
Roger: Hey, there's a secret passageway out of here!
[CLER10]Resort Clerk: Ah, yeah... forgot about that one.
Roger: You knew about this?!
[CLER11]Resort Clerk: Of course I did.
[CLER12]Resort Clerk: I was born on the other side.
Roger: ...and you forgot about it just like that?
[CLER13]Resort Clerk: Yeap.
Roger: ...and told me I was stranded here forever?
[CLER13]Resort Clerk: Yeap. (Duplicate)
Roger: ...even though we talked about the little guys, and the skeleton?
[CLER14]Resort Clerk: Pretty much, yeah.
Roger: What's on that clipboard?
[CLER15]Resort Clerk: Did you want to fill in the survey?
Roger: What survey?
[CLER16]Resort Clerk: It's a feedback form on the quality of service in this resort. You want one?
Roger: Could I take that survey again?
[CLER17]Resort Clerk: Hmm... I don't see why not. Here you go.
Roger: How do you stand Al?
[CLER18]Resort Clerk: I tune him out much like the rest of the universe.
Roger: Is he always such a jackass?
[CLER19]Resort Clerk: I think it's seasonal. He's usually not so bad during rainy season.
Roger: What's he like then?
[CLER20]Resort Clerk: In freezing rain? Usually short-circuited or frozen out in the wastes.
[CLER21]Resort Clerk: It's the closest I get to a vacation.
Roger: Talk to you later.
[CLER22]Resort Clerk: Promise?
Dialog: dClerkMore
Roger: So there's no way out?
[CLER23]Resort Clerk: Not that I know of, no.
Roger: How do you manage the business without any customers, then?
[CLER24]Resort Clerk: Oh, we do have customers.
Roger: You do?
[CLER25]Resort Clerk: Yeah, the little guys drop by every now and then.
Roger: The little guys?
[CLER26]Resort Clerk: Some weird little furry creatures, I dunno.
Roger: And they're your only clients?
[CLER27]Resort Clerk: Well, it's mainly just this one of them, buys all kinds of crazy junk.
[CLER28]Resort Clerk: And sometimes rarely the apemen come by on their hovering thingies. But that's about it.
Roger: What was that about the little guys again?
[CLER26]Resort Clerk: Some weird little furry creatures, I dunno. (Duplicate)
Roger: And they're your only clients?
[CLER27]Resort Clerk: Well, it's mainly just this one of them, buys all kinds of crazy junk. (Duplicate)
[CLER28]Resort Clerk: And sometimes rarely the apemen come by on their hovering thingies. But that's about it. (Duplicate)
Roger: How do the little guys get in and out of this place?
[CLER29]Resort Clerk: Ohh, I wouldn't know.
[CLER30]Resort Clerk: Al says they usually come from near that big skeleton, though.
Roger: Doesn't it drive you crazy living with that guy?
[CLER31]Resort Clerk: It's not so bad if I stay out of his way in the mornings.
[CLER32]Resort Clerk: ...and the evenings.
[CLER33]Resort Clerk: Or at any other time of day, for that matter.
[CLER34]Resort Clerk: So don't worry, you'll be fine.
Roger: Wait, what?
[CLER35]Resort Clerk: Oh, I figured you'd be staying as there's no way out of this place.
[CLER36]Resort Clerk: By the way, do you prefer the left or the right side of the bed?
Roger: I've got to get out of here.
Roger: Actually, I'm not that interested.
[CLER37]Resort Clerk: Must be catching.
Dialog: dSurvey
Roger: No, I hate surveys.
[CLER38]Resort Clerk: Suit yourself.
Roger: Yeah, alright.
[CLER39]Resort Clerk: Here you go.
212 - Radon Surface - Al's Resort - Exterior
Roger: Anybody in there?
[CLER50]Resort Clerk: Yyyeap.
213 - Radon Surface - Al's Resort - Interior
[CLER51]Resort Clerk: Hey, would you have seen that survey clipboard?
Roger: Er... are you talking to me?
Roger: Because I haven't seen any clipboards, heh heh...
Roger: None at all.
Roger: Why would you even think that?
Roger: Where... what... what would I do with it?
Roger: Just stick it in my pants?
