Script for Beatrice

Description: Roger's girlfriend and StarCon ambassador.
In her capacity as an interstellar diplomat, Bea is more than capable of taking care of herself.
She always thinks twice before rushing into things, though.
She loves Roger dearly, but is growing tired of - and worried about - his sluggishness when it comes to marriage.

Dialog: dBeaMallard

Roger: What's going on?
[BEA1] Beatrice: We're enjoying a wonderful romantic getaway on a beautiful exotic planet far away from sub-zero temperatures and killer ape monsters.
Roger: Really?
[BEA2] Beatrice: No. Our ship just crashed. Because you dragged us here.
Roger: Ah. That would explain all the exploding, the snow and the wetness of my pants.

Roger: How are you doing?
[BEA3] Beatrice: Oh, trapped in a broken space ship. You?
Roger: We've got so much in common!

Roger: So, what should we do now?
[BEA4] Beatrice: I think we should get out of here and not die of starvation.
Roger: That kinda makes my plan seem stupid.

Roger: Any idea how we could get out of here?
[BEA5] Beatrice: Are you trying to tell me you don't know how to get out of your own ship?
Roger: Perhaps a little?
[BEA6] Beatrice: Then I suggest you *explore* it for a way out instead of using our remaining oxygen by asking dumb questions.

Roger: Well, I've got that annoying hero thing to do now.
[BEA7] Beatrice: Have fun, dear.

Dialog: dVohThrone

Roger: Why couldn't you just leave us alone?
Roger: I mean, seriously - you could've blown up the galaxy with us in it long before we even knew you were still alive.
Roger: And yet, you drag us all the way here.
Vohaul: Weren't you paying attention at the hologram room? This is part of my REVENGE.
[BEA8] Beatrice: What's all this hologram talk I'm hearing about?
Vohaul: You mean he hasn't even told you?
Vohaul: Oh, this will be interesting.
[BEA9] Beatrice: What is he talking about, Roger?
Roger: Oh, yeah... see, down on the surface, I thought I'd already caught Vohaul, but the whole thing was just a hologram and then the apes threw me in jail.
[BEA10] Beatrice: And that was it?
Roger: Uh... pretty much, yeah.
Vohaul: You're leaving out the bit where you had to choose between rescuing Beatrice or the Furkunz.

Roger: Oh, that's right! I chose to save you, of course, Beatrice! There's nothing more important to me in the whole universe!
[BEA11] Beatrice: You mean you endangered those helpless creatures because you thought I couldn't take care of myself?

Roger: Oh... right... see, I was certain that you could take care of yourself and thought I'd save the Furkunz real quick before I--
[BEA12] Beatrice: What??!!!
Roger: Well, you always say that--
[BEA13] Beatrice: Your own pregnant wife-to-be is about to die and all you can think of is some furry critters you just met?

Roger: Ah, yes! See, I really thought outside the box on that one and attacked Vohaul instead!
[BEA14] Beatrice: You mean you had a chance to save one of us and picked the only option that doomed us all?
Roger: Well... I... uh...
[BEA15] Beatrice: I'm really disappointed in you, Roger Wilco.
Vohaul: Yeah. Shame on you.
Roger: Okay, okay! But still, why not just kill us with the rest of the galaxy?
Vohaul: What part of 'REVENGE' do you not understand?
Vohaul: The hologram was just the first step in an elaborate series of increasingly diabolical punishments.
Vohaul: It took me two years to plan this whole thing out and get everything prepared!
Vohaul: And then you had to ruin it all by breaking out of jail and confronting me here.
Vohaul: So now I have no choice but to kill you in self-defense.

Dialog: dBeaDrill

Roger: Hey, honey!
[BEA16] Beatrice: Hey, Roger.

Roger: You want to me to bring you anything, dear?
[BEA17] Beatrice: You wouldn't happen to be carrying any Ben Gay or an ice pack in those bottomless pants of yours, would you?
Roger: I've got a bucket!
[BEA18] Beatrice: I think I'll be fine.

Roger: How's the baby holding up?
[BEA19] Beatrice: It's all right. I've been taking it pretty easy up until now.
Roger: Sorry about that.
[BEA20] Beatrice: Just let me rest a while, Roger. I'll be safe here.

Roger: Where have you been hiding out all this time?
[BEA21] Beatrice: Vents, maintenance tunnels, back hallways - mostly dusty, crawlspace areas... why? Where were you hiding?
Roger: I was sort of just walking around in the open. Their security here sucks.
[BEA22] Beatrice: What?!
Roger: I mean, they had a couple guards outside Never's office, and I had a wacky pie adventure with the General in the break room.
Roger: And there was a giant cat outside. But that's about it.
[BEA23] Beatrice: Roger, there's guards EVERYWHERE.
[BEA24] Beatrice: The walls are lined with laser-guided security droids, and the upper levels are protected with genetically-engineered zombie forces. Not to mention there's a giant squid with machine guns in the basement.
Roger: Oh, must've missed those.

Roger: Any idea how to save the Furkunz?
[BEA25] Beatrice: Never Kenezer has a device that controls them. I don't know where he keeps it, though.
Roger: I guess the secret to freeing them is with him then. Where'd he run off to?
[BEA26] Beatrice: He fell off the cliff, dear.
Roger: Hmmm... that complicates things.

Roger: Hang in there, sweetheart.
[BEA27] Beatrice: Try not to get yourself killed.

Dialog: dVohThrone2

Roger: Whoa, hey, who said anything about killing?
Roger: I can just go back to jail and wait for phase two of the revenge.
Vohaul: ...You would do that for me?
[BEA28] Beatrice: No, he wouldn't.
Roger: Apparently not.

107 - Intro - Pie-Ery

Pie-Ery Clerk: Order 64 up! One Cheesy Potato Head and a Custard Knock-out!
Roger: Man, this place is GREAT!
[BEA38] Beatrice: Yeah, so you keep saying.
[BEA39] Beatrice: Every time we eat here.
Roger: Is... something wrong?
[BEA40] Beatrice: I was just thinking that, since we're on a ROMANTIC getaway...
[BEA41] Beatrice: On ROMANTICON VII...
[BEA42] Beatrice: The most ROMANTIC planet in the known universe...
[BEA43] Beatrice: That just once, we could go somewhere that's actually ROMANTIC.
Roger: I dunno, this place looks pretty romantic to me.
Comment: disappointed, but somewhat used to it
[BEA44] Beatrice: ...of course it does.
[BEA45] Beatrice: Right, so I was hoping I could find a more... atmospheric moment for this.
[BEA46] Beatrice: But since you keep dragging us back here, this will have to do.
[BEA47] Beatrice: Roger, I have a bit of an announcement.
Roger: Hmmm?
[BEA48] Beatrice: I'm pregnant.
Pie-Ery Clerk: Order 65! One cherry bombshell and a stunned mullet combo!
Roger: Bea... that's... is this for real?
Comment: A bit cautiously
[BEA49] Beatrice: ...yes, it is.
Roger: That's... great! That's wonderful!
[BEA50] Beatrice: You... you really feel that way?
Roger: What? Of course I do!
Roger: How else would I feel about it?
[BEA51] Beatrice: I don't know... I had no idea how you were going to react.
Roger: Beatrice, this is the best news ever!
Comment: more confidently now
[BEA52] Beatrice: It is, isn't it?
Roger: We're going to have a baby boy!
[BEA53] Beatrice: Or a daughter. It's too early to tell at this point.
Roger: Ohhh, right. We don't know yet. Heh heh.
[BEA54] Beatrice: Speaking of which, I've been thinking...
Roger: Yes?
[BEA55] Beatrice: When I was born, my parents were married.
[BEA56] Beatrice: And when you were born, your parents were...
Roger: Disappointed.
[BEA57] Beatrice: ...married.
Roger: Oh, right.
[BEA58] Beatrice: And we're... not.
Roger: Oh, so you're thinking... we should...?
[BEA59] Beatrice: Well, why not? The timing seems perfect.
Roger: Actually, uh... I think we should wait.
Roger: Don't get me wrong, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Comment: thoughtfully
Roger: Heck, I've been thinking about this for so long.
[BEA60] Beatrice: So you do want to get married?
Comment: wakes again
Roger: Exactly, but... I don't want anything bad to happen to you.
[BEA61] Beatrice: Roger... what could possibly happen to me?
Roger: I'd just... prefer if we do the actual marriage thing later.
[BEA62] Beatrice: I don't get it. Where is this coming from?
Roger: I... I wish I could tell you, but... I just can't.
Roger: You just have to trust me on this one, honey.
Comment: "Order 66" - Star Wars III reference
Pie-Ery Clerk: Order 66 - one large, banana-flavored creamer coming right up!
[BEA63] Beatrice: Uh, Roger, we've got a problem...
Roger: I agree, this IS a problem.
Roger: We should be able to tell each other everything...
[BEA64] Beatrice: Roger, seriously, there's a...
Roger: But I really need you to believe me that there is something greater at stake here...
Pie-Ery Apeman: Are you Roger Wilco?
Roger: Uhhh, yeah?
Pie-Ery Apeman: Come with me. Master Vohaul wants to see you.
Roger: Huh? I think you're a little late. Vohaul's dead.
Pie-Ery Apeman: Actually, that's the thing. He's back.
Roger: As in alive? How?!
Pie-Ery Apeman: I don't know - I haven't really been paying much attention.
Roger: So what does he want?
Pie-Ery Apeman: Oh, something about destroying a galaxy or two.
Pie-Ery Apeman: Also, he keeps saying "WILCO MUST PAY!" a lot.
Pie-Ery Apeman: So grab your wallet and let's go, the next wormhole to Radon closes in fifteen minutes.
[BEA65] Beatrice: He's not going anywhere with you!
Pie-Ery Apeman: Hey, watch the attitude, lady!
Pie-Ery Apeman: I've got a 9000 volt taser here with your name on it.
[BEA66] Beatrice: Oh, yeah? Bring it on!
Pie-Ery Apeman: Whoa, hey...
Pie-Ery Apeman: Oooowww!
Pie-Ery Apeman: OW, that hur--
Pie-Ery Apeman: WAAAAGH!
Pie-Ery Apeman: *groan*
Pie-Ery Clerk: Er... don't be alarmed, just part of the midday show, folks...
[BEA67] Beatrice: Roger?
Roger: No!
Roger: Take the woman, I am of no use to you!
[BEA68] Beatrice: It's me.
Roger: Oh...
Roger: So... what are we gonna do now?
[BEA69] Beatrice: He said he was going to take you some place called Radon.
[BEA70] Beatrice: That must be where Vohaul is.
[BEA71] Beatrice: I'll notify StarCon, they'll send out a fleet first thing in the morning.
Roger: Good thinking. We don't need to deal with this on our vacation.
[BEA72] Beatrice: Exactly. It'll just be a minute.
[BEA73] Beatrice: And then we can get back to that little conversation we were having.
Roger: *Gulp*
Roger: Actually, Bea, this might be worse than it looks. I think we should go and check it out.
[BEA74] Beatrice: What?
Roger: He said the wormhole is closing. StarCon will have to wait for another one, which could take days.
Roger: You and I may be the last line of defense between the universe and whatever Vohaul plans to do with it.
[BEA75] Beatrice: Please tell me you're not serious.
Roger: No, dear, I think it's time for me to do it all again.
Roger: To face my arch-nemesis one more time!
Roger: I shall embark on a quest!
Roger: A quest to once again save the universe from the evil clutches of a madman!
[BEA76] Beatrice: Listen, Roger, if this has anything to do with us getting married...
Roger: To protect the innocent from this relentless force of evil that has been a thorn in my back pocket for so many sequels already!
[BEA77] Beatrice: I really don't think this is a good idea...
Roger: Fighting this diabolical mastermind shall not be easy, but I will never let him defeat me! Oh no!
[BEA78] Beatrice: But what about our vacation?
Roger: Let's get moving, Bea! Time's a wasting!
[BEA79] Beatrice: *sigh*

108 - Intro - Mallard Cockpit

[BEA80] Beatrice: Uh, Roger...
Roger: Yes, dear?
[BEA81] Beatrice: Do you know what that sound means?
Roger: My fat-free latté is ready?
[BEA82] Beatrice: It's a missile lock! Get us out of here!
Roger: Taking evasive maneuvers!
Computer: Critical propulsion failure. Main engines offline.
Roger: Never mind. They got us.
[BEA83] Beatrice: I hope you can land this thing better than you can fly it.
Roger: I still have a few tricks up my sleeve. Hold onto something!

201 - Mallard Interior

[BEA84] Beatrice: Roger! ROGER!
Roger: Bwuhh...
[BEA85] Beatrice: Are you okay?
Roger: I... think so.
[BEA86] Beatrice: I can't believe we survived that!
Roger: Yeah, that was... pretty bad.
[BEA87] Beatrice: Are you sure you're okay?
Roger: Yeah.
[BEA88] Beatrice: No bleeding, no dizziness?
Roger: Nope.
[BEA89] Beatrice: Good, good. Because in that case...
Roger: I--
Roger: Well--
[BEA93] Beatrice: I told you we should've let StarCon handle this!
Roger: But Vohaul--
[BEA94] Beatrice: Shut up. Just shut up and get us out of here.
Roger: ...okay.
Roger: Sorry.
[BEA95] Beatrice: You'd better be.
Narrator: This doesn't look good, Roger. Your arch-nemesis is alive and probably plotting to take over the universe, while you're stuck on a deserted ice planet with your ship badly damaged. You'd better find a way to get out of here and find Vohaul before things get any worse.

Roger: Ah, here's the manual... let's see...
Roger: Hey! There's no page numbers!
Roger: Agh, fine. Page 1...
Roger: 2...
Roger: 3...
Roger: 4...
Narrator: A few minutes later...
Roger: 217...
Roger: 218...
Roger: 219!
Roger: Now, paragraph 1...
Roger: 2...
Narrator: A few more minutes later...
Roger: ...3!
Roger: Now, word 1...
Roger: 2...
[BEA96] Beatrice: Need some help, Roger?
Roger: No, I can handle this, dear.
[BEA97] Beatrice: Are you absolutely sure?
Roger: Positive.
[BEA98] Beatrice: Sigh...
Roger: 3...
Roger: 4...
Roger: 5...
Narrator: Even more minutes later...
Roger: 81...
Roger: 82!
Roger: And the word is...

Roger: Must've miscounted.
Roger: Ah well, page 1...
Roger: 2...
[BEA99] Beatrice: GIVE ME THAT!
[BEA100] Beatrice: There we go.

Roger: After you, m'lady!
[BEA101] Beatrice: Are you being courteous or cowardly?
Roger: Ummm... yes?
[BEA102] Beatrice: Just give me a boost.

202 - Mallard Computer

[BEA103] Beatrice: Nosehair!
[BEA104] Beatrice: No.
[BEA104] Beatrice: No. (Duplicate)
[BEA104] Beatrice: No. (Duplicate)

203 - Radon Surface - Mallard Crash Site

[BEA105] Beatrice: Roger, go and find us a way off this rock. I'll stay here.
Roger: Bea, we both know that splitting up in a dangerous situation always leads to big trouble!
[BEA106] Beatrice: Are you saying that I'm incapable of taking care of myself?
Roger: No... I was more worried about myself, actually...
[BEA107] Beatrice: Don't feed me that.
[BEA108] Beatrice: You've had six big exciting adventures, and three or so others that are slightly less known, but still dynamic and amazing.
Roger: Yes, but think of all the times I could have nearly died!
[BEA109] Beatrice: Just explore the area, will you?
Roger: Yes, dear.
[BEA110] Beatrice: I suppose I'd better just make the most of this.
Narrator: A few minutes later...
Never Kenezer: Remarkable. Not a scratch.
[BEA111] Beatrice: Who are you?
Never Kenezer: The name's Never Kenezer. I'm here on behalf of--
[BEA112] Beatrice: Vohaul.
Never Kenezer: Oh. Indeed. How did you know?
[BEA113] Beatrice: You brought apemen with you. That narrows down the options somewhat.
Never Kenezer: I see. You must be... Beatrice Wankmeister?
[BEA114] Beatrice: Expecting somebody else?
Never Kenezer: Well, quite frankly I was expecting a crash site with no survivors.
Never Kenezer: But I guess this means we'll have to fall back to Plan B.
[BEA115] Beatrice: Now, you listen to me, you worthless--
Never Kenezer: Easy there.
Never Kenezer: All right, now that we've calmed down a little...
[BEA116] Beatrice: A stun ray? You don't even have the guts to kill me?
Never Kenezer: Oh, believe me, I'd love to.
Never Kenezer: But I'm afraid Dr. Vohaul has given me strict orders to capture any survivors alive.
Comment: tone should be that of "Sigh, typical evil madman"
[BEA117] Beatrice: ...of course he has.
Never Kenezer: Hmm, we seem to be missing a certain Mr. Wilco here. But no worries.
Never Kenezer: That janitor sticks out like an Orat in a cheese shop.
Never Kenezer: We'll find him.
Comment: Indiana Jones reference
[BEA118] Beatrice: The hell you will.
[BEA119] Beatrice: He's got a two minute head start on you, which is more than he needs.
[BEA120] Beatrice: Roger can clean his tracks on any surface from here to Vohaul's fortress.
[BEA121] Beatrice: He'll blend in, disappear, you'll never see him again.
[BEA122] Beatrice: With any luck, he's defeated Vohaul already.

608 - Moon - Never's Office

[BEA125] Beatrice: StarCon!
[BEA126] Beatrice: Come in!
[BEA127] Beatrice: Do you copy?!
Roger: Beatrice? Is that you?
[BEA128] Beatrice: Roger?!
[BEA129] Beatrice: What are you doing on this frequency?
Roger: I'm in the moonbase!
Roger: I'm coming to rescue you!
[BEA130] Beatrice: Darn it, Rog!
[BEA131] Beatrice: It took me forever to get this comm system on-line!
[BEA132] Beatrice: Turn off your radio - I need to patch through to StarCon!
Roger: Why? What's going on?
[BEA133] Beatrice: Vohaul's running some kind of mining operation up here.
[BEA134] Beatrice: He's got this giant drill and he's enslaved all these little furry guys to fix it.
Roger: The Furkunz!
[BEA135] Beatrice: Yeah, whatever - listen, dear.
[BEA136] Beatrice: I can handle this myself. You just wait outside while I get some real help.
[BEA137] Beatrice: Now please get off this channel.
Roger: Oh, okay, honey. Kisses for the baby!
[BEA138] Beatrice: Roger!
Roger: Hanging up.
Roger: Well, she seems to know what she's doing. I guess I'll just head back.
Roger: On the other hand...

609 - Moon - Hallway

Finkle: Well, I guess that's all of them.
Roger: Who'd have thought a small army of furry critters could take down an evil empire in less than an hour?
Mayor Nurb: Well, Roger, my boy, I guess I was mistaken about you.
Roger: Yes. Yes, you were.
Mayor Nurb: The Furkunz people, along with the entire galaxy, owe you their thanks.
Mayor Nurb: You and your wife have earned our eternal gratitude.
[BEA139] Beatrice: Oh, no. We're not married... yet.
Mayor Nurb: Really? Why not?
[BEA140] Beatrice: You'll have to ask Roger.
Mayor Nurb: I see. Well, Roger, what are you waiting for?
Roger: Oh, yeah... that.
Roger: See, the thing is...
[BEA141] Beatrice: Yes?
Roger: Uhhh...
Roger: Hey, did you guys get around to catching Vohaul?
Finkle: Hmm, come to think of it... where is that slimey scumbag?
Roger: Well, Beatrice, looks like we've got one more loose end to tie up.
[BEA142] Beatrice: Great. Just wonderful.

Finkle: Hey, don't cut them free!
Mayor Nurb: Or was he going to stab them?
[BEA143] Beatrice: Don't ask me. I can't tell what's going through Roger's head when he starts waving things around.

622 - Moon - Mines - Drill

General Forksmith: ...and when I woke up, he'd taken my keys and flown off in my ship!
General Forksmith: I had to hitch a ride on the next shuttle!
Never Kenezer: And you were certain this was Wilco?
General Forksmith: It must have been! Right now he's flying around in my ship, probably preparing to wage a one-man siege on our base!
General Forksmith: We need to stop him before that hairless monkey kills us all!
Vohaul: Gentlemen! Wilco is no more!
General Forksmith: Wow, that was quick.
[BEA128] Beatrice: Roger?! (Duplicate)
Never Kenezer: Ah, excellent! I take it his death was swift and immediate then?
Vohaul: No! He has been imprisoned!
Never Kenezer: another dimension, right?
Vohaul: No! In a jail cell! Mwahaha!
General Forksmith: Well done, boss! Well done!
Never Kenezer: ...Rrriight.
Vohaul: And how are things going with the detonite drill? Did we reach the moon's core yet? Can we plant the charges?
Never Kenezer: Not yet, my Lord. We hit a bit of a snag when our reactor blew a fuse trying breach the core's mantle.
Never Kenezer: Fortunately, we managed to mine enough detonite from the surface to refine a single detonite crystal.
Vohaul: Watch it with that! You'll blow us all up!
Never Kenezer: Not to fear, Lord Vohaul. Detonite is only dangerous in its raw form.
Never Kenezer: When refined, it functions as a stable source of energy.
Never Kenezer: A single crystal will provide enough power to finish our operation.
Never Kenezer: We'll need to make some modifications to the drill, though.
Never Kenezer: And as short-handed as we are up here, this could take a while.
Vohaul: This is unacceptable!
General Forksmith: Hey, I heard we just captured a bunch of those Furkunz near the boot camp.
General Forksmith: They don't seem too eager to cooperate, though.
Never Kenezer: Hmm, they would make the perfect lab rats for my mind control experiment.
Never Kenezer: Send them up and I'll have them slaving away at the mines in no time.
Vohaul: Now that's more like it!
Vohaul: And then I shall finally have my MOON BOMB!
Never Kenezer: Indeed. Though may I remind you once again that if we were to blackmail the galaxy instead of destroying it--
Vohaul: MOON BOMB!
Never Kenezer: But there will be nothing to gain if we--
Vohaul: MOON BOMB!
General Forksmith: Yeah, MOON BOMB!
Never Kenezer: *sigh* Yes, my master. You will have your moon bomb.
Never Kenezer: General Forksmith, do not lose your key. We'll each have one so no one can get into this compartment.
General Forksmith: I won't let it out of my sight!
Vohaul: Yes, soon the entire galaxy will be at our mercy! Nothing can stop us now!
[BEA144] Beatrice: All right, I've had enough of this.
Never Kenezer: Gah! Curses! Forksmith! Stop her!
General Forksmith: Heh, heh, heh. Moon bomb.
Never Kenezer: FORKSMITH!
General Forksmith: Oh, right, right.

623 - Moon - Mines - Cliff

Never Kenezer: I'm not sure what Vohaul was going on about. Killing you will be exceedingly simple.
Roger: Beatrice!
Roger: Are you okay? Do you... need any help?
[BEA145] Beatrice: A little bit would be nice!
Roger: All right... I'll see what I can do!

Narrator: You rush in to save the day.
[BEA146] Beatrice: Roger! Look out!

[BEA147] Beatrice: Roger, what on earth are you do...

[BEA147] Beatrice: Roger, what on earth are you do... (Duplicate)
Never Kenezer: DDAAAAHHH!!!
[BEA148] Beatrice:
Never Kenezer: My hands... WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?
Never Kenezer: My face! My beautiful face! It's all... HAIRY!!!
Never Kenezer: NOOOOO!!!!!
Roger: Looks like I made a monkey out of him!
[BEA79] Beatrice: *sigh* (Duplicate)
[BEA149] Beatrice: And Roger...
Roger: Beatrice...
[BEA150] Beatrice: And Roger! I thought I told you to stay put! I had everything perfectly under control until I saw YOU in TROUBLE!
Roger: Well, geez, sorry for helping. Did you ever get that transmission sent to StarCon?
[BEA151] Beatrice: No. Some idiot placed a walkie-talkie up on top of the communication tower. Messed up all of my transmissions.
Roger: That's a... shame.
Roger: The important thing is, though, we're together again. You're safe, I'm safe, Junior's safe, and the galaxy is safe. Another adventure comes to a close.
[BEA152] Beatrice: What are you talking about? We're trapped on this moon, surrounded by apes, and Vohaul's still at large!
Roger: Oh, yeah. I guess we still have to do... sssstuff.
[BEA153] Beatrice: Well, I'm going to take a bit of a breather. If you insist on helping, take a look around and see what you can do for these furry fellows. They might be able to help us.
Roger: Yes, ma'am!

[BEA154] Beatrice: Roger! Help!!!

701 - Moon - Vohaul's Lair

[BEA155] Beatrice: Roger!!!

Ape Scientist: Excellent!
Roger: So how do we do this? Do I lay down or something?
Ape Scientist: Step over here and face Vohaul.
Roger: Okay... now what?
Ape Scientist: All done!
[BEA156] Beatrice: So... do we just leave him like that?
Ape Scientist: Yeah. He's okay.

Narrator: Hello?
Narrator: Hello!!
[BEA157] Beatrice: What? Who said that?!
Narrator: I did.
[BEA111] Beatrice: Who are you? (Duplicate)
Narrator: I'm the Narrator, of course.
[BEA158] Beatrice: The Narrator? Roger told me about you, but I thought he'd been sniffing cleaning fluids again.
Narrator: I'm real enough. Anyway, I've got a message for you from Roger.
[BEA159] Beatrice: From Roger? What is it?
Narrator: He wants you to go to the Monolith Burger here on the moonbase and find the schematics for the Monoflairy machine.
[BEA160] Beatrice: Why on Xenon would he want that?
Narrator: He's trying to fix one.
[BEA161] Beatrice: Oh, doesn't he ever think of anything other than his stomach? Tell him to get on with helping Vohaul.
Narrator: He is helping Vohaul. Just go and get the schematics.

[BEA162] Beatrice: Does it usually take this long?
Ape Scientist: Don't know. Never did this before.
Finkle: I think he's waking up!
[BEA163] Beatrice: Roger! You're okay!
Finkle: He made it! The Narrator owes us fifty bucks!
Roger: The Narra - Oh, THERE you are! Thanks for leaving me hanging back there!
Narrator: Hey, buddy! Glad to see you back in one piece! I knew you could do it!
Roger: Hang on - I gotta do something.
Vohaul: Man... I just had the craziest dream.
Vohaul: You were there... and you... weren't there. Neither were you.
Vohaul: But he was definitely there.
Ape Scientist: Tell me, Lord Vohaul, how do you feel?
Vohaul: I feel... a lot better now. Like a whole lot of weight's gone! I feel... I feel great!
Roger: And you don't remember being an evil psychosadistic dictator who cruelly enslaved cute furry animals, tried to blow up the universe with a moon bomb, and spent years of your life trying to plot my demise?
Vohaul: Well, I do now. Thanks a lot.
[BEA164] Beatrice: So you do remember everything?
Vohaul: Pretty much. I'm still a bit miffed about that asteroid deal in Space Quest 2, but...
Vohaul: I guess I kinda started it.
Ape Scientist: Hurray! We have our old Vohaul back!
Vohaul: That you do, and I have a lot to answer for.
Vohaul: I guess all the Furkunz will be after my head now, won't they?
Finkle: You better believe it.
[BEA165] Beatrice: And we can't keep these apes locked up forever. They're gonna want revenge on the Furkunz.
Vohaul: This is all my fault. It's time to make peace between the Furkunz and the Apes.
Vohaul: And I'm gonna do it the only way I know how.
Roger: What are you going to do?
Vohaul: Something I should've done a long time ago...
Narrator: One month later...

Roger: Hey, can I take that hamster?
Vohaul: ...huh?
Vohaul: What are you up to, Wilco?
Roger: Just wanted to see if that hamster was maybe powering you or something.
Vohaul: What? Hah! That's ridiculous!
Vohaul: You're about as dumb as the apemen!
Roger: The apemen who built you?
Vohaul: Exactly!
Vohaul: Uhh... wait...
Roger: It kind of makes sense, doesn't it?
Vohaul: No... NO! This can't-- kh-cahn't...
Vohaul: YOU... BLOODY... AAApee... iiiidddiiiiioooottsshhhh......
Roger: Well, that was easy.
[BEA166] Beatrice: I'm glad it's over. Let's get outta here.
Roger: Wait, someone's coming.
Ape Scientist: Alas, my beautiful creation has met its untimely demise.
Ape Scientist: Only now do I see the folly in resurrecting an evil dictator in the form of a homicidal robot.
[BEA167] Beatrice: Are you the guy responsible for this?
Ape Scientist: I was the one who rebuilt him, yes. But in a way, we were all responsible.
Ape Scientist: Once upon a time, Vohaul was a wonderful leader.
Ape Scientist: He treated his workers well, gave us flexible hours - even got us a good dental plan.
Roger: So what happened?
Ape Scientist: I suppose years of stress eventually caught up to him.
Ape Scientist: Started ranting about universal domination and all. Such a shame.
Ape Scientist: We were hoping that we had brought back our glorious leader, but he was worse off than before.
Roger: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but me and the lady have to fly.
Ape Scientist: If only there was a way to get into his mind and fix everything that troubles him.
Ape Scientist: Of course - there IS a way, but who would be brave enough to embark on such a quest?
Roger: Ques... Beatrice? Let's go.
[BEA168] Beatrice: Wait, Roger. What do you mean there's a way?
Ape Scientist: The monkey mind-meld. It is an ancient technique amongst primates that allows one to safely enter another's mind.
Ape Scientist: Of course, it only works if the two people are close enough, like best friends or... arch-enemies.
Roger: I don't like where this is going.
[BEA169] Beatrice: So you mean, Vohaul could become good again. His reign of terror would be over.
Ape Scientist: That is exactly what I say. But once again, who would do it?
[BEA170] Beatrice: Roger, why don't you do it? He said it was safe.
Roger: I don't know, Beatrice. I mean, he's not hurting anybody like this either.
Ape Scientist: Ah, but surely you cannot leave such a good man to such a dark fate?
Roger: Well...
Penguin: ...even in a cold place, people can have warm hearts deep inside...
Roger: Crap! Why did that come back to haunt me?
[BEA171] Beatrice: So what'll it be, Roger?

702 - Vohaul's Mind - Atrium

[BEA172] Beatrice: Roger? Roger, are you in there?
Roger: Beatrice? Yes! I'm here!
[BEA173] Beatrice: Roger, answer me!
Roger: Crap! She can't hear me!
[BEA174] Beatrice: If you can hear me, the doctor says Vohaul's subconsciousness is repressing his new memories!
Roger: His subconsciousness?
[BEA175] Beatrice: If you don't stop it, you're both going to die!
Roger: Pft. 'Why not go into some crazy villain's head, Roger? The mad scientist said it would be safe!'
[BEA176] Beatrice: If you can hear me, I know you're being sarcastic in there.
Roger: Great. Now she hears me.

809 - Paragon Outro - Wedding

Roger: What the heck?
Finkle: Right on cue!
Vohaul: Well, well, well - look at that. You could almost swear there was a wedding going on. Of course, who could possibly be getting married?
Roger: Uh...
[BEA177] Beatrice: Roger, shut up and propose.
Finkle: Yeah, seriously. Come on. That whole thing with the skis and ramp wasn't exactly easy to set up.
Roger: Beatrice, I'm sorry I kept holding off on this.
Roger: We had such a good thing going and I was afraid everything was going to change once we were married.
Roger: We'd become different people, and eventually drift apart. Maybe not even love each other anymore.
[BEA178] Beatrice: Roger, you don't have to...
Roger: Let me finish. What I figured out is that people always change, and often, it's for the better.
Roger: So no matter how things change between us in the future, I'll do whatever it takes to fall in love with you all over again.
Roger: Beatrice Creakworm Wankmeister...
Roger: ...will you marry me?
[BEA179] Beatrice: Oh, Roger, yes!
Furkunz Priest: I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss... yeah, whatever.

810 - Outro - Mallard Cockpit

Roger: Well, that was a pretty disappointing outcome.
[BEA180] Beatrice: Yeah...
Roger: So, hey, about that marriage thing...
[BEA181] Beatrice: Oh. You know... I don't really feel like talking about it right now.
Roger: What's wrong?
[BEA182] Beatrice: I don't know. Let's just change the subject.
Roger: Okay.
[BEA183] Beatrice: I really wish we could have done more for Vohaul.
Roger: Me too, Beatrice, but this is life, and life doesn't have a save point.
Roger: We can't just go back every time we make a mistake. We gotta move on.
[BEA184] Beatrice: I suppose.
Roger: Look at the bright side. At least Vohaul's in a better place.

Roger: It was sure nice of them to fix the Mallard as a wedding gift!
[BEA185] Beatrice: And even nicer that they took out that duct tape and put in a real reactor core.
Roger: So where do you want to go, Bea? Off to wherever the adventure of marriage takes us?
[BEA186] Beatrice: How about back to work? Our paid vacation ended three weeks ago.
Roger: Oh! Right! Back to work then!
Roger: And you know what, Beatrice? I think I'm finally ready for this whole parenthood thing!
Roger: After all, how hard can it be to take care of one little toddler? Just you, me, and little Roger Jr.
[BEA187] Beatrice: And his sister.
Roger: Right. And his sister.
Roger: ...wait, what?
Comment: Unintentionally works as a reference to the Hellboy 2 ending
[BEA188] Beatrice: Our daughter. We're having twins.
Comment: Top Gear reference
Narrator: And on that bombshell, it's time to end the game. Good night!
Narrator: Well, it looks like Roger's going to have his hands full trading in his trusty mop for a baby stroller and learning to solve diaper-changing puzzles. But is this really the end of our intrepid space hero's adventures, or are new ones still waiting around the next cosmic turnpike?
Narrator: We want to thank you for playing our Space Quest fan-game 'Vohaul Strikes Back'! We've had about as much fun making it as you did waiting for it! Now here's some credits.

Global Script

[BEA29] Beatrice: Roger, get off this frequency!
Roger: Sorry! It's not me! It's the radio!
[BEA30] Beatrice: Then turn off the radio before it screws up the rest of my transmissions!

[BEA31] Beatrice: I'm not in the mood, Roger.

Roger: Need a back massage, honey?
[BEA32] Beatrice: Not now, Roger.

Roger: Hey Bea, what do you think I should do?
[BEA33] Beatrice: Off the top of my head - maybe defeat Vohaul?
Roger: Oh, good one. I'll get started right away.

Roger: Look what I have!
[BEA34] Beatrice: It's a piece a glass from the Aluminum Mallard.
[BEA35] Beatrice: I take it you've had it in your pocket ever since the crash and it's saved your life time and time again?
Roger: Nope. It's been completely useless.
[BEA36] Beatrice: Then just throw it away, Roger.
Roger: But what if I need it LATER?
[BEA37] Beatrice: We'll talk about your hoarding problems AFTER we're off this planet.