Script for Al

Description: This bipolar robot runs a beach resort on the ice planet Radon.
Everything he says is laced with indifference, sarcasm and irony, and he probably sounds as rusty as he looks.

Dialog: dAl

Roger: Do you know where I might find Vohaul?
[AL1] Al: Sure thing, just hold on a minute while I look for him in my massive contacts database of all the habitants of this here nice little ice planet.
[AL2] Al: Hmmmmmm...
[AL2] Al: Hmmmmmm... (Duplicate)
[AL2] Al: Hmmmmmm... (Duplicate)
[AL3] Al: Oh my, it would seem I am after all unable to find him at the moment.
[AL4] Al: However, in case he should happen to drop by, I'll be sure to mention that you asked for him.
Roger: That'd be great, thanks!
[AL5] Al: Uh huh... say, have you ever considered looking up 'sarcasm' in the dictionary?
Roger: The dictio-what now?
[AL6] Al: Never mind.

Roger: Could you direct me to the nearest spaceport, settlement, anything?
[AL7] Al: Ahh, yes. I live to serve, is that right?
[AL8] Al: I am a robot, a simple tool, so it's just one of my little laws, isn't it?
[AL9] Al: The only purpose of my pitiful existence is just to bow down to your supreme organic race and assist you without hesitation every single time any one of you might happen to simply be too lazy to get something done on your own, right?
[AL10] Al: I mean, I've only been running this business here for decades without as much as a good word for support from any of you...
[AL11] Al: ...but now, when YOU are the one in trouble, my only rightful duty would be to seize this rare opportunity of being able to help you out without daring to even contemplate the merest thought of possibly getting anything whatsoever in return...
[AL12] Al: Right? Right?
Roger: So that's a 'No' then...?

Roger: A beach resort on an ice planet? Fake sand? Fake beach pictures?
[AL13] Al: Oh, I suppose you can come up with better ways to entertain oneself on this lifeless planet?
[AL14] Al: Build a castle from some loose snow?
[AL15] Al: Scrape your name in the rocks?
[AL16] Al: Play hide-and-seek at the giant skeleton?
[AL17] Al: Feed yourself to the Spewter?
Roger: The spewter? Who's that?
[AL18] Al: Ohh joy, aren't you just glad you found me, Robot Al, the cute little talking encyclopedia?
[AL19] Al: He's simply there to provide answers to every question that happens to cross your magnificent mind, and you'll never have to bother with thanking him or even wondering if he's feeling allright.
[AL20] Al: This must be your lucky day, mister!
Roger: Ehm, sorry, how are you then?
[AL21] Al: Oh shut up, now you're just pretending to care.
Roger: So do you know anything about that spewter or not?
[AL22] Al: *sigh*
[AL23] Al: The Radonian Spewter (flatulis radonis) is a large omnivorous predator, weighing 260-400 lbs (120-180 kg) and is about 8 feet (2.40 meters) tall.
[AL24] Al: As the name indicates, the species originate from the planet Radon and have not yet been reported elsewhere.
[AL25] Al: They are well-known for their abundant flatulent emissions which are highly toxic in large concentrations.
[AL26] Al: Contrary to popular belief, it is generally fairly safe to be in the relative vicinity of a Spewter.
[AL27] Al: It will not consider an approaching creature to be a threat as long as the distance is greater than approximately 3 feet (1 meter).
[AL28] Al: Beyond that point, however, one is virtually guaranteed to be eaten in a prompt manner. [citation needed]
[AL29] Al: Anyone who comes across one of these creatures, is advised not to get too close, if the concept of living has by any means become comfortable for them.
[AL30] Al: Thank you for listening, as delivering this information is the greatest pleasure a robot like me could ever have in this big and mysterious thing we like to call existence.
Roger: Huge farty beast, do not touch. Got it.

Roger: How much for a stay at the resort?
[AL31] Al: Our most popular package, the Premium Gold Lifetime VIP Pass, is 500 buckazoids.
Roger: Hmm. Any other options?
[AL32] Al: Nope. That's why it's the most popular.
Roger: Don't you think that's a little steep?
[AL33] Al: Well, it IS a lifetime pass.
Roger: Have you considered cheaper options? For people just passing through?
[AL34] Al: Oh, I'm so sorry!
[AL35] Al: For some reason I have failed to notice your degree in economics.
[AL36] Al: Yes, the one hanging out from your pocket.
[AL37] Al: The one on that janitor's uniform you must be wearing just as a joke because someone as brilliant-minded as you could never allow themselves to be employed in such a menial profession.
[AL38] Al: Would you mind giving our marketing staff a few lectures?
[AL39] Al: We would be most honored by-- (sigh)
[AL40] Al: can stop checking your pockets.

Roger: I would like to enter your beach resort.
[AL41] Al: That'll be 500 buckazoids.

Roger: Oh. Bye then.
[AL42] Al: Don't let the snow hit you on the way out.

Roger: Is your name just Al or a cool acronym for something like... Artifical... Llama?
[AL43] Al: Is your name an acronym for Redundant Organic Garbage Emitter/Receptacle?
Roger: I'm not sure. I'll have to ask my parents.
[AL44] Al: You go do that.

Roger: Well, nice exchanging pleasantries, but look at the time, I really must go.
[AL45] Al: Oh cruel Lord, why oh why have you cursed me with a day such as today, when I am brutally expelled from such a company most enjoyable?!
[AL46] Al: Farewell, farewell, I say to ye, and may a flock of seagull sing thee to thy rest!
Roger: Uh, bye.

Dialog: dAlBuck

Roger: Oh. Bye then.
[AL42] Al: Don't let the snow hit you on the way out. (Duplicate)

212 - Radon Surface - Al's Resort - Exterior

[AL68] Al: I'd like to see you do better on a planet like this.

[AL69] Al: That's for paying customers only!

[AL70] Al: Hey!
[AL71] Al: Where do you think you're going?
Roger: I would like to enter your beach resort.
[AL41] Al: That'll be 500 buckazoids. (Duplicate)

Roger: Oh. Bye then.
[AL42] Al: Don't let the snow hit you on the way out. (Duplicate)

[AL72] Al: So you have finally decided to invest your hard-earned wealth in a lifetime pass to my resort.
[AL73] Al: Feel free to visit the gift shop or enjoy the beach.
[AL74] Al: In fact, would you like me to go inside so you can conduct any of the beach-related procedures of your species in a state of heightened privacy?
Roger: Uhh... no, I won't be--
[AL75] Al: Ah, I see. You're one of the shy ones.
[AL76] Al: No worries, I can take a hint.
[AL77] Al: If you need any assistance, come see me inside.
[AL78] Al: Just... make sure you have your clothes on before you do so.
[AL79] Al: ...weirdo.

[AL69] Al: That's for paying customers only! (Duplicate)

213 - Radon Surface - Al's Resort - Interior

[AL80] Al: Hey, where are you going with that clipboard?
Roger: Oh, yeah, I meant to return it.

[AL81] Al: Stop right there!
[AL82] Al: What did I tell you about giving stuff away for free?
Resort Clerk: That I should... hmm...
Resort Clerk: Oh yeah... That I should NOT do that.
[AL83] Al: Just don't let it happen again!

Global Script

Roger: Greetings! I am Roger Wilco.
[AL47] Al: Hello. I am Al. Welcome to my most wonderful beach resort.
Roger: Right...
Roger: Anyway, I've come to find and defeat the evil mastermind Sludge Vohaul and...
[AL48] Al: Wow, that is insanely amazing.
Roger: it? Hmm, yes, I suppose it could be...
[AL49] Al: You know, if I had any fireworks, I would set them off right away.
[AL50] Al: Oh, oh! May I please have your autograph? Please?
[AL51] Al: Oh, I am in a state of absolute ecstasy. I love autographs.
[AL52] Al: Oh yes, and I could then put the autograph in a frame, hang it on my wall, and have all my dearest robot friends come over every now and then to this lovely beach resort...
[AL53] Al: ...where we could forever dance in eternal bliss and joy only because of the sheer proximity of such a marvellous autograph that was signed right here, right now, by you, the greatest being ever to tread the humble surface of this planet of Radon.
Roger: Uhh, sure, you got a pen?
[AL54] Al: *sigh*
[AL55] Al: ...never mind.

[AL56] Al: I am sorry, but I have exhausted all my conversation time for carbon today, unless you would like to perform a business transaction.
[AL57] Al: I am sure you are quite used to stuff like this. I just really don't like you, I don't like the way you look, your voice, or the stupid way you are dressed.
[AL58] Al: I also just happen to think you should be shot.
[AL59] Al: Several times.
[AL60] Al: However, I am willing to ignore my homicidal side thanks to the delicious money you have handed to me.
Narrator: He takes out a buckazoid and nibbles upon it thoughtfully.

Roger: Would you accept this Octuple-Thick Pseudo-Morphed Windshield Glass as payment?
[AL61] Al: Oh, I'd love to, but I don't have ANYWHERE near enough change to give you in return!

[AL62] Al: Just give it back to the clerk when you're done.

Roger: I would like to enter your beach resort.
[AL41] Al: That'll be 500 buckazoids. (Duplicate)
Roger: Here you go.

Roger: I would like to enter your beach resort.
[AL41] Al: That'll be 500 buckazoids. (Duplicate)
Roger: Oh. Bye then.
[AL42] Al: Don't let the snow hit you on the way out. (Duplicate)

[AL63] Al: Ice water...
[AL64] Al: only... weakness.
[AL65] Al: What a world...
[AL66] Al: ...what a world...
[AL67] Al: ...what a world.
Resort Clerk: Eh. He'll be back.