Roger: That would be crazy! You're crazy!
[CLER52]Resort Clerk: So that's a no?
Roger: Yes! I mean no.
Roger: No, I mean yes!
Narrator: Smooth.
[CLER53]Resort Clerk: Thank you for the feedback, come again.
[CLER54]Resort Clerk: Phew. I always forget to get it back.
[CLER55]Resort Clerk: We've lost a fortune replacing these things.
Roger: This hat belongs in a museum!
[CLER56]Resort Clerk: Hey! You gotta pay for that!
Roger: Oh... never mind then...
Roger: Hey, what is that blue thing anyway?
[CLER57]Resort Clerk: Err... It's...
[CLER58]Resort Clerk: Well, it looks like a...
[CLER59]Resort Clerk: a...
[CLER59]Resort Clerk: a... (Duplicate)
Roger: ...choo?
[CLER60]Resort Clerk: Shut up.
Roger: Sweet goggles. But what's that third lens for?
[CLER61]Resort Clerk: It's designed by a race of triclopes. Duh.
Roger: Oh yeah... that does make sense.
Roger: Okay, seriously - how much? I want this.
[CLER62]Resort Clerk: 250 buckazoids, sir.
Roger: 250 buckazoids!
Roger: Arrr! That be thievary, ye little pirate!
Roger: I shall cut yer gills and hang yer nose off the turnpike!
[CLER63]Resort Clerk: Uhh... umm... well...
[CLER64]Resort Clerk: I guess you could have just the moustache, for free.
Al: Stop right there!
Al: What did I tell you about giving stuff away for free?
[CLER65]Resort Clerk: That I should... hmm...
[CLER66]Resort Clerk: Oh yeah... That I should NOT do that.
Al: Just don't let it happen again!
Roger: Would the price happen to have dropped since I last asked about this bear?
[CLER67]Resort Clerk: No.
Roger: Is it likely to in the future?
[CLER67]Resort Clerk: No. (Duplicate)
Roger: Well... can I just cuddle him for a little while?
[CLER68]Resort Clerk: I'd really rather you didn't.
Comment: A depressed sounding 'Arrrr...'
Roger: Arrrr...
Roger: How much for this parasol?
[CLER69]Resort Clerk: It's free. The only catch is that we put you on our mailing list.
Roger: What?! Screw that! I'll find an umbrella somewhere else!
Roger: Wow look at that! Ice cream that looks like an eyeball...
[CLER70]Resort Clerk: Actually, it's ice cream that's made from an eyeball...
Roger: Oh...
[CLER71]Resort Clerk: We only send those out by mail. Just send us a stamped, addressed envelope and we'll send one out to you.
Roger: Is this really the only tourist spot on Radon?
[CLER72]Resort Clerk: Yep.
[CLER73]Resort Clerk: Don't waste the battery, I'm already here.
Roger: What's on that clipboard?
[CLER15]Resort Clerk: Did you want to fill in the survey? (Duplicate)
Roger: What survey?
[CLER16]Resort Clerk: It's a feedback form on the quality of service in this resort. You want one? (Duplicate)
Global Script
Al: Ice water...
Al: ...my only... weakness.
Al: What a world...
Al: ...what a world...
Al: ...what a world.
[CLER40]Resort Clerk: Eh. He'll be back.
Roger: Hey. I'm Roger Wilco, space janitor.
[CLER41]Resort Clerk: Welcome to Al's Super Fun Beach Resort Gift Shop.
[CLER42]Resort Clerk: Hmm... I see you've broken Al, the only friend I've ever had.
Roger: Oh... is that a problem?
[CLER43]Resort Clerk: Nah... he was starting to annoy me anyway.
[CLER44]Resort Clerk: How may I be of service?
[CLER45]Resort Clerk: I don't need your pity!
Roger: Can I pawn this for a small fortune?
[CLER46]Resort Clerk: Hmm, a genuine piece of highly reflective Dodecatuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass?
[CLER47]Resort Clerk: It must be worth six million buckazoids.
[CLER48]Resort Clerk: With that one piece, you could buy us out, and finally set me free.
Roger: Could I... *hypothetically*... do that with some Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass?